by Julie Allan
Dot put her binder back in her backpack. “I think I’ll get my tablet.” Dot scampered off to the office to retrieve it from the charger before Lizzie could change her mind. Bennett and Lizzie had established a rule that the kids’ electronic devices lived in the office so their use could be monitored more closely.
Sawyer closed his book and went off to the kitchen to put it in his backpack. Lizzie went and sat next to Bennett, the seat still warm from Sawyer. “Thanks for reading with him tonight. Are you tired? Do you need to go up?”
Bennett picked her hand up in his. “Yes, I am tired. But, I’ve been shirking my responsibilities around here as of late.” He paused to cough, then he squeezed her hand. “Sorry about that. Not the coughing, the not helping.”
Lizzie turned on the sofa to face him. “My goodness Bennett, you don’t ever need to apologize. Your first job right now is getting better. I’m just glad you’re starting to be more like yourself again.”
Bennett brushed a stray hair out of Lizzie’s face. “You know, I woke up this morning, and I just decided I wasn’t going to let this treatment do me in. I realized on the boat today that physically I have a long way to go, I could hardly help Scott with anything. But . . . I can use my mind and change my attitude.”
Lizzie kissed him on the cheek. “Just don’t overdo. I have been handling things pretty well, but I don’t think I could handle a setback now.”
“Darlin’, you have done a remarkable job. I promise to do my best to avoid any more complications. If something were to happen, I have no doubt you would handle it just fine.”
“Sawyer popped back in. “Can I have some cookies?”
Lizzie stood up. “It’s may I . . . And yes you may. You may have three with some milk. Then thirty minutes of TV or video games until ready for bed time.”
“Okay, may I eat the cookies in here so I can watch TV?”
“Yes, you may.” Lizzie turned to Bennett. “Anything for you?”
No, thanks. I think I’ll rest right here so maybe I can help with bedtime tonight. I think I should spend a little time with Dot.”
Lizzie smile spread from her mouth to her heart. “I think that sounds like a good idea.”
They tag teamed the bedtime routine. After Lizzie had gotten Sawyer settled, she paused outside of Dot’s room. She could hear Bennett and Dot still talking, and curiosity got the best of her.
“Daddy, are you dying?”
“No sweetheart, why do you think that?”
“You are so skinny, and you sleep all the time?”
“I know I look pretty bad right now. That is the bad part of the medicine that is making me better. Once I can stop taking it, I will get back to looking like I did.”
“Well, maybe, but your hair is growing back a different color.”
“I suppose it is. What do you think I should do about it?”
“Maybe you could go to that salon Mama went to, or you could try that Just for Men stuff they advertise on TV.”
Lizzie bit her lip to keep from laughing. She was relieved Dot was talking to Bennett. It was clear despite her efforts to assuage Dot’s fears; she still had doubts. Lizzie carefully tiptoed past and downstairs to take the dogs out. She didn’t want to be caught listening in to the private moment between father and daughter. How wonderful there is a father-daughter moment, I hope there are many more.
At one, Saturday afternoon, Lizzie dropped Dot and three of her friends at the spa, then headed downtown to see Aunt Dorothy. The team overseeing her care had set a meeting for Monday morning to determine if she was ready to come home. Lizzie had already interviewed and selected two aides who would share the job of helping her care for Aunt Dorothy once she was home. She had also begun making sure the house was ready for the walker.
Aunt Dorothy was sitting in a chair in the patient atrium, nodding off. Lizzie sat in the chair next to her and waited. Aunt Dorothy took a sharp breath and fluttered her eyes. “Oh, child! Why didn’t you wake me?”
Lizzie patted her hand. “You looked so peaceful.”
“Seems all I do these days is nod off.” Aunt Dorothy shook her head. “Walk with me?”
“Sure.” Lizzie braced Aunt Dorothy as she struggled to stand. Once upright she moved along at a shuffling but determined pace. Lizzie walked next to her. The conversation ebbed. It took all of Aunt Dorothy’s breath to move.
Slowly they did a lap around the atrium and made it back to the chairs. Aunt Dorothy sat down with a thud and pushed the walker away from her. She had a light bead of perspiration on her brow, and her cheeks were rosy.
“You are doing very well! Can I get you something to drink?” Lizzie asked.
Aunt Dorothy sat back against the cushion. “That would be very nice. Get something for yourself.”
Lizzie got some ice and water for each of them at the beverage station. They sat together for a good half hour and Lizzie filled her in on all the kids were up to and the preparations they were making to bring her home.
Aunt Dorothy perked up as the homecoming plans were revealed. The hospital had been essential for her, but home was the best medicine and Lizzie just knew if she could get her there, then perhaps she could make an even better recovery than the doctors had predicted.
The color had drained from Aunt Dorothy’s face, and she was struggling to keep her eyes open. “You know, child, I think if you could help me back to my room, I might take a nap.”
“Certainly.” Lizzie stood, this time putting her arms under Aunt Dorothy’s as if she was embracing her. She lifted her up, knowing Aunt Dorothy was too tired to push herself out of the chair. The frailty of her body and her light body weight shocked Lizzie. No wonder she is so tired! She carefully supported Aunt Dorothy, as the walker moved them forward. Lizzie helped her into bed, then kissed her lightly on the forehead. “Sweet dreams. See you tomorrow.”
Aunt Dorothy didn’t answer; she had already fallen asleep. Lizzie slipped out. Her optimism of things improving in the Long-Wilson household was tempered. In her heart, she knew the days left with Aunt Dorothy were fewer than she could bear. It was up to her to make the most of them.
Chapter 17
There are some things that time can’t heal, but in time, if you are at rock bottom, things will get better. At least that was what Aunt Dorothy had once said to Lizzie when she was wallowing in her grief over the loss of Uncle George and the breakup of her first marriage. The cool days of February gave way to the promise of spring. Early March in the lowcountry meant the daffodils were in their full glory and days reached for the seventies. Aunt Dorothy was home from the hospital, and Bennett had returned to a nearly normal work schedule. Lizzie worked more from home and changed her daily walk with the dogs to coincide with the morning visit from Aunt Dorothy’s aide.
Lizzie soaked up the warmth of the sun and inhaled the damp earth awakening from winter. Up and down the streets bursts of color nodded in the breeze. The spectacle of spring blooms never failed to dazzle. Unlike their counterparts that bloomed later in the season, they did not have to compete with the greens of the grass and trees. She searched the branches looking for signs of leaf buds, the assurance that winter was truly over. While the north still dealt with ice and snow, the south braced for the onslaught of pollen.
So much had happened since last fall when Bennett thought his allergies were causing his cough. Little did we know. In a few weeks, Bennett would undergo a series of scans and blood work to see if the last few months of torture had been worth it. Lizzie tugged on Monroe’s leash. He was taking too long sniffing at the stop sign pole. They turned onto their street, and the dogs picked up pace as they neared home.
She might be biased, but she thought Aunt Dorothy’s house—her house—put on the best spring show. A variety of early to late blooming daffodils kept a long wave of flowers going throughout the spring. She loved that they came back year after year. Every fall, Lizzie had helped Aunt Dorothy plant tulip bulbs hoping they would survive to bloom, with Aunt Dorothy
’s green thumb they usually did. At the bottom and top of the steps, planters with hyacinths, tulips and daffodils provided a riot of color leading visitors to the front door. Aunt Dorothy even had bulb plantings out back for the family to enjoy. The camellias were still going strong with their dark green leaves punctuated by the shade of bright pink to blush, and she could see buds forming on the azaleas. So much promise, Lizzie couldn’t help but feel optimistic.
In the house, she paused to see how things were going with Aunt Dorothy. Her aide was fixing her a cup of tea before she left for her next client.
“It looks like it is going to be a pretty day.” Lizzie kissed Aunt Dorothy on the cheek.
Aunt Dorothy patted Lizzie’s arm. “Yes, I think I would like to sit on the back porch this afternoon.”
“I think we could manage that. I’m going to be in the office doing a little work until lunch time. Ring your bell if you need anything.” Lizzie moved the silver bell closer to Aunt Dorothy.
At lunchtime, Lizzie fixed them each a toasted cheese sandwich. Aunt Dorothy barely ate half of hers. Lizzie frowned but didn’t say anything. Since coming home from the hospital, Aunt Dorothy ate like a bird no matter what she put in front of her. Well, everything except ice cream. Every night, Aunt Dorothy managed to eat a three-scoop bowl. She was frail to look at, but her grip was still strong and determined.
After eating, Aunt Dorothy retired to her room for her early afternoon nap. Napping had always been a favorite pastime, but now she took at least three a day. Lizzie did some clean up around the house and a sweep out of the back porch. When Aunt Dorothy awoke around two, she assisted her to the porch.
Lizzie got her settled on the chaise and tucked a blanket in around her. “There, now I will go and fetch us some tea.”
“Thank you, child.” Aunt Dorothy inhaled deeply. “I love the smell of spring earth.”
In the kitchen, Lizzie put the kettle on the boil and positioned the tea bags, a mug for her and a cup for Aunt Dorothy. Now that the weather was improving, she hoped that their ritual of tea in the afternoon could happen daily on the porch.
She loaded the tea and small plate of shortbread onto a tray and headed back out to the porch. “Here you go.” Lizzie sat Aunt Dorothy’s tea cup with a shortbread on the saucer where she could easily reach it. Then sat in the chair opposite, mug in one hand and a shortbread in the other. Lizzie bit into the buttery cookie. “You know, I really think these are my favorite.”
Aunt Dorothy picked up her shortbread. “I like them too.” She took a dainty nibble and sat it back on the saucer.
Lizzie could not hold her concern. “Are you feeling okay?”
Aunt Dorothy yawned. “Fine, child, why do you ask?”
“You barely ate any lunch, and that was scarcely a nibble you took of that shortbread.”
“Just not that hungry, that’s all.” Aunt Dorothy smiled. A familiar twinkle flashed in her eyes and faded just as quickly.
Lizzie had learned to mask her concern and just nodded in understanding even though she really didn’t want to accept the changes in Aunt Dorothy since the stroke. She tried to focus on the blessing of just having her back here at home. Lizzie studied every feature of Aunt Dorothy’s face as if she was memorizing a map. She wanted to remember these moments together. She wanted to register any subtle changes in hopes of knowing when medical expertise was needed.
The days were getting longer and the mild afternoon had them lingering on the porch. They were still there when Sawyer returned from school. Lizzie left Sawyer to visit with Aunt Dorothy while she prepared his snack.
When Dot came home, she found all three of them on the porch. She fetched her own snack and returned to the porch as well. The kids talked about their day, and Lizzie soaked up the togetherness.
Soon, Bennett arrived and joined in the family porch social. He suggested firing up the grill for supper and having a family picnic right there. His idea garnered unanimous support. Dot offered to heat up some baked beans and prepare the burger fixings. Sawyer gathered the plates, napkins, and forks. He even thought to light the candles in the hurricane lanterns. Just like that, an ordinary Thursday night became a magical family memory.
When the sun finally set and the heat of the day rapidly flew off into space, they reluctantly gathered the things that had joined them over the course of hours on the porch and moved into the house. Lizzie stayed behind to watch the dogs in the backyard. She stood wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the chill. Usually, she stood looking out to the water and beyond. Tonight, she turned and looked back towards the house. First at the porch, still seeing the scenes that had just transpired, then through the window into the living room where she could see Sawyer reading aloud to Aunt Dorothy, and Bennett checking over Dot’s homework. Aunt Dorothy might not have healed back to her prior self, but things were definitely getting better.
The third week in March had Lizzie on edge. Monday and Tuesday Bennett had tests and scans scheduled, and Friday afternoon Lizzie would go with him to see Dr. Roberts. It was time to find out if the treatments had done their job.
Lizzie had become adept at keeping the routine set and the environment positive for the family. She had almost succeeded in leaving her former insecurities behind. Sometimes when we are tested, we fall back on our old habits, and Lizzie could sense the fear and doubt chipping away at her. She doubled down on the coping mechanisms she had developed over the previous months and took to running a stream of prayer internally as she moved throughout the days. Fortunately, there were a lot of things to keep her occupied. While Bennett had his appointments on Monday, Lizzie took Aunt Dorothy for her follow-up appointment. Tuesday was occupied by finalizing the Easter season preparations at The Biscuit Box and taking Sawyer to his first baseball practice of the season. Wednesday was piano lessons for both kids followed by the Lenten Family series at the parish hall. Even Aunt Dorothy went with them. So even though the Friday appointment had been on her mind all week, Lizzie was surprised to find herself on Thursday night knowing they would have some answers in less than twenty-four hours.
Lizzie sat on the edge of their bed, carefully rubbing lotion into her arms. “Bennett, are you worried at all about tomorrow?”
Bennett was standing at his dresser emptying his pockets into the clay bowl Dot had made in first grade. He turned to face her. “Not at all. I mean think about it, I feel better. I’m stronger every day, and I have barely been coughing these last couple of weeks.”
“I had noticed that. I have to admit I’m still a little worried. After all, we had no idea you had cancer, to begin with.”
Bennett came and sat down next to her. “That is the first time in I can’t remember when, that you have trusted me with your fears.”
Lizzie leaned her head on his shoulder. “I have really worked hard to prove to you how strong I can be. I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle things.”
“Oh, Lizzie! You have always been strong and never doubted you could handle things. I know I haven’t been that easy or helpful around here, and you have picked up my share of the load. But I never want you to think it is all up to you alone.”
Lizzie sat up and looked into his eyes. “I’m glad you didn’t doubt my strength, but I sure did. How did you know I could handle things?”
Bennett gently pushed his forefinger into Lizzie’s chest. “That’s easy! I know what is in here, in your heart.”
Lizzie picked up Bennett’s hands and kissed it. “My heart is full. It is full of love for our family.”
Bennett kissed her. “Our family is what keeps my heart beating. No matter what we find out tomorrow I know we will be okay.”
They crawled into bed and turned out the lights. Lizzie lay with her head on Bennett’s chest and fell asleep to the rhythmic beat of his heart.
Dot had gone to a friend’s house for a sleepover directly from school, and Sawyer was spending the afternoon fishing with Jeremy, followed by a sleepover at Jeremy and Ben’s apar
tment. Life was good when you had grown cousins to spoil you. Lizzie had arranged it so that if the news was less than good, she and Bennett would have some time to regroup.
Lizzie settled Aunt Dorothy with her afternoon tea on the back porch. “Are you sure you don’t want Amy to come and sit with you while Bennett and I go to this appointment?”
“Certainly not. I will be just fine here; I’ll probably doze off before you get back. No point in asking someone to watch me sleep.” Aunt Dorothy shook her finger at Lizzie and Lizzie couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, ma’am. I put the phone right next to your tea in case you want or need anything.”
Aunt Dorothy grabbed Lizzie’s hand and squeezed it with surprising strength. “Child, I love you more than you could ever know! I have had a nice little talk with God, and I am sure you will get nothing but good news today!”
Lizzie squeezed back and kissed Aunt Dorothy on the forehead. “I love you too! When I get back, you are going to have to share this direct line to heaven you have.” Lizzie tucked the blanket in a bit more snugly around Aunt Dorothy’s legs.
“You already have a direct line. Right there in your heart.”
Lizzie looked at her watch. “Time for Bennett and I to head out, see you in a bit.” At the door, a tug in her heart made her turn and look at Aunt Dorothy all cozy in her chaise. Just seeing her gave Lizzie the strength to face what lay ahead.
Bennett held Lizzie’s hand in the car, on the walk into the hospital and as they sat side by side in front of Dr. Roberts desk. She was pretty sure they were both holding their breath. Time slowed to a crawl. Why was it when you wanted to savor the moment, time flashed like lightning, but when you needed time to move. it crawled? Lizzie closed her eyes and prayed. She was jolted back to the moment by the opening of the door.
Dr. Roberts strode in and sat across the desk from them. She tried to read his face, but his poker face always leaned positive even when he delivered worrisome news. Scary really, that she had learned his face so well over the past several months.
