Then she hears the bratatat of automatic gunfire. There are no cries of terror or pain. Maybe she has found the camp and the men are practising their shooting. She follows the sound. Smoke from campfires rises, and she can smell the burning of chinar wood.
She stands, undecided, wondering how to proceed. Who will she ask for? Will it go badly for Amaan if she asks for him? But it is only Amaan she wants to see. She stands behind a tree and watches. There are men with ammunition belts curling across their chests, rifles over their shoulders the way Zahid wears Nana-ji’s. Most wear turbans like Amaan and some wear caps that look almost Kashmiri. Snow is falling heavily now, and they move into huts.
Suddenly she is grabbed from behind. She opens her mouth to scream but a hand presses against her face.
‘Kharmosh, quiet.’ The voice is familiar.
She is turned around and she sees Amaan. She stares at him in shock as he takes his hands from her. ‘Little sister, I am sorry to frighten you but I was sent to intercept a spy. Can that be you?’
She finds her voice. ‘I am not spying. I came to find you.’
‘Then you are fortunate. I am the one they send on errands.’
There is shouting from the camp and his voice changes. ‘You mustn’t come here. Never come again. It is too dangerous. The men are wolves and so am I when I am with them.’
‘I came because Tanveer is missing. Is he here?’
‘What are you talking about? Why would he be here?’
‘Militants take boys for training. I just thought—’
‘You think I would do that? To your brother?’
His eyes are making her cry. ‘No, not you, but there were militants near our house today and now he is gone. I thought someone else might have – that you could help—’
Another shout comes from the camp.
‘You have to go. It is not safe for you or for me. I will say you escaped. I will fire, but not at you. You understand?’ She tips her head and snow falls off her shawl. ‘I hope you find your brother. Chello, go. Now!’ He fires the Kalashnikov and the sound ricochets through the trees.
Shahana runs. His gunfire is the saddest she has ever heard. She keeps running, and sobbing, afraid the other men will pursue her. She rests awhile but can’t stop weeping. It is so dark now, and the snowfall so heavy, that she can’t see which way is home.
‘Shahana! Where are you?’
It must be Zahid. She runs towards the sound of his voice. Maybe he has found Tanveer and she can forget this horrible day. She runs into him and he holds her steady.
‘Where have you been so high up the mountain? I heard shooting.’
‘Looking for Tanveer. Have you found him?’ But she can tell by his face that he hasn’t. Her sobs start again. ‘What can we do?’
‘We shall go home and work out a plan.’
‘But what if he is out here in the snow? What if he fell, is unconscious? What if he gets so cold he dies?’
‘Come. You’ll feel better after some tea and bread.’
But Shahana knows she will never feel better – not until they find Tanveer.
‘We can tell others to help us look for him.’
Amaan knows; would he look for him? Shahana stops her crying. Was Amaan just pretending to be cruel to save her from the eyes of the other men?
‘You are so far from home up here. There’s the LoC—’
Shahana turns to see the shadow of the fence against the darkening sky.
He stops and listens.
‘What is it?’
‘That noise.’
‘What noise?’ Then she hears it too: a rumbling, like thunder in the mountain. At first she thinks it is the waterfall but remembers it is too far away. Then she realises. ‘Run!’ she screams. ‘The snow is falling off the mountain.’
It is difficult to see which way is best. Which is the shortest route to the house? Which way will lead them into the snow’s path?
‘Here,’ Zahid says after they can’t run any more. ‘Hide behind this fir tree. Its trunk is wide.’ He stands behind her and puts his arms around her to hold her still. They can feel the rumbling through their feet. Shahana’s whole body is shaking with the sound of growling snow.
When the snow hits the tree it holds for some moments. Maybe we will be safe after all, she thinks. Then the weight of the snow snaps a branch, then another. The tree groans. Zahid tightens his grip on Shahana’s waist as they are swept away with the snow.
Shahana doesn’t know where they are – she can see nothing. Are they at the river?
Then she feels something pricking her back. Wire. It is a fence. It must be the Line of Control. Even a wall of snow can’t destroy the Line of Control.
‘Zahid?’ There is no answer. She can’t stand. There is snow just above her. All around her are the branches of the tree; they must be holding the snow up. She feels like a pine cone hanging on a branch in a storm. She mightn’t be able to see but she knows she must be cold. People die when they are buried by snow. She feels the panic rising, takes great gulps of air in an effort to steady the thunder in her chest.
She remembers Nana-ji saying people can keep warm in snow if it is all around them with a pocket of air. Zahid said Eskimos live in ice houses. She tries to calm herself.
When she touches her face the tips of her fingers are sticky, but she can’t feel any pain. She moves from side to side trying to feel for Zahid. She rises to a crouch and crawls a few paces. It is as if she and the branches are in a bubble.
‘Zahid.’ She calls his name but the silence is an overwhelming blanket deadening any noise. She stretches her arm further and her elbow touches shoes. Zahid. She moves her hand up – it must be him.
She wonders how deep the snow is. Are they buried alive? Or could they burrow out? They have no tools. Their hands would be bloody pulp in minutes. She manages to crawl closer to Zahid. How long before the air runs out? She takes hold of his shoulders and shakes him. She touches his face; only one finger can feel his closed eyes. Then she lets her hand rest on his chest, just as she did that first night he was in the house. She can’t feel whether it is rising or not so she lays her head on it instead. Would she dare to do this if he were awake?
She sits up. ‘Zahid. You must wake.’
This time he moves slightly and moans. He was standing behind her – he has sheltered her and taken the force of the snow. She moves her body closer and tries to get her whole body next to his. They have to lie together – there is no other way to keep warm, to survive. She lies beside him and puts her shawl over them both. She prays he will wake; she doesn’t want to die alone. At least there is one thing to be thankful for: Tanveer isn’t with them. Now she is glad they didn’t find him. Wherever he is, she hopes he is faring better than her.
Chapter 19
Shahana was cold. She pulled the blanket closer. She spread it to cover Tanveer as well, but he wasn’t there. She crept off the charpoy and peered out the door. He must have gone outside. But snow was falling – it was the blinding, driving kind that buried villages. She ran outside without putting on her shawl.
‘Tanveer,’ she shouted. ‘Where are you?’ Her voice echoed around the mountains, which stood silently clothed in snow. Then she saw a speck high on the tallest mountain. Tanveer. She flew like a bird to reach him. The mist swirled and suddenly she was there, but the huge fence loomed up between them and she couldn’t reach him. She knelt in the snow, shouting through the coils of razor wire. ‘Why are you up here, Tanveer?’
‘I was chasing the chitta, but I am too cold now.’ He closed his eyes.
‘No, stay awake!’ she screamed.
Mr Nadir was right behind her. ‘I told you I could look after him better than you. See, you have let him die.’ And when Shahana looked at Tanveer’s face, it flickered and became Zahid’s.
Shahana shakes herself awake. She mustn’t go to sleep, and she must wake Zahid or he will be like he was in the dream, frozen to death. She manages to sit up and shakes
him. ‘Zahid. Zahid!’ Her words turn into sobs. She wishes she could see. Maybe he is injured. At least he is not dead. She can feel some warmth coming from him.
Then she hears his voice. ‘Shahana.’ It is barely a whisper.
‘Zahid. You have to wake up. Now is not the time to sleep.’
He groans.
‘Can you move? Come, sit with me.’ She tries to pull him but she doesn’t have the same strength as the day she and Tanveer dragged him home in the net.
Zahid makes an effort. ‘We are trapped?’
Shahana has to lean close to hear him. ‘Ji. There is snow all around us.’ She doesn’t say what she is thinking: that there is no way out.
He is leaning on her; he doesn’t seem to be able to sit unaided. She doesn’t mind. At least he is sitting up, so it will be harder for him to sleep. She talks to keep him awake.
‘You said you had something to tell me.’
‘Hmm?’
‘In the forest you said I had the right to know something.’
He murmurs but Shahana doesn’t understand.
‘In Urdu, tell me in Urdu.’
‘Ji.’
‘Are your eyes open? Zahid, open your eyes.’
‘I can’t see anything.’
‘Just keep them open. You mustn’t go back to sleep.’
‘You’re bossy . . . like a monkey.’
‘Talk to me, Zahid.’ Then she adds, ‘I’m frightened.’
He straightens himself at this.
‘Do you hurt anywhere, Zahid?’
‘Not sure.’
She knows what he means. She can’t feel why her hands are sticky either.
‘I wanted to tell you—’ He stops, sighs and starts again. ‘When I came . . . it was not my choosing. When I went out in the village . . . militants were there. Fighting the soldiers . . .’ He stops, struggling to breathe.
‘Chup, you don’t have to tell me.’
‘I do . . . the militants brought me . . . to Azad Kashmir. They were training me. I didn’t care . . . maybe I could take revenge . . . for what soldiers did to my family and Kashmir . . . didn’t know what it would be like . . .’ He pauses again to catch his breath.
Shahana says gently, ‘What was it like?’
‘The militants wanted to kill soldiers and didn’t care . . . who else they blew up with them.’ He coughs and Shahana puts her arm around him to support him.
‘Chup, quiet now.’
But he ignores her. ‘They took me to a village in Kashmir. The Indian army had a base . . . civilians living there. The militants set bombs . . . destroyed the base. . . it wasn’t all they destroyed . . . ’ He gasps as though seeing it again. ‘I tripped over a child’s body . . . a baby’s leg . . . nightmare. I couldn’t stay . . .’
‘So you escaped.’
‘I don’t know how. No one escapes from a militants’ camp except by a bullet. They don’t stomach cowards.’
Shahana is quick. ‘You are not a coward. You stayed with us even when you knew the militants were on the mountain.’
‘They are the same group . . . Amaan was on guard duty the night I ran.’
Shahana drew in her breath. ‘Amaan?’
‘.. . when he saw me on the mountain with Tanveer . . . he recognised me.’
No wonder Zahid was so frightened of the militants. They would not only have taken him with them, they may have killed him.
‘I . . . was worried he would punish you for concealing me.’
Shahana is silent. So Amaan knew all along. Why did he call her honest? Why give her money? Why did he let her go when she went to the militants’ camp? Surely he wouldn’t know where Zahid lived, unless he had seen him come from the house? But he has seen Zahid with Tanveer.
Zahid speaks again, a little stronger this time. ‘I am sorry . . . can you overlook . .. I couldn’t tell you . . . I thought you would send me away. No one likes foreign soldiers occupying their country, or militants . . . and that is what I was.’
‘Why did you stay?’
‘I wanted to keep you safe . . . you are alone. I wanted to do good for a change.’ He sighs. ‘I didn’t want to lose someone else.’
Shahana hears the catch in his voice and she understands. She thinks of how Tanveer will feel when he finds out what has happened to her.
‘My friends idolised the militants . . . wanted to join them, but the good things they said . . . not all true.’
Amaan rises in her mind, his troubled frown, those clear, piercing eyes. Was he only trying to find Zahid? Did she imagine his care? He had named her his little sister. He even said so when she went to the camp. What militant keen on revenge would bother with her? Or was he gaining her trust so she would betray Zahid?
He has become too quiet. She bumps him. ‘Zahid.’
‘Ji.’
She has to keep him awake. ‘Tell me how you came to be by the river. You said you swam across.’
‘Not true.’ He sounds as if he is drifting away. He is heavier on her shoulder.
‘What happened? At the river?’
‘The river . . . ’ he murmurs, ‘ . . . trying to cross over to Kashmir. I didn’t use the bridge – check posts – couldn’t swim ... river too strong . . . dumped me back . . . ’
‘And we found you.’
‘Did I thank you?’ He shifts his weight and his voice changes. ‘I would have liked to marry . . . a girl like you, Shahana.’
She thinks how sad it is that he only says this because he knows they will die.
He has fallen quiet and nothing she tries rouses him. All his weight slumps onto her shoulder and he slips to the ground. She lies beside him. It is more difficult to breathe. She will never find out what has happened to Tanveer. She will never live with Ayesha, or marry, or hold a baby in her arms. She can only pray.
Maybe dying is just like falling asleep. Zahid will feel no pain; he is already unconscious.
She hears the wild dogs barking. Now she is glad that Zahid is asleep. If the dogs manage to dig them out, will they kill them quickly or can she possibly escape? The only way she could escape from the dogs is to leave Zahid to them. How can she do that?
She sits up slowly and feels for a loose branch.
Chapter 20
The dogs are scrabbling in the snow. She and Zahid mustn’t be buried too deep after all if she can hear them so close. Her hand tightens on the branch. Zahid won’t wake up; she will have to protect him as well as she is able. Then she hears a voice. It is a strong voice of authority. ‘Is there anyone in there? Hello? Koi hai? Is anyone there?’
Shahana opens her mouth to speak but she starts to cry instead.
‘Strange, the dogs usually know.’
The voice gets further away and she does the only thing she can think of: she bangs the branch against the snow.
The dogs bark, loud and excited.
The voice returns. ‘Koi hai?’
There are more voices now, and they argue.
‘We are here,’ Shahana finally calls. ‘Help us!’
‘Shhh!’ Someone is shushing the dogs. There is silence outside and she says it again.
‘We are here.’
The voices start up again; shovels bite against the snow. Shahana shakes Zahid. ‘Wake up, wake up.’ But he doesn’t stir.
‘Please hurry,’ she shouts.
There is more arguing, then the noise of a vehicle, coming closer, then moving away. Driving close again.
The dogs bark constantly now. For men to be there the dogs must be trained. She wonders who the men are. There are voices behind her now too, speaking a language she doesn’t know.
She can see lights through the snow ahead of her. She uses the branch to push the snow away. Someone is shovelling from the other side and he breaks through. She feels the chilled air burst onto her face and she gasps and sobs. Hands reach in to draw her out. The first thing she notices is the clear night air; it has stopped snowing.
‘Zahid—’ She starts to say her br
other is with her and stops herself in time. ‘My cousin is there too.’ She sees a khaki camouflage uniform and looks up into the face of a Pakistani army officer. There are two dogs. Another officer calls them to heel and they sit with their tongues lolling, as if they are happy with a job well done. Shahana has never been glad to see a dog before. A soldier is lying on the ground and a man in uniform is tending to him.
‘You are fortunate that a soldier was caught in the avalanche,’ says the man who has pulled her out.
There is a commotion from behind the heap of snow. Shahana can see that it is large, although not as big as one she saw late last winter when the snow began to melt on the mountain.
A weapon is fired. The army men ready their assault rifles. The officer shouts, ‘We will keep to the ceasefire tonight. All we are doing is rescuing those caught in the avalanche.’
The men all lower their rifles and militants emerge from behind the mound of snow. They look so burly and fiery, even more so than Amaan. One of them says, ‘You have lost an opportunity. There are Indian soldiers digging out their men on the other side. We can pick them off for you while the LoC electricity is down.’
Then Shahana sees Amaan pulling Zahid out from the snow. Her chest slumps. One word from Amaan and the militants will take Zahid away. What can she do? She crawls over to Amaan to plead for Zahid but another militant is there too.
‘Isn’t this that Kashmiri kid we had training with us?’ the other militant asks.
Amaan glances at Shahana. She is about to beg him to save them, but he shakes his head slightly, warning her to stay silent.
‘No,’ he says.
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