by Lacey Silks
I didn’t seem to upset him but he moved closer toward us, his possessive body language, unsettling me further. “I’ll remember that you like bodies in caskets, Anna. And I’ll make sure to invite you the next time I put one in.”
His warning brought on the nausea again.
“Is that what you did to Xavier? Did you stuff him in a casket too?” I spat back.
“I think that’s enough.” I heard Father Francis from the front door.
“Padre.” Ben bowed his head. “Come to have a tequila?”
“Am I going to see you at church on the Lord’s day, Benjamin?”
“Of course, Padre.”
“Then you better begin praying he lets you pass through the front door. What are you doing, keeping these two here? The fiesta is starting.”
I knew that John wouldn’t admit to gambling for information, but I didn’t care.
“There was a visitor driving through Pace yesterday. His name is Xavier, and the last place I saw him was here.” I paused, ignoring the feeling of being a tattletale or the fact that my little confession could later get me in trouble with Ben. “That watch on the skeleton belongs to him, and Ben won’t tell us where he is.”
“I don’t follow everyone around, Anna.” Ben shoved his hands in his pockets, playing the role of an innocent man.
“What did you do with him? He was staying at the motel.”
“He must have left sometime during the night,” Ben explained.
“Was it the fella driving a blue Dodge?” Father Francis asked. “Because I saw someone driving through the farms at about four this morning.”
“Yes, he was,” I confirmed. “Are you sure it was him, Father?”
“I don’t know who else it could have been.”
“See, Anna? I’m not the criminal you make me out to be. Xavier must have left,” he smirked.
“Why do you play these games, Ben? Why would you agree to a game of chess for information when you didn’t have any? Or maybe you’re lying. Maybe one of you killed Xavier and took the car to dispose of it.”
“Now, Anna. Do you think that accusations of murder are going to give you a special passage to heaven? If you’d like to see heaven, come to my bedroom.” He winked, and I felt disgusted.
Father Francis cleared his throat and shot him a warning look. “When was the last time you confessed, Benjamin?”
“But Padre, my heart and soul are both clean.”
They were probably as clean as the toilets in the back.
“Then I shall see you at church this Sunday.”
“Yes, Padre.”
“Stay in peace, then, and stop hustling the town. God sees all and hears all.”
Ben didn’t say anything again, and we left the Bistro with Father Francis.
“Now, what were you two kids doing in that bar?”
“I’m sorry, Father. We were afraid for Anna’s friend,” John replied. “I wish they would just leave this town alone and take their life of crime elsewhere.”
“You two shouldn’t be worrying about that family. The Lord doesn’t discriminate – remember that. He has a path set for everyone, including the Cortez family. We’re all lost sheep at one point in our lives.”
“Yeah, but the Cortez family is like a lost herd.”
“We have to keep the family we have at the church strong and full of faith. One day, the Cortez family will be part of our community as well, and we’ll all be able to have a pint of beer at the Bistro without fear.”
“Father, I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re talking about the impossible,” I said.
I watched how John was listening to Father Francis, his attention catching every word.
“Try to think of them as lost sheep. One day they’ll be found.”
“I wish they were lost elsewhere, then,” I mumbled, wondering whether Xavier was one of those lost sheep. I hoped he was the one who’d been driving through the back roads earlier this morning. I hoped he’d gotten away from Ben and would never need to come back to Pace again. He’d sacrificed his own safety by pushing me out the door. In the few hours that I’d known him, Xavier had managed to stir a new feeling in my heart, one I didn’t recognize, and as much as I wished for him to be gone, I yearned to see him again even more.
After we walked Father Francis all the way up to his door, we decided to cross through the back fields to the fiesta. It would take us a little longer to get there, but this way, we could avoid Ben, Mateo, Pablo and Dante as they headed to the religious celebration. They had never missed one before and seeing them again was inevitable. The thought made me feel queasy.
“I hope he chokes on those tomatoes.” I stomped my feet over the soil like an obnoxious four year old.
“I doubt he will.” John took hold of my hand and gently tugged it for me to slow down.
“Why?”
“Because he threw them out.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. We shouldn’t have gone there in the first place.”
“Anna, you were trying to find a friend. Obviously this Xavier guy left town. We should be grateful that nothing worse crossed his path. We didn’t have much choice anyway. It was either play the chess game and leave, whether we lost or won, or not leave at all. When Ben wants something, he doesn’t stop until he has it, and I can’t allow him to have everything he wants. A basket of tomatoes is a small price to pay. I’m not afraid to lose when the stakes are low, but I will win when they’re high.”
“So you let him win to keep him somewhat satisfied?”
“Yes. With Ben’s growing thirst for power, it will take a little bit more than one chess game to win the high stakes.”
We stopped just before reaching the old barn where the band was playing and people were dancing. One of the hall quarters was occupied by Ben and his clan. They were looking for something or someone, but didn’t seem like they’d found it. I shuddered.
“John, when I went to the back of the Bistro, I saw something. Something I shouldn’t have seen.”
“Did anyone see you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then you should forget about anything you saw.”
“But John, they’re smuggling money. Big money.”
I waited patiently until I had his full attention, and then added, “Twenty-five million. Mateo and Pablo are tired of their father and uncle running the business. They want to take over. They want to move on to bigger and better things. It sounds like the boys want to party. This may be our chance to get them out.”
“That sounds like it’s still beyond anything we can do. Anna, please don’t plan anything. Let this happen on its own, then. The boys have no entertainment here. Everyone’s backed away from the family. The life they thought drugs and criminal activities could buy them is pointless. Maybe with a little guidance from a higher power, they’ll move away on their own?”
This was one time I thought John was wrong. What if I could grease the wheels a little? What if I could find a reason for them to leave Pace? I pushed the thought aside, but if an opportunity ever showed, I knew I’d take it with my eyes closed.
“I hope you’re right because if they don’t, I swear that I will.”
“Come on. Forget them for a couple of hours, and let’s take part in the celebration.”
John took my hand again, and we walked down the small hill to the venue. The sun was setting by now. The bulls were secluded in the south, though my nose picked up the smell of their sweat and cooling adrenaline each time the wind blew.
We joined our friends and John’s parents on the dance floor. The barn was decorated in its usual festive ribbons. Bales of hay lined one of the walls where they were being used as a sitting area. The addition of white lights strung around each post and beam gave a special warmth to the evening. John spun me around and held me close.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Good. Relaxed, I guess.”
“You don’t sound relaxed.”
“It’s a little difficult when I think that there’s twenty-five million in cash just a mile away. Cortez is trouble.”
“Trouble you need to stay away from. Anna, you need to let it go.”
“I know. I’d never take the money. I just think it’s an opportunity to use what we know to get them out of town. Like, we could load it on a truck, tie a rope to the steering wheel, and put a brick on the gas, then make them run after it, right over a canyon.”
He laughed. “You know that would never work. The road isn’t straight. And I really believe that those guys will want to move out of this town sooner than later. There’s nothing to do here. They’re curious, full of energy and testosterone. They’ll leave, believe me.”
“I do believe you, but I don’t want to wait years. I want them gone now.”
My gaze darted to the corner of the dance floor where Mateo was leaning against one of the posts and eyeing me. He’d been staring since the moment we arrived.
“I was going to do this later, but I see that I have to keep your mind preoccupied right now. I have a feeling that this is the only thing that can help you relax.”
We stopped, and suddenly I felt like I was the center of attention as John knelt down in front of me. One of the boys from the church brought him a sunflower, and that’s when I noticed that the bloom had a yellow ribbon tied to its end. On the end of the ribbon was a ring.
John untied the ribbon and held the ring in front of me. My knees were shaking like a pair of maracas, and the barn was filled with whispers of anticipation. Was this really happening?
“Live for today,” he mouthed, and I smiled from above. “Joanna Maria Williams, will you do me the honor and marry me?”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. I caught Mrs. Hernandez crying as her son proposed.
“Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”
Cheers sounded all around, and music began playing. John slid the ring onto my left hand. It was modest and perfect. He then lifted me into his arms and kissed me hard. It was rare for him to display his affection for me in front of everyone, and I couldn’t have been happier.
We’re engaged.
The rest of the evening flew by without a hitch. We danced and laughed, accepted rounds of congratulations from family and friends, and ate way too many enchiladas. When we found a quiet moment on one of the hay bales, John wrapped his arm around my waist and brought me closer.
“What do you think about a Christmas wedding?” he asked.
“That soon?”
“Why wait? I love you. I want to protect you. I want you to be my wife.”
“John, you’re not doing this for my safety, are you? Because I’m fine at the house.”
“Of course not. But I honestly can’t wait to see the look on Ben’s face when you become my wife.”
“So it’s a territorial thing for you?” I teased.
“Partly, but mostly it’s an I love you kind of thing, you know.”
“I love you too.”
When John walked me home that evening, I didn’t want to let go. We stood at the threshold for what seemed like hours, and I couldn’t stop smiling.
I am engaged.
“Stay the night, John. Share my bed,” I whispered into his ear. He pulled me in closer, until my nose rested in the crook of his neck. I breathed him in and felt my breasts immediately react to the scent.
“You know I can’t. If I stay tonight, I won’t be able to resist you.”
“That’s why I’m inviting you, John.”
“We agreed to wait. And the dancing went on longer than I thought.”
I nodded. He was right. Waiting to be together until after we were married would be that much more special.
“Will I see you at breakfast?” he asked.
“Yes, I’ll see you in the morning.”
We kissed goodnight, and I went to the kitchen to cut up an apple. It couldn’t have been longer than ten minutes when I heard a vibrant knock on the door. At first, I thought John had changed his mind, but when I saw Ben’s face through the glass pane, I stilled with fear.
“Hola, chiquita,” I heard from the outside. The porch light illuminated Ben’s silhouette. It was almost ghostly. His brother and cousin were lurking in the shadows behind him as Ben swayed back and forth on his feet.
“Open the door, beautiful.” He knocked on the glass again, this time harder. The glass panes in the door vibrated.
I took a step back. My stomach filled with nerves and my heart pounded as I grabbed a carving knife from the kitchen drawer. I held it down by my leg, my grip slippery with sweat.
“Go home, Ben. It’s late.”
Instead, he pulled his arm back, covered his fist with a cloth he must have picked up off the porch, and punched through one of the glass panes. I jumped up as broken pieces shattered to the floor, and as soon as the initial shock wore off I hurried toward the door with my knife, jabbing it straight through his hand as he reached for the lock.
“Fuck!”
He yanked his injured hand back and kicked the door in. I ran around the kitchen table, screaming, “Get out!”
Ben approached with determination. When I looked into his eyes, I could see the devil lurking there. Mateo and Pablo followed him in, blocking me from the other side, and I wished that I had stayed at John’s, or that John had stayed with me.
“Not until I get what I want.”
My stomach twisted. I wanted to hurl. I wanted to run until my legs could not take me any further. I wanted to get as far away from here, from Pace, as fast as possible, but when I turned around to head for the front door, Mateo grabbed me by my ponytail. My body jerked backward as he pulled and twisted me around.
Ben closed the broken door and kicked the knife I’d dropped to the side. Blood oozed from his hand. He grabbed a cloth off a kitchen hook and pressed it to the wound. “You’re going to pay for this, mi carina.”
His words were calculated which turned the blood in my veins to ice. It was more difficult to breathe, and the room spun. Despite the resistance in my veins, my heart was pounding like a jackhammer.
Mateo stuffed something into my mouth and tied a rag around my face before I had the mind to scream. Even if I did, I doubted anyone would hear me. I thrashed and twisted, but my strength was nothing compared to the men’s. My body was thrown forward across the table. I stared ahead at Ben as he smirked, chewing his disgusting tobacco.
As Pablo held my hands over the table, I braced myself for what was about to happen and felt my heart constrict with pain. My first time wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be John, on our wedding night. The engagement ring on my finger slid off and fell to the floor as Pablo held my wrists together.
My dress was lifted from the back and Ben’s hands snaked up my inner thighs. Something cold touched my hip, and I realized that Ben had picked up the knife and cut through the fabric. My panties fell to the floor, and I began sobbing. He leaned down, the weight of his body over mine from behind. Nausea overwhelmed me as he whispered with his beer and cigarette-infused breath.
“I told you that you would be mine.”
I chose to forget the next fifteen minutes. Unfortunately, they’d be a constant reminder of this monster for the rest of my life.
“Papi!” Mikey called out as he ran across the church, his two-year-old feet barely able to keep up with his excitement.
“Hey, buddy. Donde esta tu mamá?” I heard John say before I turned the corner. When I did, I saw Mikey point toward me and then John came into view. I smiled at my soon-to-be husband, who would be assisting Father Francis in today’s mass. I walked up to him, and he kissed me on my cheek before pulling me in for an embrace.
“Hey, gorgeous. How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m fine.”
“Anna…”
“It’s okay, John. Today is a good day.”
Over the past three years, the good days had been rare, and I took any good day that came my way in strid
e. But I knew that today would be tough the moment I woke up. It marked the three-year anniversary since Ben had broken into my house.
“Good. Are you going to the fiesta after mass?”
“I’m not sure.” I shook my head. I hadn’t gone to the fiesta last year or the year before that, but this time I wanted to. I didn’t want Ben’s sins to define me, but it wasn’t easy. Unfortunately, the only memories I had from the celebration three years ago were the ones I wished I could forget. The only good thing that came out of that night was my son. Or our son, I should say. John had accepted Mikey as his own the moment the secret I’d kept from him began swelling in my tummy and I was forced to tell him the truth about the evening.
That night, he removed his father’s gun from an old chest and stormed out of the house. It took three strong men – his father, brother, and uncle – to stop him, but they had. John sobbed that night. He sobbed like I’d never seen a grown man sob, tears of sorrow and pain, flowing like rivers of sadness. They drained him. They made him question the good in this world, faith, and hope. It hurt seeing him that way, especially since he sobbed not only for me, but also for the baby that was growing in my womb. It didn’t deserve a mobster for a father.
I had moved out of the parish and in with John and his parents as soon as they found out that I was pregnant. While I was pretty sure they were aware whose child I’d carried and gave birth to, they accepted Mikey as their grandson in the same way that John had accepted him as his own.
“I’ll be the father,” he said, the night I told him the truth.
“What?”
“Don’t tell Ben. Don’t let that child anywhere near him.”
“John, I can’t ask that of you.”
“You don’t have to ask me. It’s done.”
“Ben will suspect. He’ll know. He’ll… he’ll want my baby.”
“Then let’s beat him to the punch. Let’s announce the pregnancy now. We’re engaged. It’s only expected that children would be next.”
“But we’re not married. What will everyone think? Their deacon has a child born out of wedlock?”
“Half this town was born out of wedlock, but if you want to get married, then we’ll do it tomorrow.”
