by Caragh Bell
Luca had accepted his mother’s invite as he hated when things were uncomfortable between them. He adored her and didn’t like when she was upset.
‘So, how are things at home?’ she asked.
‘Bittersweet,’ he answered, looking at her directly. ‘I’m so happy one minute because Lydia’s with me, but then I think of Char and I feel like the worst in the world.’
She stared at him for a moment and then spoke. ‘Her father called over last night. He hit the roof. He says you won’t answer his calls.’
Luca focused moodily on the couple at the next table. ‘I can’t deal with him right now. The way I see it, Charlotte is the one I have to talk to. That’s it.’
‘I don’t think that’s very fair, Luca,’ she argued.
‘Well, it’s all I got right now.’
The waitress deposited two bottles of Budweiser on the table and put the bill under an ashtray. ‘If you need anything else, just holler,’ she said, giving Luca a hot look.
‘Sure, thanks,’ he answered absentmindedly.
‘You can’t hide from this forever, honey.’ Tara was firm. ‘You need to sort it out. Those poor people are up the walls with worry – you’ve broken their little girl’s heart. You need to face them.’
He took a swig of beer. ‘I’ll call them. Maybe we could meet this weekend.’
‘You promise?’ Her blue eyes pleaded with him. ‘It’s so awkward for us, love. I don’t know what to say to people.’
He took her hand in his. ‘I know, Mom. I promise.’
She was right. He had to face them. The thought of it made him feel sick. He was pretty sure that Frank du Maurier could get him killed.
‘Now, talk to me about that Russian guy this morning,’ he said, changing the subject. ‘Does he seriously want to buy that sculpture?’
She shrugged. ‘I suppose. New money, Luca. They spend it like water.’
‘I can’t do it, Momma.’ Charlotte put her head in her hands. ‘Take me home.’
Victoria du Maurier pursed her lips. ‘You gotta, honey-pie,’ she said sharply. ‘You just gotta.’
They were in the back of the du Maurier Mercedes, heading for Mimi’s apartment. Charlotte sat in a crumpled heap, staring out the window at the passing crowds. Her mother sat poised and erect, instructing the driver on which street to take.
‘Two more blocks, madam?’ he said, indicating left.
‘Sure thing, André,’ she replied. ‘Pull up outside.’
When the sleek black car pulled to a halt outside Mimi’s building. Charlotte let out a strangled cry.
‘I think this is a terrible idea, Momma. I can’t do it. What if Luca is there? Or Mimi?’
‘I made sure they’re busy. Tara has a mighty big show coming up, so Luca is at the gallery with her. Mimi is having lunch with Caroline Brent. Now, calm down, Charlotte.’
‘It just seems so extreme …’
Her mother grabbed her forcefully by the shoulders and shook her. ‘Now you listen here, sugar,’ she said in a steely tone. ‘You go up there and do as I say. Don’t sass me. We can fix this but only if you cooperate.’
‘It feels so wrong …’
‘There’s no right or wrong anymore, darlin’.’ Her face was grim. ‘We can’t let that hussy win.’
She produced a positive pregnancy test from her bag. It was a Clear Blue Digital and the result screen read: Pregnant. ‘Don’t ask me how I procured this,’ she said pursing her lips. ‘It’s amazing what money can buy you these days.’
‘Ewww!’ said Charlotte, flinching. ‘I’m not touching that.’
Victoria calmly put it in Charlotte’s bag. ‘The proof is in the puddin’, sugar. You keep that and show her if she doesn’t believe you. Trust your momma, now. We can make things right.’
Chapter 45
Lydia woke up to find a note on the pillow.
Mom needs me at the gallery again. Will be back soon. Luca xxx
She stretched and smiled. His bed was so comfortable; the sheets were soft and his duvet clung to every curve. There was a bedside locker with a picture frame displayed; it was a photo of Mimi and a small blond boy of about seven. She picked it up. It was undeniably Luca. He had the same face. His eyes were as blue as ever and he was sitting on his grandmother’s lap, smiling.
She glanced round his room. It was minimalist to say the least. There were a couple of books stacked on a shelf; when she peered closer, she found that they were textbooks from university. She had the very same ones at home. Poetry and a large tome about various research methods.
She smiled. They looked as good as new; she was pretty sure he didn’t do much study that year.
Neither did you, said a small voice in her head.
He was as messy as she was. His clothes were strewn all over the place, shoes scattered on the floor and a pile of laundry was growing steadily over by the window.
Things were definitely brighter; it felt like all the hurdles had been faced. Her last text to Colin had been considerably more upbeat; she felt a million times better than the day before.
Picking up her phone, she texted Luca, wondering about the gallery visit. The thought of seeing her favourite painting was exciting; especially with Luca by her side. It was like a symbol of their unity; it would remind her of him forever.
Tomorrow? Have to work today XXX
She sighed. It felt like they would never get there.
She padded into the kitchen to find it deserted. Mimi had mentioned a brunch she was supposed to attend. It must have been that day. She opened the fridge and helped herself to a glass of juice. She looked in a cupboard. All the brand names on the cartons and cans were so unfamiliar. She yearned to see some Barry’s Tea or Cadbury’s biscuits.
The doorbell rang, just as she was settling down on the couch to watch some cookery programme.
Should she answer it? She wasn’t so sure. She was in a strange city and she didn’t know anyone.
The bell rang again, more insistent this time. She peered out the spyhole and nearly collapsed. Charlotte stood in the hallway, her hair wrapped in a scarf and her eyes concealed behind huge glasses.
She debated what to do. Should she ring Luca? She was probably here to see him.
The bell rang again. With a beating heart, she opened the door slowly.
‘Can I come in?’ Charlotte removed her glasses to reveal red puffy eyes.
‘Of course.’ Lydia stood sideways, allowing access.
Charlotte swept past her, straight to the sitting room.
‘Mimi is out?’ she asked, looking around.
‘Yeah, she has a lunch thing …’ she trailed off. ‘Luca is at the gallery if you’re looking for him.’
‘No, I’m not looking for him. It’s you I want to see.’ She stared at her steadily.
Lydia sat down and exhaled slowly, preparing for a fight.
Charlotte circled her like a predator around its prey for a few moments before speaking.
‘Luca told me your story. He told me how you left him behind.’
Lydia opened her mouth and shut it again. She didn’t expect that.
‘That was a long time ago,’ she began.
‘Sure, I get that. The thing is, Lydia, things are not as simple as they seem.’ Her eyes flashed. ‘He can’t just walk away.’
‘I understand about the wedding. I’m so sorry but there was nothing we could do … it just happened.’
‘I’m not talking about the wedding.’ She turned away, looked out the window and fell silent.
‘What then?’
There was a further pause.
‘I’m pregnant.’
The world stopped. Lydia inhaled sharply, barely believing her ears.
‘You’re what?’
Charlotte turned to face her. ‘I’m going to have a baby.’
Lydia couldn’t follow what she was saying. A baby?
Luca’s baby?
A baby changed everything. Her heart twisted inside her chest.
‘Are you sure?’ she whispered faintly.
Charlotte bowed her head and fiddled with her belt. ‘I’m positive.’
‘Does Luca know?’ Lydia whispered.
‘No. Luca doesn’t know. I only found out the day before we flew to Ireland for the wedding. He was so busy with the best man thing, I didn’t get a chance to say anything.’
Neither spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Thousands of thoughts flashed through Lydia’s mind.
She regarded the other girl. She didn’t look pregnant. Maybe she was lying? It would be a classic move for Charlotte to play at this point.
‘Why are you telling me before Luca?’ asked Lydia, looking Charlotte square in the eye. ‘Surely he should know first. It seems a bit odd that you come over here and share this news with me before your fiancé.’
Charlotte gave a little sob. ‘I had planned on telling him when we got back from Sam’s wedding. Although how he didn’t guess is a miracle. I didn’t touch alcohol and I went to bed early each night as I was exhausted.’ She wiped a tear from her eye. ‘Then, before I had the chance to surprise him with my news, he took off. No one knew where he was. It was just awful.’
Lydia said nothing. Sure enough, Charlotte had been abstemious at the wedding.
‘You see, Lydia, if it was just me, I would let this go. I promise I would. But now, there is a child. Luca and I are going to have a baby.’
The words knifed through Lydia’s heart.
‘I don’t want my baby to grow up without a daddy. It wouldn’t be right. That’s why I came to you, you see. You have the power to change this.’ She looked at her beseechingly.
‘I do?’ She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.
‘I don’t want Luca coming back to me because of the baby. That would never work. Our marriage would be doomed before it had even begun.’ She sat down next to Lydia and said pleadingly, ‘I want him to come back of his own accord. He loves me, I know it. He’s just blinded by you and the idea of you.’
‘But what do you want me to do?’ Lydia asked, bewildered, almost unable to speak.
Charlotte stood up again. ‘You must leave. Just like you did that time before. You need to make him believe that you made a big mistake. He has to think you don’t love him.’
Lydia gasped. ‘How? I mean, I can’t …’
‘You can!’ She rounded on her fiercely. ‘You did it just fine when you went to Paris. Make him believe, Lydia. Then I can pick up the pieces and everything can go back to the way it was.’
‘I can’t! I love him! I couldn’t bear to hurt him like that! And, after all, how do I know it is even true? You may be mistaken …’ Desperate as she was, she couldn’t bring herself to accuse Charlotte outright of lying.
Charlotte sniffed and opened her handbag. Pulling out a plastic stick, she held it up for Lydia to see. It was a positive test. There was no denying it.
Lydia felt the fight go out of her. A baby? Her world was spinning. There was no way she could be involved in breaking up a family. Charlotte looked so distraught it had to be true.
The bile rose in Lydia’s throat. She had no choice. She was backed into a corner.
‘When will you tell him about the baby?’ she whispered faintly.
‘I’ll tell him about that when I’m ready. When I’m sure he’s come back to me of his own accord.’ She didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘You must help me, Lydia. How would you feel? I want the best for my baby. You must understand that.
‘I understand.’
‘You need to do it soon. Break it now.’ Charlotte bit her lip. ‘The wedding is only a couple of weeks away …’
‘I’ll do it,’ she conceded numbly. ‘I’m so sorry. Of course I’ll do it. You have to be together now. It’s the right thing.’
Charlotte put her glasses back on. ‘I’ve got to go. Goodbye, Lydia.’ She held out her hand. ‘I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope we never meet again.’
Lydia shook her hand in a daze.
The door slammed shut.
A baby? A baby changed everything. It was one thing to ruin the life of a consenting adult; an adult had choices. But an innocent child? That was another story. If she and Luca had not met again, he would be so happy, preparing for his wedding. He would be a young father with a beautiful, successful wife and his textbook life. She had no choice; she had to walk away. The news of the baby would emerge, and it would forever taint their relationship. If he chose her over family, would she ever measure up? Would his sacrifice destroy them in the end?
She couldn’t take that chance.
Oh, how quickly the tide could turn! She had woken up with such hope and positivity, safe and warm in her lover’s bed.
Now she was alone again and about to ruin one more life; she was about to break Luca’s heart for the last time. The worst part was, she was breaking her own too.
She started the letter again.
Dear Luca
Then she crumpled it up and threw it to the side. Everything she wrote seemed false and shallow. It had to be short and direct. It had to cut deeply and ensure that he would never contact her again. It had to be the most convincing lie she had ever told. She glanced at her phone and noticed that it was nearly two o’clock. He would be back soon; she had to get this done quickly.
Dear Luca
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she wrote, blotting the ink on the page. She kept it fairly short: some heart-wrenching, terrible lines that were designed to make him hate her. She signed her name at the bottom, her usual scrawl less exuberant than normal.
I’m sorry,
Lydia
That would be sure to drive him mad; he hated when she apologised. She placed the letter in an envelope and licked the seal. She wrote his name in bold print on the front and then hid it in her bag. Her flight was at six in the morning – she had managed to book a flight because of a last-minute cancellation – and her taxi was booked. She would slip out while he was sound asleep. It was the best way.
The door banged, signalling his arrival and she jumped.
‘Lyd! Are you here?’
‘I’m here!’ she called. ‘Just a sec!’ She shoved her packed bag under the bed with her foot and straightened the blanket. Rubbing her eyes, she pulled herself together and joined him in the kitchen.
‘Hey, gorgeous,’ he said, smiling his heart-breaking smile. ‘I missed you.’
She melted into his arms and laid her head on his chest. ‘I missed you too,’ she said in a muffled voice. ‘Did you have a good day?’
He kissed her head. ‘I sure did. Mom and I made a big sale today. This Russian guy bought two paintings and a sculpture.’
‘That’s nice,’ she said absentmindedly.
‘Do you want to grab a movie later?’ he asked, taking a packet of pastrami from the fridge.
She shrugged. ‘I don’t mind. How about we just hang out?’
‘Sure, we can do that.’ He eyed her suspiciously. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ He put a plate on the kitchen counter and took two slices of rye bread from a packet in the bread bin.
‘I’m fine, absolutely fine.’ She smiled brightly. ‘Are you making me a sandwich too?’
‘Sure,’ he said, grabbing another plate. He then put two more slices of rye bread out and laid thin slices of meat on top. ‘Do you want pickle?’ he asked, reaching for a jar.
‘Yeah, I do.’ She wrapped her arms around his waist as he worked.
This was their last day together. She wanted to blot out reality and enjoy every moment. These last few stolen hours were hers and hers alone; no one could take them from her. She kissed his arm and moving around so she was facing him, she kissed his chest.
‘Hey!’ he protested. ‘Quit distracting me.’
She wound her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down on hers. Every ounce of love she had was channelled into that kiss; she gave it everything she had. He dropped his knife, momentarily dazed as she ran her fin
gers through his hair. Eventually, she came up for air and he stroked her cheek tenderly.
‘What was that for?’
‘For my sandwich,’ she said, her eyes shining. ‘For making me a sandwich.’
‘Then I’ve got to make you dinner sometime. I sure as hell would like to see the thanks I get for a full meal.’
Chapter 46
She watched his sleeping face in the moonlight. She memorised the shape of his nose, the fullness of his lips, the chiselled cheekbones. She laid her head on his chest and savoured the sound of his heartbeat. He flung his arm around her automatically, pulling her close. It felt so natural; they slotted together so perfectly.
The clock read three o’clock. Her taxi was due in fifteen minutes. Leaning over his face, she gently kissed his lips. Closing her eyes, she inhaled his skin and stroked his hair. He moved slightly, but settled again almost immediately.
She left the bed as quietly as possible and pulled her bag out from under the bed. Her clothes were folded and ready to put on when she reached the safety of the hall. Taking the letter, she placed it on the pillow she no longer slept on.
Hot tears stung her eyes as she looked at him one last time. This was goodbye. This was really goodbye.
Her heart ached when she thought of the life they had been denied. The future she had imagined was now buried in the past.
