Niles nodded solemnly, but he didn’t move, and Rusty didn’t let go of him either. In fact, Rusty clutched him a little tighter, one hand on the underside of Niles’s thigh, and the feel of that warm, bulky body so solid against him made Niles fear he’d cream his jeans.
“You’re right. We’re both educators. Can you imagine the headlines if we got caught?” Niles whispered.
Rusty laughed, his head tilting back, happiness transforming the lust on his face, and then put a clean foot of space between them.
Niles had the gut-sinking feeling Rusty was going to call it, and he didn’t want that. He wanted to kiss and suck and fuck and maybe watch an episode of TV afterward. Because, God, he’d never had a friend-with-benefits before. He’d hardly had benefits before, and they sounded awesome.
So he dragged Rusty up the stairs and impatiently popped his knuckles while Rusty fumbled with his keys. Once inside the apartment, Rusty pushed Niles toward his bedroom.
He’d never been in Rusty’s bedroom. It had cream walls, a solid green bedspread, an electric piano, and a shit ton of dirty laundry, which Rusty shoved onto the floor with a sheepish apology. It was merely a room, with hardly any mementos or personality. It reminded Niles of his house, which had mementos and personality, but they weren’t his. They were his parents’.
“Your room is dull.” Niles smacked himself on his forehead. “I can’t believe I said that to you. Can we just take our clothes off? That might be easier. I think I’ll be better at that. Not that I have much practice, but I—”
Rusty cut off his rambling with a palm over his mouth. Then with his free hand, Rusty unbuttoned Niles’s jeans and slipped inside.
Niles groaned shamelessly. Rusty was touching his cock, and not in a you-blew-me-so-I-might-as-well way either. Rusty was touching him like he wanted him, and still covering his mouth, which for some reason really lit Niles up.
“You nervous?” Rusty asked, his deep voice huskier than normal.
Niles nodded against Rusty’s hand.
“I’m redecorating.” Rusty removed his palm and jerked Niles’s pants and briefs down, but Niles still had shoes on, so his clothes pooled at his ankles with nowhere to go.
“Huh?”
“That’s why my room’s boring. I’m redecorating it.”
“Oh. That makes sense.”
When Rusty straightened up abruptly, Niles swayed, hobbled by his clothes, and then Rusty steadied him with a kiss and unbuttoned his shirt at the same time.
Man, Rusty could multitask.
And, geez Louise, was he a good kisser. His tongue filled Niles’s mouth with drugging strokes, and his lips pressed and rasped until Niles’s own lips began to swell from the onslaught. Rusty’s kisses were better than any sex Niles had ever had. Or imagined. And he had a good imagination, and a lot of sex toys.
In no time at all, Niles’s shirt was completely undone. Rusty grabbed the shirt at Niles’s shoulders and hauled it down his arms until it got stuck at the cuffs, which no one had unbuttoned.
Rusty stopped the kiss, and like he had in the alley, Niles chased his mouth. But then Rusty laughed and Niles snapped back, hurt.
“What’s wrong?” Niles whispered.
“What happened here?” Rusty said with a gesture toward him, now doubly trapped by his pants around his ankles and his shirt behind his back, hooked on his wrists.
“Well, you should know. You did this to me!” He flushed, embarrassment flooding him. He was naked, save his wrists and feet, and Rusty was fully fucking clothed. Under normal circumstances, Niles’s prick would have probably flagged, but it was hard as ever.
“I am so turned on by you right now. You look ridiculous,” Rusty said with a grin before instigating a full-fledged seduction by mouth. He pushed Niles to sit on his bedspread, and whispered his lips against Niles’s shoulder and all the way down his arm until he reached his wrist and released the buttons. Tingles zipped along Niles’s skin, sensitized by Rusty’s beard, and then Rusty kissed Niles’s ear while he took care of the other cuff.
“Oh fuck,” Niles breathed when Rusty dropped to his haunches to unlace Niles’s sneakers and pull off his shoes, socks, and pants. Rusty pressed an almost chaste kiss on the inside of Niles’s knee before he stood and started shucking off his own clothes.
Niles had to be dreaming. There was no way he could have kept his cool while Rusty lavished his body with warm gazes and soft kisses. There was no way he could keep his cool while Rusty undressed.
But he was keeping his cool, right? Besides becoming a prisoner in his own clothes and blurting out insulting things about Rusty’s decorating sense, he was being pretty suave.
So, yeah, this couldn’t be real.
And now, Rusty was down to a white V-neck undershirt and nothing else. And his cock was a dream. The crisp, curling leg hair a fantasy. Those strong thighs a perfect hallucination. His barrel-chest a mirage. His face, flushed with arousal, a total illusion. He was so blasted sexy.
Rusty straddled his lap, stripped off his undershirt, and kissed him, and it was a nightmare because Niles was definitely going to cream his jeans. But he wasn’t wearing jeans, so he was going to … you know … everywhere.
Niles had never had this before. Not in a bed. Not with sweet kisses beforehand. Not with someone so large and in charge on his lap, thrusting against his stomach like the man needed him. So, yeah, he was five seconds away from stamping Inept across his forehead in pre-ejaculate.
Niles slid his hands into Rusty’s perfect hair, mussing it up, and kissed him hard. If it was about to be over, he might as well get his money’s worth. Kissing was definitely his new favorite thing. And touching Rusty’s soft, perfect butt. And distracting himself with a chest covered in crinkly, fuzzy hair.
With a groan, Rusty ripped his mouth away. He stared at Niles, eyes dark with desire and lips wet from Niles’s tongue.
“Scoot back and lay down,” Rusty rumbled.
Niles moved fast, like Rusty had issued him a directive and his life was on the line. Whatever was about to happen, he was on board. He was one hundred percent invested in sexy time. Rusty could snap a birthday hat on Niles’s head and call him Nicki Minaj, and Niles wouldn’t care.
Without another word, Rusty wrenched Niles’s knees apart and planted his feet on the bed. He was totally exposed, and in that moment, Niles realized he had never been completely naked with another person. Fear and embarrassment flooded him, and he shifted his legs closed.
“You okay?” Rusty asked, his focus burning in its intensity.
Niles nodded, but wasn’t sure he was. The Nicki Minaj thing might have been easier. This suddenly didn’t feel as casual as he’d imagined friends-with-benefits would be. Maybe he couldn’t bare himself and walk away unfazed.
Rusty kneeled at his feet and rubbed a calming hand down his thigh. “I want to make you feel good, but we can stop at any moment, okay? All you have to do is tell me.”
“What are you going to do?”
Rusty smiled at him tenderly, and Niles had to close his eyes to that. It was too much. At least the roiling discomfort had quelled the desperate fear he’d embarrass himself all over his stomach.
“Hey, look at me, gorgeous,” Rusty said. Niles snapped his eyes open and gazed at him. “I want to lick your balls and suck your cock. Is that okay with you? You got to say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”
“Yes, but I won’t last long. I’m not good at this,” Niles admitted because he was an honest weirdo. It was better to lower expectations now.
“You’re fine, and I am good at this,” Rusty said with a wink.
That wink was about the sexiest thing ever, so Niles let his legs drop open again. Rusty scooted forward, his shoulders a buttress between Niles’s knees, and took one of Niles’s tender testicles into his mouth.
Niles groaned so loudly he slapped a hand over his mouth in mortification. It made Rusty laugh, his mouth full of balls, and Niles had never felt anything as good as that sexy, rumbly vib
ration.
This wasn’t at all what he was used to. His handful of hookups had consisted of him dropping to his knees in alleyways or unlit parking lots. He’d lost his virginity in the backseat of a Honda Ridgeline to a stranger. He didn’t even know that guy’s name.
But Rusty’s mouth gently plucking at the skin of his sac—it was better than all of those past encounters combined. Of course it was better! Rusty was actually paying attention to him, and it was so fucking terrifying.
Rusty swirled his tongue around Niles’s balls, and sensation shot through Niles as the tip grazed the smooth skin behind his nuts. He jerked hard, writhing in pleasure, and his balls slipped out of Rusty’s mouth.
Rusty licked the pad of his thumb, and Niles released an obscene moan because he knew exactly where that thumb was going, and goodness gracious, he wanted it there.
He threw his arm over his face and buried his mouth in the crook of his elbow to stifle his noises, which he suspected were about to get a lot louder. He was never this vocal with other men. In fact, his experiences had been solidly in the grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it camp.
“Hey, stop that,” Rusty pulled Niles’s arm off his mouth, and licked up the length of his index finger, which was, wow, incredible. “I want to make you feel good. I want to make you scream. So just do it already. Okay?”
“Okay,” Niles agreed weakly.
Rusty wet his thumb again and took Niles’s cock into his mouth. Holy mother bucket, it was good. So soft and wet and warm. Niles cried out raggedly, back arching off the bed and fingers scrabbling into Rusty’s hair. And he definitely wasn’t going to last, his orgasm already buzzing in his balls as Rusty rubbed his thumb over his asshole, lighting him up completely.
“Oh shit … Oh fuck. Oh God … I’m not gonna—”
Rusty took him deeper, milking his length, and Niles shot, completely out of control, down his throat.
Niles had never had an orgasm so amazing, so complete, his whole body electrified with sensation and pulsing tremors that made his legs shake. He wanted to cry it was so good.
But Rusty soothed him, that thumb on his ass gentle and distracting. His sucking mouth stayed with Niles until he was soft and completely clean.
Afterward, Rusty rested his cheek sweetly on Niles’s thigh.
“What can I do?” Niles asked, willing to give Rusty anything in that moment. He’d roll over and present his ass. He’d deep-throat that anaconda between Rusty’s legs. Day-umn. He’d jack Rusty nice and slow until he busted on his face.
Niles was definitely eager.
“You’re so hot,” Rusty whispered. “All sexed out.”
Rusty crawled up his body until he was straddling Niles’s waist, and Niles couldn’t keep his hands off Rusty’s meaty thighs. He rubbed his cheek in Rusty’s chest hair and felt him up like a prom date.
Oh, Rusty was so … hot. He wasn’t six-pack ripped. He was mountain-man strong. Hard and soft in all the right places. Hard pecs, hard nipples, hard muscles flexing as Niles skimmed his hands down Rusty’s back. Soft skin, soft lips slightly parted, soft flesh at his sides—little love handles Niles wanted to hang onto as he rode Rusty into next week. Jesus, he loved Rusty’s body. He was like all the corn-fed farm boys Niles had lusted after in high school, only with nicer hair.
Rusty jacked himself while Niles explored. But Niles wanted to be closer, so he kissed Rusty gently, warmly now that he himself wasn’t orgasm imminent. And Rusty did the most amazing thing—he let out a deep, wrecked moan and shuddered in Niles’s arms. It was such an open, vulnerable sound that Niles kissed him harder, held him more tightly, his hands deep in Rusty’s hair, anchoring them together.
It was pure joy being this close to someone he actually liked, someone who cared about him. He focused all of that happiness and contentment into hot, hard kisses until Rusty’s moans were near constant and his breath was leaving him in wild gasps. Then Niles slipped his hand between them, brushed Rusty’s palm away, and pumped him again and again until he busted, warm come spurting over Niles’s knuckles and onto his stomach. Rusty held his breath through his orgasm, and at the end, he let out a broken puff of air against Niles’s neck where he’d buried his face.
Niles soothed Rusty through his aftershocks, running his non-sticky hand up and down his spine, but once they could both breathe normally, Niles couldn’t help but wonder what happened next.
If this was friends-with-benefits, then Niles was nothing if not scared shitless.
Rusty woke up alone and confused. He hadn’t expected sex with Niles to be that good. And he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been moved by a handy—probably back when all he’d been getting had been handies—but Niles’s gaze afterward, so soft and almost shiny, had changed everything.
Rusty wasn’t particularly surprised by his feelings for Niles—they’d been growing for weeks—but he was surprised by how they were suddenly so hard to ignore. Rusty was prepared to change his relationship status, for shit’s sake. He might as well rent the U-Haul now.
And after their orgasms, Niles had fallen back onto the bed like a debauched prince, his curly hair rumpled and sweaty, his lips red from kissing, his stomach covered in Rusty’s come, and slipped right to sleep.
So, yeah, it was hard to swallow the lonely, crushing pain in his gut when he woke up to an empty bed. An empty bed that smelled like Irish Spring and semen, no less, and he didn’t use Irish Spring. He hated that Niles had snuck out in the middle of the night like a fucking cat burglar without an explanation or even a goodbye.
But Rusty didn’t have time to figure out why Niles had run; he had classes to teach, a choir to direct, and a show to put on. But it hurt all the same. Rusty didn’t want to be a hit-and-run. He couldn’t believe Niles actually knew enough of casual hookups to execute a hit-and-run. And Rusty was shocked by how upset it made him, but he pushed it all down and went to work.
When Rusty showed up at school, Todd was waiting for him at his classroom door.
“Well?” Todd asked.
“‘Well’ what?”
Todd’s elegant eye roll spoke volumes. “Did you deflower Bison Hill’s virginal gay sweetheart last night?”
“Jesus Christ, don’t talk like that at school, Todd. You’ll get me in trouble!”
“There’re no students around, and it’s not like Admin will sink so low as to actually visit the music building,” Todd quipped with a fake shudder. Rusty laughed.
“No. I did not ‘deflower’ anyone.” He glanced up at Todd, who quickly schooled his expression, but not before Rusty caught his pleased smile.
What the fuck was that about? And why was Todd suddenly so interested in his sex life when he had one of his own to focus on?
“I can’t believe you didn’t fuck. The way you were eyeing at each other …”
“We didn’t,” Rusty said with a shrug, thankful that it was kind of the truth. Todd meant anal. He always meant anal. Anal was like the golden egg at the top of the mountain guarded by magical elves and rainbow unicorns to him. Not that Rusty was upset about that. They’d had lots of good sex together. All of which paled in comparison to being wrapped in Niles’s gangly, awkward arms when his release hit him.
What the holy hell was wrong with him?
Niles didn’t visit his dad after his shift on Wednesday. He’d skipped spin class too. He felt sick to his stomach, but not actually sick. More like love sick.
Friends-with-benefits sick?
Whatever. He felt awful, and he’d learned that his dad, despite not being very aware of his surroundings and never verbalizing anything anymore, seemed to pick up on people’s emotions. So when Niles was upset or anxious, his dad was too, and it wasn’t fair to put him through that on account of Niles’s dumb mistakes.
Also, Niles was scared he couldn’t get through a visit without spilling the beans. The silence did that to him. He always compulsively filled it. There would be nothing sadder than him telling his dad, the multiple stroke victim, about h
is first sexual encounter in, spell it out, Y-E-A-R-S! He could too clearly imagine it.
Hey Dad, guess what! The best friend I’ve made in ages blew me last night. Do you know how many blowjobs I’ve had in my lifetime? Only two. And I didn’t even have to make him come first. Isn’t that swell? Also, I slunk out at 3 a.m. like a chicken shit. I didn’t want to see his regret when he opened his eyes in the morning. What if he’d decided that he didn’t like me now that the orgasms were out of the way? What if he didn’t feel it—this amazing, sparkly, perfect bubble bursting inside me when I’m with him? What if it was just me? I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t be brave.
So, yeah, the thought of that imminent word vomit all over his non-communicative father was too depressing for words. Instead, Niles went home and pulled the weeds out of his mother’s flowerbeds. It was strange to think of them as hers since she’d been gone for so long now, but they were full of perennials she’d planted. The work helped clear his head, but eventually the weeds ran out and his distraction was gone.
At 5:45 p.m., Niles considered cleaning up and going to Rusty’s choir concert. He’d love to hear the kids sing again and see their happiness and Rusty’s pride.
But he wasn’t ready to face Rusty. Not yet. He would see him when he was sure he could tamp down all of these silly emotions. When he could act like a normal twenty-something getting his jollies. When he could look at Rusty with the same disinterest he’d preserved for all of the other men who’d screwed him.
The sound of a Skype video call roused Niles at 8 p.m. from an accidental nap. Instead of going to the concert, he’d fallen asleep reading Harry Potter fan fiction, and he woke up feeling guilty. Like someone had caught him reading an erotic scene between Harry and Draco.
Harco? Drarry?
“Hey!” he said to Victor, hoping his pre-nap activities weren’t written on his face.
“Hey, beautiful. How was your date?”
“I didn’t go on a date. I went to a high school choir concert. Not even the concert—the dress rehearsal.”
“Fine,” Victor said with a cheeky grin. “Did you have a good time at the high school choir dress rehearsal, you enormous pervert?”
Life on Pause Page 7
