by KE Payne
“I think so.”
“But with you, it’s different.” Eden caught my eye. “And being around you, seeing you most days, hanging out with you, made me realize I wasn’t missing any stupid gene. I just needed to have a Tabby Morton in my life.”
“That’s cute.” I reached over and squeezed her hand.
“It’s true,” she said, squeezing it back.
“C’mere.” I reached my arm up and put it around her neck, pulling her to me so her head was resting in the crook of my neck.
“I feel a bit scared, though,” Eden mumbled into my neck. “Scared of being with a girl, I mean.”
“Then don’t think of it as being with another girl,” I said. I kissed the top of her head. “Just think of it as being with me. We can hang out like we did before, we can do all the things we did before, and no one else needs to know a thing. The only difference is we’ll both know—and that’s all that matters.” I pulled her closer to me. “We can take this as slowly as you like, Eden. I’ll never make you feel awkward, okay? I’ve waited long enough for you, so I’m not going to rush anything or make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
I waited for her to answer, but she didn’t.
“Okay?” I repeated, smiling as I finally felt her nod her head against me.
Chapter Thirty-six
Love.
What an awesome feeling it is. What other emotion can make you feel like you’re ten feet tall and your heart might burst, but simultaneously make you lose all rational thought because you’re so happy, it’s all you can do to put one foot in front of the other and walk in a straight line?
When Eden left me that night, I had to stop myself from flinging every window in the house open and shouting out across the rooftops with happiness. That’s what finally getting together with Eden meant to me.
Sleep was impossible, as I knew it would be. Eden and I texted one another constantly after her dad had collected her and taken her home, right up until I heard my parents’ key in the door, and I figured it had to be sometime past midnight. She’d said all the right things in her texts: she liked me, she couldn’t stop thinking about me, she was relieved she’d found the courage to tell me how she felt before it was too late.
It was beautiful.
It was everything I felt like I’d waited a lifetime to hear.
*
“Tabby, do you have any idea what time it is?” Libby croaked down the phone at me.
“It’s seven forty-five a.m., Saturday the twenty-ninth,” I said. I turned onto my side and burrowed my head into my pillow. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“No shit.”
“Anyway, if you don’t want to be woken up by people ringing you, then you should switch your phone off, shouldn’t you?” I imagined the look Libby was giving me. I didn’t care. I was too damned happy.
“I keep it on for emergencies,” Libby said sleepily.
“Well, this is an emergency.”
“Let me guess?” Libby said with a groan. “Eden?”
“Yeah, but not how you think.” Heat spread over me. An image came flooding back to me: Eden, standing in the middle of my room, her hands in her pockets. I grinned into my pillow.
“She explained about Marcus, then?” Libby asked.
“Mm-hmm,” I replied. “Big time.”
“And he wasn’t the stud Gobby and Beth made him out to be?” I heard Libby yawn.
“Nuh-uh,” I said.
“She told you that?”
“She did.” I bent my knees up under my duvet. “She told me something else, too.”
“Hit me.”
“She likes me.” I bit at my lip. “She told me last night that she likes me.”
“As in—?”
“Yup.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, we made out, so yeah, I’m sure.” I lowered my voice. Parents have ears.
“You kissed?”
“Mm-hmm. For ages.”
“Ages? Now who’s the stud?” Libby laughed.
“Yep.” I sighed contentedly. “And it was amazing.”
“Who kissed who first?” I could hear Libby shuffling around, presumably pulling herself up straighter now I’d got her interest.
“I kissed her, ’cos I could sense she was nervous, and she kissed me back for our second one.” Every moment was still clear in my mind. “Then let’s just say she wasn’t nervous after that.”
“So what else did she say?” Libby asked. Her voice was animated, attention well and truly gained.
“Just that she walked out on Marcus and came straight over to me.”
“Is that what she did?” I heard Libby give a victorious laugh.
“Yuh-huh,” I replied.
“And Dumb and Dumber didn’t put her up to it?” Libby asked slowly.
I shook my head. “Nope. Even though I thought she was messing with me when she first told me.”
“How do you feel about it?” Libby asked.
“How do I feel?” I sat up, pulled the duvet back, then swung my legs over the side of the bed. “I feel happier than I’ve ever felt in my life.” I heard my stomach rumble. “And I also feel absolutely starving, even though Eden and I managed to polish off that pizza between us last night.”
“I thought love was supposed to make you go off your food.” Libby laughed.
“Yeah, right.” I stood up, ruffling my hair with my hand. “I’ll catch you later, yeah?”
Libby paused. “Tabby?”
“Mm?”
“I’m pleased for you,” she said, sincerity in her voice.
“Thank you,” I said. “That means a lot.”
A silence settled between us. Friendly, not awkward though.
“I wanted you to be the first to know,” I eventually said. “I’m gonna text Greg and tell him, too.”
“You’re going public?” I heard Libby stifle a laugh. “Gobby and Beth are going to freak.”
“No.” I stopped her. “Definitely no going public. Eden’s adamant.”
“Understandable.”
“Now I really need to go eat.” My stomach complained again.
We finished our call. I wandered down to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway when I saw both my parents sitting at the table, eating breakfast. I had this sudden, irrational notion that the pair of them would be able to tell what had happened the night before, just by the look on my face. Instead, they barely acknowledged my presence as I walked in and went straight to the fridge.
“Good night?” At last my mother looked up from her paper as I took a carton of milk from the fridge and set it down on the unit.
“What?”
“Don’t say what, say pardon.” My mother looked back down at her paper, idly turning the page. “Did you have a good night last night?”
“It was all right, yeah,” I said, pouring myself a glass of milk. “You?”
“Very nice, thanks,” my mother said, not looking up from her paper. “One day I might convince you that Anton Chekhov is more than some bloke who wrote a play about seagulls, as you once told me.”
“Doubt that.” I leant against the kitchen unit and drank back my milk.
“And this from the girl who’s doing English literature at school.” My mother dripped with sarcasm. She glanced up at me again. “Please don’t tell me you ate that entire pizza on your own last night, Tabby,” she said. “Stuff like that’s not good for you.”
“Like Chekhov,” I muttered, pouring myself another glass of milk.
“Did another friend come around in the end?” My father finally dragged his attention away from the Financial Times. “Or did you spend the evening slumped in front of the TV with a supersize pizza on your own?”
“Yeah, Eden came around,” I said, my face burning at the mention of her name. I hastily sipped at my milk, hoping neither of them had noticed.
“Oh?” My father leant back in his chair. “Not too busy after all?”
“Nope,” I said, wanting
to add not that it’s any of your business. “She was, then she wasn’t. So she came around.”
“Did you have a nice time?” my mother asked.
Yeah, we made out in my bedroom.
“It was fine, thanks,” I replied. I chewed at my bottom lip. That indicated nervousness. I stopped.
“And she got home okay?” My father was persistent.
“Yes, of course,” I said. “Her dad came and collected her just after eleven.”
“Good.” My father returned to his paper, satisfied.
“I’m gonna hang out with her in town today, actually.” I looked at the clock on the wall. “So I better go take a shower.”
I drank back the rest of my milk, grabbing a handful of biscuits from the jar on my way out of the kitchen before they could ask me any more questions about Eden. I went back to my room, taking the stairs two at a time because…well, just because I wanted to. That was what being in love with Eden did to me.
My phone was still on my bed from when I’d just been speaking to Libby. On impulse, I picked it up, sending a text to Eden that just said, Any regrets? then went to shower, knowing that if I didn’t, I’d just sit on my bed waiting for her to reply, getting more and more anxious the longer she took to answer.
By the time I’d showered and dressed, Eden had replied. Her text just said, Woke up with a huge, soppy grin on my face, so what do you think? Can’t wait to see you later xxx
I sat down on the edge of my bed, reading her text three times, smiling more each time. She couldn’t wait to see me, and I was dying to see her again, even though we’d only said goodbye less than twelve hours earlier.
Love. What an awesome emotion.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Eden was waiting for me at Covent Garden as we’d arranged. I felt absurdly nervous at the prospect of seeing her and had changed four times before I’d left the house. I’d spent ages messing around with my hair, too, pulling it first one way then the other until it looked like it wasn’t going to stick up in all directions. I wasn’t overly happy with how it looked, but I figured if I didn’t get out of the house and down to the station within the next five minutes, I’d be late.
And I never, ever wanted to be late for Eden.
I needn’t have worried about my clothes or my hair, though. When I first caught sight of her as I came up the escalator from inside the station, the look on her face made it clear I’d definitely made the right choice. She hastened to me once she’d seen me and pulled me straight into a bear hug. I savoured every second of it.
“I missed you,” she whispered into my ear as she held me, pulling away before I’d had the chance to tell her I’d missed her, too. “You look nice.” Her eyes scanned me.
“Have you been here long?” I asked. The shyness remained, despite everything.
“No.” She squeezed my hand, then let it drop. “But long enough without you.”
We left the station in silence and went out into the diluted winter sunshine. The cold hit me, and I wished I’d gone for warmth rather than looking good in a thin jacket. I strolled alongside her, my hands dug deep into my pockets, my jacket buttoned up tight around me. I was freezing, but I didn’t really care. I was here. I was with Eden, and I loved being with her, knowing what I now knew: she liked me as much as I liked her.
The cold weather meant nothing to me as long as I had that thought in my head.
“What do you want to do?” Eden eventually spoke. “Maybe we could walk down by the river? It’s nice there.”
“Anything you want.” I smiled. “I don’t care as long as I’m with you.”
We headed down to the Thames, slowing our pace as we reached it, and began strolling along the pavement that ran adjacent to it. As we walked, I kept glancing across at her, wanting to pinch myself to reassure myself that this really was happening. She had her hands in her jacket pockets. I so wanted to link arms with her, or take her hand. But I was scared. So, instead, I took my cue from her and kept both my hands resolutely in my pockets, too. It didn’t matter. I was with her, walking along beside her, listening to her talking about some Australian band who were playing in London. That’s all I cared about—just being with her.
“So are you up for it, then?” she asked.
“Up for what?”
“Going to see this band next year? Vendetta Wire? I thought we could go see them together.”
“Together?” I slowed down.
“Yes, silly.” Eden laughed. “Me and you. Together.”
“Awesome.” Excitement in the pit of my stomach. “I’d love to.”
“I’ll check out tickets then, shall I?” Eden asked. “Neither Gabby or Beth can stand Vendetta Wire, but I think they’re amazing.”
I stopped walking. “So you’re asking me only ’cos you know Gobby and Beth won’t go with you?”
Eden slowed, too.
“No,” she said. She lowered her voice. Glanced around. “I’m asking you because I want to go with you. As your girlfriend. I shouldn’t have mentioned their names. That wasn’t what I meant.”
“As my girlfriend?” I looked across at her. “Does that mean we’re dating now?”
“Didn’t I make it obvious that’s what I wanted last night?” Eden said. “Or in my text this morning?”
“I guess maybe I didn’t know if you wanted to be with me like that,” I said, “or whether you just wanted to make out with me. See how it was.”
Eden steered us over to a bench overlooking the river and sat down, pulling me with her.
“I haven’t changed my mind,” she said. “I can tell you one hundred per cent, nothing’s changed since last night.”
“Good.”
I so needed to hear that.
“When I got home last night, all I wanted to do was ring you and hear your voice again,” Eden said. She turned slightly on the bench so she was facing me more. “When you told me you felt the same, it was like I’d waited my whole life to hear that,” she said.
Her eyes wavered from mine as she gazed down the road that ran alongside the river. I sensed her stiffen. She moved away from me on the bench and looked back down the road again, focusing intently on a point further down the riverside.
“Shall we go?” Eden stood before I could answer.
Mystified by her abruptness, I did as she wanted and stood. Eden strode out, just in front of me, back in the direction we’d just come. I quickened my pace, running the last two steps to catch up with her.
“Where are we heading now?” I asked.
“Just this way.” She glanced back. Her face darkened.
I hurried behind Eden as she crossed the road and ducked down a deserted street. Her mood, so buoyant just before, was now black.
I joined her down the side street and stood, expressionless, in front of her.
“It’s them.” She pressed her back against the wall.
“Who?”
“Gabby and Beth.”
“So what?” I went to the end of the street and peered round the corner. Sure enough, the pair of them were walking down the street. But way further back. They’d never have seen us, I was sure of it.
I came back to Eden.
This was stupid. Hiding down a side street in case Gabby and Beth spotted us? We were just sitting on a bench! Not making out or holding hands. I was cold. I was hungry. I didn’t give a flying fuck about whether those two idiots saw us or not.
But Eden clearly did.
“It’s not the end of the world if they see us,” I said.
“I still haven’t explained about Marcus,” Eden replied.
“Explained? Eden, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone,” I said. I tossed a look back down the street. “Especially not to them.”
“Even so.”
“Are you scared of them?” I asked. “Is that what it is?”
“No.” She flashed me a look.
“Don’t you think they’ll think it strange if they find us both hiding down here?”
“Who’s hiding?”
“You are. We are.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Do you think they even saw us?” I asked. “I didn’t see them. How could they have spotted us?”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated. Her face was pale.
“Wait here.” I returned to the end of the street and looked round it again, just in time to see them both disappear down the steps of an Underground station.
“They’ve gone.” I went back to Eden and stood with her, my back against the wall, too.
“I’m sorry,” Eden said again. “I’m being stupid.” With a final quick look round, she slipped her hand into my pocket, taking my hand in hers. “Your hands are freezing!” She wrapped her fingers tight around mine, immediately warming my cold skin. “Are you cold?”
“Frozen.” I shivered, like you do when someone asks you if you’re cold. “But it’ll teach me for wearing useless clothes in winter.”
“Useless, but cute.” Eden squeezed my fingers, then removed her hand from my pocket. “C’mon.” She beckoned me to follow her.
“Where are we going?” I pushed away from the wall.
“Cafe and then the movies,” Eden said, taking my hand. “There’ll be shit-all on probably, but I can’t bear to see you shivering like a whippet for the rest of the day.”
She started to walk away, reaching out and pulling me along with her. “Besides,” she added, “Beth and Gabby hate the movies.”
*
I was complete. I’d always thought my life, before I moved to London, was doing okay. Then, quite without warning, this amazing girl came into it and made me realize my life had been pretty much a big black hole of nothingness without her.
Okay, so I was lame letting Eden practically throw me down a side street without a thought for my feelings the day before. I was also so wrapped up in her, I’d have done anything for her.
