It was a bagful of confusion Markie took away from that trip. How do you listen to your heart when it’s saying a million different things? On the flight back to San Francisco, Markie wished he could have asked those girls this.
To teach canoeing in The Greek Islands or see his niece Lily take her first step? To spend a summer picking grapes in Bordeaux, France, or take an internship at Saatchi and Saatchi’s? How does one decide between such things?
Like all Americans, he had casually romanced the idea of living in Los Angeles. Not to be an actor and break into the movies; Markie knew full well he couldn’t act for crap. But he wouldn’t have minded incorporating that which he knew best – advertising – with his love for film. Promoter of blockbusters, wouldn’t that have looked impressive on his business card? The thought of it right now sent a shiver down Markie’s spine, even though he knew LA was more “seedy concrete jungle” than Malibu, even though he knew there were more hookers than eligible nice ladies, he still couldn’t shake the utter thrill that went along with Harry B. Sangster’s offer.
“I have a chance to live in LA,” Markie said out loud to himself.
But what good was that chance unless he took it? There were so many things he had to consider first: his house, his parents, his staff and let’s not forget about Serena.
Harry had said a decision needed to be made soon.
“Not that we’re putting pressure on you but Adland need to secure a new piece of business before the end of the month. If you can’t commit by then, well… whether we like it or not, we have to go elsewhere,” Harry frowned for a moment. “My preference of course is that we avoid that option altogether.”
“I understand.”
Markie honestly did. He knew Harry wasn’t poking him in the back with a spike for fun. Big bureaucracies put time and money before people, that was a fact, and if Markie didn’t want to jump for the offer then some other bastard would.
“I’ll let you know before the end of the month, then,” Markie had responded charily.
What Harry didn’t know was the end of the month also coincided with Serena’s return. Markie had to make a decision before then, but he couldn’t without Serena, which meant only one thing…
“I’ll have to contact her.”
But only if he decided to take up the offer, he added later, quite aware he wasn’t supposed to go anywhere near his girlfriend. And chances were he would want to, right? Move to LA, where they could have a nice fresh start, maybe he could even negotiate a house in Beverly Hills into his contract. Harry said if they went ahead with it, Guerrilla Zoo had six weeks from end of month to relocate, both Markie and any staff who chose to go along on the adventure. Any no-goers would have to be replaced, however irreplaceable they appeared to be.
Yet the opportunity was nonetheless open to them all, not just to Markie. Serena, Rick, Berry – they all had a chance to make some dreams come true. But how many of them would take it, how many of them would go?
When the opportunity of a lifetime came knocking, would they open the door or keep it closed?
A simple discrepancy in the number of sexual partners was the reason this whole break up began.
Serena dredged this info up one morning whilst asking herself how in the world she got herself in this awful mess, this loving two men situation and the truth almost knocked her over. Oh my gosh was that really what it was all about, she asked herself, Markie feeling intimidated by my stupid position in the double digits and needing to set things straight? “Be even” were the exact words he used. Why could he not see it was a load of risky bullcrap, Serena cringed, to treat their relationship like betting chips at a casino when it was really their hearts they were putting on the line?
Then she remembered. They thought they were infallible. They laughed that last day and waved each other goodbye as if they were going away on a school camp. If for a second Markie or she suspected it would cause a permanent rift in their relationship Serena was certain they wouldn’t have done it. Or was she guessing wrong? It was after all Markie who had wanted the break, who felt restricted. She had merely provided him with an option, which meant they could both be happy, satisfy their whims and once done continue from where they had left off.
But where had they left it off? Serena didn’t know anymore. It seemed she had picked up the same tapestry with Jasper and carried on sewing from there. No new awkward beginning period, no getting shocked by his quirks and scary habits with Jasper. It was as though Serena knew him as well as she knew Markie. Time-wise, they had been friends throughout college; they had a history together that regressed more than a month. Maybe that’s why, after four weeks of bed sharing, she and Jasper still hadn’t had the ‘talk’. About ex-sex partners and old loves and whether they thought they’d make it to the next step. For some reason there wasn’t that need and as Serena didn’t chase it neither did Jasper.
Sex between them was still different and great. The first time Jasper entered Serena her body had reacted like a fourteen-year old having her first glass of wine; it made her feel dizzy and light-headed from the giddiness. Markie was good but Jasper was better. Serena felt guilty saying that but it was true. When Jasper lifted and carried her to bed, she knew she could expect more than twenty minutes of fresh, energetic, original sex. She knew that Jasper wouldn’t run away as soon as it was over to flick on the TV. Often it would happen outside and often as a surprise, a gift to be unwrapped more than once a day.
It reminded Serena a lot of her and Markie in the early years (or make that the first year) when they still couldn’t get enough of each other. In retrospect maybe it was out of fear that the other might disappear that kept them desperately romantic. That and probably a touch of insecurity - whenever an attractive member of the opposite sex and thus potential threat approached it kept them on their toes. Their sex and kissing back then was always urgent, passionate and craved. But somewhere along the way five times a day became five times a week and then three; the nature of the act and passion declining just as steadily with the years. Draw a graph and it would look like a perfect slippery slide.
Serena couldn’t imagine the same decline ever happening to her and Jasper.
“That’s what they all say,” said the older, wiser Champagne later at work. “It’ll never happen to me, it’ll never happen to me but come marriage along with a few brats and soon everyone’s humming the same tune.”
“But Markie and I don’t have kids and we definitely aren’t married, we weren’t even engaged.”
“Oh that’s right,” Champagne tapped the comb against her nose, “it’s either marriage, kids or the three years, whichever comes first.”
“Which makes us all doomed,” Violet nicely pointed out.
Thank you very much for that.
Serena was admittedly less than impressed. She found it hard to believe it was impossible to remain passionate forever. With Jasper that is - her and Markie were probably already a lost cause. Because once you’ve lost the magic sexy feeling, it was too late – the trick was to hold onto it tight, to never let it go in the first place. That had to be the secret, it had to be and Serena was determined to find living proof of it, somewhere, anywhere, of a lust that lasts forever.
Chapter 26
Finding two sixty- year-olds who still pashed and bonked like mad was harder than Serena expected.
No, who was she kidding? Two thirty year olds were hard to find. It seemed that Champagne was unfortunately right – the moment three years, marriage or kids got in the way the heart changed its beat from boom-boom to frigging-get-off-my-back. The best of couples, the ones who hadn’t yet got divorced, boasted about how friendship was the key, the so-called ‘glue which held them together.’
“We’re just the best of friends,” Marnie who was married to Barnie said.
Yep there was no doubt about it. Not only had they abbreviated their names from Marmalade and Barney to sound similar they were also wearing matching striped t-shirts and tennis shoes
.
“But what about the sex?” Serena asked. So what if they got on well together and never fought. That wasn’t a mean feat – Serena got on with everyone and she certainly didn’t consider it grounds for marriage.
“What about it?” They said eyeing each other tenaciously.
“Is it still good? Still exciting and spontaneous?
“Of course it is,” they said a bit defensively. Then Marnie added, “Maybe we don’t do it as often as before but I find the end result to still be the same. If anything it’s gentler, more tender and loving.”
When Barnie raised his eyebrows Serena was inclined to believe this was not his preferred option. Ah ha! She knew it. Even before Marnie pulled Serena into kitchen to say how much she missed the long ago weekly love letters, the massages, Serena could see that this was a passion-less house. Sure, it was warm, strong and basking in love but that and passion was not the same thing.
This revelation was a problem for Serena. She called another dozen or two couples but as suspected, if the romantic couple from hell Marnie and Barnie weren’t rolling around in zeal then the others weren’t either. When asked for an explanation as to how they lost the spark, the women proffered the following clues:
“We just too used to each other…”
“No need to impress anymore…”
“Can be more honest… if I’m not in the mood now, then I say I’m not in the mood.”
“My libido is not as high as before, contrary to what they say about women peaking later…”
“But it’s not that bad, you know…”
And so on and so on and so on. All of them sounded like pathetic excuses and the decline didn’t correlate at all with their feelings for their spouse. If anything they loved their partners more.
“Oh yes, I would die without them by my side.”
They just didn’t have the need to jump into bed with them at every instance anymore. This obviously didn’t help Serena at all with deciding between Jasper and Markie. Because according to the Wise Women Network, her excited feelings for her honey (everyone thought it was Markie she was talking about) were to be ‘enjoyed while they lasted, because they didn’t last forever’. There would come a time apparently when she would ‘much prefer a relaxing night in front of the TV rather than riotous sex. If smart, ‘sex should be treated like a fine wine, savored and enjoyed and not overdosed on every night or else she might develop a revulsion towards it.’
Serena decided this inconclusive evidence called for a pros-cons list.
She pulled out a sheet of A4 paper and drew a line down the middle; Markie on the left and Jasper on the right. Then came the second line, a horizontal one to separate the ‘For’ points from the ‘Against.’ Okay let’s treat this like a mathematical problem. Doing her best to stay objective, Serena concentrated on producing legitimate observations. This was what she came up with.
MARKIE
Why I should choose Him
Because we’ve been together for five years and have always had a wonderful relationship.
Because he’s nice and trustworthy and loves me lots.
Oh and I love him too, in that best friend kind of way.
Why I shouldn’t choose him
Because…we’re on a break and if things were really fine we would never have gone on one.
Because lately our relationship was becoming quite complacent and that might be a sign of worse to come.
JASPER
Why I should choose Him
Because he is exciting, wonderful and creative.
Because he’s a risk taker which means that maybe we can travel the world together.
Because he’s very good in bed.
Why I shouldn’t choose him
Because of that passion thing, it might possibly get stale in the future.
Because he may simply be *too good to be true*.
Looking at both sides, Serena wasn’t able to pick a definite winner. Of course her heart was screaming out the most obvious answer –pick Markie, pick Markie – but something stopped her from saying yes to him. What was it exactly? Was it having the backup of another man? That was partly it. The other silent factor was her new found independence. If one asked Serena three months ago how she knew Markie was The One she would’ve given you the clichéd reply:
“Because I can’t live without him.”
That was the way she calculated true love. Can’t live without = love, can live without him = passing phase. Even though it was hard that first week, moving into Tabitha’s and adjusting to life on her own, Serena had survived. She could in spite of everything still walk and talk, eat and breathe totally without any problems, which reflected what on her relationship with Markie? Yep you guessed it: at the very worst, her boyfriend of five years was not nearly as needed and indispensable as previously believed.
Yes, but say she wasn’t going to be seeing him soon? What if he moved to another country or city, would she care then?
Serena supposed she would. Sighing deeply she gave her ‘other half’ theory a little more thought before suddenly growing skeptical. Who was to say she wouldn’t survive living without Jasper just as well if given half a chance? Maybe she would, even more easily. Maybe the “dying when the other half separates” theory was just bull because humans weren’t like autumn leaves in the wind. They were built like precise machines, blood pumping through intricate veins within milliseconds to all vital organs; our bodies were capable of falling off ten storey buildings and still surviving. So maybe when it came to things like love we were much stronger than we gave ourselves credit for.
Maybe she didn’t miss Markie too much because she wouldn’t miss anybody…with a replacement available. Maybe she didn’t miss him because she knew she’d eventually be going back. They were options Serena hadn’t considered before. And that’s because missing him was never an option. Remember the guy was going away to sleep with other girls; so switching her emotions off and removing her caring gene had had to happen on that first day. Don’t think à equaled don’t hurt à which equaled don’t miss.
But once she switched her feelings back on and allowed herself to be immersed in the love that once was who knew what could happen….
With all that was happening with Rick, Tabitha forgot about her fight with Serena. Well sort of forgot.
You see, now that she had boyfriend, the need for a best friend wasn’t as strong as before. She had someone else to confide in, someone else whom to call.
After their first date, Tabitha found herself hanging out a lot with Rick: going to the movies, strolling through the park, enjoying beach picnics, that type of couple thing. To cement their relationship Rick had even planted a warm kiss on her nervous lips. It was nice but he never crossed the line, meaning they were still at the handholding stage. Sex or even head jobs seemed so very far away.
“So will I see you tonight?” Tabitha asked coyly, when she called Rick at ten as requested.
On the cell phone of course; for some reason Rick preferred to be contacted directly via his shrilly silver Nokia phone, even when in his office or at home, meaning Tabitha’s bills would surely escalate up to five hundred dollars a month.
“Sure,” Rick said, clearing his throat. He then put on what Tabitha called his ‘other people are in the room’ voice. “Tonight is feasible.”
Tabitha furrowed her eyebrows. Okay this was getting annoying. Calling him rather than the other way around was one thing but vagueness…that was her pet hate. Glancing at The Rules book which peeked out of her bag, Tabitha forced herself to take a deep breath and remain sweet and gentle. They were Rick’s favorite characteristics in a woman.
“Hey is that Markie in the background? Is that why you can’t talk?”
To be honest, Tabitha was secretly pissed off she hadn’t as yet bumped into Serena’s old love. She was hoping to get a bit of gossip straight from the source, like whether Markie’s willy was actually out playing every night. After all weren’t he and Rick suppo
sed to be best friends? Weren’t they supposed to be living together? Tabitha couldn’t be 100% sure because Rick had never volunteered to take her to his place, something about preferring to be out in the open. Here there everywhere but home.
“That’s correct,” Rick responded. Then there came a pause. “Look can I actually call you back to confirm that appointment.”
“I don’t know,” Tabitha replied, squeezing her eyes shut, “that depends on whether I’m currently your dentist, doctor or secret rent-a-friend.” She slammed down the phone before Rick could say another word and then screamed, slinking to the floor.
Really, it was no wonder Tabitha hadn’t tackled this relationship thing before. What was the point of it? She couldn’t even pass one stupid week without blowing her fuse. Relationships required patience, acceptance and lots of fake smiles or nodding, talents she was not bestowed with.
Sure spending time with a kindred soul was pleasant. It was nice having someone interested in your day and what you had to say and telling you that you were pretty. Even this… her cell phone started ringing with Rick’s name flashing across the screen…having someone give a hoot when you got angry was quaint but still was it worth all the headache and heartache?
“Hello.” This time Tabitha sounded anything but sweet and gentle. She was over the charade.
“Tabitha,” Rick ventured warily. No doubt he was alone; no man would try this wussy voice on in front of other males. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” Tabitha crossed her arms and hoped the negative body language would transcend the airwaves. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“Can you maybe decide…or at the very least tell me why you’re so angry?”
The Numbers Game Page 26
