Leah watched him unwind. His male grace was breathtaking. She got to her feet. “I’ll head to the next cave while you get cleaned up,” she told him.
Kell nodded, thinking that he’d like to slowly undress Leah and go to that pool so they could wash one another. It was a lost cause, but he couldn’t stop his heated thoughts. “Sounds good. I won’t be long,” he promised.
Leah grabbed the other penlight he handed her and made her way to the other cave. He followed her and found a clean T-shirt and trousers sitting on top of one box, waiting for him. If nothing else, Kell knew she was thoughtful. She sat on a box, turned off the light, probably not wanting to waste the batteries.
Leah could hear the splash of water and closed her eyes, imagining what Kell looked like naked. Licking her lower lip, she swung sharply from wanting Kell in every way to abject fear of ever having any kind of relationship with a man again. But Kell made her want to jump back in and take a chance.
Shaking her head, Leah knew she was still working out the shock of the crash. And the tragic loss of Brian, Liam and Ted. Leah figured that by now, their families had been notified. She wasn’t even sure if there would be any evidence of their bodies being found at the wreckage site; no doubt they’d been burned into oblivion. She couldn’t imagine how Brian’s wife would take it, not even being able to have closure because he’d probably been burned up in the fire.
Sadness cloaked her. There was nothing good about war. All it did was take, not give. Except, she thought, hearing the splashing of water as Kell washed himself, it had given her him. What would it feel like to have Kell touch her? Really touch her, like a lover would his woman?
She was a mess and she knew it. Leah had felt enclosed and safe since the divorce from Hayden. She never saw him; they were never in the same country at the same time. Now, he’d returned. And in her backyard.
“It’s safe to come out now,” Kell called in a quiet voice.
Rising, Leah turned on the penlight and walked slowly from the cave and into the larger one. When she entered, she saw Kell pulling a tan T-shirt over his broad, dark-haired chest. The man was an incredible specimen. He was in top shape, but not heavily muscled. Most SEALs she’d met were lean, not bulked-up muscle mass. Their work was so damned demanding that their bodies never had an ounce of extra fat anywhere on them.
Leah sat down on her sleeping bag, watching Kell pull on a pair of clean socks. He had such large feet, but then, he was really tall. She enjoyed watching his hands as he tugged on the socks. “Do you feel better?”
He lifted his head, smiling. “A hundred percent.” He saw the emotion in her eyes, his senses open to her. Kell wanted Leah. All of her. Yet so much stood in the way. It seemed insurmountable to him at present. Leah’s hair was combed and formed a soft frame around her face. She was peaceful and that was good. “I’m going to need to change that dressing on your arm.”
Looking at it, she nodded. “Okay.”
He stood, opened his ruck, taking out a number of medical items. “Do you feel any more pain from it?”
Leah leaned against the cave wall, leaving him room to sit down on her bag. “No. Just tender if I twist and turn it too much.” She managed a slight smile.
Kell knelt near her left side, his knees almost contacting her hip. “That’s good to know.” Pulling on a pair of latex gloves, he lifted her arm and placed it across his thighs. He tried to ignore her nearness, but that was impossible. Taking a pair of blunt-nosed scissors, he quickly cut away the old dressing. “Things are heating up out there,” he told her, removing the dressing.
Sliding his fingers beneath her arm, he held it closer, carefully examining the long gash. The flesh was healing fine and he was pleased with his small, careful sutures. Leah might have a slight scar, but over time, it would disappear.
“How bad?” Leah asked, trying to concentrate on his words, not his touch. His fingers were gentle and her skin ignited with wild tingles beneath the roughness of his pads. She tried not to imagine those hands all over her body, eliciting all kinds of reactions from her. But she did. Closing her eyes, Leah felt her breasts tightening. And her nipples hardening. Groaning inwardly, she hoped it didn’t show through his T-shirt. She couldn’t put her arms across them right now. Oh, no…
“The Taliban are hanging around in our area. That’s why I was late. I was watching to see where they were going to make camp for tonight.”
Kell felt her breath hitch for just a moment as he moved his fingers along the line of her forearm. And as he glanced momentarily in her direction, he saw her nipples standing out against his T-shirt. His body instantly tightened. Damn. She liked his touch as much as he liked touching her. And he saw she’d closed her eyes, her head tipped back against the wall, that long, slender throat of hers exposed to him.
He fantasized about kissing Leah’s skin, licking it, nipping it here and there, creating pleasure within her. He felt her tremble inwardly as he worked over her arm. Kell swallowed hard, trying to control his body, his erection. Leah had given him no outward sign that she wanted anything from him except medical help.
Kell swore softly to himself, feeling trapped in a new and different way. He quickly applied more antibiotic to the healing gash and placed a new, waterproof dressing over it.
Leah opened her eyes as he laid her arm against her belly. “How close are they, Kell?”
He leaned back on his heels, pulling off the gloves. “Very close. They’re about two caves down from us. Maybe one tenth of a mile as the crow flies.” He saw her eyes go wide with fear.
“It’s close enough. There’s a group of about two hundred Taliban, all on horseback, taking up that group of caves,” he explained.
“Then let me help you,” she said, her voice becoming firm. “I want to leave with you tomorrow and do something to support your efforts.”
Kell heard the sincerity in her voice. “It’s mountain-goat work,” he explained.
“I’m in very good shape.”
He had to agree, but for different reasons. “You can stay here and rest. Just because you’re not dizzy today doesn’t mean you’re completely recovered, Leah. Head trauma takes time to clear.”
“You’re used to having a spotter. Right?” Leah didn’t want to spend one more day in this cave if she could help it. She’d go crazy with nothing to do.
“SEALs sometimes work without them, but I do work with a spotter when I can,” he agreed. Kell searched her face. Her chin was stubborn for a reason.
A part of him felt uneasy about leaving her alone and unprotected with the Taliban so close. He knew Leah was trained and could shoot, but with so many enemies gathering a short distance away, he weighed the options.
There was a side to him that was damned protective of women and children in general. Yes, Leah was military, and she sure as hell could kick ass when it came to flying. But on the ground? Ballard wasn’t so sure about leaving her alone, open to possible attack. She’d be outgunned.
“Okay,” he said, “I’ll let you go with me. We’ll be getting up before dawn, though. I have to find a hide on a ridge that looks down on those caves. I have to get a count of men, weapons, and try to look for their leader, Khogani. A lot of what snipers do is recon and that’s what we’ll be doing. I’m not about to shoot and give away our position. Are you up for that?”
“Anything is better than staying here alone,” Leah said, relieved. “I’m a fast learner, Kell. If you tell me to do something, I will.”
He rubbed his palms slowly up and down his thighs, thinking about her flight suit. “We’re going to have to fix you up a set of my cammies to wear.”
Leah got up. “Okay,” she said, “give me those scissors. I’ll alter the pant-leg length. If you can get me a cammie blouse, I’ll do the same for the arm length.”
He liked her attitude. The Shadow pilot was emerging, in charge, confident and assertive. He liked it a whole hell of a lot. “I have a second ruck in the other cave. While you’re cutting a pair
of my trouser legs off, I’ll get it, stock it and bring the shirt back with me.”
Her spirits rose as she sat down and began to cut the thick fabric, making the trouser length shorter for her legs. Kell’s T-shirt was huge on her, but she wasn’t going to cut it.
Kell came back about ten minutes later. In one hand, he had a ruck just like the one he wore. In the other, his blouse. He handed it to her.
“Put it on and I’ll shorten the sleeves for you with the scissors,” he told her.
Getting up, Leah saw the trousers length was fine. She’d taken dark green nylon rope this morning and fashioned a makeshift belt out of it, the trousers staying around her waist instead of sliding down to her hips. She shrugged into his blouse. It was huge on her, his shoulders were so broad.
Kell grinned, taking the sleeve that hung below her long, beautiful fingers. “You’re a little thing, aren’t you?” he murmured, quickly cutting away the extra fabric. She turned, holding out the other sleeve.
“Little but mighty,” Leah said, smiling up at him. If Kell was upset with her going along, he didn’t show it.
“That you are,” he agreed gruffly, the cuff material falling away.
“This is fine,” Leah said, her hands visible now. She turned and looked at the ruck. “What’s in it?”
Kell put the scissors away and walked over to the ruck, opening it up. Kneeling down, he said, “It’s an identical copy to the one I wear. SEALs believe one is bad and two is good. Your ruck is going to weigh around fifty pounds. I’ll transfer most of the mags out of it and into mine. I don’t want you humping sixty or seventy pounds. It will really throw you off your stride and quickly tire you out.” His eyes narrowed. “And you need to remind yourself that you’re not fully recovered yet, Leah. We don’t need to go far tomorrow, which is good, but the heat out there is a killer, too.”
“As long as I have water and a hat, I’ll be fine.”
“Ever done any covert intelligence work?”
“No.”
Kell double-checked the ruck, took out a boonie hat and then closed it up. “You’re going to have to stay close to me, Leah. There’s a lot to stalking and you’re going to have to learn it on the fly.”
“I’ll learn, Kell. And I won’t be a pain in the ass.”
Shaking his head, his lips curved. “You would never be that to me, Leah. Come on, let’s get all your gear ready now before we bed down for the night. Tomorrow, when we get up, we’re going roll fairly quickly, then eat a protein bar once we get set up for the recon.”
For the next half hour, Leah felt as if she contributed. Used to working as a team, pilot and copilot, she felt excited about being Kell’s partner. An ignorant one, for sure, but she promised herself she’d catch on fast so she wouldn’t be a distraction.
Finally, she sat down on her bag after everything she needed was nearby. Surprised, Kell came over and knelt down beside her, his face unreadable
Resting his hands on his thighs, he frowned. “I’m worried because you’ve had a nightmare every night you’ve been here.”
Leah nodded, feeling guilty. “And that’s not good,” she agreed, apologetic. Voices carried. And in a cave system like this, Leah realized she could possibly alert the enemy to their whereabouts. “What can I do? I know I’m a liability.” Feeling bad, there was no way she wanted to put them at risk. Maybe stuff a sock in her mouth? She cast around for solutions and found none. “Maybe I could go sleep in the other cave?”
He shook his head. “No. If you screamed like you did last night, Leah, we’ll be in trouble no matter where you’re sleeping.”
“Do you have a sleep med on you? Something I could take that would knock me out?”
“I do, but they don’t work like that,” he admitted, his voice low as he held her guilt-ridden gaze. “It doesn’t guarantee that you won’t have another nightmare and wake up screaming again.”
Groaning, she rubbed her face, frustrated. “I’m sorry. I wish I could control it.”
“It’s not your fault, Sugar. You’ve been through hell and it’s the shock working out of your system, is all.” Giving her a slight smile, Kell saw how anguished she’d become over their dangerous situation.
Desperate, Leah tried to think of a way to not scream or make sounds as she slept. Every time he called her Sugar, her heart opened just a little more to Kell. “I don’t want you discovered by the Taliban because of me,” she managed, suddenly emotional. “This is my fault—”
“Whoa,” he said, touching her shoulder, “don’t go there, Leah. None of this is your fault. You’re human. You’re hurting. Shock and grief wreak hell on all of us. On you.” He saw her eyes grow moist, felt her sudden desperation. His fingers became more firm on her shoulder. He could feel the soft firmness of her skin beneath the material, and wanted to feel more. Kell felt he was caught in a special hell with her.
“Maybe I’ll try to stay awake tonight?” She dug into his narrowing gaze. Her conscience ate at her.
“You’d never make it staying awake all night,” Kell murmured. He dropped his hand back to his thigh. “Besides, if you’re working with me tomorrow, you have to get some sleep in order to be alert. I’ve given it a lot of thought,” he told her hesitantly, frowning.
“Did you come up with an idea?” Leah saw him shrug, his expression suddenly uneasy. Why? Maybe take her up that other tunnel and sit her outside to sleep tonight?
“You probably won’t like the idea,” he began, holding her gaze. “But I thought if I held you…if we slept together, it might make you feel safer.”
Stunned, her breath jammed in her throat. She stared at Kell, fear sizzling through her. “What?” she gasped.
He opened his hands. “It’s the only thing I can think of, Leah. I know you’re an officer. I’m enlisted. I’ll just hold you. I promise not to do anything to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that we have to do something or there’s a good chance we’re at risk here.”
Staring at him, Leah felt herself quiver inwardly. Oh, it wasn’t him she was worried about. It was her! Mouth dry, she saw the unhappiness in his eyes. Okay, maybe Kell didn’t want to do this, but he was making the best of a bad situation. His logic was sound. “I have no idea if it would stop me from having a nightmare.”
“I know,” Kell admitted heavily. He had to go with his gut. Every time he’d held her before, she settled down in his arms. Leah relaxed. She trusted him for whatever reason. “I’m open to any other ideas you have. I can see you’re uncomfortable about mine. I knew you would be.”
Her heart wrenched in her chest. If only Kell knew how much she did trust him.
Pushing her hair away from her face with her fingers, a sign of nervousness, she whispered, “I don’t have another idea, Kell.” She gave him a rueful look. Leah couldn’t live with herself if she screamed out in the night. It would put both of them in serious jeopardy.
“I’m sorry,” Kell offered quietly, holding her fearful stare. “Can you do it, Leah, or not?”
Could she? “There isn’t a choice…”
CHAPTER SIX
LEAH’S PULSE RACED. She was tense as Kell placed his bag next to hers. Frightened in so many ways, Leah tried to hide her reactions. Most of all, she didn’t want to put them at risk.
She saw the serious cast to Kell’s face, his brows drawn down, his mouth thinned. He probably didn’t like this any more than she did. How long had it been since she’d lain with a man? Three years. Not since Hayden. Not that she’d lain in bed with him that much. He liked sex, took what he wanted then left her and went into his own bedroom afterward. In college, she’d been stupid enough to have two affairs, neither of them satisfying. Both men had wanted sex, not a meaningful relationship.
But this was new. And different. They both wore T-shirts and trousers, boots off but socks on their feet. She sat there, feeling trapped again. Fiercely reminding herself Kell had held her before and nothing had happened, Leah forced herself to believe nothing would happen this t
ime. It couldn’t. Feeling shaky inside, Leah watched him lie down on his back. Kell laid his long arm across her wool blanket pillow and shut off the flashlight.
Darkness enclosed them and Leah breathed a sigh of relief. She was sure she looked scared. Hands damp, she sat there unmoving, trying to control her breathing, as if nothing were going on. The past slammed into the present.
“Come on,” Kell coaxed quietly, his fingers curving around her right forearm. “I’m not going to bite you.”
His soft Kentucky drawl loosened the fear around her pounding heart. Leah felt a rush of shame. Her inexperience was making her question herself as never before. “Kell?”
“Yes?”
“I’m…uh…” Leah shut her eyes tightly, feeling the dry warmth of his hand on her arm. She absorbed it like a starving thief. “I’m nervous,” she admitted, the words coming out with embarrassment. Leah tensed, waiting for him to call her a bitch as her husband had often done when she’d shown hesitation or hadn’t wanted to do what he wanted her to do.
Kell released her arm and sat up, hearing anguish in her voice. He couldn’t piece everything together yet about her ex-husband, but he went on his intuition that had never led him wrong. He slid his arm around her tense shoulders. “It’s all right. We’ll make this easy for you. We’ll sit up, prop our backs up against the wall and sleep. Come on, I’ll just hold you like this. Put your head on my shoulder like you’ve done before. You trusted me then, didn’t you?”
His warm, moist breath fell across her brow and cheek. Feeling his arm move around her, Leah released a ragged sigh. This wasn’t Hayden. This was Kell Ballard, her heart whispered to her. He wasn’t pulling her toward him to hurt or control her. Her mind was racing back and forth between the past and the present. “You must think I’m crazy,” she muttered, forcing herself to relax.
The T-shirt lay between her cheek and his heavily muscled shoulder. Tonight, Leah could smell his male scent strongly, the cleanliness of his flesh. It sent spirals of yearning deep into her body. She’d never felt so sensual, or so hot and bothered, in her entire life. Could just the smell of a man send her into some crazy orbit of aching yearning? Leah didn’t have the experience to answer her own question. Plus, when Kell had held her before, she’d been wounded, the concussion lowering her protective walls, and she hadn’t had this reaction. Now that she was much improved, her walls were up and she struggled with her past overlaying her present.
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