Maizy’s mamm tucked her embroidery into her bag. “Maizy hoped you’d come because she wanted to give you a new star.”
Wally shifted his weight again, and his face turned red. “Ach. Denki. It is really pretty.”
“She felt so bad that all the stars got ruined that she spent the day after the Christmas program making new stars for every one of the children.”
Maizy mumbled something, and Wally leaned closer to hear her. Elsie took a step closer too. Maizy said it again, but neither of them could understand.
Her mamm smiled. “She says she loves you, Wally.”
Wally seemed to stumble even though he wasn’t walking. He leaned his crutches against the railing and knelt beside the bed on his one good knee. He leaned his elbow on the bed and buried his face in his hand as his shoulders began to shake. Maizy patted his head softly.
“I’m sorry, Maizy. I ruined your star. I ruined the Christmas program. I’m the one who spray painted the stars.”
Maizy didn’t lose her smile. She looked at her mamm again.
Her mamm nodded. “We know. That’s why Maizy wanted to make everyone a star. She didn’t want them to be mad at you.”
Wally raised his head. “I . . . I wanted to make them mad. I was mad at them for hating me.”
“Not me,” Maizy said. The words came out thick and hard to understand.
Her mamm nodded. “Maizy doesn’t hate you. She says you’ve been wonderful kind to her. You helped her play softball. Miss Stutzman says you dug up a boulder because Maizy tripped on it.” She grabbed Maizy’s hand like a lifeline. “We don’t hate you.” Her voice broke, and she pressed her lips together.
Wally stood up and wiped his nose with his sleeve. “Denki. And I don’t hate them, really. I was embarrassed, I guess.”
Maizy’s eyes got heavy, as if she couldn’t keep them open if she wanted to.
“We should probably go,” Elsie said. “Let Maizy get some rest.”
Wally sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve again for good measure. He awkwardly patted Maizy’s hand. “I hope you feel better. I’ll hang my star up next to my bed.”
“Bye,” she said.
“Bye.” Wally picked up his crutches and backed out of the room, keeping his gaze squarely fixed on Maizy until he crossed the threshold.
Elsie nodded her silent thanks to Maizy’s mamm and followed Wally out the door.
Wally practically sprinted down the hall to the elevator. Elsie had to jog to catch up with him. He could be very fast on those crutches. He pushed the elevator button four times, but it looked to be stuck on the first floor. Wally threw up his hands and ducked into a small waiting room just a few steps from the elevator. Elsie followed him as he plopped himself on one of the sofas. After leaning his crutches against the sofa, he pressed his palms against his thighs and rocked back and forth with his eyes closed and a stricken expression on his face.
The waiting room was enclosed in glass, and they were the only two inside. “Are you okay?” she said.
“Is Maizy going to die?”
“I don’t know. She seemed better today than she did yesterday.”
Wally looked down at his hands. The pain in his expression made Elsie’s chest tighten. “Maybe it would be better if she died.”
Elsie closed her mouth and swallowed her first reaction. It took her all of five seconds to know that Wally didn’t wish Maizy dead. “Why . . . why do you say that, Wally?”
“Well, she’s retarded. She can’t hardly talk, and she’s no good at school. She trips all over herself, and other people have to help her. She’ll never get married.”
Elsie kept her expression blank, choosing not to react to Wally’s choice of words. “That’s true, I suppose.”
Wally stopped rubbing his hands back and forth and spread his fingers on top of his thighs. His mutilated hand stood in stark contrast to his whole one. Elsie’s chest got all the tighter. “Maizy likes me because we’re both damaged. She’s a special child, and I’m a cripple.”
Elsie didn’t know whether to scold Wally soundly for using that word or to pull the poor kid into a warm embrace. She did neither. If ever there was a time to keep still and silent, it was now.
“I just turned fourteen, and my life is already over. I can’t work or run or drive a plow. I’m useless, just like Maizy.”
Elsie bit her bottom lip and blinked to keep her eyes from stinging. “So you think Maizy would be better off dead?”
Wally gazed out at the elevator which had just closed. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Would you be sad if she died?”
“Jah, but everyone else might be happier.”
Elsie pulled a chair to face Wally and sat down. “You know what I like about Maizy? It’s almost like she carries a handful of sunshine in her pocket wherever she goes. She’s always smiling, even when she falls and scrapes her knee or when she can’t understand the lesson. She laughs and makes other people laugh with her. She decorated dozens of stars just to make the other children happy. Do you think Maizy’s mamm and dat are sad that Maizy was born? Do you think they wish she was dead?”
Wally frowned. “I guess not.”
“Maizy makes so many people happy. All the children at the school adore her. They take care of her. You used to watch out for her when we played softball. That made you feel good, didn’t it?”
“Jah.”
“If Maizy makes that many people so happy, I can’t see that her life is wasted.”
“I guess I just feel sorry for her.”
Elsie wrapped her fingers around Wally’s crutches. “I don’t feel sorry for Maizy. You’re the one I feel sorry for.”
Surprise flashed in Wally’s eyes, and he lifted his chin. “Of course you feel sorry for me. I’m a cripple.”
She shook her head. “That’s not why I feel sorry for you, Wally. You’re wasting your life. You could be making people happy, helping people like Maizy does, but instead you sit in that basement and play video games.”
“I can’t walk.”
“Yes, you can. I’ve seen you run the bases and catch a fly ball. You can do fractions and write poems and spell ‘buttermilk.’ You’re the cleverest student I’ve ever had, Wally. You could do so much good if you wanted to.”
Wally sat as still as a post. “I can’t do anything.”
“It’s easier to believe that, isn’t it?” Elsie pinned him with her stern teacher’s gaze. “You were doing things. You learned how to hit. You even hit a home run.”
Wally pressed his lips together. “That only made me worse. Sam even said so.”
“But why? Why did it make things worse?” She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. To her relief, he didn’t pull away. “Why were you so angry that day with the school board?”
He thought about it for a minute. “You tricked me. Everybody was laughing at me behind my back. They all hate me.”
Elsie wouldn’t let him get away with that. “That’s a weak excuse, and you know it. You’ve been telling yourself that lie for far too long.”
He scowled. “I’m not lying.”
“Yes, you are.”
He fell silent for a minute, then seemed to explode with frustration. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try, they all still hate me. I hit a home run, and the school board still looks at me like I’m nothing and I’ll never be anything. It would have been better if I had died in that accident.”
She squeezed his shoulder. “I don’t believe that, not for one minute.”
He leaned away from her grasp. “I’m a wonderful burden to Sam and my mamm—especially my mamm. She stays in bed all day, crying and praying, wishing I was dead.” Tears flowed like heavy rain down his cheeks. “She likes it when I go to the basement because then she doesn’t have to look at me. Sam used to be happy. Before the accident he gave me piggyback rides and took me and Perry camping. We used to wrestle on the living room floor, and he’d sometimes let me win. Now he can’t hardly stand to
touch me, like I have a disease.” He pressed his fists into his eyes. “Maizy makes people happy. I only make them miserable.”
“I know for a fact that Sam loves you better than he loves himself. He yelled at me plenty of times when he thought I hurt you.”
This only seemed to make Wally more upset. His voice rose in pitch. “I made him yell at you. I told him things that weren’t true.”
Elsie shifted to the couch and put her arm around Wally. “Hush, hush,” she whispered. “It’s all right. All is well now.”
“I’ll never have a pure heart.”
“What do you mean?”
“Blessed are the pure in heart. Like Sam. I’ll never be good like Sam. I get frustrated and I lose my temper and I’m mad all the time.”
What was it about the very mention of Sam’s name that made it hard to breathe? She ruffled Wally’s hair. “Whose idea was it to dig that boulder out of our baseball diamond? I don’t wonder but you were wonderful sore the next day.”
He huffed out a breath. “I could hardly get up for gmay.”
“But do you remember how Reuben and Jethro and Tobias smiled, even though they were working so hard? Do you remember how happy Sam was?”
Wally pressed his lips together to suppress a smile. “Sam bought us McDonald’s that night.”
“That happiness was all your fault, Wally. You wanted to do something nice for Maizy. That desire came from a pure heart.”
He shrugged. “That wasn’t really nothing, though.”
“It was wunderbarr. Think how many skinned knees you saved us by getting rid of that rock.”
Wally thought hard about that.
“You’ve been a gute friend to Reuben Schmucker too.”
“He doesn’t have any friends but me,” Wally said.
Elsie nodded. She wouldn’t in a million years point out that Wally had no friends but Reuben. At least they had each other. “You don’t have to be Reuben’s friend, but you are. Reuben needs people who care about him.”
Wally met her gaze. They both knew how badly Reuben needed someone to care about him. “I guess I’m that person.”
“How many people helped you that day you hit the home run?”
“Everybody.”
She curled one side of her mouth. “If everyone hates you so much, why were they cheering?”
He thought long and hard about that one too. “I guess they were happy for me.”
“They like you, Wally. You just have to give them a reason to want to be your friend.” She gave him a lopsided grin. “You can’t be all bad if Maizy likes you.”
He wilted slightly. “They hate me now. I ruined the Christmas program.”
“Well, you still have time to make it up to them. Maizy made everyone a star. Maybe you could muster an apology and bring some of Maggie’s sugar doughnuts to school. No one can stay mad with a sugar doughnut.”
“But I’m still crippled. That will never change.”
She bristled at the word. Again. “Wally, when I think of you, I don’t think of a boy who only has one leg. I think of a boy who can hit one of my fastballs. I think of someone who likes to laugh and think deep thoughts. The children will think of you as the boy who has one leg only if you think of yourself that way. Your accident is a part of you, to be sure, but it’s not the only part or the most important part. You have it in you to be good, just like Sam.”
Wally wiped the last of the tears from his face. “I’ll try, for Maizy’s sake.”
“Try for your own sake. That will make Maizy happy.”
“And maybe Sam will love me again.”
Elsie’s heart broke for more than one reason. “Sam loves you. He just doesn’t know how to show it. Can you forgive him for being a little thick?”
Wally grinned. “And a little stubborn.”
Elsie smiled sadly. Those were his best qualities. She’d never forgive him for that.
Wally wiped his face and stood up. “Will you take me home? I need to ask Maggie about some sugar doughnuts.”
Chapter Nineteen
Elsie’s heart raced like a runaway horse. There was no avoiding it. Sam Sensenig would for sure and certain come to the school today.
Ach, du lieva. She didn’t know whether she was looking forward to it or dreading it more. She longed to see him again, talk to him, maybe coax a smile from those lips, but he was going to be angry, and he’d probably yell at her. She wasn’t afraid of the yelling, but she certainly didn’t enjoy it either.
Elsie stood at the stove to warm her hands with what heat was left from the dying fire. She couldn’t justify putting more coal into the stove when she was going to close up the school in less than half an hour—unless Sam had saved up a whole hour’s worth of yelling for her. Maybe she should get the coal bucket.
January had come in with a cold, hard frost that took Elsie’s breath away every time she went outside. The children had the option of going outside for recess or staying in, and they almost always chose the outdoors, no matter how cold it was. Elsie hated being cooped up indoors as much as her scholars, but she also hated being cold more than just about anything. It was the reason she had canceled school in Charm last year when it looked like the school board was going to refuse to get a new stove.
She couldn’t pitch or catch a ball until it got a little warmer. Much to Wally’s dismay, they wouldn’t be playing softball until at least the end of February. Elsie sighed. Wally didn’t know that he wouldn’t be playing softball at all.
In November, Elsie had been given very strict orders from Sam that Wally was not to get within ten feet of the ball field. It didn’t even matter that Wally had experienced a change of heart since then. Sam had sent Elsie another note on the day school started up in January, reminding her of his rules.
Wally is not to play ball. Wally can go to the bathroom whenever he wants. You will not make Wally do anything, including his lessons. Wally is not to be upset.
She had strangled that note in her hands and thrown it into the stove, but it hadn’t changed the fact that Sam made the rules for Wally, and if Elsie defied him, she’d risk losing her job. She thought of Wally’s expression on the day he hit that home run. It might be worth getting fired if she could see that face again.
It might be worth getting fired if it woke Sam up.
Her chest tightened and her heart skipped a beat, and she was thoroughly disgusted with herself. Sam was resentful and stubborn and aggravating. Why did she still react like a lovesick schoolgirl when she thought of him?
Her fondest wish was to forget Sam ever existed and to be let alone to wallow in her self-pity for the rest of the school year. Of course, Mammi was having none of that. She was scheming to get Elsie together with her “perfect match.” They were going to gmay in the other district next week in hopes of catching a glimpse of him. At this point, Elsie would let Mammi drag her anywhere if it meant she’d quit pestering Elsie about getting married.
It was a gute thing for Mammi that Elsie loved her so dearly.
She heard the muffled sound of horse hooves against gravel. Sam rode his horse when he was too mad and in too big of a hurry to hitch up the buggy. Elsie drew in a stiff breath. It shouldn’t surprise her. Wally had gotten hurt. Sam was no doubt fit to be tied.
She decided to sit at her desk and look like she was busy doing fractions or something, like she really couldn’t care less if Sam came storming into her classroom to vent his anger on the schoolteacher.
The door opened, and she heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs. He tried to intimidate her with those loud boots. Hadn’t he learned his lesson by now? She would not be intimidated, and he would only have to apologize later.
Maybe.
She could always hope he would apologize later, but it wasn’t likely.
Sam tromped up the stairs, and she had to concentrate on her breathing so she wouldn’t hyperventilate. She hated that he was so good-looking. It wouldn’t hurt to show him a smile. She’d done nothing wrong.
>
Instead of coming dangerously close and standing over her like a light post, he stopped at the top of the stairs and folded his arms across his chest. This was an improvement, or maybe just a change of strategy. He frowned, and a hint of something deep and sad played at the corners of his eyes. “Wally came home with a bruised cheek today. I’d like to know why.”
Hmm. No yelling. This was definitely an improvement—maybe. She didn’t like the forlorn cast of his face or the sorrow that lived in his expression. Elsie put down her pencil, laced her fingers together, and gave Sam a half smile. “Didn’t he tell you?”
“Sometimes I don’t get the whole story from Wally.”
Well. That was quite a concession. At least he was humble enough not to jump to conclusions as readily as he used to. “What did Wally tell you?”
Sam studied her face and took a few steps forward. “He said he fell and hit his face on the merry-go-round.” He lowered his eyes and studied those big boots of his. “That doesn’t sound like Wally.”
Nae, it didn’t. But in the three weeks since school had started up again, Wally had made some drastic changes in his behavior.
Elsie stood up. “Would you like to sit down?”
He shook his head. “He wasn’t playing softball, was he?”
“Nae. It’s too cold.”
“Then I’d like to know why my bruder has a bruise the size of a fist on his face.”
“Reuben Schmucker’s fist.” She walked around her desk and down the aisle toward Sam. Since he was behaving himself, she’d rather not try to have a conversation with him from across the room. He stiffened when she got closer. “Wally and Reuben have always been friends. Reuben needs gute friends.”
Sam inclined his head slightly. He understood about Reuben.
“Something happened when Wally went to visit Maizy in the hospital. We were all so afraid she would die.”
“Wally says she’s going to be okay.”
“Jah. We prayed hard for her, but that kind of fear does something to you. Wally realized that maybe he was wasting his life. He wants to be different.”
A Courtship on Huckleberry Hill Page 23
