by J. S. Scott
My head jerked up and looked at her. “You saw Blake?”
“Yeah. I was boarding Marcus’s plane as he was leaving his private jet. We passed right by each other, but he didn’t even know who I was. I think he was lost in his own world.”
I frowned. “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered aloud, the pain in my voice unhidden.
“Go. See. Him,” Dani insisted. “DC is a short hop, and we have three brothers who all have a private jet, or you could hire your own. You could be there in a little over an hour.”
I wasn’t going anywhere until Dani was on the mend. “I’ll think about it,” I promised.
“Think hard,” she suggested. “I hate seeing you like this, and everything that happened in the past is out of your control. You deserve to be happy just as much as Blake does. You just don’t see that.”
The doorbell rang, and I motioned her to stay put. She’d been up and down enough for one day.
I looked through the peephole and saw the poor pizza guy struggling to juggle all the food I had ordered.
I went for my wallet, knowing the poor guy deserved a very big tip.
Blake
For the first time since I’d become a senator, I knew I’d been distracted during the session earlier in the day.
I hated myself for that.
I had a job to do, but I couldn’t seem to get my head on straight. Since the moment I’d woken up and found out that Harper had left to go to Boston, I hadn’t been myself.
I went from being depressed to periods of anger, not sure if I wanted to yell at Harper or beg her to come back.
My pride didn’t matter anymore. Some things were worth more than avoiding humiliation.
“I got it,” Marcus said as he came into my historic home in Georgetown, my residence when I was working in Washington.
I could probably have been closer to Capitol Hill, but I preferred the charm of a historic residence over a contemporary condo. It felt more like home when I was staying here.
I turned from the process of making myself a drink to look at him. “Got what?”
Going back to filling my tumbler, I made one for Marcus, too.
“I got Harper’s current address in Boston. You know you’re going there as soon as this session is over,” Marcus answered, sounding like he was daring me to deny that I was going to run after her again.
I nodded. “Good. I’m glad you found her address. It will save me some time.” Fuck my pride. I didn’t care anymore if I made an ass out of myself. Somehow, I was getting Harper back. Whatever problems she had with commitment, I’d resolve them. The last thing I wanted was to hold her back. All I wanted was to love her, and have her fucking love me back.
Marcus smirked and dropped the piece of paper on a small side table. “Couldn’t you have just asked her? You have her cell, right?”
I did have her current number, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to call her. If she was going to ditch me completely, I was going to make her do it in person. “Phone calls have never worked well for us in the past,” I replied as I held out a tumbler of good Scotch to Marcus. “And I doubt she’d tell me her address if she answered.”
“Are you sure you want to chase this woman?” Marcus asked doubtfully.
“Yes,” I answered brusquely.
“Why in the hell did she ditch you anyway?”
“I wish I knew,” I answered with a heavy sigh. “But something isn’t right, and I need to find out what’s going on. Harper isn’t the type to just run away. If she didn’t want me, she’d have no problem telling me to my face. Something is holding her back. Something is bothering her. I just don’t know what the hell the problem is.”
“Do you want me to do some digging?” Marcus suggested.
“Yes…No…” Did I want to know? Hell, yeah. But I wanted to hear it from Harper. “No. I need her to tell me herself. No more misunderstandings.”
“Okay. But call me if you need anything else,” Marcus said gruffly. “I’m headed back to Rocky Springs.”
“I’ll be back to Colorado soon. Things will either go well in Boston or they won’t.” I’d been in DC for almost two weeks, and we’d have a break before we convened again.
“Good luck,” Marcus said grimly as he drained his glass and then headed toward the door.
“I’ll need it.” I followed him out to his car and driver and then watched as the limo cruised down the street and disappeared.
Tomorrow morning, I’d be headed for Boston, and I was determined to drag information out of Harper—mainly why the hell she’d left, and why she was so damn unwilling to even try to make our relationship work.
Every damn day I wanted her more, and the need was eating me up inside. Harper had always been the part of me that was missing. It had just taken seeing her again to realize it.
Finishing my drink, I sat the glass in the sink at the bar, then turned to make my way upstairs. I needed to pack some stuff and then get headed out early in the morning.
I raced up the steps, hoping to hell that I could finally break down Harper’s defenses and make her spill out the information I needed.
Harper
Dani hung out with me for a week before she left to go visit our brothers. Once she was gone, all I had was my own company, and I hated it.
It didn’t take me long to decide that I needed to stop running away from Blake. I had to tell him, and deal with whatever emotional fallout came from that decision.
My sister was right. Life was way too short for this kind of bullshit.
I was avoiding.
I was running from something good.
Yeah, I could end up rejected or even resented eventually, but at least there would be no more confusion for Blake about how I felt.
I loved him. He’d been the only guy for me since the first time I’d been with him. He obviously felt the same way since he’d actually shunned every woman who looked his way or tried to get his attention for the last twelve years.
I’d lamented for several days about exactly what to do, and I’d finally decided I needed to see him in person.
I was going to Washington. My brother, Jett, had scoped out Blake’s address in Georgetown, and he’d sent his own jet for me to use for transport.
At the end of the day, Blake was either going to be mine, or I’d be heartbroken. But it was far better than not knowing what would have happened if I’d just told him.
Dani had been right when she’d said that I deserved to be happy, and what happened years ago had been out of my control. I didn’t need to feel broken, and I never had until I’d become so damn vulnerable. I’d come to terms with how my life would be…but then I’d seen Blake again, and everything I felt had turned me upside down all over again.
But I was ready now. My sister was safe, so I wasn’t whirling around in a constant state of fear. I’d finally gotten my head together enough to know what I wanted, and what I had to do to get it.
I had to take a huge risk with my heart, but Blake was worth it.
I fidgeted as I waited for Jett’s plane to take off. It was the height of luxury, with cream leather seats and a bedroom in the back, but I hardly noticed. All I wanted to do was get to Blake right now and spill the secrets I’d been keeping.
I sighed as the jet went airborne.
What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?
What if he doesn’t want me after he knows?
Why is it that negative thoughts have to intrude just when a person decides they’re going to lay their heart on the line?
So much of this decision was made by listening to Dani talk over the last week, discussing her encounters with her captors, and how she never wanted any regrets. I realized how little I was actually enjoying my life. I was fulfilled by the things I did, but my heart and soul was otherwise empty, and I didn’t wan
t to continue that way.
Not if I didn’t have to be alone.
Not if Blake cared enough.
I refused any food or drink from the flight attendant, my stomach in knots. Jett had a car waiting for me at the airport, and I tried to take deep, calming breaths on my way to Blake’s house.
When we arrived, I took my carry-on suitcase and thanked the driver with a massive tip, and then made my way to the door. I might be terrified, but I couldn’t help but notice the row of historic homes, each one more impressively preserved than the rest.
I loved that Blake had chosen a home over living in a condo closer to the Hill. The architect in me wanted to take a walk and check out the preservations that had been made to all of the houses, but I had more pressing issues to deal with at the moment.
I rang the doorbell and then waited until somebody finally opened the door.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the face I’d been hoping to see.
The woman was middle-aged, and was holding a handheld sweeper.
“I’m looking for Blake Colter,” I said hesitantly.
“He’s not here, ma’am.” The woman was polite but to the point.
Dammit! “He went back to Colorado?”
My cell phone started to ring, and I juggled my things to get it out. I answered in a breathless voice that was formed from fear and the disappointment that I’d missed him.
“Hello.”
“Where in the hell are you?” Blake asked demandingly.
“Georgetown,” I answered honestly. “I came to see you.”
“Shit!” he cursed harshly. “I’m in Boston. I had to see you.”
It took me a moment to realize that we were still in separate cities, although we’d both had the same idea of being in the same place.
I started to laugh, the lady who was apparently Blake’s housekeeper staring at me like I was touched in the head.
On the other end of the line, I could tell that he was laughing, too.
“Unbelievable. We try to get to each other, and we end up in separate places,” Blake said with humor in his tone.
I chuckled. “If you would have just stayed here…”
“Or if you would have just stayed in Boston. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be there in a couple of hours,” he demanded. “Is my housekeeper there?”
“Yes.” I handed my cell phone to the bewildered woman still at the door.
She spoke to Blake for several minutes, mostly giving one- and two-word answers. When she finally hung up and handed my phone back to me, she stepped back. “Please come in. Senator Colter would like you to make yourself at home.”
I entered, admiring the décor as I analyzed how well the architecture had been preserved. It was a lovely home. Not pretentious, but definitely designed with antiques to match the construction period.
She showed me into a family room that had newer furnishings, a space that was probably the most often used in the home. “Thank you,” I murmured.
“Can I get you some food? Something to drink?”
Although I really wanted to keep up my compulsive eating and ask for food, I ended up answering, “No. I’m fine, thanks.”
The woman retreated and closed the door behind her. I took off my jacket and the boots I was wearing and sat on the comfortable leather couch, still stunned that Blake had gone after me in Boston.
That gave me hope.
That made my heart lighter.
I flipped on the television and then covered myself with a throw blanket.
I tried to stay awake and focused, but I’d barely slept for the last few nights, and I was exhausted.
A few minutes later, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and I slept.
Blake
My flight back to the DC area seemed like the longest period of time I’d ever known. Even though the hop was short, I was restless throughout the whole flight, hoping to hell Harper would still be at my house when I got there.
As I finally climbed the stairs of my historic mansion, I took a deep breath as I put the key into the lock, my heart hammering with anticipation.
What if she doesn’t want me?
What if this is the last time I see her?
I pushed the negative thoughts from my head as I entered the home and everything was deathly quiet. My housekeeper was obviously gone, and as I strolled through the formal living room, I could hear the television from the family room.
This was it. Time to fight for what I really wanted, really needed. My life wasn’t worth a shit without Harper, and I needed to make her understand that no matter what was standing in our way, I’d make it go away.
Pushing the door open, I peered inside, looking from the television mounted on the wall to the leather couch where Harper was laying, looking so comfortable that even before I approached, I knew she was asleep.
Jesus, she looked beautiful. Her hair was down and partially covering her face. Without thought, I crouched down and pushed back the strands, revealing her delicate features as she slept.
The dark smudges under her eyes told me she’d probably slept as much as I had for at least the last few days, but otherwise, she looked gorgeous.
Mine!
It seemed so perfectly natural for her to be here that my heart clenched as I saw her shoes, purse, and jacket on the chair.
“She has to stay,” I said to myself huskily as I pulled the blanket around her body.
I stroked her hair lightly, and she stirred. “Blake,” she said in a sleep-laden, groggy voice.
“Sleep, Harper. We can talk later. I’m here.”
I heard her sigh, and then her breathing fell into an even cadence again. Her trust in me had my heartbeat kicking up as I stared down at her.
I moved to a chair beside the sofa, kicked off my shoes, and just watched her sleep.
Harper
I could sense Blake’s presence the moment I started to wake. My eyes fluttered open, and I almost immediately met his steely-eyed stare.
“You’re here.” Brilliant, right? It was pretty damn obvious that he was home. I was staring right at him.
“I’ve been here awhile. I wanted to let you get some rest.”
I struggled to sit up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. “When did you get in?”
He shrugged. “A few hours ago.”
“You should have woken me. I’m sorry. I was so tired, I fell asleep.”
“I know the feeling,” he answered coarsely. “I haven’t slept much, either.”
As I stared at him, still trying to get my bearings, it was obvious that he was tired. His dark hair was almost standing on end in several places, like he’d been running his hand through his hair in frustration. His usually-sharp gaze was dulled, and his jaw was scruffy, like he hadn’t shaved in a day or two.
Even in his state of disarray, the custom suit with the missing tie and the top few buttons of his shirt open, Blake was still the most beautiful sight I’d seen in a long time. My heart stuck in my throat as I looked at the genuine sadness in his eyes, and all I wanted to do was fix whatever was wrong.
I wanted everything to be right in his world again, especially since I knew that I’d been the one to cause him to be in this state. I recognized his sorrow. It cried out to me because it echoed my own.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, hoping the emotion in those three little words would help to undo the hurt I’d caused him.
And I had hurt him. The torment was written all over his face.
“Why did you leave me, Harper? Why?” His voice was both angry and pleading, demanding to know why I’d run away.
“Because I can’t be everything for you, Blake. I can’t be the woman you need,” I began to explain.
“You’re fucking everything to me,” he interrupted forcefully. “Everything.”
“But
I’m not long-term relationship material,” I argued. “I’m not a woman you can live happily-ever-after with.”
“Why the hell not? Jesus, Harper, I’ve waited for twelve damn years just to see you again. Maybe I never consciously admitted that to myself until I saw you again, but it’s true.” He got up and came to sit on the couch, and then grabbed me by the shoulders so I’d look at him. “You think I haven’t had my chances to settle for somebody else? Fuck other women? Get laid just to get off?”
I looked at his frenzied expression. “I know you have, and I know you could.”
“But I damn well didn’t,” he rasped. “You want to know why?”
I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.
“Because I could never, ever fall out of love with you. It didn’t matter how much I tried—you’ve haunted me for over a fucking decade. One night with you, and I was ruined. You yanked my heart out of my chest and kept it all of this time. I never once wanted anybody else. It’s always been you.”
Tears trickled down my cheeks as I answered, “I felt the same way.”
“Then tell me why in the hell you can’t stay. I love you, Harper. I always have.”
I felt the knife slash into my chest, a pain so intense that I had to put my hand to my heart to make sure it really hadn’t been shattered. “This is all wrong, Blake. So wrong.”
He shook me lightly. “What? Just tell me what in the hell is so damn wrong. I’ll fix it. I’ll make it right.”
I swiped at my tears angrily as I replied, “You can’t make it right. Nobody can.”
“Tell me.”
“You’d make an amazing father,” I told him in a voice filled with pain.
“Yeah. And I’d love to get you pregnant if that’s what you want. In case you haven’t noticed, practicing is no problem for me.”
“That’s the issue. You can’t and you never will.” I took a deep breath and met his stare head-on. “I can’t have children, Blake. Never. And you can’t fix that.”
There was complete silence in the room as Blake just sat and stared at me, looking puzzled. “Why?”
