Imperfectly Bad

by A. E. Woodward

  “Well, now that you point it out…”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I think I have every right to be crapping my pants right now.”

  I laughed at her as we turned that all too familiar corner.

  “Do I look all right?” she asked, smoothing the fabric of her skintight dress over her thighs.

  I nodded.

  “So, what is this place we’re going to?”

  “O’Malley’s.”

  “Yeah? Never heard of it.”

  She stopped frigging around with her dress and slid her hand back into mine as I said, “Well, it’s kinda hard to explain. But it’s kind of an important place for us.”

  We stopped in front of the building, just underneath that silly fuckin’ leprechaun. “Is it like St. Elmo’s Fire?”

  I smiled and opened the door. “Emma’s going to love you.”

  And it was true. Only Emma ever compared this place to St. Elmo’s Fire.

  Dipping under my arm that held the door open for her, Layla dropped my hand, tentatively stepping in she looked around. The nervousness she felt was catching and it hit me that her reaction could be a deal breaker for me. I seriously doubted she would, but if she hated O’Malley’s, I might just have to cut her loose. I stood behind her and immediately located Tyler, Elizabeth, Shane and Emma at our table. I waved to them but didn’t move as Layla continued her assessment of our haven.

  “So what do you think?” I asked.

  “I think this place is quite the gem. I can see the allure. No crowds. Laid back. I like it.”

  The gang were all staring at us, Emma waving with excitement. Layla started walking in the direction of the table but I pulled her into me, stopping her in her tracks and gave her a quick peck on the lips. It amazed me at how easily I had become so affectionate with her.

  “What was that for?”

  “For being so fuckin’ adorable.”

  “Thanks… I think.”

  She was even adorable saying that one sentence, her voice inflecting at the end. Shit. I was getting it bad. “And perfect. I’m thinking you’re pretty fuckin’ perfect too.”

  She smiled before I broke our embrace and led her towards the table. As we approached, Tyler and Shane smirked at me.

  Great. Let the ball busting commence. For years I had teased them about being doormats to women. Letting them control their emotions and basically ruling their lives. But here I was, finally on a level playing field.

  “Jesus, Shane, have you ever seen Rob kiss a girl?” Tyler questioned. Judging by the animated way he was talking, he was enjoying this. He shot Shane a look before taking a sip of his beer.

  As if it had been choreographed to perfection, the routine continued with Shane placing his hand on his chin, apparently giving serious thought to his answer. “You know Tyler, now that you mention it, I don’t think I have.”

  “Me either, I mean I’ve seen him degrade one before…”

  My fists balled at my sides as I muttered under my breath for them to shut the fuck up.

  Emma stifled a giggle.

  Given the stick I’d given them over the years, it stood to reason that they’d take the opportunity to give me shit. I shook my head, slightly frustrated and gave Layla a look but she just smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

  I turned back to the gang, and watched on as they stared up at us, waiting for me to make my move. Suddenly, I was nervous as hell. Wiping the sweat from my palms on my jeans, I knew that I was totally out of my comfort zone and I questioned what the fuck I was doing. After a slight internal struggle, I took a deep breath and spoke up.

  “Hey, guys.”

  Emma was flapping her gums before I could say anything else. “Another girl!” she squealed as she jumped up in front of us and wrapped her arms around Layla like they were old friends. “I honestly never thought it would happen—”

  “Hey!” Tyler cut in.

  Emma directed her gaze over her shoulder at him. “Well, I didn’t.” She turned back to me and dropped her arms from Layla. “Now we’ve got two more in the gang!”

  Layla shifted next to me and looked slightly uncomfortable.

  Emma glared at me, then gently bumped me with her belly. “Are you going to introduce us?” she asked placing her hand on her hip.

  “One: That thing is not a weapon. Two: You’re creepy as shit, Em.”

  She flipped me off and flopped back down into the booth next to Shane. “Everyone this is Layla. Layla this is the gang.”

  I used my pointer finger and started firing off their names.

  “Shane and Emma,” I pointed to her belly. “Illegitimate love child.” Emma glared and I continued the intros. “Tyler and Spawn of Satan,” I leaned over and fake whispered, “but everyone else just calls her Liz.”

  “You are such an ass,” Elizabeth scoffed, a slight valley girl edge coming out.

  “Like, tell me something I don’t know.” My tone was mocking as I pulled up two chairs to sit on the outside of the booth. Shane suppressed a laugh as I grabbed a pint from the middle of the table and started to chug in an attempt to calm my nerves. Wracking my brains, I couldn’t remember the last time I had been this nervous. Probably when I’d introduced Jenny to my family. But that had been different. They’d hated her. The guys were going to love Layla.

  “What are y’all drinking?” Layla asked looking at table full of pints.

  Elizabeth, who had recovered quickly from my teasing session, leaned forward and scooted a glass in her direction. “Guinness. I thought it would taste gross, but it totally tastes like chocolate milk. I like it.”

  Layla pushed the pint back towards the middle of the table.

  “That’s okay, I don’t drink.”

  I nearly choked on my beer. “You what?”

  “I like it,” Elizabeth said again. She was such a self-centered flake, always thinking that everyone was talking to her. I dismissed her with my hand, not really caring what she had to say. I was more interested in Layla’s revelation.

  “I don’t drink,” Layla repeated. “Long story short, I got really wasted one time in high school and did a bunch of dumb stuff. Haven’t touched the stuff since.”

  We all stared in her direction for a moment and I could almost feel everyone holding their breath. It didn’t take a genius to see that they were wondering how I was going to handle this news. I’m sure they were betting that I’d be kicking her ass to the curb for it, but there was no way in hell I was going to do that. Maybe it was time for a change for me? I’d spent almost a third of my life drinking away the memories, not to mention trying to heal my broken heart with the countless stream of women. Perhaps it was time to go back to my roots. I’d been a good guy once upon a time and found love. Maybe, just maybe, Layla was worth bringing that guy back to life again.

  I stopped drinking my beer and gently set it down on the table. Shane and Tyler looked toward me with astonishment written all over their faces, I always chugged the first beer of the night until it was gone, but not this time. This time I was leaving it half full.

  “You know,” I started, “I’ve been thinking about giving up drinking.”

  “You have?” Tyler questioned, obviously not believing me and I couldn’t say that I blamed him.

  “I have. What’s the point? I’m getting too old to party like we did. It gives me hellish hangovers. I mean, isn’t it time for all of us to start growing up? Shane and Emma are married with one kid, and another on the way. You and Elizabeth have Emily. We all have great jobs, good places to live, so what’s the sense anymore? Seems sort of ridiculous, y’know.”

  Everyone sat around the table, shooting each other concerned looks. I was sure they were thinking about my mental health and questioning my stability and I couldn’t blame them, I had been doing the same thing up until now, but I was going to own this. It was time for me to take control of my life and stop living like a sex-crazed alcoholic.

  “I know you’re all probably thinking I’m crazy
right about now, and I’ll have you know, I am.” I put my arm around Layla’s shoulder and smiled. “I’m crazy about this girl, and I think I would do anything for her.”

  “Ho-ly fuck.”

  That was from Tyler and Elizabeth reached over and slapped his arm. She still had a hard time with his crudeness. She was just so groomed to be prim and proper that she could never really get a grip on how we operated. She blushed more than we drank.

  “I think it’s great, Rob,” Emma said with a smile and a wink at Layla.

  Shane patted me on the back and smiled. “Our little boy is all grown up.”

  Smug bastard.

  I glared at him. “Maybe so, but don’t you forget I can still easily kick your ass.”

  The day had arrived. I’d dreaded it for weeks but thankfully I’d had Layla to distract me from the impending doom. She’d been great, always offering a word of solace and hope. Seriously, I couldn’t say enough nice things about her. I tried to keep them to myself because I didn’t need anyone questioning me about it. I’d fallen hard, yet I was starting to feel like my former self. The hardened asshole. The guy Jenny had sent through the wood chipper.

  Yeah, that guy was back.

  Because the appointment wasn’t directly related to work I’d had to take a personal day. Real fuckin’ fun personal day. I was spending it just like any other work day. Stuck in court.

  The sound of my shoes hitting the floor echoed around me as I walked through the hallway. The hearing was being held in court two and I saw Jenny sitting on the bench outside. It look me a few seconds to realize it was her because she’d dyed her hair dark brown, I didn’t think I had ever seen her hair a color besides flaming orange, and she looked weird.

  I sat next to her and unbuttoned my suit jacket.

  “This is fuckin’ ridiculous,” she spat.

  “Well, you know me—always a pain in the ass,” I retorted.

  “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just sign the goddamn papers?”

  “It’s really nothing to do with us at this point.” I shrugged. “It’s about the principle.”

  She scoffed and crossed her arms across her chest. Whether it was an attempt to sway the judge or not I didn’t know, but she was wearing some fancy skirt suit, her tattoos hidden underneath the long sleeves. She had even taken out her piercings.

  “Seriously, Jenny, Bradley? Do you have any idea of how much of a prick that dude is? He is literally everything you hate, wrapped into one disgustingly perfect asshole package.”

  “Oh, and you’re Prince Charming?” she asked without missing a beat.

  That pissed me off because I had given her my heart so many years ago, and she did nothing but shit on it. “You know, Jenny, once upon a time I was. And a lot of good that did me.” I used my hands to gesture to the courthouse for a little added emphasis.

  “You’re not the only one who got hurt back then, Rob.” By the way her jaw rocked back and forth, I could tell she was doing her best to keep her voice low, but the anger was definitely still there. It always was with Jenny. She was edgy as fuck, even back then. It had been part of her allure. She was a badass, and I loved that about her.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, both of us clearly still fuming. The tension in the air was palpable. Although I tried to think of any but, I couldn’t prevent the last memory I had with her from slipping into my conscious…

  I want—no, need to see her. We’ve never been this long without speaking before, and under the circumstances I know that isn’t good. She’ll be getting out soon and I want to tell her everything. To let her know that it wasn’t my idea. That I had no part in it.

  Before I can change my mind, I call a cab and sneak out of the house. It takes all of thirty minutes for me to get there and check in. They lead me to a stark white room. I know how this goes. I’ve seen enough movies to know that they’ll lead her in, sit her down and we’ll pick up the phone and talk. A nest of rats fight in my stomach and I feel so close to vomiting it’s untrue. This is Jenny—my Jenny—yet I’m nervous as hell.

  They brought her in with handcuffs on, her bright orange hair slick with grease and her face hard as stone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this pissed before. Not even when we were fighting. She sat in front of me, the other side of the Plexiglas, and grabbed the phone. I did the same.

  “Jenny, I’m sorry.”

  “Fuck you, Rob.”

  “Jenny, I tried—”

  “You didn’t try shit,” she cut in. “You just sat there with your hoity-toity parents and let them paint me as a monster.”

  “What was I supposed to do? Stand up in the middle of court and tell them they were lying?”

  “Something would have been nice—anything, Rob! Anything would have been better than watching you sit there doing nothing.” A tear fell down her cheek.

  “Jenny, don’t do this.”

  “Do what? It’s already done., My life is ruined. Not that it was all that great before, but at least I had a job and a semi clean record. But now, well now I’m locked up in here like a wild animal.”

  “You’re getting out soon, then we can be together again.”

  She laughed. “You’re more naïve than I thought if you actually think we’re going to be able to be together, Rob. Your parents couldn’t be happier that this happened. Now they’ll be rid of me forever and you can go off and live your big dreams.”

  “I’m eighteen in a few months, then they can’t tell me what to do.”

  “I wont be here in a few months.”

  I choke on air. “You what?”

  “My parents are sending me away. I’m going to live with some aunt and uncle that I’ve never met. Mom and Dad say they can’t handle me anymore. They expected me to be living on my own by now, but I apparently just continue to be a handful. They really just don’t give a shit.”

  I feel like my heart’s being ripped from my chest. “Where are you going?”

  “I can’t remember but to be honest I don’t know, and I don’t care. Doesn’t matter anyways does it? You and I are done.”

  “But we’re—”

  “No, we aren’t. You used a fake ID, it isn’t real.

  I watch as she hangs the phone up and motions for the guard to take her away.

  Obviously it had been real or we wouldn’t be sitting here. I hadn’t used my fake ID like she’d thought for that reason, and that reason only. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I just couldn’t.

  “So, did he make you dye your hair?”

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ll have you know that I made that decision on my own. It was time for a change. I can’t be a suicide girl forever.”

  Oddly enough, this tugged on my heart strings more than it should have. Jenny and her suicide girl appearance had been the thing that had attracted me to her the most. It felt like something else had changed, and I didn’t like it.

  “That’s too bad,” I muttered. “It was always one of my favorite things about you. Your individuality. How you never gave a fuck about what people thought.”

  She sighed and I could tell that she was bothered that I was being so forthcoming with my feelings.

  “Well, we all have to grow up eventually.”

  I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. We did have to grow up, but did we have to change in order to do it?

  The bailiff came out from behind the doors, and I immediately got to my feet.

  Lawyer habits.

  “Mr. Ziviani, Ms. Jenkins, we’re ready for you now.”

  “Thank God,” Jenny said as she stood and pushed past me. “I’m so ready for this to be over with.”

  It wasn’t even as if we’d had a marriage to begin with, so I shouldn’t have cared. This chapter in my life had been closed for a long time, and I had Layla now, but her words still cut me deep. Jenny Jenkins would always be my first love, my first heart break, my first everything. Moving on was healthy, but I’d never fully recover from l
osing her no matter what some smug ass judge makes me do.

  Jenny would always be part of me. I had the proof of that on my arm.

  Forever.

  Two painful hours later, we were walking out of the courtroom. At thirty-two I was officially divorced, and Jenny was free to marry Mr. Fucking Wonderful.

  “I told you I didn’t want anything,” she said just as I opened the courthouse door for her.

  “I didn’t think you did.”

  The cold air damn near stole the breath from my throat as I followed her out into the streets of New York City. Despite what had just gone down, I still couldn’t believe that she was here, that she had been fifteen minutes from me for all these years and I hadn’t had a fuckin’ clue.

  “So why the game, Rob? Seriously, why not just sign the papers?”

  “Because you deserve better than him. I was just wasting your time, hoping that you would realize what a douchebag he truly is.”

  “That’s not your job,”

  “Maybe not, but the truth is that I’ll always care about you, Jenny. No matter all the bullshit, I just want the best for you, and that guy is not it.”

  A tear slid down her cheek just before she turned away from me. Seeing her upset made the ache in my chest almost unbearable and I reached out and touched her chin, forcing her to look back at me.

  “Jenny, please, I don’t care about what happened with us. Let me help you, let me be your friend.”

  She brushed my hand away. “I don’t need a friend, Rob.”

  “Then tell me what to do, Jenny. I don’t know what to do, how to help you.”

  Before I knew what was happening she had wrapped her arms around my waist and her cheek was pressed against my chest, holding on to me like her life depended on it, and suddenly it felt like the situation between us was getting out of control. “Jenny,” I pleaded into the air.

  She sniffed as she broke our embrace and looked into my eyes. “You got a smoke?” she asked without missing a beat.

  The change of topic threw me, but I pulled my pack from my pant’s pocket and held them out to her. She snatched them from my hand, grabbing one and lighting it, inhaling quickly as her eyes rolled in the back of her head in ecstasy. “Fuck, I’ve been weeks without one of these.” She held it up to her face and appeared to be inspecting the cigarette. “This is glorious.”