by Love, Kimmy
"Jack!" she exclaimed irritably. "Where the hell are you? It's the ninth months of the pregnancy and you're not taking your calls? I'm... having... the... baby!" Annaya hung up, fury and resentment making her feel even more hot and flustered than she already did and she gripped onto the car door handle as Natalie made another sharp turn. "Slow down, Natalie! You're going to kill us both."
"I am not delivering that baby."
It must have looked an absurd scene to anyone who might have been watching: two pregnant women zooming around the city towards the hospital, snapping and criticizing each other. But, as soon as Natalie pulled up at the hospital, she was nothing but supportive and went into full military mode in search of a nurse or doctor who would be able to take good care of Annaya and the baby.
Annaya gripped onto Natalie's hand tightly as the nurses wheeled her in a wheelchair towards the maternity ward, telling her to breathe, and she tried even harder not to cry. "He's not here..." she murmured to herself, "he's not here..."
Natalie gripped her shoulder firmly. "It's alright, Annaya. You're going to be OK. I'm here. Your Mum's on the way."
It was all of little comfort to Annaya. All she could think about was how she had left things with Jack and worry that because of her stupid big mouth, she'd have to do this on her own. She wanted to burst into tears and refuse to enter the ward until Jack was at her side, but she knew the baby wouldn't wait and so she gripped onto Natalie's hand for dear life and let the nurses whisk her away to the maternity ward. The baby was coming.
*****
Jack had been fuming ever since his argument with Annaya. How dare she accuse him of using her just for sex! At least, that's what he'd understood from the way she'd spoke about him flying in and out just to hook up. Of course whenever he saw Annaya he wanted to fall into bed with her, but that was because she was beautiful and smart and her eyes lit up when she saw him in a way that made Jack feel a million miles tall; powerful and wanted.
Everything about her drove him wild and whenever he was close to her he naturally wanted to tear off her clothes and press his lips down over hers, but that didn't mean that he was only after one thing.
The billionaire pondered all this sullenly in the days and weeks that passed after meeting Annaya's parents. Hadn't he done all he could to show Annaya that he cared? Hadn't he been there at the ultrasounds and weddings? Hadn't he called her faithfully every week? Hadn't he told her a hundred times that she did something to him? He'd treated her with a respect, patience and loyalty that he'd never shown any other woman, and she'd had the nerve to suggest that he was using her!
"You're reading too much into it," Lewis advised, as they sat together in front of an enormous flat screen TV in Jack's apartment one night.
"What do you mean?"
"She's pregnant. Hormones. Of course she's going to be all over the place. You're here; she's there. She probably feels abandoned or something. You know how women are."
"Not Annie. She's not like other women."
"Trust me, Jack; your Annie may be the best of the best in your eyes, but I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't get needy sometimes. You two have got this weird thing going on where you're going between screwing and planning how to raise a baby without ever really getting close to each other.
Women read into these things too much already, so how is something as complicated as what's going on between you and her not meant to drive her mad? She's pregnant with your child and probably has no idea whether you're around just for the baby or for her."
Jack was taken aback by Lewis' intuition and took a sip of an expensive beer with a pensive expression on his face. He hadn't quite thought of it in those terms before. He was happy to let the fire burn when he was in Annie's company, but perhaps for her it was all just a bunch of mixed messages for which he was to blame. Was she craving something more as much as he was?
"The whole thing is a nightmare," Jack said bitterly. "I don't know what the woman wants. I ask her to stay in Vegas and she's not interested. I propose, and she's not interested. What's a man meant to do to show a woman he's after more than sex? Tell me, Lewis, because I have no bloody idea."
The billionaire's friend laughed with amusement and gave Jack a knowing grin. "You're looking at the whole thing too logistically," he said wisely. "You're being too practical. Being physically close to her – together in Vegas or living in the same house -- isn't the same as being close to her."
"I'm not sure I'm following."
"Jesus, Jack, you're clueless. She wants you to commit to her emotionally. She wants you to show her that you care about her and that you aren't just sticking around for the sake of the baby or because of the press."
"How would you know?"
"Trust me, Jack. She wants you to wear your heart on your sleeve."
"I'm not sure how that's done."
"I know. You've slept with dozens of women, but I don't think I've ever seen you in love before. You're a mess."
"In love?"
"Jesus, Jack. Can't you tell?"
Jack fell silent and considered his friends words carefully. He knew that his feelings for Annaya were something stronger than those he'd had for women in the past. He knew that Annaya had been taking up a special place in his heart in the months that they'd got to know each other better, but he'd never really gone as far as to think of it as love.
He'd never been in love before, but perhaps that's what it was to be completely captivated by another person, to think about them first thing every morning and in the last moments of every night. Perhaps that's what it was to be driven mad by their mystery, but to still not consider for a moment walking away because you're just too damned into her.
"I've hardly spoken to her in weeks."
"She's the mother of your child. There's going to be a fair few more arguments yet, I'd imagine. You can't run away from them all."
"I'm not running away."
"Then pick up the phone and talk to her."
"Fine. I will."
Jack stood up and retreated into the kitchen to pull his cell phone out of his pocket and finally give in and tell Annaya that he was sorry for having given her the cold shoulder. When he pulled out his phone, however, he was shocked to find that he already had a missed call from her. He quickly entered his voicemail and his eyes widened and mouth quickly fell open when he heard Annaya's tense, short breaths down the line and her message to get there as soon as possible.
Lewis came into the kitchen to see what was taking so long when he didn't hear Jack speaking and then grew concerned when he saw Jack's face grow pale as he listened to his messages.
"What is it?"
"The baby's coming."
"Now?"
"Now."
*****
The nurse wrapped up Annaya's little girl in a pink blanket and pressed her into her mother's arms. Annaya looked down at her newborn baby and felt an overwhelming surge of love and all the screaming and worry and pain of the last few hours washed away and was replaced by pure joy.
Her baby girl was beautiful: half Jack and half Annaya. She had light brown skin and hair that was dark and curly like Annaya's, but she had her father's nose and eyes. She was no bigger than a loaf of bread and the little cry she made as she looked around at the big wide world was the sweetest sound Annaya had ever heard.
She had just picked up her little girl for her first cuddle when a squeaking sound made her look up and she saw Jack come skidding around the doorway, his expensive shoes skidding on the lino. On seeing him, all her anger and fear vanished at once. Jack looked just as flustered and terrified as she had been just moments earlier, and his disheveled hair and crumpled suit told Annaya that he had come to be with her as quickly as possible. He didn't hate her, after all. She smiled at him and his eyes softened. He came to stand at her side.
Even now, with a baby in her arms, her thoughts were on what Jack would think of her in this state: pale and clammy with no make-up and her big belly pushing up the bed sh
eets, but Jack was completely captivated by the sight of their new child.
"My God..." he breathed disbelievingly. "She's beautiful."
"She's ours."
Jack stepped forward and hesitantly reached out a hand to gently brush his palm against his baby's head and then he let out a little half-breath of amazement and shook his head in awe again. "Incredible."
Suddenly, all of the emotion and upset of the day came flooding back and Annaya was struggling once more to hold back her tears. She finally ran out of strength to hold them back and a couple escaped over her eyelids. She looked up at Jack tearfully and said, "Jack, I'm sorry for everything."
"Ssh," Jack soothed her gently, laying a hand on her shoulder to press her back down when she tried to sit up to talk to him. "It's done. I'm sorry, too. I was mad, but I shouldn't have ignored you. I'm sorry that I wasn't here."
"You're here now."
Jack perched on the bed beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. Finally, Annaya felt safe again and she let her head fall onto his shoulder and rest there for a while. She let a little fantasy grow in her mind's eye that this is how it would always be: her, Jack and the baby, snuggled close together, sharing a moment of complete peace and comfort.
*
Everything in Annaya's home was set up and ready for the baby. The little nursery she'd made out of a room that had been a disused home office was beautiful, painted in soft pinks with squishy little giraffes painted up the walls. The sweet little white pine crib was against one wall with a zoo-themed mobile full of soft little teddy bears hanging above and everything else that a baby could need was in the room with their daughter, whom they decided to name Alice.
The new mother couldn't wish for more for her little girl, who looked so perfect lying on top of her blankets, clutching a toy giraffe in her tiny little grasp, but Alice's father, who had been so overjoyed a few days before, began to grow more sullen and agitated in the days that followed, especially when he saw all the changes that had taken place in the nursery since he'd last visited Annaya.
"This room is a box, Annie."
"She's an infant, Jack. She hardly needs a palace."
"I don't understand why you won't just come back with me to Vegas."
Annaya gave him a patient but slightly stern look and reached out to stroke her baby's hair. She sighed. "No, you don't understand," she agreed. "My life is here, Jack. My job is here. My family is here. My best friend is here. You can't expect me to give all that up just to make things more convenient for you. It's going to be hard being a mother. I don't want to be on my own."
"That's precisely my point. Come to Vegas and you won't be on your own. You'll be with me."
"Surrounded by all those casinos?" Annaya pulled a face. "All that glitz and glam and high living is all well and fine for a girls night out, Jack, but it's hardly the right kind of environment to raise a child."
"You're being narrow-minded, Annie. There's more to Vegas than the nightlife. There are some good schools out there. I'd set you up somewhere away from the city, in a nice cozy little home, if that's what you wanted. I'd fly your family out whenever you wanted them around. Natalie, too. I'd do everything to make it work. I hate the thought of leaving you behind here."
Jack cast his gaze disdainfully around Annaya's little flat and she wondered if he was more upset to be leaving her, or to be leaving his daughter in a place that wasn't up to his standards. Of course, Annaya knew that she'd be provided for financially if she went with Jack, but it was everything else she needed that worried her. How would she feel out in another state, cooped up in some house he'd chosen for her with no friends or family around while he spent his days schmoozing with the big dogs?
Annaya looked over at Jack longingly. She loved that he wanted her and their daughter close. She loved that he'd do anything to have them with him. But she was always not naive enough to believe that everything would fall into place just because she was on his doorstep. They had rocky foundations and Annaya didn't want to let go of all her safety nets just yet.
"Let's see how it goes," she said reasonably.
"Whether or not we're together, we've got a daughter together now and that makes us a family. Family should stick together."
"I hear you, Jack. I'll think about it."
It was a torturous day that afternoon as the time grew nearer for Jack to return to Vegas and leave his new little family behind. He dragged his heels like a naughty schoolboy sent to the principal's office when he at last had to pick up his bags and head for the airport. Annaya tried to comfort him. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and looked up at him with sympathetic eyes.
"My doors are always open. You can come whenever you want."
"It's not the same. She's my daughter, too. I don't want her across state lines."
"I understand, Jack, but you can't expect me to just drop everything because it's what works best for you. My life is here and I won't leave that until a life with you seems secure."
Jack huffed angrily and clenched his jaw together to prevent him from saying something he'd regret. Eventually he let out a long sigh. "Why don't you trust me, Annie? Don't you think I'd take care of you?"
What was Annaya meant to say to that? She had no idea what kind of partner or father Jack would be. All their time had been spent together in short, intense bursts which Annaya knew were no reflection of real life. It was easy to be on your best behavior for a couple of days or a couple of weeks and a woman could forgive a handsome man anything when he was sweeping her off her feet and leading her to the bedroom.
Annaya had to keep telling herself that dreamy eyes and deep pockets were not the signs of a good partner. It took more than that, and she just didn't know for sure whether Jack would be the type to keep his cool when things got tough.
He went on and on about his responsibilities and stepping up to his role in his father's company and how much pressure there was being in the public eye and meeting all his demands. How would he cope with a little one crying all hours of the night and wanting her Daddy's attention?
Annaya couldn't see Jack transforming into a family man overnight just because he'd felt awe at the sight of a newborn. What would he be like when the novelty wore off and he realized that she and Alice were there to stay? How soon would it be before he began to miss the casino lights and roulette wheels? How long before he started to miss the rush from getting his name in the papers for all the wrong reasons or falling into bed with a different woman every night?
Annaya knew the lifestyle Jack had come from and it was fast-paced and glamorous. She just couldn't imagine that a simple life with her and Alice would satisfy him, and she knew for sure that hanging around in some big empty house on her own, waiting for him to come home and biting her tongue every time he flashed his bad reputation would not satisfy her.
She needed to see more of Jack in his role as a father and as he might be as a partner before she'd give everything up for him. She didn't want to be a phase in his life, when for her, he would be the center of her world.
"I trust you," she said softly, answering his question at last. "I just don't know what I want yet. I need time. The time we've spent together hasn't been real life."
"What do you mean?"
"It's been short bursts here and there. You hardly know me at all. Maybe I seem like someone exciting in a tight dress in a glamorous place, but normally I'm just a girl in a pair of jeans and a sweater, going about her dull, ordinary life. And now I'm a mother, too. I'm going to be breastfeeding and changing diapers and getting snappy because I haven't slept in days.
You're begging me to come over now, but neither of us know what we're going to be like when life is just ordinary. I want to see a bit of your ordinary before I leap into a life with you."
Jack sighed again and leaned against the doorframe with a sullen expression. "And what about me? I don't want to miss out on her." The billionaire crossed the flat to look over his daughter, sleeping soundly in her crib.
His eyes grew soft as he watched over her. "I don't want to leave her."
"Then don't," Annaya said simply. "My door is open. You can stay here as long as you want."
The billionaire let out a dry laugh. "It's not that easy."
"No? Well, it's not that easy for me, either."
"Let's not argue again, Annie. We have to get better at this. We've got Alice now. We can't resent each other."
Annaya knew he was right and she let out a little sigh. "I don't want you to leave, either."
"I'll come back next week," Jack vowed. "I'll come more often now that she's here. Just until we figure something out. Even if you don't want to be in Vegas all the time, maybe you could come for the summers or the holidays or something.
I want a bit of ordinary, too. Not a short, sweet burst of excitement. Some long-term, dull and average with you and Alice. I'd like that a lot."
"Me, too. We'll figure it out, Jack. Some long-term, dull and average."
*****
It was almost unbearable being away from them. Ever since Alice had been born, Jack had been short-tempered, snappy and distracted and it was all because the only place he wanted to be was with his daughter and the woman who'd brought her into the world.
Annaya's words still stung him and he found it hard not to stew over them. She saw his suggestion that she come and stay in Vegas as a demand for her to leave everything behind, whereas he saw it as a way to be together. When he looked back over all their time together, he felt like he'd done everything right.
He'd made sure that Annie and the baby had everything they needed and he'd made sure to be there every step of the way. Of course, there was that stupid proposal which had come too soon and had been done in panic. No doubt, it made Annaya feel like he was after a wife for PR purposes, but the good intent had been there.
Now, somehow, he'd found himself further away from her than ever. It was bad enough being in separate states when it was just Annie that he was missing, but now that he was without his daughter too, Jack felt isolated and longing for the gentleness and comfort that only comes with family.
