by C. Shell
My heart does a ridiculous thump. When we got engaged, I was the happiest I’ve ever been. He warned me that his family was old-fashioned and there would be some traditions we would have to follow, but I didn’t care. He was the love of my life, and I wanted to be his wife. I look out to the parking lot and blink away hot tears. How fast things change.
“I should go,” I say, my tone bland. The moment Conner takes a step back, I slam the door shut.
My fingers tremble as I start up the car. I don’t dare look out the window, knowing that he’s still there, watching my every move. Throwing the car into gear, I ease out of the apartment complex with my heart in my throat.
With every mile I put between us, I feel the weight of his words sinking in. Conner isn’t one to talk out of his ass. He speaks with a purpose and doesn’t ever waste words. For a guy who enjoys dipping his stick in other women, I don’t understand why marriage is so important to him. I want to believe that it’s because he loves me so much, but I have a sinking feeling that there’s more to it than that.
Chapter Two
Needing to find a place to stay for the night, I dig out my cell phone and call my best friend, Becca. I came to the University on a scholarship, which states that I must live in the dorms while in school. Becca and I were assigned a room together and made friends right off the bat. She’s quirky, fun, and loyal as a pit-bull, two qualities I admire the most about her.
Conner and I became a serious couple during our freshman year, so with Becca’s approval, I moved out and only stay in the dorms a few nights a month to keep up appearances. Whenever I’m not around, Becca lets her boyfriend Patrick stay over. The situation is a win-win for us both. With nowhere else to go, the dorm is my best bet. It’s not my scheduled night, which means Patrick is probably there. I hate intruding on their time together, but I’m out of options.
Becca picks up on the third ring, her voice gruff with sleep. The moment I open my mouth to speak, my raw emotions get the best of me and the tears start to fall. “I know it’s short notice, but I need of a place to stay tonight. Can I come over?”
There’s some shuffling on the other end of the line along with what sounds like Patrick grunting before she answers. “You sound like shit. Is everything okay?”
I sniffle and blink back another round of tears. Not one to beat around the bush, I give it to her straight. “Not even close. My life is shit right now. I packed a bag and left Conner. I hate to cramp your style, but I need a place to crash. I have nowhere else to go.”
I hear a gasp followed by a loud crash. “Stupid lamp,” she hisses. I roll my eyes, hoping that it wasn’t my side lamp she killed. There are more grumbles before the line goes quiet and Becca’s voice comes out loud and strong. “This dorm room is just as much yours as it is mine. You never have to ask before dropping in. Now, tell me what happened.”
I argue with myself on how much to spill. Becca and Conner were like water and oil. She hated it when I moved in with him, but as the years passed, she came to terms with my choice. Hearing about his infidelity will give her the excuse she’s been needing to go kick him in the nuts.
“It’s a long story that ends with Conner balls deep in Goldilocks. My head hurts from crying and I just want to curl up in my old bed and forget about everything for a little while.”
“Holy fuck,” she spats. “I’ll get the coffee started. Drive careful. We’ll talk more when you get here.”
My shoulders sag with relief. “Thanks. See you soon.”
Just talking about Conner makes that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach return with a vengeance. I’m in shock. I wouldn’t have believed that he cheated if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes. The image of his lily-white ass plowing into that girl has burrowed its way into my mind like an unwanted parasite.
Pulling into the parking lot, I take the first open spot available near the entrance. With bags in hand, I head on inside. The hum from the horrible fluorescent lights greets me as I make my way down the hall to our room near the end. I haven’t been here in weeks, and yet, nothing has changed. Stark white walls and cracked tile flooring give off a less than welcoming feeling.
Unlocking our door, I slip inside on silent feet just in case Becca went back to sleep. My worry is unfounded when I find my best friend perched on her bed with a cell phone glued to her ear while talking a mile a minute. Her animated hands move as fast as her mouth, a trait she gets from her mom.
My throat grows tight when I see what’s beside her. Stacked on the side table is a mountain of candy, a variety of chip bags, a few movies, and a box of Kleenex. Leave it to Becs to think of everything. Noticing my presence, her eyes go wide. “Hey babe, let me call you later. Emma just walked in. It’s girl time. Love you bunches.”
I toss my bags on the floor near my bed and give her a tired smile. “What happened to Patrick?”
“I sent him home,” she replies with a shrug. Her eyes go soft as she takes me in. “You look like shit.”
I laugh, appreciating her honesty. “I don’t doubt it.” Plopping down beside her, I lean over to get a better look at all goodies laid out. My sweet tooth rears its ugly head as I snag a Snickers bar from the pile. “Is that all for me?”
“Of course. It’s a break-up emergency package.” Becca points it all out to me. “I’ve thought of everything. There are sweets and salty stuff, kick-ass movies, and enough tissues to get us through the night.”
Stupid tears prick the corners of my eyes. I hate crying and yet I can’t seem to get the waterworks to stop. I’m not normally this emotional. “You did well,” I tell her.
“You don’t have to say it,” she teases. “I know I’m awesome.” She adjusts the blanket covering her lap before turning serious. “Are you going to keep me in suspense all night or are you going to tell me what happened? Don’t spare any details.”
Air whooshes from my lungs like a deflating balloon. Just thinking about Conner makes all the toxic emotions come flooding back. Becca fluffs the pillows behind her back, patiently waiting for me to spill all my secrets. Unlike me, she’s got the patience of a Saint.
I’m a lucky bitch for scoring Becca Lewis as my roommate. In college, you’ve got a fifty-fifty chance that your roomie will be tolerable. A girl on the second floor hated her roommate so much that she tried auctioning her off. It caused quite a stink that eventually led to them both moving out.
I had my doubts when I first laid eyes on Becca. Her long baby pink hair, nose ring, and twin lip piercing gave me pause. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate her looks, I was just hoping she wouldn’t turn out to be bat shit crazy. Within an hour I had a girl crush. Becca is amazing, inside and out. Her quirky attitude rounds out my square edges, adding just the right amount of spice to my life.
Growing up, the way I did wasn’t easy. I can’t remember a time in my life when my mother wasn’t working less than two jobs, leaving me alone to help raise my younger sister, Bella. Dad skipped town when we were still in diapers, and mom never remarried. I knew from an early age that college was my only option of becoming something other than a stripper or a waitress. My mother means well, but her circumstances have turned her into a bitter woman.
And then I met Conner.
He stormed into my life the first day I stepped foot on Campus. We went to high school together but ran in different crowds. He never knew I existed. I was the girl with holes in her shoes and thrift shop clothing. Conner was the guy who was born with silver spoon in his mouth and was too cocky for his own good.
My first day here I was lost and doing a horrible job finding my way to the commons area. With my head down, I was studying the map in my hand, not paying attention to where I was walking when I rounded a corner and ran smack dab into a hard chest. With the grace of a water buffalo, I fell on my ass with my books scattered all around me. Conner felt bad and offered to buy me a coffee as an apology. We clicked right away. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Looking back at it
now, I don't think I ever had a chance of not being with him. When Conner turns his attention on something, he doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants. And he wanted me. Our different upbringings were a concern of mine, but Conner brushed it under the rug. He made life feel easy and carefree, something I’ve always craved. He found my weakness and exploited it to the fullest. Not that I minded.
“Talk to me,” Becca urges, drawing me out of my head. “You’re here, which means that something bad happened. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Conner fucked up. Is there a body we need to hide? And who the hell is Goldilocks?”
“He cheated on me,” I say, letting out a low steady breath. “Goldilocks is the blonde bimbo he was screwing. In my bed, no less.” All the emotions I’d been wanting to avoid rushed out of me. “I gave him his ring back, packed up some of my shit and walked out.”
Her brows dip in concern. “Not that I’m team Conner or anything, but do you know this for a fact, or is this something you heard through the rumor mill?”
I laugh, the sound shrill to my own ears. “I got all the proof I needed when I walked in on him hammering away between her thighs. He gave quite the performance. I don’t remember the last time he worked so hard to give me an orgasm.”
“Holy. Fuck!” My thoughts exactly.
Becca reaches over and hands me another candy bar. I welcome the sugary treat, shoving half of it in my mouth in one go. “I can’t believe you didn’t break his dick off. So, what happens now?”
“I have no fucking clue,” I admit. Folding my arms, I let out a breathy sigh. “I’ve never been engaged before. I don’t know what comes next.” A horrific thought crosses my mind. “Should I call his mom? She was the one in charge of setting up the wedding.”
“You’re not calling anyone,” she protests. “Let him be the one to try to explain why you left. He’s a big boy. It’s about time he answered for his digressions. Fuck him!”
My eyebrows rise, and I embrace the laugh that bubbles up. “You’re right. Fuck him,” I agree.
“We need to shake things up. I think a kick butt type of movie is in order,” Becca claims. Reaching around me, she takes two movies off the table and holds them up for my inspection. “Charlie's Angels or Mission Impossible?"
The choice is easy. “Charlie's Angels all the way. A group of pretty girls saving the day is always a winner in my book.”
Becca gets the movie set up while I set up a place for us on the floor. With half a dozen pillows and several blankets used as bedding, our pallet is about as good as it gets. I’m ready to settle in for the night.
The movie is almost over and I’m fighting to keep my eyes open when Becca leans over and nudges my shoulder with her own. “Emma, I’m sorry about Connor. You deserve better.” I grunt in agreement. “I never wanted to say anything because you seemed happy, but there’s something about him that’s always made me uneasy.”
My attention is piqued. I sit up and give her an incredulous look. “What are you talking about?”
“Well…,” She begins and then pauses to play with the small hoop in her lip. It’s a nervous tick, something I picked up on early in our friendship. “Conner is too intense,” she blurts out. “You have a bad habit of putting him above your own needs. He’s like an old sponge that sits around sucking up your attention and giving nothing back.”
I quietly consider her words. She’s not exactly wrong. It’s a sobering thought. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but it’s hard to live with someone for so long and not let their wants and ambitions become your own.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I say, curling further into my blanket. “We’re over. I’m not going back to him. I need to move out. Would you mind helping me get the rest of my things from the apartment? I really don’t want to go back there alone if I can help it.”
There’s no doubt in my mind that Conner will try to sway my decision on moving out. He’s persuasive, always knowing the right thing to say. He might be a cheating asshole, but I still love him. Those kinds of feelings don’t go away overnight.
Becca’s eyes light up. “Sounds fun. We should get Patrick to help. His muscles will be good for lifting the heavy stuff and we can use his truck to haul everything back here.”
I nibble on my bottom lip with worry. The dorms might technically be my home, but I’ve spent little time here and don’t want to be a nuisance. “Are you sure you don’t mind me moving back in? I don’t want to cramp your style.”
Becca’s eye roll is dramatic. “I’m excited to have you back. This will be fun. I’ve missed you.”
My whole-body sags in relief. “I missed you too, Becs.” I didn’t realize until now just how worried I was that she might turn me away. Pulling my long tresses up into a messy bun, I lay back down and start watching the movie again.
For the first time since I left my apartment, I feel as if the weight of the world isn’t pressing on my shoulders. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I can handle whatever is thrown my way. I’m used to taking care of myself.
I can do this.
Chapter Three
The last two days went by in a blur. I skipped all my classes and spent the days holed up in my room sleeping, crying, and eating my weight in junk food. My tears are for all the love and time I spent on an undeserving man. I was stupid to think Conner would ever change. Once a player, always a player.
It’s the third day of my self-destructive behavior, and Becca wakes me from a sound sleep by dumping a cold glass of water over my head. I wake with a shrill scream and a loud, “What the hell?” Jumping out of bed, I stumble around, stripping off my wet clothes, while still half asleep. Becca stands off to the side, hands on her hips with a heavy frown.
The cool air hits my wet skin, sending goosebumps up and down my arms. Grabbing a robe off the back of the chair, I slip it on before turning to confront my friend. Damp hair hangs in my face as I stand and copy her stance. “There are better ways to wake someone. Was all that necessary?”
“I refuse to go another minute watching you mope around,” she huffs. “Dust off your tits and face the world. You need to get your shit together. Only vampires and ghouls like this much darkness. You need some sun.”
I blink against the odd choice of words. “You do know that vampires and things like that aren’t real, right?
She waves me off, not agreeing nor denying my truth. Taking a seat on the bed, Becca’s eyes turn soft. “Did you know that he’s going around telling everyone that you two are still together?”
My nose scrunches as if I’ve smelt something unpleasant. “That doesn’t make sense. Why would he do that?”
Emma shrugs. “No clue. I tried setting the record straight, but I don’t think it helped. Conner has too much influence around here. He talks and people listen. Nothing new there.”
My stomach twists with annoyance. “He’s called so many times I had to turn my phone off to save the battery. I have nothing to say. I’m not ready to talk to him.”
I glance over at my wet sheets with a critical eye. Everything is soaked. There’s no way I can go back to sleep now. I’m also going to have to do laundry, which sucks a big one. I hate washing clothes.
“Well, as your friend, I refuse to let you stay cooped up in this room. There’s a whole world out there that you need to conquer, and you can’t do that in your ratty pajamas.” Her smile turns sly. “Patrick just so happens to be available this afternoon. Why don’t we go get the rest of your stuff?”
Moving sucks, but she’s right. I need to stop hiding out and take control of my life again. One last thing to do and my engagement with Conner will be officially over. It all seems too easy. Straightening my spine, I give her a small nod. “Let’s do it. Connor should be at the library studying for his upcoming Economics test. If we hurry, we should be able to get in and out before he gets back.”
Becca jumps up and down, clapping her hands. She reminds me of one of those crazy stuffed monkeys with cymba
ls stuck to their hands. “I’ll text Patrick and set it up. He’s been at the gym, playing ball with his roommate for the last hour, so he’ll probably just want to meet us there.”
I wish I could share her enthusiasm. Nothing about this is easy. I blink back the wetness gathering in my eyes when Becca glances my way. With the fakest smile possible, I give her a thumb up. I may not be happy, but I’ll fake it until I make it.
****
With clothes in one hand and my toiletry bag in the other, I head down the hall to the community showers so I can wash the stink off me. Lying in bed for days on end does not do a body good. Pushing the door open, I’m greeted with a half a dozen girls crowded around the communal sinks, each fighting for a prime spot in front of the mirrors. I take in the ridiculous scene with a sigh. I’m will miss having my own place. Sharing is overrated.
Slipping into one of the empty stalls, I flip the water on as hot as I can stand it. The showers here are the size of a crackerjack box, leaving me only a little room to move about. It’s compact, but it’s clean, and the hot water spraying over my back feels amazing.
Working the soap into a rich lather, I take my time shaving, so as not to cut myself. Shaving while standing is a talent I’ve yet to master. This is why I prefer baths. Nothing beats a large tub filled to the brim with bubbly goodness. The constant chatter bouncing off the tiles mixed with the odd assortment of music being played messes with my concentration. By the time I exit the shower, my legs look like they lost a fight with a feral cat.
Ignoring the over-the-top cheery giggles coming from a group in the corner, I slide into my soft robe and stare into the mirror as I appraise the girl looking back at me. With smooth porcelain skin that I inherited from my mother, my dad’s mocha-colored hair, and a slight splatter of freckles across my pert nose, I resemble one of those porcelain dolls you see in old movies.
