by Fiona Murphy
“I screamed Decker’s name and Ella heard me.” Lydia nods. “It’s been since then I get all tense she’s going to hear us again. How I shouldn’t even be so worried about having an orgasm because mommies don’t do that.”
“Mommies do all the things or they wouldn’t be mommies.” Elise laughs as she bumps Lydia with her shoulder. Turning to me, she assures me, “We’re here if you need to talk. Trust me when I tell you, we’ve been through it all. You’re going to mess up, he’s going to mess up but as long as you don’t lose the love, it will all work out in the end.”
“Thanks, this was pretty much everything I didn’t know I needed.” I hadn’t wanted to come almost as much as Ivan didn’t want to. I’m so glad I did though.
***
Christina
“We’re checking into a hotel. I had no idea it was going to be this involved,” Ivan grumbles as he pulls me into his arms from behind.
“Me either,” I admit as I lean against him. “Some paint, some new carpet, not tearing down a wall. Although I guess it’s a good thing or we would never have found the leak. We’re lucky no mold has formed.”
We are now two weeks into what I thought was going to be a simple refresh of the place. That’s what the interior designer called it when we talked on the phone. Then she came to the condo and did a walk-through. It then became a full-blown remodel. I kept thinking I was going to say no until she showed me what it could look like. If Ivan had even pulled a face I wouldn’t have, but he was adamant all he cared about was what I wanted—the cost or length of time wasn’t an issue. Three weeks after the initial walk-through, here we are.
“Are you mad? Is this too much?”
His arms tighten around me as he drops his mouth to my ear. “I’m not mad. This isn’t too much. I’m fucking delighted you’re finally showing an interest in our home. If this is what it takes, we’ll do it. Now go get packed.”
***
Ivan
“Is the box meowing?” Dmitri asks as he sits down.
I nod. “Now that the remodel is done and there is no concern it will get into open paint or sheetrock dust, I got Christina a cat. The woman was not supposed to bring it until this evening, but some personal problem meant it was meeting her here or not getting it until tomorrow.”
Shaking his head, Dmitri laughs. “I never thought I would see the day. You don’t like animals.”
“Hm, I’m also allergic to cats. However, I want Christina to be happy. She was quite depressed at leaving the kittens behind at your place. That night she asked if I liked cats. She always wanted one but her grandfather would not allow it.”
“Allergic? You are in love. You’ll be miserable.”
“There is a reason I paid seven thousand dollars for the cat. It’s a Siberian female created in a petri dish. There is less than two percent of the enzyme in her saliva that will trigger my allergies.” As far as I’m concerned the cat is worth every penny.
“Honestly, Ivan, you can’t just leave it sitting in the box until you get it to Christina. Give it here.”
I hand him the box. He takes out the kitten, handling it with an ease I had not been able to do.
“Are you hoping the kitten is a hint at the baby you intend to give her whether she wants it or not?”
I cannot believe I told him my thoughts the last time we had lunch. It came out as concern after discovering that for the second month in a row Christina was not pregnant. I hadn’t accidentally forgotten a condom as often as she thought I did.
The first time I did it, I couldn’t summon a single ounce of guilt even though I knew it was wrong. I needed to tie her to me in way that was indestructible. On the flight home, I finally figured out what I had been feeling when I realized I forgot the first time: it was hope. Hope that Christina would become pregnant. She wanted children. I wanted whatever made her happy enough to never leave me.
That first time, I knew it was during a vulnerable time in her cycle. When I apologized Christina’s breath caught in excitement, her own hope clear on her face for a dazzling moment, before catching herself and offering to take a morning-after pill. At my refusal her pleasure assured me that she wanted it as badly as I did. I give in and admit it to Dmitri.
“I want her pregnant. I want the whole relationship settled. She isn’t going anywhere. Not now, not ever.”
“There are any number of ways to do that, my friend. You could try setting a date to go along with the ring.”
“Divorces happen every single day, a wedding is not enough. She already has my ring on her finger, she agreed to be my woman. She’s mine. A child would provide a forever link between us.”
A nod. “I still think you should discuss the whole thing first. It might make her more...docile.”
I consider the suggestion. “Perhaps. She went out last night with her friend Anna. For dinner and drinks.”
I shake my head as I remember how she dug in her heels over going out. The way she kept repeating it was just dinner and they wouldn’t even leave the restaurant for drinks. But she was going, either I accepted it with grace or it was going to be a fight. I accepted it, after I fucked both her pussy and her ass, and made sure she swallowed my cock. If she was going out then she was doing it filled with me.
“At the very least, set a date. Women love weddings, might go toward the whole issue with her grandfather.”
“Actually, she is proving to be stubborn in that regard as well with him. They finally met and it was going well until she invited him to our home. He refused to visit us until we are married. Now the tension is back between them, I had a mind to become involved. It was the first time we’ve argued. I did not like it, I will not attempt it again.”
It took too long for me to realize how much her grandfather upset her by his marriage demand. All I could see was the need to fix it, when in her mind it was not broken.
“You gave in much easier than she thought you would on keeping her in the office. Elise remarked on it to me, reminding me of my unwillingness to allow her to keep working with me in the office. I’m surprised. How did Connor take his promotion?”
I chuckle. Connor’s sigh of “finally” had been his only reply. “Well enough, he’s been my VP in everything but name alone for almost two years now. Since he no longer wants to travel, it is long past time to set him up in his own office.
“The new assistant is working out well enough. However, with me cutting back on my own hours and Christina resentful of me working at home, I need a third assistant still. With how long it took to find this last one, I am in no hurry to do it again. Christina has still been able to identify opportunities, two excellent ones in the last month alone.”
I consider the issue plaguing me for the last month. “I don’t think I care if she ever finds another one.”
“It took me over a year to admit it to myself. Elise was pregnant and due any day. There was a deal in Germany that could have netted me what my last three had, if I went after it. It took all of three seconds to decide. Enough, I finally had enough money—I wasn’t hungry anymore. It had nothing to do with money. It was Elise and the baby, and it was more important that she was safe and happy than to make another million. Congratulations.”
21
Christina
“Abuelo, I’m not complaining about you taking a car service. I’m concerned about how often you are. All of these are going to the doctor. There are more than ten last month. What the hell aren’t you telling me?” It isn’t easy to keep ahold of my temper. Thank fuck, Tim is at lunch and Barbara, the new assistant, is out for the day.
“If I wanted to talk about it with you, I would have. It’s only follow-up. I’m fine. None of your damn business.” The asshole hangs up on me and I slam the phone back into the cradle. Then I flinch—I shouldn’t break office equipment, it isn’t worth it.
Frustration fills me. I want to go over there and demand he talk to me. But it won’t do me any good. I had already called and talked to Lynne at the
nursing staffing agency, and she politely but firmly refused to answer any questions. It didn’t matter I was paying the bills, Abuelo was the patient and it was against the rules to discuss his medical information with me if he hadn’t given them permission, and he wasn’t giving permission.
Taking a deep breath, I open the letter from the bank that prompted me to check my statements in the first place. It’s a little embarrassing to admit I haven’t checked them in months. Ever since we got back from England almost four months ago, my salary went up by the promised amount and I knew there was no way I was spending even what I had been making, with Ivan covering all my expenses.
The automatic payments keep returning into my account, could I please stop it. What? It’s for the mortgage—why was the payment coming back? In the two seconds it takes me to finish the thought, I know why.
Slamming the notice on my desk, I get up, ready to do battle. “I swear to god, sometimes it’s like you’re trying to piss me off.”
The bastard smiles as he leans back in his chair. Dang it, how can he do that? Be so beautiful and gorgeous and kick over that hive of bees in my tummy with a simple smile when I am genuinely pissed off at him? It’s going to go away eventually, right? The way my body reacts to him, how he turns my blood to hot, sticky honey, sends shivers up my spine.
It’s been five months since that first time we made love. I thought the whole honeymoon period would be over, but instead it’s only become more intense. Ivan is in my blood, in my bones, all the way into my marrow.
“I wondered when you were going to become all fire-breathing again. It’s been a while. I’m surprised it took so long, I paid it off before we left for Manchester.” An unrepentant shrug. “You said you wouldn’t take the money. I had to assuage my guilt somehow.”
“So I’m guilt to you?” I don’t like that idea.
An eyebrow comes up. “No fucking way and you know that. We had an agreement. I keep my promises. Yes, this became something more than a simple agreement, but that does not negate me paying my dues.”
“It feels wrong.” I shake my head, unable to find the words to explain how I feel. It shouldn’t, everything has changed from how we started. Ivan has completely changed in more ways than I can count. If he puts in more than fifty hours a week, I don’t see it. We go on vacation, there was a week in Nice, another week in Paris, a long weekend we stayed behind in Berlin after wrapping up business, and we’re going to Italy for two whole weeks next month.
Ivan has finally figured out he makes me much happier when he spends time with me rather than spending money on me. So he made sure we did things like go to the theater, the symphony, spent weekends roaming the Art Institute together. Even just hours on the couch watching him play with Coco, the most spoiled cat in all of Chicago, were times he was present and accounted for with me. There were times I looked at him and couldn’t believe how happy I was. Then this happens, and I wonder when it will all be over.
“Get over it.” Gravel, hard and smoky, and unrepentant. “Do not look at me like that, Christina. I am not going to apologize, nor am I going to remove the payment. Now come here and pay me back like the whore you think I’m treating you like.” The sound of his zipper coming down is loud in the room.
“Sometimes you can be such a fucker.” I shake my head. I know he’s treating me like a whore, but...I open my eyes, his large hand is stroking his thickening cock and I’m on my knees in front of him in an instant.
I’m lost in what he’s doing to me, controlling me, owning me, groaning my name.
“Ivan? I—oh god, I’m sorry.” The words are followed by the door to Ivan’s office slamming.
Surprise has my teeth grazing him. Ivan swears, his hand tightening in my hair. That’s it, I am so totally quitting.
Ivan pulls me back to him. My eyes are wide as I look up at him. “Are you crazy? Tim—I—”
“Tim closed the door and he sure as fuck won’t be interrupting us. Finish what you started. I warned you. I own all of you, your sweet pussy and your gifted mouth, and you’ll take my cock anytime I need it. You aren’t leaving me cock hard and needy for you.” He tightens his grip until it verges on pain, and holy shit I’m so wet.
My panties are soaking as I take him back into my mouth, maintaining the eye contact he loves.
“That’s it. Such a good girl you are. Cotton candy would not melt in your mouth, to everyone else, with everyone else but me.”
He’s close, I can feel him. Ivan yanks me up by my hair, turns me around, bends me over his desk and slams into me. Oh fuck oh fuck, I’m so wet he slides in all the way home.
“Do you really think I would let you go with the scent of your pussy soaking for me? You love my cock. You love it even more when I remind you that I own you. Who do you belong to, Christina?”
Thank god, it’s been weeks since he’s been like this. He’s been rough, I’ve gotten a few spankings, and been fucked mercilessly against a few walls, but not this savage reminder. A reminder I needed, a reminder that I am owned, claimed, indelibly marked, I belong to Ivan. I’m not ashamed I glory in it even as he’s fucking me so savagely my lungs burn just trying to keep air in them.
“Say it, Christina.” His hand goes around my neck as he pulls me up against him.
“You, Ivan, I belong to you.” I gasp, desperate for the orgasm he’s keeping from me.
“There’s my good girl.” He groans as caresses my clit and I come with uncontrollable shudders. I feel it now—he had forgotten a condom. Again. I’ve lost count of how often it’s happened. Each time, he showed no concern and each time if I mentioned getting a morning-after pill he said no.
In his lap, his arms around me, I inhale the skin of his neck as I play with his tie. “You forgot, again.”
“Hmm.” He continues running his hand through my hair.
“Ivan, this is the most like best or worst time for...you know.” I shy away from the word.
Going still, he looks down at me, tugging my hair back for him to meet my eyes. “I don’t want to use them anymore.”
My lungs stop working. It takes a minute to find words. “Do you want me to...”
A small shake of his head. He runs a finger along my cheek. “Unless you want to. The choice is always yours.”
I remember what Lydia said. It really hadn’t been him forgetting. He was trying to get me pregnant. Sneaky, manipulative, ruthless, but I cannot dredge up a single sliver of angst. “Okay.”
Black eyes harden to onyx. “Okay, what, Christina?”
“Then we won’t use them. I won’t go on the pill.” The words are barely out of my mouth before he’s kissing me. Tender, sweet, gentle, everything he wasn’t only minutes ago, and if he weren’t stealing my breath away I would finally have the guts to tell him how much I love him.
22
Ivan
Three months, it’s been three fucking months and still Christina isn’t pregnant. The moment I told her I did not want to use condoms anymore, her whole body froze, those eyes of hers glittered with excitement yet all the witch said was “okay.” This was what she wanted, she wanted a baby, she wanted me forever. So for the last three months I have been doing all I can to get her what she wants. I wonder if there is something wrong.
“Ivan? What’s wrong?”
I pull her down into my lap. It’s a Saturday, I’m in my home office, only allowed a few hours in here to clear up some things I hadn’t got to yesterday.
“That’s what I’m wondering.”
“What?”
“It’s been three months. Should I get tested?”
She never answers the question—her phone rings. It’s her grandfather’s ringtone. “Hello?”
I easily hear it’s the nurse calling. He’s had a stroke. He’s in the emergency room, Christina needs to come quickly.
Without any prompting, I’m lifting her in my arms, and moving through the condo with her.
“Where?” I hear the answer through the phone.
She shakes her head. “No, it’s not. I don’t know how I know. I just do.”
An hour later she is proven right. The long beep of the machine is loud in the large room. Christina is still holding his hand; she hasn’t let it go. She had been holding out hope he would wake up before...but he never did. I hate this, I need to hold her but I will not interfere with her grief. With what she needs.
Finally, she stands to face me. She isn’t sobbing, tears were simply falling down her face. I hold her tight. “I knew something was wrong. But I didn’t push. How could he have kept this from me? He kept this all to himself. All these months he knew he was dying but refused to tell me.”
The doctor had gone over her grandfather’s diagnosis of mesothelioma that was found in his heart when he had the double bypass. Santos had declined further medical intervention.
“This is why he kept talking about when he was gone.”
Now she is sobbing. “I’m all alone now. I stopped telling him if he left he would leave me alone. Now I’m alone.”
“No, you aren’t. I’m not going anywhere, not now, not ever. Neither are you, love.” Fuck, she cries harder. This isn’t the time or the place. I pick her up and take her home.
***
Christina
Time passes in a haze over the next few weeks. I eat when Ivan puts food in front of me, I sleep when Ivan puts me in bed. Half the time I don’t even dress myself. Without Ivan I don’t know what I would have done. He took care of the funeral, the headstone, the sale of the house, even cleaning out the house—he had everything packed and put into storage until I was ready to go through it all.
I haven’t gone to work and oddest of all, neither has Ivan. I’m aware when he puts me down for a nap in the afternoon he doesn’t lie in bed with me after I fall asleep. He went from not allowing Coco into our bedroom to putting her in my arms to help me sleep in the afternoon. I think that’s when he might be working, but when I wake up he’s right beside me.
