“Yeah, I should have warned you the food here is pretty terrible.” I feel sorry for him. My face contorts into a wince as if I just ate the questionable meat myself. He finally manages to swallow, chasing it down with half of a Dr. Pepper.
“I’m pretty sure that was possum.” He makes a bleh motion with his mouth. I give a quiet chuckle to his joke.
“Salad?” I offer.
“Doritos!” he says triumphantly. I smile at his victory over the ambiguous burger.
Emily has found us as well and joins our little picnic.
“Emily, Sam, Sam, Emily,” I introduce them and wonder if they would hit it off. I don’t know either of them well enough to gauge that sort of thing yet.
We make small talk and eat our lunch. I enjoy my dark chocolate a little too much. It makes me think of him and I don’t need to daydream about those sapphire blue eyes. I need to get into Harvard and that is going to take every ounce of my time this year. My mind wanders to the difficulty of all of the A.P classes I have undertaken this year. I hope with all sincerity I make it through without drowning in my coffee cup one late night when I am all alone. They may not find my body for weeks. I digress – consuming myself with school work on a daily basis is the only way that I know how to get through each day without snapping.
Once it is quiet for a moment Emily breaks the silence. I can tell by the absence of her smile that she is going there. The question I had managed to avoid all day from her and concerned teachers alike, is coming. I feel trapped, ensnared by one toe, dangling from the tree above me with no knife to free me from the rope she is about to strangle me with.
“So Bren, I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you holding up?” She is sincere and I know she means well. But I do better not thinking about what I have lost. She is a good person; I could see us being great friends maybe even lifelong friends. She wants to know how I am coping with losing my dad. She has no clue about my grandmother and I intend for it to stay that way. Come to think of it she has no clue about my mother either. I am by all accounts an orphan. Even the word orphan sounds sorrowful.
My mother was in a fatal car wreck the same summer I survived the plane crash. The ironic part was that I was supposed to go with her on the short trip to visit her Aunt. I should have been in the car with her when she crashed, but at the last minute I asked to stay home. I don’t know what made me change my mind. I know I was an emotional wreck that summer already, so maybe I wasn’t in the mood to be canoodled by my estranged family. She was only going two miles down the road. The weather was clear the drunk driver’s head was not. He struck her head on, killing her instantly.
My father was on a classified mission that went terribly wrong when he died, which means he was in a place that never existed, doing things that never happened, for a cause that most likely carried over into shades of gray in terms of right and wrong. That’s about all I know. He was my light and now I am forever in the black room.
As for Grandma, my sole living relative, the doctor’s called it rapidly progressing Alzheimer’s. They say one day soon her body will forget how to swallow and how to breathe. So how am I?
“Oh I get by one day, one hour or one minute at a time.” Just like the rest of us I suppose.
“Bren’s dad died last year,” she tells Sam. I furrow my brows at her. My dad and I were stationed in Japan for a couple of years when we got the news he was being deployed for a month long excursion. Grandma flew in to stay with me until I finished school for the semester of my sophomore year, like she had done many times before. She was always my back up parent when my dad was deployed. I even spent a year with her here when my dad went to Afghanistan. Grandma liked Japan, and she liked getting to see new places. Two weeks went by, and then I got the knock on the door. And just like that, my Daddy was gone. I still feel like a piece of me is missing without him. I moved to Sandbridge with my grandmother and we helped each other through the great loss. This past June, Grandma started to slip further and further away from me, I think her grief was too much for her to bear. She wouldn't even recognize me some days and she started to wander off to random houses. We tried hiring a full time nurse, but Grandma was able to give her the slip and ended up naked in the ocean, bless her heart. By the end of this summer, her condition had deteriorated in such a swift manner that we both agreed she would be much safer at Sunset Haven, Norfolk's finest Alzheimer’s care facility.
“I lost my mom a few years back,” he states with quiet reverence.
“Bren it looks like you two have a lot in common,” Emily blurts like a cheer, clasped hands and all. Sam and I both look at her sideways.
Yes Emily, the dead parents club is uber exclusive; people are just dying to get in. Cue maniacal laugh.
“Well there ya go,” Sam quips. The same line my dad overused like a favorite t-shirt. It causes a wave of emotion to hit me like a wrecking ball. I feel the tears crawling to the surface and I make a run for it.
“Excuse me.” I smile politely giving nothing away. I explode into the double doors and run up the stairs two at a time attempting to out run the tears. I round the corner of the third level and crash into a body or a brick wall. Tears bust through the dam and I look up bleary eyed.
“I’m sorry,” realizing as I look up that it’s Elijah.
“Hey, it’s okay, come here.” He wraps his arms around me. It doesn’t feel odd being in his arms even though he is a complete stranger to me. It reminds me of my dad’s crushing hugs. It reminds me of the stranger on the plane. I just feel comforted.
I have had to learn how to deal with so much death and loss in my life. Death changes you, it teaches with brutal stark honesty how fragile life is. After all, what if we only get today? I don’t want to be invisible anymore, faded into the background of my own life. All of those people on the plane died and I lived, why? Why do I get to live when everyone I care about ceases to? Am I really living or just getting though one meaningless day at a time? Elijah doesn’t ask what’s wrong, he just holds me in an embrace that soothes me all the way to my toes. I relax into him as my knees weaken.
He smells delicious still, like warm chocolate chip cookies and clean laundry. I bury my head into his chest, and breathe him in. He rests his cheek on my head and nuzzles me. I am going to start living right now. My heart is beating for someone else finally. Will I listen to it or bury it with the rest of my feelings and emotions? Lock it away in the steel cage of my mind. I look up and meet his eyes. Cerulean blue orbs gaze deeply back at mine asking permission and I move my lips up fractionally to give it. His soft lips touch over mine. It’s the first time I have ever been kissed. I never knew it would feel so soft, so sweet. He is impossibly gentle for being such a strong guy. I tighten my grip on him and his fingers wrap into my hair, closing in any gap between us. His chest is pressed against mine and I can feel its rise and fall like undulating waves on the ocean. His hands run along my back as he deepens his kiss. The feeling is ineffable.
He releases me like he’s been stung by some invisible wasp. Alarm and confusion fills his eyes. What’s wrong why are we stopping? Did I do something wrong? Why did I let him kiss me? Oh my God, I just learned his name about five minutes ago.
“I’m sorry Brennen, I can’t.” I nod trying to understand why. I sway, bereft of support, still woozy from his intoxication over me. He turns and bounds down the stairs with the ease and grace of a cat; popping the doors on his way out, the sound echoes in the corridor. It is the loneliest sound in the world. I touch my lips, still damp from the kiss. I sink into the top step curling one long blonde lock of hair around my finger. What the hell was that? What if I am a horrible kisser? It was my first real kiss, Elijah has probably had many. Maybe that’s it, he has a girlfriend. He is beyond handsome and perfect in every way; he has to have a girlfriend. Guys like him just don’t stay on the market very long, unless he is a player. That makes sense, but he doesn’t seem like that type either. Why did I even kiss him? The question repeats in my head over an
d over. This was a horrible mistake, and one I will have to relive everyday of Calculus. I wished that when I got home tonight I could curl up next to my dad and tell him all about it. He would know what to make of it. He always knew what to say. We were tell-each-other-everything close so to speak. I grieve for him every day.
“Brennen?” Emily’s voice calls up the stairs.
“Yeah I’m here.” She meets me on the top stair.
“There you are I was worried about you.” She puts her arm around my shoulders and gives me a tight squeeze.
“I’m okay.”
“No you’re not but that’s okay.” Someone is finally calling my bluff. Relief creeps in like a cool stream of water trickling down from my core and out my fingertips.
“Do you want to come over after school today? We could talk, not talk, whatever you want to do.” I do want to go, but do I trust her enough to let her into my situation? It’s not like I have to spill my guts to her about everything. I don’t even do that with my shrink.
“Sure.” I bump her shoulder with mine. “Thanks.”
She writes her address on my hand and then pulls me up and leads me to the bathroom. My nose is red from crying; I am a flipping mess. I wet a paper towel and pat my face to cool off my eyes. I reapply my gloss; it reminds me of his soft heated lips brushing with mine. My green eyes reflect back asking what’s wrong with me. Emily powders her nose and pops a mint in her mouth and in mine. “Thanks,” I say as the bell sounds. I get the impression she is unpretentious. I don’t think this girl could hurt anyone, ever.
“Anytime, and I mean it,” she says. There is a new hole in the wall I keep up, the wall that imprisons me in that little pitch black room. Emily is pecking her way into it and into my life. I am grateful for my new friend.
My next class is Spanish II. Since I am already on the third floor I’m the first one to take my seat. Mr. Sanchez is a middle aged Hispanic man with coal black hair and a fatherly essence to his teaching. I had him last year in Spanish I. He is also our quarter-back’s dad.
“Buenos dias, senorita Hale.”
“Buenos dias, professor.” I am getting fair at the language. Sam enters the room like the stallion he is and sits in front of me.
“Hey stranger, it’s been a long time.” He’s being playful. His eyes dance as he gauges my take. He probably thinks I can’t stand him since I ignored him in first period and abandoned him at lunch. I glint a ghost of a smile. His dimples deepen as he smiles. “You didn’t come back, is everything alright?” He is so sweet to worry.
“Mm Hmm.” No. A glimmer of smile is all I can produce.
Before I even see him, I feel him enter the room. Elijah walks down my isle in slow motion. Those lips were just on mine, his scent still lingers on me like a veil. He never takes his eyes off of me. Our eyes lock for a moment, he meets mine laced with unmistakable regret that nails me right in the gut. I look away, ashamed for letting him get so close to begin with. He takes the seat behind me. I replay the scene again in my head trying to make sense of what went wrong. His hands pulling me in wanting, exploring my lips, his hand in my hair, all felt as if he didn’t want to stop. Just thinking of it sets my neck on fire. I may be inexperienced, but that moment will never be forgotten. I turn to him and whisper.
“Can we talk later?”
His midnight blue eyes shift as if he is searching for the right answer.
“Meet me in the lot after school,” he finally says.
Being that he is so cool about it, I wonder if it happens to him on a daily basis – random girls kissing him in the hallway. No doubt he is capable of attracting girls en masse. Case in point, every girl in the class is looking his way now. He’ll be on every cheerleader’s radar by days end and Sam is no exception. The fact that I am bookended by the two hottest guys on the planet is not lost on me. I feel horrible for leaving Sam at lunch. I put my hand on his arm to get his attention. His arm is well toned and my hand lingers a little too long to be perceived as friendly, I retract.
“Hey, sorry about ditching our picnic, I just…
“I know, believe me I know. It’s okay.” He gives a look of complete sincerity. I forgot he mentioned his mother had passed. I wonder how she died. For his sake I hope it wasn’t a fiery car crash. But at least he gets it. I feel connected to Sam on some level, maybe it’s the dead parents club, or the fact he is from Texas too. He just seems like he will make a good friend. I peek back at Elijah feeling sandwiched between the two, wondering if he noticed the touch. I am just full of mistakes today. Sam leans into me and whispers.
“Brennen, I have swim practice all week after school, but can I take you to dinner on Saturday?” I feel blindsided and I don’t know what to say.
“I…”
“Well you don’t waste any time do you, Tex?” Elijah seethes out anything but quiet. I am beyond mortified and flush crimson. Sam grips his chair ready to buck, clearly restraining himself. His soulful dark eyes glare at Elijah like he could will the life right out of him. Mr. Sanchez clears his throat. It all happened so fast and now all eyes are parked on us. Sam is forced to turn around when Mr. Sanchez starts speaking. I peek back at Elijah and give him a “What the hell was that for?” stare. He still looks furious. What would I say to a date with Sam Montgomery? He is sweet, well-mannered and good looking. I bet he wouldn’t run off after our first kiss either. Before I decide, I need to see how this whole Elijah disaster is going to play out and his little stunt is making me like him a little bit less already.
When the bell sounds Sam packs his things in his back pack.
“Hey is that guy your boyfriend?”
“What? No!” My eyes dart to Elijah, who looks as serene as a duck on water.
“I’ll see you after school,” Elijah says as he flashes a drop dead gorgeous smile, winks, and heads out the door. Sam’s jaw goes slack. What an audacious son of a ….
“Sorry Sam, things are a little complicated right now.”
I crush him with my words. What a crappy day. He gives a single nod and exits the room. So much has happened today and it’s only one o’clock.
Chapter 3 ~ Secret
I can’t seem to shake this mood I am in. I should be on cloud nine right now. I have been kissed by the hottest guy on the planet and asked out on a date by the second hottest. Instead I turn both into a disaster. So much for me being a wall flower.
After school, I search the lot for Elijah and after an awkward pacing debacle I decide to wait in my vehicle. I drive a small white V.W convertible Beetle that my grandmother bought me for my birthday last year. Adele is crooning through my speakers as the students clear out. I’m so nervous about what to say. What should I ask him first? How about, why does he smell of hot melted gooey chocolate, because I would love some of that body wash? Before I can formulate a plan of attack he opens the passenger side door, scaring the living daylights out of me.
“Sorry.” He glides in as smooth as the raven haired god he is. His grace and confidence roll off of him like a lazy ocean wave. He’s probably never been nervous a day in his life.
“When you said you knew me, what did you mean?” The words fly out of my mouth. He gives a wry grin.
“I am your next door neighbor,” he states and eyes me like I should know this.
“Stop, no you’re not.” I think I would have remembered seeing him out mowing the grass. I picture him shirtless, wearing only his jeans on a hot day. Yes, that would burn an image into my brain that would never be forgotten.
“I live in the white house with the black shutters.” His gorgeous smile flashes my way. I become acutely aware of my pulse doing the Samba.
Then again I’ve been living all summer in my own little foggy world. I doubt I would have noticed if the pope moved in next door.
“Look, I want to say, I’m sorry we kissed in the hall. I was really upset and you…well you’re you, all gorgeous and you smell so damn good. I know I just met you today, and it was completely inappropriate, and fo
r the record I do not go around kissing random guys on school grounds.” The words spewed out of my mouth, continuing the trend for the day. His smile grows substantially as I ramble.
“Are you through?” He is laughing at me. I can’t help but grin and push his shoulder away; it’s like shoving a boulder. He takes my hand in his, strumming my knuckles with his thumb. The touch awakens something in me, and my breathing accelerates. I wonder if he feels it too. I need to be closer to him than the twelve inches that separate us now.
“I’m not sorry I kissed you, it was amazing, and you are amazing. You don’t even know how perfect you are.” He moves fractionally closer to me. He smiles and his eyes sparkle in the light like a kaleidoscope. His smile could charm the pants off an Eskimo. Brilliant white teeth are bookended by dimples which set his face with a sweet intensity tempered only by his deep stratospheric blue eyes. So if he thinks I’m so great then what is the problem?
“So what you have a girlfriend then?” Please say no.
“No nothing like that.” Whew! He wrings his hands. “To tell you the truth Brennen falling for you would be as easy as breathing.” Here is where the “but” will come. “But, I can’t, I have other obligations in my life right now that are of the utmost importance and you deserve so much more.”
“Can you not do the whole vague thing right now, where I ponder for days on end what the meaning of what you just said was, because I will?”
He stares out into the tree line. The puddle of disappointment I’m standing in is transforming into a lake of despair set to wash me aside in its wake. Somber is thick in the air, a flavor I eat for breakfast every morning so this feels only right.
“Okay well it was nice knowing you.” I grip the steering wheel for the strength to hold back my tears. Elijah puts his hand on the door handle, about to leave and then turns to me. He sighs.
“I can’t be with you because I am protecting you.” His eyes plead with me to understand.
My Soul to Keep (The Soul Keeper Series - Young Adult Paranormal Romance) Page 3
