Eden's Root

by Rachel Fisher

  It was then that he’d noticed that her eyes were wide open in shock. His gaze traveled over her body and he flushed. She stood barefoot, her soap gripped in one hand, her clothing and shoes in the other. Her thin tank top hung from her shoulders, clinging to her subtle curves. Below the tank top she was wearing basic black panties…nothing special, he thought. He’d seen girls in much less at the beach, but his heart pounded at the sudden intimacy. He never saw Fi like this. It was almost like she was naked, he thought and dropped his eyes.

  Fi apologized over and over, the hand clutching the soap rising frantically to cover her eyes, and he blushed. He’d thought she was watching him for a while, but maybe she really was just embarrassed. As walked past her and made some comment about an honest mistake, he could feel her stiffen. Was that a good thing or a bad thing, he wondered? Was it possible that somehow he had hurt or offended her? His confusion deepened as he pulled on his tank top and continued up the hill.

  On a sudden whim, he turned at the crest of the hill and saw her just sliding into the bubbling pool below. The light reflected in every direction as he peered through the dark pines surrounding the stream. For a moment Fi stood in the waist high water, facing the other direction and holding her long braid out of the water as her small fingers unwound it. Once she’d pulled the braid apart, she dropped her curls behind her like a waterfall over her slender back. It was only a second’s glance, but it made him freeze, transfixed.

  As he watched, she sank into the pool and laid her head back with a sigh. He couldn’t see anything but her face as she turned, gathering her long wet hair up in her hands as she enjoyed the water. She smiled and he realized that she was relaxed and at peace. Her face softened and he wanted to rush back down the hill, gather her up, and hold her close. His heart seized and the spell was broken. He forced himself to turn away and walk up the hill.

  Christ, she’s fifteen years old, he thought to himself angrily. She was just a young girl still, a girl he wouldn’t even have met in high school. Each stride he took was physical, his frustration driving him as he scolded himself again for his desires. And then his anger flowed away from him as suddenly as it had come. That wasn’t true anymore, he thought, not in this world, not now. Regardless of what was true in the old world, in this one Fi was not a little girl, she was the Leader. In fact, he smiled, she was his Leader, and that was the only thing that mattered.

  Once again, as he seemed to do once a day now, he resolved to stay focused on the goal. He would continue to follow her and would support her the only way he could, by helping her to lead the Family safely to Eden.

  Vowing to remain strong, he promised himself that he would not bother Fi with his personal longings. If she did not feel the same, it would only complicate things for her and the Family. Turning his focus to his task for the day, he made his way back to camp. He had to find Kiara so they could practice their birthday surprise.

  Birthday Surprises

  ----------- Fi -----------

  Fi walked up the hillside feeling refreshed, the memory of her embarrassment washed away in the cool water. She had washed her underthings and socks and used that as an excuse to walk back barefoot in her tank top and cargo pants. Passing invisibly through the forest, Fi slipped back toward their camp. She moved so silently that when she came upon Asher and Kiara, they didn’t seem to notice her. Fi stood spellbound at the sight of them seated in the middle of the clearing they used for training. Kiara sat cross-legged, while Asher sat on his knees like Sensei Bob. Both drew deep breaths with their eyes closed. They were meditating, she realized. What in the world was going on? Surely Asher wasn’t teaching Kiara about fighting? She strode purposefully to the edge of the clearing.

  “What exactly is going on here?” she demanded. Kiara’s eyes popped wide open in surprise.

  “Fi!” she said excitedly and started to get up.

  “Shhhhhhhhhh!” Asher chided, his eyes still closed. Fi realized that Asher had not startled at her voice. He must have known she was there. Of course he did, she thought, annoyed. Asher held one finger in front of his mouth to demand silence. An obedient Kiara settled back down and closed her eyes. What?!? Fi was shocked. Asher could just say “Shhh” once and Kiara would settle?

  “Asher,” Fi put her hands on her hips. “I’m serious. I want to know what you guys are doing and I want to know right now.” Her voice rose in frustration. Kiara opened her eyes again, unnerved by Fi’s tone. Asher’s eyes remained closed and his voice even.

  “Relax Fi,” he smiled without opening his eyes. “It’s a birthday surprise,” he explained, which annoyed her more. That didn’t make any sense at all. “Close your eyes and breathe Kiara,” he instructed and Kiara obeyed once again. You have got to be kidding me, Fi thought as she rolled her eyes.

  “What do you mean it’s a birthday surprise Ash?” Fi protested. “It’s your birthday!” He sighed deeply and opened his eyes and smiled. Then he turned to Kiara.

  “Ok Ki,” he began, using his nickname for her. He liked to joke that if she was Fi, then Kiara was Ki. It was his way of making Kiara feel special while still bugging Fi for her full name. Why he cared was beyond her, Fi thought, irritated.

  “It’s time to show Fi.” Kiara nodded and stood, her little body held in perfect posture. Like Fi, she was small for her age. She turned to Asher and bowed as he did to her. Fi stifled a chuckle. It was so weird watching Kiara’s baby frame imitate such a serious gesture. Reluctantly, Fi sat on the ground to watch.

  After the bow, the two turned so that they stood next to each other and faced Fi. Then in unison, they began to slowly move through the first Tai Chi form. Fi watched in amazement as Kiara moved deliberately through each position, breathing with concentration. Her movements were often soft and abbreviated compared with Asher’s, but her memory of the moves was amazing. Her tongue poked from the corner of her tight mouth as she focused, her face serious. Though Fi was impressed, it occurred to her that they had been practicing this for a while. How long has this been going on without my knowledge, she wondered?

  They got through the first form in its entirety and gave a soft kiai at the end. Then they bowed to Fi and to one another. Asher gave Kiara a high five, congratulating her on a good job. Fi could see the excitement in Kiara’s eyes, her sense of accomplishment. She shifted her gaze to Asher’s face. His entire focus was on Kiara, his gaze soft and filled with love and Fi’s heart filled her throat. Whatever else Asher Grey was, he was a good father figure.

  Of course, she thought with a sigh, maybe that was because he was twenty years old as of today and he actually could be a father. It made more sense for him to mentor Kiara then it did for him to want to be with her, she reasoned. Probably he sees himself as something of a father figure to me too. Rather than bringing any comfort, this thought only deepened her dejection. Lost in her thoughts, she realized that Kiara was still waiting for her response. With a smile, she stood and wrapped her into a big hug.

  “Wow baby,” Fi breathed. “That was amazing!” Kiara beamed up at her.

  “I did good, right? We practiced and practiced,” she waved her small hand toward Asher. Then she suddenly seemed struck by guilt and she ducked her head and added, “I actually know more than you saw.” Fi shook her head and cocked an eyebrow at Asher.

  “Tell me again how this is a birthday surprise?” He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

  “I thought it was simple. It’s my birthday,” he began and then grinned. “And Kiara and I wanted to surprise you Fi.” A belly laugh accompanied his explanation. “Did it work?” As she stared into Kiara’s expectant face, Fi felt herself soften. Though she wasn’t sure how she felt about Kiara being taught fighting forms, she could argue with Asher about that later. For now, she would focus on the positives.

  “Yes,” she admitted. “You definitely surprised the heck out of me,” Fi relented and laughed. She ruffled Kiara’s loose braid. “You too missy!” Kiara squeaked in pleasure.

  “We sur
prised Fi!” she sang over and over as she ran circles around the two of them, forcing them to step closer together. Suddenly, standing this close to Asher, Fi’s bare feet and thin tank top made her remember her earlier embarrassment. Self-conscious, she gazed up at Asher’s face while they stood hemmed in by the boisterous Kiara. His eyes were locked onto hers, their look eager. Feeling herself flush, she wished that she were wearing more clothing.

  “Ummm,” she started, fumbling for the right words. “I just wanted to say that as the Leader, I’m disturbed to find that a Family Member would keep secrets from me.” Asher frowned. Well, at least she thought it was a frown. It looked a little like a smile as well.

  “But…” he prompted. She took a deep breath.

  “But…I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your kindness to my sister,” she paused, “and to all the children, and to all the Family really.”

  She felt anxiety take over and she dropped her eyes before she could see his expression. Kiara ceased dancing around them and started exploring a decaying log at the edge of the clearing, chattering to herself. Freed from Kiara’s circles, Fi was about to step back when Asher reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. Shocked by his touch, her eyes flew to his face and her shock deepened. His face was angry? Frustrated? Happy? She couldn’t tell. He seemed like everything all at once.

  What did I do? Her head whirled. Did I do something wrong? His fingers burned on her wrist, the soft skin hyperaware of his touch. She tried to drop her gaze again, but he caught her chin in his other hand and held it. Her heart pounded and she closed her eyes, desperate for the forest floor to open beneath her. He waited for her to open her eyes and finally she took a deep breath and met his gaze. No escape, she thought. No escape from what she knew she felt. She ached with the certainty that he did not understand, could not understand. And what was worse, she knew that it was written all over her face.

  “Fi,” Asher’s voice was almost a whisper. “I love Kiara and the Family, and I would do anything for them.” He stopped and his eyes searched her face. She couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t look away. He took a deep breath. “But they are not the reason that I get up every day.” The fingers beneath her chin began to trace her jawline and Fi felt herself shudder. Something akin to panic passed through her and she felt like she had to sit down.

  “Fi,” he murmured. “I have tried so hard not to cross the line, not to harm the Family. I mean, I respect the rules, I respect that you’re the Leader,” his voice grew thick, “but I’m finding it impossible to resist you.” Fi felt her legs weaken, but it didn’t matter because Asher’s grip on her wrist steadied her. “I don’t want to ruin the Family, Fi,” he explained. “And I don’t even know,” he started and then stopped and hung his head. Fi frowned in confusion. He doesn’t know what? He took a breath and his grip relaxed. “I don’t even know how you feel,” he finished. He met her gaze and she saw the tension in his eyes, the question behind them.

  Time stopped and the only thing that moved was her heart as it fought to escape her chest. Her mind raced, replaying their moments, seeing something different in his smiles, in his gestures, even in his unwillingness to touch her. How she had ached to feel his touch again. Fi raised both of her hands as Asher released her wrist. She reached up, hesitating for a moment, and then touched his face and his eyes closed. She felt a small shiver pass through her fingers as she slid her hands softly along his jaw to his neck and twined her fingers through his shaggy hair. Rising up onto her tiptoes, she pulled his forehead down to meet hers. At the touch, she closed her eyes and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. She breathed hard, her fingers tightening as their foreheads and noses pressed together.

  Listening to his breath quicken with hers only made her weaker. She released her hands and slid them down his chest as she sank down from her tiptoes. She settled, pressing her left cheek to his chest between her hands. Asher held her tight and leaned down to kiss the top of her wet head. They stood enmeshed, unmoving and silent. It was impossible to speak, Fi realized, when one felt so overwhelmed. She didn’t know what this meant, or what it would mean for her Family, but she was powerless to resist it now. She wanted him. And if he wanted her, that was enough for her.

  “Ha!” Fi and Asher were startled by a laugh. Kiara stood a few feet away giggling, a bouquet of leaves gripped in her hand. “You guys are silly,” she laughed and turned to run back toward camp. Fi and Asher separated, but still held hands for one moment. Fi kept her head down, suddenly feeling shy again. She sighed.

  “I guess if she tells everyone, we’ll have to find a way to explain,” she smiled up at Asher, and bit her lip. He smiled and continued to twine his fingers with hers, turning and touching her palms and wrists, sending tiny shockwaves up her arms with each stroke.

  “We’ll figure it out Fi,” he murmured happily. She nodded. Yes, they would figure out what to do, what to say. There was no way around it, because she wasn’t turning back now. Fi let go of Asher’s hands and moved to gather her things. She bent over to check on her wet clothes and heard a low whistle. She whirled around, frowning. Was he checking her out? Asher grinned, and silently mimicked whistling again. Of course, she blushed, he was checking her out, and now he could tell her. Open affection and appreciation would take some getting used to, she realized. As they walked back toward camp Asher spoke.

  “So I already got to deliver my birthday surprise with your sister,” he began and Fi chuckled in appreciation, “but you did point out that it was technically a surprise for you, not me.” Fi slid her gaze sideways at him as they walked. Where was this going?

  “Well,” he continued, his voice growing playful, “I just wanted to say thank you for the accidental surprise for me,” he laughed, and then he winked at her. She stopped dead and he kept walking and chuckling to himself. Oh God, she thought, covering her face with her hands. Oh God. She couldn’t decide if she was more embarrassed that he’d seen her in her panties or that he knew she’d seen him without his, or that her panties were horrible. Oh God, she thought. Now I REALLY wish I could sink through the forest floor. As he disappeared into the trees, she gathered herself.

  Alright Fi, she told herself, have some dignity. Still barefoot, she ran as lightly as she could to catch up with him, doing her best to focus on her footing and ignore her embarrassment. Anyway, she thought as she ran, wasn’t he embarrassed too? At that thought, she stopped and laughed, sure of how she could get him back. She took off and raced ahead of him and turned.

  “Stop!” She held out her hands and Asher stopped. An impish smirk crossed her face as she put her hands on her hips and cocked her head.

  “So you were thanking me for your earlier gift, huh?” Asher narrowed his eyes, unsure. “Well, you got it wrong again,” she laughed and poked him in the chest with her hiking shoes. “That,” she waved her hand back toward the bathing stream, “was still a birthday surprise for me.” She turned and ran while he stood shocked, dumbfounded by her brazenness. She laughed the whole way back, her heart lightened by love.

  Later on, as the sun sank below the hills, Fi stared across the low fire at Sean. Dread washed over her again at the thought of telling him about Asher. All afternoon had felt like a continual seesaw of crazy happy and crazy worried. It was a little exhausting. At least now she got to feel something besides crazy worried, she mused. That used to be the only feeling. Even though she knew that it would be so hard to make herself tell Sean, she owed it to him. Once darkness fell, Fi took the opportunity to sit with Sean alone.

  For several moments she was silent, as her stomach twisted and words inexplicably failed her. God, this is excruciating, she thought. Sean sighed.

  “What’s on your mind, Boss?” he joked, his voice a little tight. “Spit it out.”

  Fi’s head whirled to face Sean in confusion. Did he sense what was coming somehow? Nodding, she took a deep breath.

  “Sean, you know how important you are to me and how much I love yo
u,” she began and he sucked in his breath. “Um, but, you know that, well, that I don’t love you that way,” she stammered, wringing her hands, “and well, um…” She stopped and put her head in her hands and shook it. “Shit, I suck at this,” she murmured.

  She felt Sean begin to shake beside her and she turned to him in concern. It only took a moment to realize that he was shaking because he was laughing at her.

  “What?” she demanded. “What’s so funny?” Sean’s shoulders shook harder as he tried to suppress his laughter.

  “You’re right Fi, you really do suck at this,” he laughed out loud and she exhaled, her lips blowing a raspberry in frustration. At least he was laughing, she thought. That was good.

  “It’s ok Fi,” he assured her as his laughter slowed. “I get it. You’re trying to tell me that you’re in love with Asher, and that he’s in love with you. It’s ok, I know already.” His face grew gentle as he met her eyes. Fi’s mouth dropped open. What? What the heck was he talking about?

  “C’mon Fi,” he chuckled. “You can’t possibly think this is news. Seriously, you two have got to be the last two people in the Family to figure this out,” he shook his head. “I even talked to Maggie about it once a long time ago,” his voice grew distant.

  “You did?” That was a surprise. Maggie had never said anything. “What did she say?”

  “She comforted me, like Maggie always does…did…does,” he looked up. “Sorry.” Fi gave him a sad smile.

  “It’s ok. Please tell me what she said.” She tried to keep the longing out of her voice, but she was certain that Sean would hear it anyway. It felt selfish to drag him through memories, but she wanted to hear her mother’s voice in her head…to hear what she said about Asher.

  “Well, she said she wasn’t sure if you would be ever able to express yourself with the pressure you were under all the time, but if you did, then she knew that you loved Asher and that he loved you,” he sighed. “It was hard to hear, I won’t lie, but I already knew anyway.” Fi picked at her shoelaces. Was she always going to feel this guilty? She was so elated to hear that her mother understood, that she’d even told Sean. She couldn’t be happier and it felt awful.