by Kruger, Mary
“That is a thought,” Francis said, his eyes twinkling at her in such a way that she felt warm all over. “Come, let’s go riding together, and you can show me around.”
Evadne smiled up at him, for once without any artifice or flirtatiousness. Never mind about Stanton; she would even forget about Mr. DeVilliers, and the meeting they had planned for that evening. Being with Mr. Thorne was much better. “I’d like that,” she said, and took his arm. Life suddenly looked far more pleasant than it had just this morning.
Luncheon over, the guests rose from the table, to Jeremy’s relief. What had started out to be a simple visit with his fiancée, to come to know her better, had quickly changed into something else. With the arrival of Francis Thorne, things were getting very interesting indeed. He appeared not to pay any special attention to Evadne, but, when their eyes happened to meet, both looked at each other for a moment and then quickly away. This was not mere flirting. This looked like something more serious. At another time, Jeremy might have been jealous. Not now, though. Not with Thea here.
He turned to her, smiling. “Thea, you wished to speak with me about something?”
Thea, talking with Francis, turned to look at him, her eyes startled and wary. “Yes, Stanton. If you don’t mind?”
“No, of course not. We’ll go into my study.”
“Very well.” Thea smiled at him, but her eyes remained wary. Now what, he wondered, was she so nervous about?
“You seem to be making progress with Gillian,” he commented, as they crossed the hall toward his study.
“Yes, I hope so. She fed Polly a piece of apple this morning.”
“Did she, indeed.” Jeremy stopped at the door of his study, smiling down at her. “That is progress. Now, what, I wonder, could we do to convince you to stay for a while?”
Thea looked up at him with startled eyes as he opened the door. “Jeremy—”
“What the devil?” he said, at the same time, stopping dead on the threshold, and both looked into the room. Curled up on the desk, on top of Jeremy’s correspondence, was Fluffy, looking coolly at them through slitted eyes, as if they were the intruders. It was too much. A man could handle just so much, and he had had enough. “Evadne!” he roared, and then sneezed. “Damn! Gregg!”
“Jeremy,” Thea said, putting her hand out to him.
“That damn cat. Gregg!”
“Yes, my lord, what is it?” Gregg said at his elbow.
“Where is Miss Powell?”
“In the drawing room, I believe. Shall I see, sir?”
Jeremy sneezed again. “Yes. Go and tell her to get her damned cat out of my study. Damn!” Jeremy glared at the cat. The study would have to be thoroughly cleaned and aired before he could use it again. “And I’m to put up with this, while I can’t even allow Gillian to have her kitten?”
Thea looked up at him, her eyes filled with amusement and understanding. “He really is an ugly cat, is he not?”
“Ugly is not the word for it. Evadne.”
“Yes, Stanton?” Evadne said as she came into the hall.
“You will go into my study and get that hell-born animal out of there.”
Evadne stared at him and then looked into the room. “Oh! Fluffy! You naughty cat, there you are!” She flew over to the desk, where the cat was unconcernedly grooming himself. “What a thing to do to mommy, to run off and hide like that!”
Gregg, coming back into the hall, snickered, and Jeremy’s lips tightened. “Evadne,” he said, with admirable restraint, “get that cat out of here.”
“Of course, Stanton. This won’t happen again.”
Jeremy sneezed and stepped back from her. “On that we agree. I want that cat out of my house. Now.”
Evadne stared at him. “But, Stanton—”
“You may as well resign yourself to it. I won’t have that cat in this house, now or when we are married.”
“No!” Evadne stamped her foot and clutched the cat tighter. “I won’t give Fluffy up! I won’t! Oh, you’re cruel and heartless!”
“Evadne.” Francis, who had come into the hall, put a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s take Fluffy away from here.”
“You can’t take Fluffy away from me,” Evadne said, staring at Jeremy. “You can’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Jeremy’s tone was firm. “He must go.”
Evadne stared at him, her pansy eyes filling with tears, and then spun. “Ooh! You’re a beast and you’re cruel! I hate you, Stanton, I hate you!”
Francis took a step forward. “Evadne!” he called, and then stopped, turning to look at Jeremy, his eyes cool and challenging. “She’s upset. I’d best go after her.”
“Do what you wish,” Jeremy said, raking his hand through his hair. “Damn. She’s done nothing but turn my life upside down, and now this.”
“Then why marry her, Jeremy?” Thea asked, and he looked down at her in surprise, as if he’d forgotten her presence.
“I have no choice.” His voice was clipped. “What was it you wished to speak to me about?”
Under that hard, harried gaze, Thea lost her nerve. “It can wait,” she said, and fled, leaving Jeremy to stare after her in surprise.
Francis found Evadne in the rose garden, sitting on one of the stone benches and squeezing Fluffy to her, though the cat yowled and squirmed. “Evadne.”
“Go away,” she said, without looking up.
He sat beside her. “Are you all right?”
“No, I am not all right! He said I have to give Fluffy up! And I won’t, I tell you! I won’t.”
“Evadne, he’s allergic to cats,” Francis said, reasonably. “Surely you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep it.”
“I don’t care. He’s a beast.”
Francis leaned back, not understanding her misery at all, and yet completely in sympathy with her. “When I heard the uproar, I thought perhaps Stanton had broken your engagement.”
“No such luck,” she muttered.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, of course not. But what am I going to do? I can’t live without Fluffy.”
The corners of Francis’s mouth twitched. “I don’t see why not. Why do you have such an ugly cat, anyway?”
“He’s not ugly!” Evadne squeezed the cat, and he meowed in protest. “He’s my own little kitty, my only friend, and he loves me.”
Francis managed to turn his involuntary laugh into a snort. It really wasn’t very funny, he thought, his eyes softening as he saw, with some surprise, that the cat was rubbing his head against Evadne’s jaw. There was a wealth of loneliness behind her words. “Evadne, once you’re married you won’t be lonely,” he said, choosing his words carefully and wondering why he was pleading Stanton’s case for him.
“What do you know about it?” Evadne stared ahead, dry-eyed. “I won’t give Fluffy up.”
Francis took her arm as she rose. “You’ll have to do something, Evadne.”
“Yes.” Her eyes were fixed on something in the distance, something only she could see, as she bent and let the cat jump from her arms. “There, Fluffy, go and play. Oh, yes.” She turned and faced Francis, looking suddenly much more mature. “I’ll do something.”
“I thought I might find you here,” Jeremy said, and Thea, sitting on a rock on the beach, turned with some surprise.
“How did you know?” she asked, as he sat next to her.
“Gillian told me that sometimes you and she come here and talk.” He hesitated, shifting his position. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for her, Thea. She’s a different child.”
“I like her.” Idly Thea reached down and let sand sift through her fingers. Beyond the shingly beach, the sea was wine-dark, reflecting the clouds gathering above. “I wish I could convince her to try riding, but so far she’s too scared.”
“If anyone can win her trust, you can.” He shifted again. “Thea—”
“Something’s scared her. I think she’d like to try, though. She so wants to please you.
”
“Me?” He looked at her in surprise. “I don’t want her to learn to ride for me. I want her to learn for herself.”
“Yes, I know that, Jeremy. But she’s a child. She wants to please you.” She paused. “So you’ll love her.”
“Of course I love her, Thea. She knows that.”
“Then, Jeremy, why are you marrying Evadne?”
“We’ve discussed this, Thea,” he said, sharply. “A gentleman cannot cry off an engagement.”
“That’s nonsense. We hear about broken engagements all the time. Are you telling me it’s fair that the woman should be branded a jilt?”
“No, of course not, Thea.” He ran his hand through his hair. “But I gave my word. Devil take it, I know it’s not going to be easy, but I cannot break it off now.”
“For any reason?”
“For any reason.”
“I see.”
Something in her tone made Jeremy look down at her. “What did you want to speak to me about?”
Thea sifted more sand, not looking at him. “It’s not important.” Not now, when she knew it would have no effect on him. She’d realized that this afternoon, after the scene in his study; she had to face the fact now. He was going to marry Evadne, and nothing would change his mind. Knowing that, how could she tell him of her own predicament?
“Was it about Gillian?”
“No, not at all. I like the sea. It’s wild and yet comforting at the same time.”
Jeremy cast an experienced sailor’s eye up at the sky. “Storm’s coming. We’d better not stay here much longer.” He rose and held a hand out to her. She took it with reluctance, releasing it as soon as they had left the beach and were on firmer ground. She couldn’t bear touching him, not now, not when she knew how she had been used. For that was all it had been, that night in the tower room. What had been a transcendent experience for her had been only another encounter for him; she had been only another woman. He didn’t love her. If she told him about the child, he would probably do right by her. Or as right as he could. He was committed to another. Thea and her child would come second, and that, she couldn’t bear.
The storm broke when they were still a distance from the house. Catching at her hand, Jeremy pulled Thea along. They reached the house at the same time as Gillian and her governess did. Miss Moffett would have bundled her charge upstairs to get her into dry clothes, but Gillian threw herself at Jeremy. “Daddy! Thea gave an apple to Polly, and I helped!”
Jeremy smiled at her. “Did you, poppet? That’s nice.”
“Polly’s lips tickled. I was afraid she was going to bite, but Thea told me she wouldn’t.” She nestled confidingly against her father. “I like Thea, Daddy. Don’t you wish she could stay here forever and ever?”
Startled, Jeremy looked up and caught Thea’s stricken eyes. Thea, here in his house, with him forever. Damn, but he had been blind. “Yes, Gillian,” he said, his eyes never leaving Thea’s. “Yes, I think I’d like that.”
Chapter Sixteen
Thea’s startled eyes met Jeremy’s, and then dropped, unable to face the warmth there. “I can’t stay, Gillian,” she said, smiling, though the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I’ve the stables to manage.”
“Couldn’t you hire someone to do that for you? Daddy does,” Gillian said. “Please? Make her say yes, Daddy.”
“What do you think, Thea?” Jeremy said, his gaze never leaving her face. “Does it sound like a good idea to you?”
“What of Evadne?” Thea’s voice was tart.
“I don’t like her,” Gillian said.
Jeremy’s mouth quirked. “Out of the mouth of babes. Will you at least think about it, Thea?”
“There’s nothing to think about,” Thea snapped. Oh, how could he? When he had made it clear that he would marry Evadne, that she herself was nothing to him? “As I believe I told you once before when you made this suggestion.”
“Thea, I didn’t mean—”
“I think we’d best forget this topic. If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get into some dry clothes.”
Gillian huddled next to Jeremy as Thea strode away. “Is she going to leave, Daddy?”
“I don’t know, poppet.” Absently Jeremy fondled her silky curls, looking up the stairs after Thea. She couldn’t leave. Not now, when he finally knew what he wanted. God, Stanton, you are a fool. “You’d better get into some dry clothes too, poppet. Go on with you, now.” He gave Gillian a little push, and then turned toward his study, to think about this new and unexpected development.
The front door opened at that moment, letting in gusts of wind and rain and bringing with them Evadne and Francis. Both were laughing, but they stopped when they saw Jeremy. “You got caught in the storm, too, I see,” he said mildly, and thought they both relaxed.
“Yes. We were in the rose garden. You have a fine estate, Stanton,” Francis said.
“Thank you.” He looked at Evadne, whose eyes were downcast. “Is all well?”
“Yes. Stanton,” Evadne said, putting her hand on Jeremy’s arm as he brushed past her. “I wish to apologize. I promise I’ll keep Fluffy away from you in the future.”
“Thank you, Evadne,” he said, a little surprised. “I’d appreciate that.” He went into his study, brow furrowed. What hold did Thea’s brother have on Evadne, to make her behave so well? If he could figure that out and use it himself, if Evadne were like that all the time, he almost wouldn’t mind marrying her. Almost. For the fact remained that something fundamental within him had changed. His world had shifted on its axis and only now was beginning to revolve again. There was no use denying the truth: he was in love with Thea.
He leaned back in his chair, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. This was something he had never expected to happen to him, not since losing Daphne. He had thought he’d learned a lesson then, that love wasn’t real, was not to be trusted. Thea, however, was not Daphne. Good lord, what would he do with a wife like Thea? She was independent and sharp-tongued, and would demand far more of him than Evadne ever would. She was also far more loving, with both himself and Gillian. For all her independence and strength, there was a vulnerability to Thea that Evadne, armored by her selfishness, lacked. Thea cared, and that meant that he would have to care back. The easy, uncommitted life he had planned for himself lay in pieces at his feet.
“Damn,” he muttered, but he was smiling. The smile faded, however, as reality began to penetrate his fog of happiness. He had a serious problem. He was engaged to someone else, and how would he get out of that?
“All right, girl,” Thea murmured softly to the bay mare that was hers to use during her visit. “We’ll go home.” Clucking softly, she set the horse into motion, along the path that led through the Home Wood. Thank heavens her doctor had told her she could still ride, as long as she was careful. She thought better on horseback, and she had much to think about. Coming to Moulton had been the biggest mistake of her life.
It hadn’t seemed so at first, and even now she thought that Jeremy should know about his child. For her own sake, though, she couldn’t tell him. For herself, she had to get away. Jeremy didn’t love Evadne; that she knew. However, he would marry her. That he had made clear. She had lost him.
Buck up, my girl, she told herself. You didn’t want to marry again, anyway. That had been before she had known it was possible to feel as she did, though, as if without Jeremy she was only half-alive. It had been before she had known she was going to be a mother. That had changed everything. She couldn’t think only about herself anymore. What could she do, though, when the man she loved didn’t love her? It was exquisite torture, living in his house, talking with him, and never, never showing what she felt by either word or action. She couldn’t seem to stop looking at him, as if to memorize his face against the lonely days ahead. For, lonely they would be. Not when she felt about him as she did. She hadn’t known it was possible to be so aware of a man physically, to hunger for his touch. She hadn’t known that kn
owing Jeremy would never be hers would hurt so much.
And so, she would go. She would have to. Not back to Linwood, however. It was bad enough that her child would have no father without its having to carry the stigma of illegitimacy. She would leave England, for Italy, perhaps, now that the Continent was open to travel again. There she would have her child, and when she returned she would tell everyone that she had decided to adopt an orphan. People wouldn’t quite believe her, she knew, but it was the best she could do. She had no intention of leaving England forever. Linwood would someday belong to her child. She wanted to raise him there.
Thea emerged from the trees onto the lawn leading up to the house, under a sky as low as her spirits. She had only ridden a few paces when she saw Gillian, running toward her from the house. Instantly her spirits picked up. If nothing else came of the visit, she had come to know Gillian. Leaving her would be as hard as leaving Jeremy.
She raised her hand in greeting, and, at that moment a rabbit bolted out from the undergrowth to her right. Her horse, startled, reared, and it took all of Thea’s considerable skill to stay in the saddle. Her hands competent and firm, she brought the horse, trembling and snorting, back down. “There, Maggie, girl, you’re all right,” she murmured to the horse, bending over to pat her neck and controlling her own shudders of reaction. A fall now would be disastrous.
From ahead of her there was a cry, a small, inarticulate sound of distress. Thea looked up just in time to see Gillian, her face white, turn and begin to run away. “Gillian!” Thea called, but the girl didn’t stop. With an exclamation of surprise, Thea slid down off her horse, stopping only to loop the reins over a branch before she set off after Gillian, raising her skirts and running in a way that ladies weren’t supposed to. The child was much more important than any horse could be. “Gillian!”
