by Nella Tyler
Hector’s light footfalls on the treadmill were the only noise in the room as the three of us stayed silent for a few seconds, our thoughts spinning in different directions. Finally, he said, “Do you even want to be with Lacey?”
I answered immediately. “Hell no.” I stared hard at him as he lifted his eyebrows. “But don’t I owe it to my child to at least try to make things work?”
Johnny cleared his throat, drawing our attention. He hadn’t spoken at all since we’d started our workouts. “I know you guys never really listen to what I have to say about relationships, but I actually know what I’m talking about this time. Kids don’t change anything about a relationship. I saw that firsthand with my mom. She had a couple different kids with a couple different men, but the result was always the same.” He swallowed, the seriousness of the situation hardening his expression.
I’d known his childhood was rough, but he never really talked about it more than to say he’d had it hard coming up. “A kid only emphasizes what’s already there. If you have something good, a kid can make it better. But if you have something bad, a kid will only make it worse. You don’t trust Lacey. It’s why you ended things to begin with. All that’s going to happen if you get back with her is that you’ll be unhappy and make the child unhappy, too.”
I considered his words, giving Hector a surprised look. It was rare that Johnny schooled us both, especially about relationships, but he clearly knew what the hell he was talking about this time.
“I have to agree with Johnny here,” Hector said. “Kids aren’t the solutions to problems. They are problems themselves.” He grinned when I glanced up at him with a confused look on my face. “Don’t misunderstand me, I love my kids, but they make things more difficult than you can ever imagine before you have them. You need a good solid relationship to weather that storm. A child isn’t there to solve the problems you have in the relationship with your wife or girlfriend.”
“And, can I just mention the obvious?” Johnny asked, staring at me first and then Hector, his eyebrows raised and pulled slightly together.
I nodded, and lifted one of my shoulders as though to say go ahead.
“How the fuck do you even know this is your kid?” he asked. I blinked at such a direct question.
“Oh, damn,” Hector mumbled, a thoughtful expression on his face. “That’s a good point.”
Johnny went on without my reply. “I mean, you kicked Lacey to the curb because she was sleeping around, which she admitted to doing for your whole relationship. Sure, she was sleeping with you when she got pregnant, but there were other guys. Plural. This kid might not even be yours. If I were you, I wouldn’t agree to a damned thing without getting a paternity test.”
I took a deep breath, my chest loosening for the first time since Lacey showed up at my apartment to knock my world from its axis. I had no idea why I’d never considered the possibility that this kid wasn’t mine, but I hadn’t. I’d been so thrown by the sight of her rounded stomach and losing Sami in the aftermath, I hadn’t given it much thought. And, Sami accepting it as truth so easily had made it easier for me to accept it. But Johnny was right. There was definitely a chance that this kid wasn’t mine.
I grabbed my phone from its place under the bench and rushed out into the hallway, dialing Lacey as I went. She answered on the third ring.
“Hi, Blaze,” she said, sounding pleased, her sugary voice turning my stomach. “What’s up?”
“I have a few questions for you,” I replied, striding down the hall to find a place we could chat without being overheard. “About the baby.”
Chapter Thirty Two – Sami – Mid-April
The gas light came on as I was driving home from the closing from hell. I made an impatient noise and blew a sharp breath out through my bottom lip as I sank a little in the driver’s seat.
It had been a long day. The bank hadn’t emailed the correct paperwork to the closing company, which delayed everything by more than a few hours. I’d spent too much time soothing nerves and bickering with the closing agent, refusing to leave until my clients were able to sign their paperwork. I just wanted to get home and into a warm shower to wash away all the stress from the day.
I pulled into the first gas station I passed, not giving a damn about the price as I steered my car to one of the interior pumps close to the building. As I was getting out of my car, I noticed a truck I recognized parked to the right of the station’s entrance. It was Blaze’s. I’d know it anywhere: cherry red, just like the fire engines he rode for a living. But he wasn’t anywhere to be seen out here and I needed gas. Maybe I could pump it and get back on the road before he returned to his truck. Of all the gas stations in town, I had to pick this one. My luck was just that great today.
I fed my credit card into the machine and got the gas pumping into my car, keeping an eye on the door. I caught sight of Blaze through the window, stepping into a short line of people, a drink and a package of some snack in his hand. My heart ached just watching him, so close yet so far. The urge to go inside and speak to him was nearly overwhelming. I’d give anything to hear his voice again and see the hot look in his green eyes as he gazed down at me.
I reminded myself that he was probably with Lacey again now, planning a life together for their child. He hadn’t called me at all since that day in his apartment, not that I would’ve taken his call if he had. He was moving on with his life and I had to do the same, no matter how much it hurt.
It was Blaze’s turn at the register now. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the sight of him smiling at the woman behind the counter as he paid for his items. I felt the urge to run inside and speak to him washing over me again even stronger this time. But that wouldn’t do anything but tear open the wound that had just started healing, the one that had cut into me the moment I heard Lacey and Blaze discussing their baby.
I finished with the gas just as Blaze was walking out of the station. Our eyes met and we both froze for a second, unable to speak, breathe, or move. My paralysis broke just before his did, and I jumped into action, slamming the pump back where it belonged and hopping into the driver’s side of my car.
He was jogging across the parking lot, moving quickly towards me, his mouth forming words I didn’t stop to hear. I started my car and peeled away, leaving him behind. I looked in the rearview mirror. He was staring after me, waving his arms and shouting, a snack in one hand and a soda in the other. I kept going.
A few seconds later, my phone rang. I didn’t even take it out of my purse. I received three more calls, one right after the other, as I drove home, my hands trembling on the steering wheel and tears stinging in my eyes. I’d cried a lot after that awful morning in Blaze’s apartment, but after a few days, I was just stunned and heartbroken, my tear ducts all dried out. But now it felt like I could cry for hours again, those ducts replenished with gallons of fresh tears.
I parked in front of my building and went inside. I was exhausted and shaken up, but happy to be home again, where I could let down my guard and finally relax after such a shitty day. Ever since Blaze and I had called it quits, nothing seemed to go my way. It had been difficult client after difficult client, closings imploding when they should have gone smoothly, a nail in my tire, my washer going on the fritz, the repair so expensive, I just ended up buying a new one only to have the dryer go out shortly afterward.
I pulled my phone out of my purse and confirmed that all four missed calls had been from Blaze. He’d left messages, too. I didn’t plan to listen to those, though I was desperate to hear the sound of his voice. I needed to steel myself, to harden my gooey heart to how much I wanted to be with him. It just wasn’t possible.
I threw my purse and phone onto my couch. Why couldn’t I have just picked a different damned gas station? Why did the universe have to be so cruel, dangling Blaze in front of me when it knew I couldn’t have him?
I kicked off my heels and peeled the blazer from my body, just wanting out of my work clothes. I went to my b
edroom to strip off my skirt and blouse, trading them for a comfortable pair of pajama shorts and a t-shirt. I needed wine, stat. And maybe a three-way bitch session with Lisa and Amy. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of white wine. I took a sip, a layer of stress peeling away at the sweet, airy taste.
The doorbell rang and I sighed with relief. Amy and Lisa had taken turns dropping by unexpectedly — well, it stopped being unexpected after the fourth night in a row — to keep me company, bringing along dinner and a bottle of wine and staying until I was ready to collapse into bed. It had really helped get through the roughest days right after the breakup with Blaze.
Tonight was Amy’s night, which meant a killer bottle of wine that she’d paired with a home cooked meal. The woman even brought dessert, also homemade. It was a little early for her; she usually didn’t get over here until after seven. She had to go home and cook before she came over here. Lisa, on the other hand, just ordered food to be delivered, which was good, too. Anything that got me out of cooking, to be honest.
I pulled open the front door, the smile falling from my face at who was standing on the other side.
It was Blaze.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said and meant to swing the door shut again, but I couldn’t even move. My body ached for him, just wanting to burrow into the firm, muscly heat of his chest and forget every bit of the last few weeks. But that wasn’t possible and he knew that. How dare he come here. He had absolutely no right.
“Sami, we have to talk,” he replied, speaking quickly, hands up in surrender, his green eyes wild as they burned into mine. He was just as gorgeous as he’d been the day I’d run from his apartment, his auburn beard trimmed close to his jaw and hair a mass of crazy waves. “The last couple of weeks without you have been horrible. I wanted to call you, but I had to wait for something to be verified.”
“We can’t do this, Blaze,” I whispered, afraid if I spoke any louder, that would start the tears, and he might try to comfort me. Just speaking his name was a painful reminder of what I had lost. And after facing a day that had beaten me from morning until now, I just didn’t have the energy to deal with this. I’d be stronger after a full night’s rest, but right now I couldn’t take any more hits. “Please leave me alone.”
“Lacey isn’t pregnant, Sami. I finally got the story straight this morning.”
I frowned, unable to process what he’d just said, the words making absolutely no sense. “What?”
“I was talking to some of the guys at the station and they got me wondering if this was even my child to begin with. She cheated on me more times than I really want to think about, but I was so stuck on the possibility of having a child, that it completely overlooked that.”
My face hardened. I didn’t want any part of this drama between Blaze and his ex-fiancée. I went to speak, but he continued with his monologue before I got the chance.
“I kept trying to meet with her in person to talk about the baby, but she always came up with an excuse for why she couldn’t see me. I demanded to go to the doctor with her, and she told me that wasn’t my business. She told me she just wanted me to pay child support once the baby was here, but didn’t need me to tell her what to do in the meantime. She got really nasty and defensive after only a few phone calls, which made me even more suspicious.”
From all I’d heard about Lacey — most of it through Johnny on one of the nights Blaze and I had met him for drinks — this sounded about right. I still didn’t understand how it was any of my business how they decided to negotiate their new roles as mother and father to this baby. But something in Blaze’s eyes gave me pause and made me want to give him an opportunity to get to his point before I slammed the door in his face and collapsed on the floor in a puddle of tears.
“I was getting tired of her pushing me off, so I finally ambushed her at home. She’s not even pregnant.”
This hadn’t really registered the first time he’d said it, but the repetition slammed it home. My mouth dropped open from the shock. I could only blink up at him as he smiled at me, the warmth in his eyes nearly knocking me over.
I still hadn’t let him into my house, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. All of this was just too much to process. My mind was exhausted enough from its battle to survive the last twelve hours.
“I caught her coming out of her house,” he continued, like I wasn’t standing in front of him too stunned to speak or invite him in. “She was dressed in workout clothes, her stomach completely flat. I asked her what the hell was going on. At first she tried to say she’d lost the baby, but when I pressed her for details, she admitted she was never pregnant to begin with.”
“But her stomach…” I didn’t finish the sentence. This was all too bizarre. I’d seen the evidence with my own eyes.
“She said she used a small pillow.” But he didn’t look angry. He looked ecstatic, like a giant weight had been lifted from his broad shoulders and he couldn’t believe his good fortune.
I didn’t know how to feel. The jolt from the initial blow of him showing up and dropping this news on me was wearing off, but that didn’t help me with what to say to him. The dread that had settled over me from the moment I’d overheard Blaze and Lacey discussing their baby had never really left my system. It stuck around, coloring my thoughts and dimming my vision. I could feel it now, creeping up the back of my throat.
Dimly, as though from a great distance away, I knew this should strike me as good news. Lacey was definitely out of the picture, after all. But I didn’t feel anything besides that lingering dread.
“I didn’t even stick around long enough to tell her off, Sami. I was just so relieved. I planned to come over here tonight to surprise you, but then I saw you at the gas station. It just felt right.” He grinned, his eyes filling up with that magnetic warmth that tugged at my aching heart. “Like that fate stuff that Hector’s always talking about.” His grin dimmed at my confused expression.
“I don’t want any part of this,” I said, finally, shaking my head, attempting to resist the pull of him. “I don’t know if you moved on too quickly after leaving Lacey or what, but I can’t keep riding this rollercoaster.”
His handsome face fell as his green eyes widened, the look in them causing my heart to race. “Don’t you see, Sami? All of this means I’m supposed to be with you, not Lacey. She won’t bother me again after this. She’s lost all her power. I want to be with you. It’s all I’ve wanted since the night we met.” He took a small step forward, the look on his face imploring me to invite him in, to throw my arms around his neck…to do something more than just staring at him the way I was now. “I love you.”
Those words pierced me in the chest while also spreading a warm, tingling feeling through me. “I love you, too, Blaze, but I can’t keep doing this. Maybe we aren’t meant for each other.” Even as I was saying it, I didn’t believe it. I wanted to be with this man more than I wanted to breathe, but I couldn’t take another hit like the one I’d felt at seeing what I thought was a baby growing inside Lacey, a baby that belonged to the man I loved.
“I don’t want to live without you, Sami,” he said, his voice low and urgent as his eyes kept stirring up that need inside me, the desire to put my hands and lips on him and let the rest of this mess sort itself out later. He wasn’t going to be a father. That was an important first step. But I still wasn’t sure about moving forward. I’d thought things were sorted last time too and look what had happened. Not that I could blame Blaze for that, but still.
I shook my head. “I don’t know…”
He took me into his arms, silencing me with a kiss so passionate, I was powerless to do anything but melt into it, letting him put his arms around me while I wrapped mine around him, my mouth opening to him, our tongues mingling as we tasted one another. It was like returning to my favorite place in the world. I’d missed him more than I’d allowed myself to realize.
I pulled him through my door without releasing him from my embrace, our li
ps working busily against each other. He slammed the door shut, and we broke apart only briefly to smile at each other, dazed by the heat that was burning between us. And then we were at it again, moving to the couch and tearing each other’s clothes off.
I ran my hands over his chest, reacquainting myself with the warmth in his skin and the rock hard feel of his muscles. We didn’t stop to speak, just stripped our clothes off until there was nothing between us but that building heat. I pulled him down on top of me on the couch, his body pressing mine into the cushions. We were ready for one another. He was rock hard, and I was so wet the insides of my thighs were slick. He entered me in one stoke, bringing us together finally after so many long, lonely weeks apart.
“I love you,” he whispered, panting the words into my ear.
“I love you, too,” I moaned back to him.
We took our time after that, enjoying how well our bodies fit together and just letting that heat build until it overflowed, flooding us with pleasure.
Chapter Thirty Three – Blaze – Late April
Hector and I were outside of the bay in the dwindling light of the early evening, soaping up the firetruck. I couldn’t get the guy to shut up about the new baby — not that I was really complaining. It was great to see how excited he was. For once, I wasn’t jealous of that.
Things were going great with Sami now that Lacey was completely out of the picture and I knew I wasn’t going to be a father of a baby I was having with another woman. I hadn’t heard from my ex since the confrontation outside of her place, which was just fine by me. I wasn’t even mad at her. What she’d done was seriously fucked up, but, somehow, it had only strengthened my connection with Sami instead of tearing it down.
Hector knelt down to start scrubbing the front tires with a hard bristled brush. He looked up at me, still smiling, but the look in his eyes had changed. “How are things between you and Sami?”
