by Diana Bold
Savannah fought to hold back her tears. Billy had never been seriously angry with her in his whole life. They’d always been best friends, the two of them against the world.
She wished suddenly, fiercely, that she’d never told Tristan the truth. She should have let him go back to his world of guns and death. Anything to keep from losing her son’s affection. Taking a deep, calming breath, she forced herself to banish such thoughts. They were the height of selfishness. This wasn’t about her needs. Perhaps the very definition of family was caring more about someone else than herself. If she was ever going to bring the three of them together, she was going to have to remember that.
She’d done the right thing. If she had to suffer a bit, so be it. She just had to keep reminding herself that Billy never held a grudge long.
Eventually he’d forgive her for her duplicity. Maybe he’d even come to understand her reasons for doing it.
She had to believe that. If not, she’d go mad.
“All right, we won’t speak of it any more today. But if you want to talk later, I’m always here for you.”
“I need to get dressed now.” His words were as close to a dismissal as he probably dared to go. They stung Savannah’s already bleeding heart like salt thrown on a wound. In the angry set of his slim shoulders, she saw another way that he was becoming like his father. They both seemed to find it so easy to completely shut her out.
“I love you, honey,” she whispered. “I’ll see you at breakfast, all right?”
He grunted in reply, and she quietly left the room.
* * * * *
Tristan skipped breakfast the next morning, unwilling to face the McKenzies all at once. He wanted to see Billy again, and he still intended to propose to Savannah, but he decided to wait until later in the day.
His emotions were still too raw, too fragile, to bear close scrutiny. He needed time to sort things through, and there was no better way to do that, to his way of thinking, than on the back of a horse.
He chose one of Ian’s lovely mares, a bay he’d not yet had a chance to work with. He let the horse have her head, galloping across the pine‐studded hills until the house was no longer in sight, and then pulled the horse up to a walk.
He rode and rode, letting the fresh air and wind clear the cobwebs from his brain, soothing all the raw edges. Soon he realized he’d reached the highest point of Ian’s land, and he paused, taking a moment to admire the view. From this vantage point, Tristan could overlook the entire valley. Thousands of acres of woodlands and meadow spread toward the prairie. A crystal clear stream meandered through it all like a giant, lazy snake.
He closed his eyes, letting the sun beat down on his face and the breeze ruffle his hair. Love for this place had crept up on him, stealing his heart. He hadn’t even noticed until it was too late. He belonged here in a way he’d never belonged back east. The wild, untamed beauty spoke to something deep inside him, and he never wanted to leave it.
Thanks to Ian, he wouldn’t have to.
His life had changed so much in the last few days. The McKenzies had stolen into his heart much the same way the land had. It was as if they’d known where all the empty places were and filled them in one fell swoop.
Someone to love. A child. A home. A purpose.
The abruptness of it all had left him reeling, but at least he was feeling something now. The pain was akin to the rush of blood to a limb that has fallen asleep. It hurt, but it was better than being numb.
The heart of the matter was clear. Better to have missed ten years of Billy’s life than to have missed it completely. And it would have been easy for Savannah to let that happen.
It had taken an enormous amount of courage for her to tell him about their son. He had to give her credit. She’d never been a coward.
No, Savannah was all courage and fire. That was the problem. He was afraid of getting burned again.
He sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to resolve all his conflicting feelings in one day. The weight of the new roles he’d undertaken lay heavy on his shoulders as he headed back toward the house. He was a father, a business partner and a soon‐to‐be husband. The thought of failing terrified him.
He hadn’t gone far when Ian met up with him. Savannah’s brother rode a spirited palomino mare, and he reined the animal up alongside Tristan’s mount.
“I’ve been looking all over for you,” Ian said without preamble, his voice grim. “I understand you had some shocking news yesterday.”
“Yeah, you could say that.” Tristan was silent for a moment, and then he threw Ian an accusing glance. “How long have you known?”
Ian held his gaze. “Since a day or two after you arrived.”
Suddenly everything made sense. Tristan’s earlier cautious optimism was dashed as though he’d had a bucket of water thrown in his face.
“Is that why you invited me to stay? Because of Billy?” Tristan watched Ian’s expression, determined to face the truth no matter how painful it might be.
Ian’s warm welcome made perfect sense now. It hadn’t been for friendship’s sake, or even because he thought Tristan would be a good partner.
He’d just wanted his nephew to have a father.
Ian remained impassive. “In part. When Savannah told me Billy was your son, I was furious with you for seducing her and putting her in such a difficult situation in the first place. I advised her not to tell you, thinking it would only hurt all three of you to have to face the truth after all these years.”
“What changed your mind?” Tristan asked, stung by Ian’s remarks, yet knowing he deserved them.
“The look on Savannah’s face when she spoke of you. She still loves you, even after all this time.”
Tristan turned his head, unwilling to comment. His gaze drifted across the tall mountain peaks. For just a moment, he allowed himself to remember how it had felt to hold her again, and the look on her face when she’d verified what Ian had just said. She loved him. Only him. Never Michael.
It didn’t matter. If he’d been given this opportunity out of pity, nothing mattered. Because if he had, he could never stay. His pride wouldn’t allow it.
“I’ll understand if you no longer want me as a partner. You were doing it for Billy. I won’t take your charity.”
Ian shook his head. “Hell, Tristan, I thought we were still talking about my reaction to finding out you were Billy’s father. My asking you to be my partner had nothing to do with any of that. I feel like you’re the one offering me charity, if you want the truth. You’re the one with the experience and the cash.”
Tristan took off his hat and raked his hand through his hair, feeling embarrassed. “Do you mean that?”
Ian nodded. “I want things to continue exactly as we’ve planned. We’re a winning team, you and I.”
Trista felt as though a little of the weight had been lifted, and he realized he’d doubted Ian’s motives all along. It was good to clear the air. “I’d like that, too. After all, I’m going to need some way to take care of my family.”
“Your family?” Ian left the question hanging in the air, his eyebrow lifting in challenge.
“I’m going to ask Savannah to marry me,” Tristan announced. “Do I have your permission?”
Ian was the closest thing Savannah had to a father, and her family’s blessing meant a lot to him.
Not that he’d let anything deter him now.
Ian frowned. “Do you think it’s a good idea to get married right away? You’re obviously still furious with her. I can’t say that I blame you, but I won’t have you mistreating her.”
Tristan let out his breath in a frustrated huff. “I would never mistreat her. Never.” He shook his head and faced his old friend again. “I don’t know what the hell you want me to say. Am I angry with her? Yes. Do I love her? You know I always have. I’m not pretending it won’t be hard at first, or that I don’t have a lot of things to work through, but I think for Billy’s sake, it’s the best thing to do.”
Now it was Ian’s turn to sigh. “I guess you’re right. Maybe everything will work out fine if we just give it a little time.”
“Then I have your permission?”
“Of course you do.” Ian gave him a sudden smile. “But I don’t think I’m the one you need to convince.”
Tristan knew his future brother‐in‐law was right. He had to make Savannah see things his way, or her stubborn pride would ruin everything.
“Oh, there’s one more thing.” Ian reached into his breast pocket and withdrew a yellowed envelope. “Joel asked me to give this to you. It’s from Michael.”
Tristan’s stomach plummeted as Ian handed him the brittle letter. “Thanks,” he murmured, though he’d rather Ian had just shot him.
Ian gave him an understanding smile. “I know you’ll want to read that in private, so I’ll head back to the house.”
Tristan nodded, but he continued to stare at the envelope long after Ian was a mere speck in the distance. Sighing, he finally broke the seal and pulled out the single sheet of paper inside. The words were cramped and spidery, difficult to decipher.
Dear Tristan,
I have so much to tell you, but my strength is almost gone so I’ll only say what’s most important. You didn’t mention Savannah or the baby that day in the Wilderness. At first, I thought you were simply too angry to talk about it, but then I realized you probably didn’t know I married her because she was pregnant with your child. Either way, I pray you’ll forgive me. Much as I care for her, I did it for you, brother. It’s you she loves. When this war is over, I pray you’ll go back to her and love her well. As for the rest of it—what happened in the woods that day – it wasn’t your fault.
Forgive yourself.
I love you, Michael
Tristan blinked against the sting of tears. His brother’s forgiveness washed through him, cleansing away a decade of anguish and regret. He refolded the letter and tucked it close to his heart. ““I’m sorry, Michael. I’m so damned sorry.”
Chapter Sixteen
Tristan went looking for Savannah as soon as he returned to the house. He found her in the kitchen, preparing lunch. Her hair hung in limp tendrils around her flushed face, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Apparently, she hadn’t slept any better than he had.
“Hello,” he murmured.
Savannah froze, and then slowly turned to face him. “Hello, Tristan.” Her voice was tentative, her blue gaze wary.
“Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.”
She nodded, a small smile curving her mouth. “Of course. I always have time for you.” She stirred the big pot of chili on the stove and then sat down at the large, pine table, putting her chin on her clasped hands.
He took the chair across from her, feeling that this was wrong somehow. He’d intended to ask her to marry him since he was twenty years old, but he’d never expected to do it in a kitchen. In his dreams, the moment had happened to the accompaniment of soft music and candlelight.
His mouth tightened grimly. What did it matter where his proposal took place? It wasn’t as though this were some grand, romantic gesture.
Their marriage would be one of convenience, and he couldn’t let himself forget it.
Silence stretched between them. He scrambled for the words that would make her his wife, yet convey his anger and displeasure for the situation in which she’d placed him.
“What is it, Tristan?” She asked the question so sweetly. Her heart was in her eyes as she stared at him across the yawning expanse of the oak table. “I’ll do anything. All you have to do is ask.”
“Anything?” His word hung in the air. Potent. Full of connotations that had nothing to do with marriage and everything to do with the desire that still raged between them.
She flushed but didn’t lower her gaze. “Yes. I’d do anything for you. Surely you know that.”
He had to press his palms against the tabletop to keep from reaching for her. God, this was going to be even harder than he’d imagined. He hadn’t even popped the question yet and already he wanted to hold her, wanted to make love to her until nothing mattered but the feel of her soft body tangled with his.
Shifting against his rising need, he cleared his throat. “I want you to marry me. The sooner the better.”
Utter joy lightened the shadows in Savannah’s beautiful blue eyes. “Oh, Tristan, do you mean it? You really want to marry me? After all I’ve done?”
He forced himself to remain impassive. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I’ve got to think of Billy. If he didn’t need a mother, I’d take him away from here and see how you liked living without him for ten years.”
It was a horrible thing to say, and he regretted his words immediately, but he couldn’t bring himself to take them back. She deserved that and more, a mean little voice in the back of his head insisted.
If he made this easy on her, she’d think he’d forgiven her. She’d think he intended this to be the kind of marriage it would have been if she’d only trusted him more, believed in him the way he’d once believed in her.
The light in Savannah’s eyes went out like a candle in the wind. She took a deep, shuddering breath and covered her face in her hands. “You want me to marry you because of Billy?” Her words were muffled and indistinct, but the hurt behind them was unmistakable.
“Of course,” he said, feeling as though he were putting the final nail in the coffin of what could have been. “Did you really think it was because I still loved you?”
Her slim shoulders trembled as though she was being buffeted by a hurricane, but she lifted her head and met his hard gaze with naked honesty. “Yes.”
He knew he should scoff—laugh while he crushed her dreams—but he couldn’t bring himself to go quite that far. After all, he still had to get her to agree to marry him.
“Billy needs us both.” He rubbed his aching temple with his fingertips, wondering if he’d ever get a good night’s sleep again.
“He needs two parents who love him.” Savannah shook her head. “We don’t have to get married to accomplish that. I swear I’ll never try to limit your contact with him in any way.”
“Yes, but unless we all live under the same roof, we’ll never be a family.” The words escaped his lips before he could stop them, but even he could hear his desperation.
She stared at him for a long, long moment. He knew she was looking into his very soul, but he didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t mess things up even more.
“I married once before for Billy’s sake and that was obviously a mistake,” she whispered at last, her voice low and intense. “But this time it’s different. I want to be your wife. I always have. So if you want me to agree to this, you have to promise to try and make it work.”
“I’ll try,” he muttered. “I’ll try.”
“All right.” She slid out of her chair and came around to his side of the table. Standing behind him, she put her hands on his shoulders, bending so her warm breath brushed his ear. “I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you because I love you.”
* * * * *
Tristan wanted to marry her.
Savannah pulled herself up through the bottom of the treehouse floor, her heart pounding in her chest, her face flushed from running. She collapsed across the rough wooden floor and closed her eyes, desperate to make some sense of what had just happened.
She’d never expected Tristan to propose and was terrified she’d made a horrible mistake by saying yes. But how on earth could she have said no when marrying Tristan was what she’d wanted her entire life?
He’d made it very clear he was only doing this for Billy’s sake. He was still furious with her, and although he’d promised to try and make their marriage work, she knew it was going to be very difficult to get past his anger and distrust.
But if they were married, if they were forced to share a home, to live and work together every day, she was sure he’d forgive her. All she had to do was love him, keep showing him
how wonderful things could be if only he’d just let go of all of his anger.
She opened her eyes and stared at the leafy green branches above her head, remembering in exquisite detail how it had felt to make love to Tristan again. If they were married, they’d be able to share that kind of intimacy whenever they wanted.
How could he stay angry with her during the kind of passion they would share? When they made love, his defenses would be down, and perhaps she’d find a way to breach them.
A noise below her alerted her that someone was coming. When she peered over the edge of the platform, she saw her son walking dejectedly alongside the stream, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
Her heart broke all over again at the sight of him. No matter how emphatically he’d rejected her this morning, it was obvious he needed her. She should have tried harder to get to the bottom of his fears and anger instead of letting him wander off to work things out by himself.
“Billy,” she called, startling him.
His blue gaze scanned the tree until he saw her, and then his face wrinkled in a funny smile. “What are you doing up there, Mama?”
“Just thinking,” she answered. “Why don’t you come up here and sit with me for a while?”
He stared at her for a long moment, then shrugged and headed for the ladder. “All right.”
She waited for him to climb up, realizing she’d accepted Tristan’s proposal prematurely. Billy was so much a part of this. She should never have agreed to something that would have such a profound effect on his future without talking to him about it first.
Billy finally pulled himself up beside her. “What are you thinking about?”
“Oh, lots of things.” She reached across the distance that separated them to capture his small, grubby hand. “Mostly I was thinking that I have to ask your opinion on something.”
He glanced up at her, his big, blue eyes filled with caution and unwilling curiosity. “What do you want my ’pinion about?”
