Once she was out of sight, I found myself wondering who would be the first one in. I half expected to see Shane’s mug again, which was good because I wanted to ask him what had happened—to get confirmation that Layla was gone, and to find some solace in his comforting words. But I wasn’t that lucky. Instead, my heart dropped when I saw that unmistakable flaming orange hair turn the corner and enter my room.
We stared at each other for what seemed like hours before she finally had the nerve to take a seat in the chair next to my bed. The rims of her eyes glowed red and she looked like shit. I half expected to feel something having her close to me again—I mean, I had been chasing after her before the accident—but instead I felt… nothing. Nothing but heartache at the fact that she wasn’t Layla.
Layla…
The pain buried itself deep within the pit of my stomach and as fucked up as it sounded, I felt like Jenny was my consolation prize. At least she was still here. I could move on and be somewhat happy…
Jenny reached out and took her hand into mine. “Rob, I have to talk to you about something.”
I braced myself for the blow she was undoubtedly about to deliver. They’d sent her in to break the news to me. They were probably counting on the possibility that I could find comfort in her, even though she wasn’t Layla. She was still my Jenny, and always would be. I clung to her hand and nodded, giving her the go-ahead to continue.
“That day at your apartment, I knew I was losing you, and even though I was moving forward I couldn’t bear the thought of not having you in my life again. I made terrible choices, but I need you to understand that I just wanted to keep you.”
“What do you mean?”
“There was no baby, Rob—not this time anyway. I was calling you that night to tell you the truth. I’m not pregnant.”
Unable to find any words, I sat silently as she started to break down, right in front of me.
“I can’t explain what I did, Rob. Ultimately, I was trying to keep you from her… I saw you leaving your office with her a couple of times and could tell that she made you happy, and it killed me. It killed me because I knew that I’d never be able to make you smile like that.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. She’d known all along what she was doing. It had never been about me, it was about her and her selfish reasoning. A single tear fell from my eyes. “This is your fault,” I managed to say.
Jenny hung her head and sighed. “Rob, things between us got so fucked up. I’m sorry.”
I scoffed at her choice of words. “You’re sorry?”
She looked up at me, her eyes piercing mine like they had so many times before, except this time I felt nothing. No love. No anger. Just pure nothingness. Jenny didn’t deserve to evoke emotions in me anymore. “Yes, I am. I can’t help feeling how I feel. I know we’re bad for each other, but it doesn’t make saying goodbye to you any easier.”
As pissed as I was, I totally understood what she was saying because I wasn’t ready either. Wasn’t that why I had been stuck in the shitty situation to begin with? Torn between my head and my heart. But none of that mattered anymore, because Layla had been taken from me.
“You’re poison, Jenny. You always have been.” I turned, choosing to look out of the window and toward the sky. “I can’t even look at you. You disgust me.”
I heard her sniffle from next to me. “I know, Rob, but I just needed for you to know the truth because I hope that we can be friends… someday.” She sobbed. “And, Rob…” I turned toward her, giving her the attention that she wanted. “Layla is wonderful.”
My heart stopped beating. “What did you just say?”
“Layla is everything you need in your life.”
“She is?” I asked, confused.
Jenny stood and nodded at me, before making her way towards the door. “She is. She’s right outside, I’ll send her in.”
I could see my heart banging against my chest, it was beating that hard and fast. There were no words to describe how I felt sitting there waiting, confused beyond belief because she was alive. Alive. I’d been wrong all along.
As soon as she came through the door, I stopped breathing and my emotions ran rampant as I took a second to take her in, noting every scrape and bruise on her. She’d been with me, but she’d made it. My vision of her stuck in purgatory was just a dream after all.
“Layla…” I managed to plead from my bed.
In a flash she was next to me, her arms tight around my neck. “Rob, I was so scared.”
“What happened?” I asked into her neck, refusing to let go. “I thought you—”
She broke our embrace, but only to crawl next to me in bed. My muscles ached as I slid over to make room for her. Layla placed an arm around my waist and let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “It was chaos after we crashed. I was banged up but you were real bad. There was so much blood.” She stopped and I felt her shiver next to me. “I couldn’t wake you up, but I kept talking to you until they took you away in the ambulance. The crew wouldn’t let me go with you because you were in such rough shape, plus I only had a few cuts, so I wasn’t critical like you. Low priority, they said. But once I finally did make it here, they made sure to stitch me up before they’d tell me anything. The led me to the room where everyone was waiting… but by that time you were flat lining.”
Her voice waivered and I pulled her closer. My vision was making sense now. Layla hadn’t been stuck in purgatory.
I had.
“They worked on you for hours. I watched your family and friends crumble, and I realized just how much I love you. I was so panicked, I prayed to the man upstairs, even though I haven’t been to church in years. But I didn’t pray for you to live for me, I prayed for them. You’re important to all of them, Rob. Your love… it’s what they all need. It’s what I need.”
It was there, in that moment that I realized the reason behind my dream. “When I was out, I had a dream, Layla.”
“About what?”
“You.”
She looked up at me, tears spilling from her eyes, her lip quivering. “You came to me and told me they needed me, but you were saying goodbye and I wasn’t ready to because I need you too. If anything, this has made me realize just how important you’ve become to me, Layla. I… I…” Although my mouth was dry again and I felt like throwing up, I wasn’t about to let my past control me again. “I love you, Layla.”
A smile spread across her lips before she lifted her chin and gently kissed me. I felt the life breathe back into me and I knew that everything was going to be okay.
We were at O’Malley’s. We’d shut it down, like we had so many times before, but this time was different. We were celebrating Elizabeth’s graduation from Art School. It was actually a double celebration because she’d made fast work of securing a job at Emma’s advertising agency before the ink had even dried on the certificate. The role meant that she would be working on sketches of advertisements in the art department. She was beyond excited to have a “real” job, not to mention working with her sister. The two of them were working at their relationship, and every day was a little better than the last.
Tyler had finally plucked up the courage to make it official with her. Although she’d been hesitant, she couldn’t deny that it felt right. She’d worked on herself long enough, and now she was ready to work on them. Tyler was a great father figure to Emily, especially since Mason was too busy to be part of his daughter’s life. I had no tolerance for men like that. Every child deserved two loving parents, but thanks to Tyler Emily had that.
Emma had gone into labor shortly after my accident. I was still in the hospital myself, so I missed it this time around, but everything went smoothly and we added a little girl to our brood.
Penelope.
She looked just like Emma, and was absolutely perfect. I think Emma had been a little disappointed when it wasn’t a boy—although she would never admit that to anyone. Shane tried convincing her to try for another boy, but she’d r
esponded by getting her tubes tied. She wasn’t one for pregnancy, but she was a better mother than Shane could have ever picked out for their kids. He thanked God for her everyday.
I watched Shane watching Emma. Sitting in our usual booth, my hands intertwined with Layla’s, Emma had Penelope and Felix sitting happily in her arms when Tyler went and snatched Penelope from her. Emma acted like she was put out with him for taking her, but we all knew that she loved that he loved their kids.
When she walked in, I didn’t have to see her to know she was there. That was because I felt it. I still felt it every time she entered a room. Shane exchanged some sort of pleasantry, gave her a hug. “Thanks for having me,” she said as they broke their embrace.
Shane placed his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Of course. You’re part of our family now, Jenny.”
The edges of her lips tipped up as she forced a smile before making her way over to the crowd. She sat down next to me and I placed a kiss on her temple before quickly patting her leg. We’d been through a lot, and I wasn’t sure if we’d ever truly forgive each other for all that we’d done, but we were ready to try to move on from it. Things weren’t ideal. The relationship was tempestuous, and we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but somehow it always came back to us.
Layla continued to amaze me as she opened her arms to Jenny, despite all that had gone on between us. I thanked God for her everyday because deep down I knew I didn’t deserve her. She was too good for me, but she was exactly what I needed.
The recovery process had proven difficult, and it hadn’t yet finished. I was still in physical and speech therapy, working on speaking clearly and moving like I once did. In direct contrast to the Rob before the accident, it took a lot out of me to talk—well, to do anything, really. It was so frustrating feeling helpless, but in a way I was.
If I was honest, I didn’t think I would ever get over it, despite having Layla. I loved Jenny—I always had, always would. There was no disputing that.
Before the accident I had thought that I wanted to be with Jenny, but I knew, deep down, my heart would always belong to Layla. She’d helped me to conquer my bad side, helped me put the past behind me so I could move forward and see the good in life again. People come in and out of your life for a reason whether good or bad, and they serve a purpose. Layla found me, and saved me from my own worst enemy.
Me.
Layla was my angel. And always would be.
Jenny looked over at me, obviously sensing that I was lost in thought again.
“You okay?” she asked.
She still worried about me, and sometimes she struggled with her own guilt too. That was understandable, given the way things went down. She’d lied and told me she was pregnant in order to get me to make that grand gesture, and because of her choices, people got hurt.
When Jenny told me everything that had happened in the past, she knew that I’d want to make it right. And I had wanted that. But she hadn’t been confident enough, and had to add that she was pregnant again. It was her test—to see if I’d love her no matter what. And I passed. Sure, Jenny was crazy, but that had always been what I loved about her. That she was passionate, and willing to do anything for something she wanted.
I looked up at her with complete adoration because, even though she’d made mistakes, it didn’t lessen my love for her. Even though our love had put us both through the ringer, she was still going to be a part of my life. Jenny wasn’t my girl, but she’d become a part of our gang, nonetheless.
“Mmhmm,” I managed to mutter. She forced a smile and turned her attention to something Emma was sputtering on about.
Jenny, my Jenny. My first love. My everything. This was it. We had come full circle for this reason. For our chance to rewrite history and start trying to heal our hearts. We couldn’t change the mistakes we’d made in the past, but we could try to make up for them, and hope that we didn’t make them again.
Layla squeezed my hand, and my eyes met hers and I knew… she was my future. Every road, every twist, turn, and roadblock had led me here. To her.
The accident took its toll on all of us, especially me. I still had a way to go, and they said that I might not ever really be the same. But what was important is that I was happy, and when something like that happens, it makes everyone thankful for every day we have together.
Shit got bad for a while but, someday, things would be okay. They might even be good again. It might not seem like it at the time but bad shit doesn’t last, and even broken things can be fixed.
My heart is proof of that.
I could blather on and on about all the important people that encourage and support me. But instead I’m just going to say thank you. Thank you to each and every one of my readers. Without you I am nothing. I love you all.
A.E. lives in Vacationland with her husband and two children. Between her real job and writing she finds little time to enjoy life’s finer things. However in the free time she does manage to steal, she enjoys spending time with friends and family and reading. A.E. is the author of Kismet and A Series of Imperfections: Imperfectly Perfect, Imperfectly Real, and Imperfectly Bad. She is currently writing her fifth book, Working Girl.
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Imperfectly Bad Page 19
