He grasped her arm. “Taylor, you aren’t making any sense. None of this is making any sense.” His touch burned through the thin, filmy fabric of her shirt. In a flash she saw Michael’s face superimposed on Reece and it sent a sluice of icy coldness down her spine.
She shook off his hold on her. “You think you know everything, but you don’t. Not about Emily, and not about me.”
“Tomorrow is my visitation day. I’ll pick up Emily in the morning.”
Taylor flinched. There was the absolute control that had marked Michael. That thing that she couldn’t battle against. It was all on his terms. And apparently, when it came right down to it, Reece was the same—his way or nothing. “Fine. I’ll have her ready.”
She pushed past him and walked down the stairs. She returned to find Reece cradling a sleeping Emily in his arms. He carried her out to the car and settled her into her car seat with a kiss, then watched them until she pulled away.
Misery crowded in on her righteous indignation. It hurt to be leaving, but he didn’t want her. He only wanted Emily. And while she’d told him it was all right if he didn’t want her, it wasn’t. Not with a baby on the way. What would he do when he found out? Just the thought made her cry uncontrollably. The rejection was too overwhelming…and too close to the feeling she’d had when Michael had rejected her.
The next morning Taylor woke at her condo. After nearly two months in a sprawling house that was at least three times the size, her place seemed claustrophobic. She let Emily sleep in late, since it was Saturday.
She curled up on the couch with a book, hoping to distract herself. Her insides jumped when the phone rang. Steeling herself against the possibility of hearing Reece’s voice, she picked up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
Taylor relaxed. “Hi, Mom.”
“Reece called me this morning and said that you and Emily left late last night.”
Taylor’s shoulders knotted up again.
“What’s going on? How’s Emily?”
“She’s sleeping.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What happened, Taylor?” Her mother’s tone was stern, the kind mothers universally used when you’d been caught in the act of something despicable.
Taylor tried to sound light and dismissive. “I merely suggested that he and I consider making a more permanent family arrangement for Emily’s sake.”
“You didn’t.”
“Why not?”
Her mother sighed with exasperation. “For heaven’s sake, Taylor, he isn’t ready. Even I can see that. He loves Emily, I’m fairly sure he loves you, but he’s still hurting from the loss of his family.”
Taylor stiffened, her face burning with heat. Had she been wrong to push? No, warred her logic. He should have seen that it was a suggestion that would benefit Emily. They were both willing to give up things for their daughter. Emily had to come first. But he made it clear he wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship with her, and she sincerely doubted he’d want to have a baby with her after what he’d told her about his reasons for marrying his first wife. “Emily should come first, regardless of his past. She’s alive. She’s here. And she needs him to step up and be a real dad.”
“Is that what you think you’re doing? Helping Emily out?” The accusation in her mother’s voice was unmistakable. “As far as I can see, you’ve just put her in an untenable position. She can’t be with either of you without making the other one angry or sad. That tears a child up, Taylor. You just can’t do that. And from everything I’ve seen, he has been a real father to her.”
Edith sighed. “Taylor, your father was a brilliant but selfish man. He didn’t see what a treasure he had in front of him because he was too hell-bent on making a name for himself. Does that sound like the Reece you know?”
“No.”
“So why are you doing this?”
A lump of contrition lodged in her throat. If her mother was right, she’d just made it all worse. Just from the coldness of his demeanor, she knew she’d managed to crush any feelings he had for her by reacting so harshly to his rejection of her proposal. She hadn’t meant to do that. But at the time it had all been so hurtful and overwhelming. Of course now that she played back the scene in her mind, he hadn’t said no. He’d said not right now. And that was something they could have built on—if she hadn’t screwed it up. And now all she wanted to do was cry. Again. “I can’t change it now, Mother.”
“You left because he said no.”
“No, I left because he wouldn’t say yes.”
“Isn’t it the same thing?”
Taylor heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose to stave off the headache building behind her eyes. “Not exactly. Look, I’m not ready for a repeat of what happened with Michael.”
“Taylor, this is nothing like Michael.”
Her stomach dropped at the thought. “Actually, it is.”
Taylor bit her lip. The silence stretched between them.
“Are you pregnant?”
More silence.
“Are you?”
“I’m fairly certain,” she hedged.
“You have to tell him.”
Her eyes started to burn. She wanted to. It would mean everything to her not to have to go through another pregnancy alone. But the fact remained that it wasn’t an option. “I can’t. I found out the only reason he married Becca was because she was pregnant. I can’t put him in that position again, Mother, I just can’t. It wouldn’t be right for me or Emily or him.”
“Or the baby.”
“Or the baby,” she repeated.
Edith let out another heavy sigh.
“Well, dear, you’re a big girl. I know you’ll figure out what’s best. I just don’t want to see any of you hurt.”
Too late. “I know. Thanks, Mom.”
“You’ll call me if you need anything?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“All right, good-bye.”
“’Bye.”
Suddenly, the phone felt like a five-pound weight in her hand. Taylor set it down and sunk onto the sofa. If it had been this difficult to explain to her mother, what on earth was she going to do when Emily woke up?
She didn’t have to wonder for long. Her daughter came padding into the living room with one arm locked around Eddie’s neck and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with her chubby fist, her thick, dark hair springing in funny, tousled shapes on the left side of her head.
“Good morning, bed head.”
Emily smiled and climbed up into her lap to snuggle. Taylor laid her cheek against her daughter’s head, savoring the feeling of the little body curled up in her lap.
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, too, Emy.”
The little girl raised her head. “Where’s Daddy?” Her dark eyes were direct and unwavering.
She shifted slightly, adjusting Emily’s weight onto her lap instead of one thigh. “At his house.”
“Why didn’t he come home with us?”
“It’s hard to understand, sweetie.”
“Tell me…please?”
Taylor sighed and wrapped her arms tightly around Emily.
“Mommy and Reece have to go see a judge so she can tell us when each of us gets to see you.”
“But why?”
“Because Reece wants you to come and live with him, and I want you to live here, with me, just like we always have.”
Emily squirmed, wriggling herself out of Taylor’s lap to stand in front of her.
“But why can’t we all live together at Daddy’s house? It’s big.” She emphasized her point by spreading her arms out wide.
“Reece doesn’t want Mommy there right now.”
Emily screwed up her little face in concentration. “Mommy, please don’t be angry at Daddy. I know he’ll let you come back to the big house with me if I just ask him.”
Taylor didn’t respond. She wished it were
all that simple. She could explain things to Emily, but she didn’t want to taint her daughter’s relationship with Reece. He might not want her, but he still wanted to be in Emily’s life and she had to respect that.
“Reece will be here soon. You’d better get ready.”
“You’re not coming?”
She leaned forward and gently brushed Emily’s hair back with her hand. The indecision she saw in her daughter was tearing her apart. As much as she would do anything for Emily, this wasn’t something she could do. She couldn’t change Reece’s mind about her or why she didn’t fit in his life. “I can’t, Emy. Not this time.”
Emily pouted, her bottom lip jutting out. “I’m not going without you.”
Taylor had to be firm. It was for the best—for both of them. “Then you won’t get to go.”
Emily wrapped Eddie in a death grip with her arms. “I want to see Daddy.”
“You will, very soon.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead, wishing she could solve all of this easily, even though she knew the wish was futile. She just hoped that Reece would be sensitive to Emily’s mood when he came to get her.
An hour later, the doorbell rang. Taylor looked through the peephole and saw someone she didn’t recognize on the other side. Her first guess was a reporter. A hard knock at the door came next, but was interrupted and quickly changed into angry, low voices. She peeked once more and saw Reece face-to-face with the reporter. The reporter frowned and stalked away from her door. The doorbell rang again, but Taylor already knew it was Reece on the other side. Her stomach did a flip. He still affected her on a visceral level, even though emotionally she was trying to detach from him. “Emily, Reece is here.”
Taylor opened the door before her daughter got there. The dark look on Reece’s face almost made her take an involuntary step back. “So, what was that about?”
“Reporter. Claimed he didn’t know about the restraining order because he was from out of town. Apparently the arrest has bumped this case from local to national interest.”
“What are we—”
“I’ll take care of it.” His tone held a note of finality to it.
Emily came bounding up and instantly his attention shifted away from Taylor. His face smoothed out, the darkness fading. He smiled for Emily, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Are you ready to go?”
Emily shrugged. “Can Mommy come, too?”
Taylor waited for him to acknowledge her with a glance, a nod, anything, but he kept his focus on her daughter. That hurt. More than she wanted to admit. He was there for Emily, but he had no plans, no desire to be there for her. He reached forward and rubbed Emily’s upper arms with his hands. “Not today, sunshine. You’ll see her tonight.”
Emily cast a longing glance back at Taylor, and for a moment she almost darted forward to snatch her little girl out of his grasp. Her daughter wrinkled her brow and waved a small hand in departure.
Taylor’s heart broke in two, an emptiness hollowing out her chest making it hard to breathe. She waited until they were both inside the car before she shut the door. With her back against it, she slid to the floor, rested her head against her knees, and sobbed.
…
Emily sat in the seat behind Reece, tears threatening to cloud up and storm heavily as they left the parking lot of Taylor’s complex. Her lip trembled and then the sobs started. Each one was like a punch to the solar plexus, winding him.
“Why are you crying, sunshine?”
“I want my mommy.”
He flicked on the blinker and rolled to a stop at the edge of the road. “Do you want me to take you back?”
“No.” She hiccupped and sniffed from the backseat. “I want my mommy to come with us.”
Reece reached back and unbuckled Emily’s car seat, pulling his daughter into his lap. He held her, rubbing her back and rocking her slightly.
“Shh…Everything’s going to be all right.”
She hiccupped again. “I don’t want to live with just you. I want my mommy, too.”
Her words were a shock he hadn’t expected. No matter what the biology was, Emily was just as much Taylor’s daughter as his in every sense of the word. In a blinding instant of clarity, he knew what he had to do for his daughter…and for himself.
A pang of guilt bit at him, coupled with sadness. To take care of Emily, he had to let her live with Taylor. Taking her out of her mother’s daily care and away from their nightly singing ritual, even in a joint custody arrangement, would hurt his daughter.
He couldn’t do that to Emily no matter how much he wanted to be with her. He couldn’t do it to Taylor, either, especially since he knew how devastating losing a child was. The emptiness and silence ate you alive from the inside out. The knowledge that you should have acted to change the situation into something better beat you up daily.
He hugged Emily tight and nuzzled his daughter’s dark hair, which smelled sweetly of baby shampoo. He loved Emily.
He loved…Taylor.
Reece was astonished at the sense of fulfillment the acknowledgement brought him. All this time he’d been fighting admitting it to himself and now that he had, his resistance was replaced by fear.
What if she didn’t feel the same?
When she offered to marry him, she had said it was for Emily’s benefit. At the time he’d been too shocked to notice clues in her movements as a gauge to how she was truly feeling. Was her friendly offer just friendly, or was there something more?
Her anger had been real enough, and so had the lack of communication that had developed between them. But if she cared about him and had felt rejected, wouldn’t that make sense? Until he knew her true feelings, he was certain he’d be on the losing end of any relationship with her.
A person just couldn’t give out a full measure of love and not have it returned. He’d watched Becca suffer through that, and it was difficult at best and horrible at worst. Every day she became a little more wounded and withdrawn, until there was just an amiable gap between them. He didn’t want that with Taylor. It would be all or nothing.
What scared him was the nothing.
Emily had stopped sobbing and cuddled up against him. He rubbed her back in a small, circular motion that had always soothed Alyssa.
“You don’t worry, sunshine. Daddy will fix it.”
Emily placed a small, trusting hand on his cheek, then smiled up at him with adoration in her eyes. “I know.”
For the first time in a very long time, he felt like he’d done something right and the invisible burden he carried with him lightened a little.
…
A week stretched into an eternity for Taylor as she waited for the court date. Alex had informed her that Reece had filed for joint custody and he seemed to think Judge Harris would be granting it.
The morning sickness hadn’t eased up yet.
Taylor grimaced, choking back the nausea while she drove to the county courthouse. It hadn’t been until the second trimester that she felt normal with Emily. She supposed this baby was no different.
She rolled down the window, gulping in the fresh air. She’d made an appointment with a doctor, but already knew she had lost too much weight. Her clothes fit more loosely than they had since before Emily was born.
As she parked the car, Taylor tried to tamp down the feeling of dread welling up inside her. What if Judge Harris gave joint custody to Reece? What would she do then? Would Emily still live with her or be with her only part of the time? Would she still have to be in constant contact with Reece? At the rate her tummy firmed up and pushed out, it’d be nearly impossible for him not to notice that she was pregnant in a few months.
Taylor shook her head. That was a problem for a different day. Today she needed to concentrate on retaining full custody of Emily. She took the back entrance to the courthouse to avoid the group of reporters on the courthouse steps.
Alex dutifully waited for her outside courtroom 7B. Instead of leading her into the small room, he escorted her to the fron
t of the courtroom. Thankfully, Reece wasn’t there yet.
Taylor let out a grateful sigh. “When is this going to start, Alex?”
Along with feeling sick, Taylor was finding that she needed to run to the restroom constantly. Her agitation only compounded the situation.
“We should be out of here in thirty minutes, no more. I talked with Judge Harris and she said this is to be a summation this morning.”
“Speak English for heaven’s sake, Alex.”
“She’s already made a decision. She’s just going to tell us what it is.”
Taylor nodded in understanding.
The door opened and an electric charge shimmied up her spine. Reece was here. She could feel him moving toward her, like a breeze that ruffled her hair and clothes, only this ruffled her feminine awareness.
She forced herself to stare straight ahead as they waited for the judge to enter the courtroom.
“All rise,” called out the bailiff. The honorable Judge Harris entered through the door at the back of the room and stepped up to sit in her black leather chair.
“Please be seated,” she commanded. There was a rustle as everyone sat down. Taylor flicked a glance at Reece’s profile and her heart squeezed. She wanted to work this out with him for Emily’s benefit, even if he wasn’t interested in anything permanent with her.
Despite her feelings for him, she was hoping against hope that Judge Harris’s decision would be in her favor. For extra measure, she crossed her fingers and held them behind her back.
“As you know, this is a very unusual case. However, at this point it has confounded even me. The court has decided to give the mother full custody at the request of the father.”
Taylor’s jaw dropped.
She swung her head to stare at Reece. He was gazing back at her, sadness intermingled with hope written all over his face. At first there was a rush of relief. Then all she could think of was why? Why had he done this?
The gavel dropped with a resounding crack that echoed what she felt in the wall of defense around her heart. They all stood as the judge exited the courtroom. Taylor crossed the aisle that separated them and wrapped her arms around Reece, burying her head against his chest.
The Switched Baby Scandal (A Scandals of San Sebastian Novel) (Entangled Bliss) Page 16
