She reached for him, and he backed away. “It’s not what you think.”
Emily was going to be a mother?
Kevin felt his chest tighten. A baby. He dragged in a deep breath, choking on the heavy scent of spring. Flowers and rain, and love. He looked for an escape from this cage.
“How—” His voice caught. He didn’t really want to know any more. Didn’t want to have to walk away. Didn’t want to see the pain in Emily’s green eyes when he broke her heart again. His voice caught, as he tried to recall the information she’d told him. His eyes roamed over her slender figure.
She placed a hand on her stomach and shook her head. “It’s Ricky.”
“Whoa, Em. You said his parents died—” he paused to think “—and that he was only visiting.”
Emily nodded, her red hair bouncing with the slight movement. “His grandparents can’t care for him full-time. They didn’t want him in limbo any longer. I tried to put it off, but inside I knew they were right. It was time to decide—either I adopt him, or find him another family who could give him a permanent home.” She paused. “When I got there to pick him up, I knew.”
“And why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because my love for Ricky will matter in his life. It isn’t something I can turn away from any more than if I’d carried him in my own womb. I can’t explain it, Kevin. I just know that God brought Ricky to me for a reason.” She spoke with bitterness. “I guess I kept hoping you would tell me you were ready to make all of our dreams come true. You, me, happily ever after, kids, dogs—all of those things that turn a house into a home. I want it all, Kevin. For once in my life, I thought there was a chance to—” Emily’s voice broke, and he felt a knot in his own throat, as well. “If you remember, you were the one who wanted a house full of children.”
He couldn’t look at her. “I was young and idealistic.”
There was a long painful silence, and Emily turned, tipping her head up as if to question God Himself. “I guess we both were, then, because I believed in those dreams. And I’m tired of waiting for someone else to make them come true.” Her voice was edged with confidence and determination. “I guess the only other question I have for you is, Will the man of my dreams be able to make the rest of my dreams come true?”
Chapter Eighteen
Kevin struggled to understand how Emily could have made such a decision alone. Yes, he wanted them to be together—but kids? They’d overcome one hurdle; surely they would eventually have come to some sort of agreement about children, too.
He rubbed his temples. What a lousy day! He didn’t want to accept that the doctors were right about having to take it slow in returning to work. Kevin dropped onto the sofa and spread the full length, propping his head on that all-too-familiar pillow.
Alex came into the room. “You feeling okay?”
“Growing up is the pits, Alex. I thought I could stay twenty-two forever, just live it over and over. You know?”
His brother sat down in the recliner. “I’m sorry, Kev. I thought we did the right thing at the time. Maybe not.”
“I’m not talking about Dad’s business, Alex. I’m happier running my own company than I ever was having to worry about whether Dad would have done it the same way, or whether a job would bring in enough to pay the employees and leave enough money for Mom, too. I should’ve told you that long ago. It hurt at the time, but we did the right thing.”
“If that’s not it, what is it?”
Kevin chuckled. “Life, love, the pursuit of those pesky dreams.”
“I saw Emily walking off. She okay?” He paused. “Doesn’t she realize it’s raining?”
“She insisted on walking home.” Kevin leaned his head back, wishing this headache would subside. “She just became a mother.”
“She what?”
“She’s going to adopt Ricky—the little boy whose parents died. They named her as guardian, and she just decided today to adopt him.”
Alex let out a whistle. “That woman has spunk.”
Kevin couldn’t argue with that. In her quiet conservative way, she had overcome a lifetime of obstacles. He, on the other hand, had life pretty easy in comparison, had taken it for granted, and was doing a lousy job rebuilding it after the few catastrophes he’d experienced.
“You know, Kevin, I think you need to get away and spend some time talking to God. Get your priorities straight before you lose Emily again.”
“That’s like the pot calling the kettle black. You never married. Why?”
“Never found a lady who could commit to a man who jumped into forest fires for a living.”
Kevin nodded. “Then why do you keep doing it?”
“Hey there, bro, this is your analysis, not mine.”
“Not yet, anyway.” Kevin closed his eyes, hoping his brother would take the hint and leave him alone.
“Why are you afraid to be a father, Kevin?”
Alex never was one to take a hint.
Kevin took a deep breath and exhaled. “After seeing all of us suffer after Dad died, then Elizabeth and Kirk’s marriage fall apart when baby Lexie died, it seemed a whole lot easier to avoid the issue all the way around.”
Kevin heard a soft agreement from across the room and looked up at his brother.
Nodding, Alex added, “Same reason I spent eight years jumping into fires. We’re all going to die, and I suspect it isn’t nearly as frightening to go as it is to be left behind. But, Kevin, losing Emily a second time would be twice as rough as it was the first time. You know that, don’t you?”
He nodded, remembering the day he and Ricky had built the playhouse, and the evening they’d watched the Beaumont kids, and all those months Jacob and Bryan had lived with him. He loved kids, he couldn’t deny it. But becoming a father was such a huge commitment. And his business alone was enough to keep him busy at this point in time. How would he ever make time for being a husband and father?
“And what’s standing in your way?”
Kevin thought. Was it really his past that he couldn’t deal with, or was that merely an excuse? Was it Emily’s dreams, or Ricky? “You know, when I was twenty, being a dad and a husband and keeping a job didn’t seem like it would be any problem. But now…I can’t even handle my job.”
“You can’t beat yourself up over that. You need some time, then you’ll be right back on top of things.”
That wasn’t what he’d meant. Since his accident, he had felt unsettled. Edgy. Out of control. Everything he’d worked for was in jeopardy. He couldn’t even accept Emily’s love and forgiveness. He’d been offered a priceless gift; unworthy as he was, Emily had offered it to him. Her love. Acceptance. Support.
“You know, Kevin, a friend out in the field told me one day that it wasn’t as important to know who you are, as whose you are. Once you have that straight, all the rest falls into place.”
“I can tell you from experience, that’s a whole lot easier than it sounds.”
“We’re all lost sheep, Kevin. Not one of us is worthy of His grace.” Alex shook his head and took a drink of his soda. “I know what you’ve been going through these last few years. I’ve had my share of arguments with God, too. But here’s a reason you didn’t die. Take some time off. Get some rest. Open your eyes, before it’s too late.”
Alex went upstairs to the den. Kevin heard his brother thumbing through papers on his desk.
A week later, Kevin called Alex at the clinic and told him he was taking a few days off. “You’re right, I’m no good to anyone like this.”
“It’s not all that bad, bro. Looking at what-all you’ve accomplished with your business in a mere six years, it’s obvious you haven’t had a life outside the company. You need someone to share your load here, permanently. We would make a great team,” Alex said.
Kevin shook his head. “I know we would. I’ve been meaning to discuss that with you. First things first, and sorry, but my business isn’t it. I need you to hold things together.”
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br /> “Not a problem. I’m here for you.” They reviewed the building schedule. Alex had come in and taken over the supervisory position on the site with poise, gaining the respect of the entire crew by asking what he didn’t already know about the job. For the first time in six years, Kevin felt at ease taking a week off. “Alex, I am thinking seriously about your suggestion. I can’t thank you enough for helping me out. By the way, the crew’s paychecks are on my desk in the den. Yours is there, too.”
“Thanks. You take whatever time you need. We’re going to finish this project on time.”
Kevin left him the phone number at Laura and Bryan’s cabin. The couple had decided to add on to the bungalow to accommodate their growing family. He couldn’t blame them. It was a great place to get away from the pressures of the city.
He hoped that a few days up there would put his problems back in perspective. He’d do a little work, fish for a while, have a talk or two with God; get his priorities straight.
Just what the doctor ordered. He laughed at his own bad joke. It had been a week since Emily had dropped the latest bomb on his life.
Kids. She wanted not only one, but several. She didn’t just want love, she wanted the complete dream, as she’d reminded him in a phone conversation the previous day. She wanted him despite his past. Wanted to share his life, his burdens, his business, fifty-fifty. Kids, dogs and all the upgrades, as she put it.
He pulled into the dirt driveway and opened the gate, then closed it behind him before continuing to the back side of the cabin. He unloaded his duffel bag, the fishing pole, then the groceries: a sack of man-size frozen dinners, a few assorted snacks, plus two gallons of milk. He filled the refrigerator and plugged it in.
The June sun was high in the sky, warming the cabin through the big plate-glass window. Despite its warmth, Kevin brought in an armful of kindling, dropped it in the copper boiler and went back outside. He dug through the shed out back ’til he found the sledgehammer and splitting wedge. He and Bryan usually tried to save the split wood in the wood box for the dead of winter when it was too cold and blustery. Which left out today. Spring had made an early arrival in the Rockies.
What little snow had fallen the past winter had melted, and the ice was gone from the river below. He tossed a few logs away from the sod-covered garage. He propped a log on the old tree stump, tapped the wedge into the wood and swung the sledge. The broken pieces fell to the ground.
It felt good to exert some energy. The ache in his muscles sure beat the ache in his heart. He repeated the motions several times, then carried the wood inside and built a fire as the sun set.
Kevin had spent the past week thinking about little besides Emily and Ricky. He popped a frozen dinner into the microwave and moved the chair so he could watch the sunset. He went to bed early, thankful for the full bin of firewood that had exhausted him so he could sleep.
First thing the next morning, Kevin strung his fly pole and headed to the river. A couple of hours later, he headed back, his stringer loaded with half a dozen twelve-inch rainbow trout. He cleaned the fish, then planned to get busy drafting the layout of the cabin so he could give Laura and Bryan his suggestions for remodeling.
He and Bryan had agreed that a new fence around the cabin, in order to keep the kids away from the river, was the first project they would tackle. The next question was whether they wanted to add on a traditional frame structure, or hire a log-home contractor to try to match the original cabin. Kevin had agreed to start with his suggestions, then let them consider the other as an option.
He walked through the gap in the pole-fence and onto the Beaumont property, just in time to hear car doors slam at the front of the cabin. Female voices carried through the trees.
“Who in the world could be here?”
Kevin climbed the steps to the veranda and propped his pole against the corner joint of the logs, then walked in the back door of the cabin.
Ricky’s bright blue eyes greeted him. “Kevin!”
Emily followed, her arms overloaded with luggage. “Kevin?”
Next were Emily’s sisters and her mother.
Kevin staggered back, feeling as if he’d just been ambushed. “Hi. I didn’t realize you were coming.”
Emily looked at him, and the room grew silent except for the sound of Ricky’s feet running on the bare oak floors.
“Let me get some of that for you.” He reached for the luggage, and accidentally slung the stringer of trout at one of the bags. “Oh, sorry.”
Lisa and Katarina jumped back, screeching. Ricky ran back down from the bedroom to see what had happened. Kevin took the fish to the kitchen sink and rinsed his hands, then returned.
“Are you going to take me fishing, Kevin?”
Kevin looked at Ricky, then Emily, waiting for her to answer. When she didn’t, he said, “I don’t know, sport. I didn’t know anyone was coming up here this week, so I should probably get out of your hair.”
Ricky scratched his head. “He’s not in our hair, is he, Emily?”
“I’m sure Kevin doesn’t want to stay here with a cabin full of women,” Emily’s mother snipped.
Emily grinned, pursing her lips to keep from laughing aloud at the irony of her mother’s remark. She could think of no more comfortable place for Kevin than a room full of women, unless one of those women was her mother. She looked to Kevin for understanding, sending a silent apology.
“Someone forgot to mention you were scheduled to use the cabin for this week. I came up to see what they’re going to need to do to make room for the whole family. I’ll have my things packed up in just a few minutes.” Kevin turned toward the kitchen.
Katarina looped her hand through Kevin’s, stopping him. She addressed her sister. “What a perfect time to celebrate the engagement, isn’t it, Lisa? You have to stay, Kevin.”
The youngest of the sisters gazed at her mother, then at Emily. “Of course it is. Congratulations, Kevin. Ricky, why don’t we go outside and get your things from the van.”
It was Kevin’s turn to look to Emily for an explanation.
Emily’s mother, Naomi, turned her back. “I won’t believe it until I see it. He left you once, Emily. There’s nothing to stop him from doing it again.”
“Mother, I love Kevin more than ever. I’m not asking for your approval. If you want to let your bitterness ruin your life, that’s up to you. I’d rather forgive than live in the chains of unhappiness.”
“You can’t be serious, Emily. You’re telling me that you’ve forgiven even your father? How can you forgive a father abandoning his wife and children?”
Emily swallowed hard. “Oh, Mom.” Emily wrapped her arms around her mother. “I don’t ever deny the pain. I just don’t let it control me any longer. I’ve handed it to God.” Her mother started to complain about her husband again, and Emily interrupted. “I don’t want or need to hear it anymore. I’ve put that behind me. There’s no reason to rehash something I have no control over.”
Naomi looked at Kevin, then back to Emily. “Don’t expect me to help with another wedding.”
“I didn’t plan on it, but if you’d like to come, you’d be welcome.” Naomi stomped out the door, and Emily’s shoulders drooped.
Kevin wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “I don’t want to ruin your mother’s visit, Emily.”
“If you want to stay, stay, Kevin. Your leaving won’t improve her attitude.”
“What do you want?” He took her left hand in his, touching the ring he’d given her. Dare he believe there was a chance it would remain on her finger forever this time?
“I want you here. You know that. Question is, do you want to stay?”
Chapter Nineteen
Emily was grateful that Kevin agreed to stay. Her sisters offered their continued support for her and Kevin, each taking a turn talking to Naomi. Emily doubted there was any hope of her mother changing her attitude after all these years. Though Emily longed for her mother to be happy for her ju
st once in her life, she no longer depended upon it.
She and Ricky “helped” Kevin take measurements of the cabin for Kevin’s drafting, while Katarina and Lisa took Naomi to Estes Park to shop. When they were finished, Kevin fixed a pitcher of lemonade and poured three glasses. He and Emily sat on the veranda, while Ricky gathered pinecones.
“I’m sorry I put you on the spot this morning, Kevin.”
He took a long drink, then rested the glass on his knee. “I noticed a load of bricks falling, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure a way to dodge it.” He turned to her and his whole face spread into a smile.
She took his hand, grateful he could laugh about it already.
Kevin tipped the chair back and stretched. “I must admit, under the circumstances I’m surprised you’re still wearing the ring. I half expected it to come off immediately when I couldn’t commit, and definitely thought you’d take it off when your mother arrived.”
Guessing that meant he hadn’t come to any decision yet, Emily said simply, “It gives me hope.”
Kevin leaned over the side of the chair and pressed his lips against hers, and Emily fought the temptation to assume everything was going to turn out the way she wanted it to. She was too old to presume that. Despite her fears, though, she wouldn’t give up hope. God is still in the miracle business.
“Mommy? I mean Emily…” The soft words were accompanied by a gentle tap on her knee.
Emily jumped and looked around. She looked back to Kevin, tears instantly forming. “Yes, Ricky?” Even though it was a mistake, it tugged on her emotions and gave her hope that one day he would accept her as his mother.
She rested her hand on his shoulder. “What, Ricky?”
“Can we go see the water?”
“Sure. We can take a walk to the river. Ask Kevin if he wants to come with us. Maybe he’d even show us how he caught all those trout for supper.” She smiled at Kevin, daring him to turn the charming little boy down.
Second Time Around Page 18
