He said he needed to know her ‘baseline’ in order to know what he was working with in terms of her abilities. The strangest thing was when he had her go through the circuit he’d built in the field behind his building. It was like a mini-track event, which was shocking for someone who had not played any sport besides childhood little league. Fi was not sporty at all, so the idea of sprinting and jumping and leaping was all very foreign to her.
When Bob pointed out the track and asked her to run timed sprints, she’d thought that he’d lost his mind, or that she had. She just couldn’t imagine herself being so, so…physical. But after she had stopped sulking and had actually run her first few sprints, she was surprised to hear Bob making whooping sounds and laughing.
“Woooeee girl!” he yelled, gesturing wildly toward his stopwatch. “I thought because your hands were fast that you might be one of those lucky people who is just fast, and you are!” he shouted. “You ran a 4.89 Fi,” he’d showed her the time on his watch.
“Is that good?” she’d panted, her hands on her knees.
“Fi, for a girl your age and height and with no former training that is unbelievable! And think of what you can do when we do train you.” He’d shaken the stopwatch with a grin. This is very good news.”
Those initial time trials seemed like a million years ago now, Fi smiled as she stood up and stretched following the meditation. Now she was faster, averaging 4.8, but she’d hit 4.72 once. She could also bust out a hundred pushups and hundreds of crunches no problem. Her pull-up limit was about fifty right now, but Sensei had started her on pull-ups with a thirty pound pack, so she could practice having to pull herself up when carrying gear. That had set her back down to about twenty pull-ups, but she was still getting stronger.
Each day they meditated, did physical fitness and technique training, practiced forms called ‘poomse’, and then they sparred. At first Fi hated the poomse, it seemed like slow, silly dancing. She preferred kicking and punching and spinning and leaping. The poomse seemed boring by comparison. But Sensei assured her of the importance of every aspect of her training.
“Patience!” he insisted. “It isn’t so much about the attack, especially for a small fighter like you.” He gestured for her to kick toward him the way she just had and he slipped away, caught her foot and flipped her onto the ground.
“Ooof!” She grunted as she felt a dull pain as her shoulder landed awkwardly. That’s gonna leave a mark, she thought with a grin.
She’d gotten used to the fact that Bob wouldn’t baby her. At first his roughness pissed her off and brought tears to her eyes, but she realized that he had to prepare her to actually fight. She could get punched, kicked, or worse out there and she needed to take some blows in practice or she wouldn’t be prepared for the real thing. The first time she’d taken a real punch, she’d been astounded at the force of it. Bob’s fist had felt like a battering ram and it knocked the wind out of her. It also convinced her that she needed to be better at protecting her torso. Now she actually found that she relished the roughhousing and she tried her hardest to give as good as she got. She’d actually caught Sensei by surprise once or twice, in the early days, before he knew her skills. She smiled at the memory.
“For you Fi,” Bob explained as she examined her shoulder. “It will be most important to be elusive, to use the attacker’s momentum and energy against him…to parry rather than thrust,” he explained. He walked her slowly through the dodging move he’d just performed. He also showed her how she had let her body weight shift and become unbalanced, leaving her open to an easy counter-attack. “Do you see how the poomse prepares you to move from one to the other with balance?” She nodded. She did see.
Over time, she’d begun to learn more patience and had she come to appreciate the precision of the poomse, the focus of the meditation. She understood that the best fighter is a calm fighter. Despite her newfound love of physicality she learned to keep it contained, directed, coiled and ready to strike. Though it surprised her, Fi found that she loved feeling the squeeze and pull of her muscles. She was so acutely aware of them when she walked, ran, scaled a staircase, or lifted her pack. It became a welcome distraction as she found herself pushing her muscles in off-hours, fitting in extra push-ups and crunches, just to lose herself in the meditation of movement.
Distractions were necessary now with the news reports and food shortages growing worse. There was not much time left, she knew.
“Ok Sensei, let’s get started on this disarming stuff,” she grinned. She sank into fighting stance. This stance was as comfortable to her now as breathing. Her legs were bent and her body was balanced between, with her weight in her toes. Though the stance was low, she always kept her weight light, ready to move in any direction. She wiggled her fingers as if to say, ‘bring it on’. Bob laughed.
“Alright,” he said and grabbed a staff from the corner of the room. “So let’s start by imagining a single attacker with a staff…” he began and Fi focused. It was time to train.
And Then There Were Two
An Impossible Secret
----------- Fi -----------
Fi strode across her back yard in the weak moonlight, headed for the stairs to her darkened house. When she drew close, she jumped back, startled. A figure was seated on the stairs in the cold darkness, peering at her from under heavy eyelids. It was Sean.
“Whew”, she sighed. “You scared me.” Quietly she joined him, setting her pack on the stairs beside them. She hadn’t seen him since Papa’s funeral two weeks ago.
“What’s going on Sean?” she asked, trying to keep her tone casual.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he said, his voice flat. He kept his gaze turned away but she could just make out his expression. There was an angry twist to his mouth and brow, a scowl that did not suit his usually kind face. The implied accusation stung. She shook her head.
“Nothing is going on Sean, I just had to get out of the house for a bit, that’s all,” she lied. “Sometimes, these days, I like to hike after school to clear my head. You know, go spend some time by the lake to read or think. I just let the time get away from me tonight.” She touched his arm in reassurance. He pulled away abruptly, but did not move or look at her otherwise.
“Oh yeah? Well it seems like time gets away from you every night now. In fact, you also seem to take some of your ‘hikes’ all day long, because you’ve definitely been skipping a lot of school.” Fi’s mouth dropped open and he smirked, his voice angry. “Just because you’re not going to school with me doesn’t mean I can’t tell when you skip. Heck, I see you take off into the woods behind the house in the morning all the time.” Fi closed her eyes. She thought she’d been more careful.
Sean continued, “Those must be some pretty amazing hikes to take up whole days and nights for weeks on end.” He stopped, waiting for her to speak. Her heart ached and she felt incredibly torn. If there were one person in the entire universe she’d want to tell, it would be Sean. But she couldn’t.
“Sean, I’m sorry that I have been distant, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” Her explanation sounded flat, even to her.
“And you can’t tell me?” he choked. “Me, Fi? I mean, I’ve known you since I was born. Our family is yours and yours is mine. Is there really something that you can’t tell me? That you can’t tell us?” His whisper was fierce and his hands trembled as they balled into fists. God, Fi thought, this is agony. She could hear the hurt in his voice. I desperately want to tell you, she thought. I want to tell you and to bring all of you along with me, but I can’t. I can’t!
“Sean, I’m just trying to you know, deal since, well, since Papa died.” She felt her stomach turn. Ugh, she hated all the lying. It was killing her more than the training.
“I know you’re lying Fi.” He drew each word out slowly. She could see the puff of his breath catch a little moonlight. “You’ve never been able to lie to me and you never will. Now it’s just a matter of whether you decide to tell me the
truth.” He stopped and she could see him run his hand through his dark hair…a gesture so familiar to her. He was so upset, she thought, her heart twisting.
“I’m not stupid, Fi. I listen to the news. I know something is happening, something big. And I know that Uncle Mike told you something about it. I know because it wasn’t his death that changed you.” She sucked in her breath and he stopped for a split second. The accusation had hit its mark.
He continued. “Something happened to you right before…before he passed,” he explained. “You haven’t been the same since.” He turned to face her, his gaze piercing even in the dim light. “I know you’re going out and doing something. I know you’re thinking or planning. I don’t know exactly what you’re doing, and I don’t know what is coming, but if there is some way to give my family, my little sisters,” he hissed. “A chance against what is coming, I think Uncle Mike would want you to tell me.” He turned away again. “Besides, don’t you think that I could help you with the plan? Or am I that useless, that expendable?”
At this, his shoulders dropped. She could feel the anger dissolving out of him with his words, the heaviness taking over. Anger never really did fit Sean. It just wasn’t his nature to be confrontational. That was why she wasn’t sure he’d be a help to her in the end. He wasn’t a fighter. The thought brought memories racing back of their school days, when she had defended him from bullies. Then again, she reflected, he had been able to stand up to others to protect her, just not himself.
Fi felt torn by his words, by the betrayal she could tell that he felt. Aching, she decided on a secret she could share, one that would distract him from his quest for the bigger, darker secret. She looked him in the eye.
“Sean, I have been keeping something from you.” He met her eyes, his face surprised. “I just haven’t been able to say it out loud yet.” She paused and then took a deep breath, “Maggie is Sick.”
His eyes widened. “Oh no, Fi. No, no…” he murmured, almost to himself, his head shaking back and forth with the words. “No way, not both of them, that’s not possible! And after Luke…” he stopped. “I’m so sorry, Fi,” he said, and threw his arms around her.
Oh God, this was worse, she thought. Now he was comforting her when she was still leaving him and her second family to fend for themselves. How can I live with this Papa? The thought wailed inside her head as she returned Sean’s hug.
But the Skillman’s were all healthy and vital, she reminded herself. They have the luxury of two adult parents and none of them are Sick. They may be able to survive. They would be given rations, they would be saved, she thought, trying to convince herself yet again. They would not be the ones selected for the death camps or whatever else the government has planned for those whom they can’t justify giving rations, those who were Sick like Maggie.
No, she was resolved. I can’t risk Kiara or Maggie’s safety. I will get them out no matter what, just like I promised Papa. Still, she couldn’t leave Sean’s family without some information, some help. They were all family to her. I will leave him a note, Fi thought, so they can follow our way out.
Suddenly Sean’s arms were no longer around her and she found him peering into her eyes again. “There you go again,” he said, sounding depressed. “Disappearing into your own head.”
He paused for a moment and then spoke, his words careful. “Fi, I love you and your family and I couldn’t be more sad to hear about Maggie. I don’t know how you keep going, but I know that you do and you will. But I also know still that there is more going on here than just Maggie.” At this, Fi felt a cold wave wash over her and her heart began to pound. “I know it, but I guess I can’t make you tell me and if you choose not to, I guess you have a reason.”
He sounded tired, resigned. He stood and walked down the stairs and then turned at the bottom. Even in the darkness, the look on his face made her shiver.
“I have something I have been keeping from you too.” He turned away from her. As he walked away, he disappeared into the darkness and Fi heard him say, “Rachel’s Sick too.”
Stunned, Fi stared into the darkness, and then lowered her head into her hands. So the Skillman’s are not all healthy, she thought, they’re going to face the worst as well. ‘What a world, what a world,’ she thought sadly, reminded of the dying refrain of the Wicked Witch of the West. It’s a world where young parents and little children die just from eating food, and where a fourteen-year old girl with a head filled with stupid movie references has to be the hero.
With her head still in her hands, Fi made the decision. There was no more argument she could make, she knew. If Papa had been here, Fi thought, if he had known that Rachel was Sick, he would have understood. Fi sat up and clapped her hands on her knees. She grabbed her pack and silently slipped inside her house.
----------- Sean -----------
The next morning Sean awoke to the sound of pebbles on his window. It was before dawn and there was only a hint of light in the sky. Sleepy, he walked to the window and peered out. Fi was straddling the big oak branch like she did when they were small, but she was wearing a backpack. Sean opened the window and gestured for her to come into his room, extending his hand.
She shimmied down the branch and swung lightly into his room and he stood, stunned. What the hell just happened, he thought?
“Wow. Since when are you so athletic?” he asked, impressed. “I don’t ever remember you getting in before without banging yourself some place…or without needing a hand from me for that matter,” he added. Then he finally noticed her attire. Why was she wearing cargo pants and hiking boots? Fi smiled and Sean’s felt his heart squeeze. It had been a long time since his best friend had graced him with her smile.
“Sean, we have to talk,” she said. “Convince your mom that you have a cold and need to skip school. This is going to take all day.”
As if to make her point, Fi walked to his desk and pulled out the chair, sitting down and laying her pack at her feet. She looked up at him and a laugh escaped her throat before she could cover her mouth.
“Wow Sean. That’s a good look for you,” she gestured toward his head. He grimaced. He knew that his face had wrinkles from the pillow and that his dark brown hair was standing up in all directions. Embarrassed, he threw a pillow at her.
“Shut up,” he said. “I didn’t get much sleep last night, as you may imagine.” She nodded, her face suddenly serious.
Sean shuffled out of the room to talk to his mother downstairs. It was no problem to convince Lucy that he wasn’t feeling well. He really hadn’t slept much the last night. Though he was dying to race back upstairs for some answers, he had to wait for the rest of the Skillman clan to leave for work and school. Once they had, he ran back up the stairs.
“All clear,” he said, as he strode past Fi to grab clothes from his dresser. “Alright if I take a shower first?”
“Of course,” she smiled. “I can’t talk to you seriously with that hair anyway.” He made a face and she laughed.
“Do I need to wear anything special today, 007?” he teased. Fi snickered, but then she nodded.
“Actually,” she said. “It would be a good idea to wear outdoorsy clothes…like for hiking or sports.” Wow, he thought. He’d only been kidding but then she was decked out like she was training for the military. Suddenly he noticed for the first time that she wore a giant knife strapped to her left thigh and his eyebrows shot up. He nodded in silence as he grabbed some layers and athletic shoes.
“Sure thing boss,” he quipped, but his mind was racing. Ten minutes later, he returned clean and dressed. “Ok, I’m ready.”
“I hope so,” Fi muttered and Sean felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Whatever she had to tell him, he was certain now that it wasn’t good. They went downstairs to the kitchen table and sat down.
“Ok,” Fi started. “So before I tell you everything, I’m going to need a very serious promise from you.” Her face was so…intense. He’d never seen her look like th
is before, not even at Uncle Mike’s funeral. He nodded, feeling strangely mute under her gaze.
She pushed him, her voice firm. “I’m going to need you to promise me that you will not tell anyone else what I’m going to share with you. When the time comes, we will have to tell your family, but until then no one can know. You can’t tell a single solitary other person what I’m about to tell you.” He frowned. What on Earth was she so freaked out about, he wondered? He knew that something crazy was going on out there with food and talk about war, but she was making it sound like…well, he didn’t know.
“Rachel’s life may very well depend on it,” she added. Sean’s eyes searched hers, but he saw only truth reflected in their brown depths, so he nodded.
“I swear Fi,” he said. “On my life, I swear. I guess I knew that this was going to be big, somehow,” he paused. “Go ahead, let’s hear it.” Fi pulled out her father’s journal and opened it on the kitchen table. She told Sean everything, exactly as her father had told her. They reviewed the notes and contacts and some of her training materials.
She explained her absences, describing her training with the Sensei and the animals she had trapped and butchered in the woods. She talked and talked and Sean felt himself grow progressively more and more shocked with every word. It felt like his eyebrows had nowhere higher on his head to go, but still the shock deepened. He didn’t know how to take it all in. That Rachel, his wonderful little sister was Sick because of food. And that now there would be a Famine…a worldwide Famine from what Uncle Mike had told Fi. He shook his head as if to clear it and stopped her.
“Hold on Fi,” he got up from the table and rubbed his head. He opened the fridge and grabbed a soda and popped it just as he heard a strange sound erupt from Fi’s throat. Suddenly he stared at the soda and froze. Was this Sickfood? Was he holding one of the keys to his sister’s illness? Suddenly he turned and poured the soda into the sink and turned back, his hands wringing together. “Just wanted something to settle my stomach,” he muttered and Fi nodded, her eyes wide. Of course, he thought, she knew exactly what he felt like right now. He felt like a giant had punched him in the gut.
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