“You’re not by some chance referring to the Bitches, are you?” Serena whispered. She couldn’t possibly be but it was always best to ask.
“As a matter of fact I am,” Tabitha replied, the glint gleaming in her eye. “Are they anywhere about?”
Serena wasn’t sure if Tabitha was serious.
“Wait, you do know what happened to Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 don’t you? Number 1 ended up becoming a drug addict after Shameless bombed out at the cinemas, now she works as a waitress in the valley. And Number 1 got killed in a car accident, with the leading actor in the film Billy Bryson. You must remember reading that in the tabloids.”
For a moment Tabitha looked flabbergasted, before feigning cool and calm.
“Maybe I do remember reading something about it now…”
Serena groaned. So this was what Markie was always referring to: the airheadedness, the complete lack of general, current and academic knowledge. How she expected to bump into those girls on this very set, a different set, was beyond Serena. Tabitha wouldn’t even get the $100 question on “Who wants to be a millionaire?” right if her life depended on it.
“Come, let’s take a seat by the mobile cafeteria,” Serena smiled, leading Tabitha by the arm. Good ole Tabitha probably had no idea what she did wrong with Enrique. This was going to be like old times. “And you can safely drop the drama queen act Tab because there are no sharks here in the vicinity.”
“Oh thank gosh,” Tabitha relaxed, dropping her perfect posture to the floor, “my shoulders were starting to hurt from all that thrusting back.”
Ah yes, it was nice to know some things never changed.
It took Serena and Tabitha five minutes at most to become best friends again.
Maybe it was because they’d been friends for as long as both could remember or maybe it was just a habit but the moment Serena sat down with Tabitha all her bad feelings were gone.
“So tell me, who is this lad? The one that’s responsible for the dramatic overhaul in your personality?” Serena asked.
“Oh it’s someone special,” Tabitha beamed, removing her lilac cardigan and slipping it on the back of the chair. “Take a guess, you know him.”
“What?” Serena scrunched up her face. “But we don’t know any eligible good-looking blokes. That’s always been the problem; if we did know, you would’ve snapped him by now.”
“Tut, tut.” Tabitha shook her head and took a sip of her extra choc hot chocolate. “That’s because you’ve not thinking outside the square. Think sexy friend, that I don’t see very much; think someone I’ve had a crush on for years.”
“That’s not much help. The only person who springs to mind is Rick but you and I both know how likely that match is.”
Tabitha said nothing, just kept looking suspiciously pleased. So Serena stared back, happy to play the game. She was waiting for the next clue, any clue to shed some light on the rosy haze to Tabitha’s cheeks.
It finally dawned on her.
“No way!” Serena exclaimed. “I don’t believe it. You and Rick?”
Tabitha nodded. “Yes,” she burst like an over inflated balloon, “I know it’s crazy. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to see if it’s really true.”
“But how…how did it happen?” Serena was stumped. She tried to feel excited, happy - any positive emotion would have been welcome at this moment -but she couldn’t because she was…gulp…maybe just slightly jealous.
“Oh you know…” Tabitha went on to recount the whole story…the telephone call, their first date, their second and third date, the little tiff, the dinner with Markie, everything in horribly exact detail. By the time she was done, Serena knew all about what brand of condoms they used and Tabitha’s latest investment in hot pink lingerie.
“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” Serena mustered up the biggest smile she could manage and kept it pasted on. She knew it looked like something an infertile woman would give a woman who just found out she was ‘accidentally’ pregnant but that was the beauty of Tabitha. The girl was so naïve she could barely tell the difference.
“So tell me about you?” Tabitha said, glancing at her watch. It was a quarter to two, Serena knew, from having peeked at her own watch a moment ago. Only fifteen minutes left of her lunch break, fifteen minutes to drown her sorrows.
“There’s not much to tell,” she said. “Not much good that is.”
“But what about Jasper?” Tabitha cried. It was as if she now thought he was something great as opposed to fodder for pigs like before.
“What about him?” Serena replied quietly and the look on her face said it all. Don’t go there, don’t even mention his name.
“I had no idea. Why didn’t you call me or something? You know even when we’re being idiots that I’m always there for you.”
“I know, I know. It was something I just had to deal with on my own. And look; now I’m all better.”
Serena plastered on her big smile again.
“Get real, Serena. I’m not stupid you know. I can tell when you’re devastated and right now believe it or not you are.”
“I give up.” Serena shrugged her shoulders and shoved the rest of the donut into her mouth. “To make things worse there’s the LA fiasco.”
She filled Tabitha in on the latest developments at Guerrilla Zoo, about the offer and millions of dollars, and then she clapped a hand against her forehead.
“Oh but you must already know all about that. Seeing as you and Rick are now a tight pair.”
“No,” Tabitha said suddenly quite tight-lipped. “That’s actually the first I’ve heard about any move.”
Or more specifically a move with the potential to alter the direction of her and Rick’s relationship forever.
Now it was Serena’s turn to back up her steps.
“I’m sure he was about to tell you. Maybe he didn’t want to say anything until it was definite, signed on paper maybe.”
“Ahem.” Tabitha made an agreeable sound and nodded her head.
“Markie said he was actually waiting for my response before he makes a decision so maybe he hasn’t even told Rick about it yet.”
“Ahem.” Out came the throat-clearing again.
Tabitha inside knew this was bull crap. Nothing would explain Rick’s aloof schizophrenic behavior quite as well as an impending runaway. But let’s not focus on that right now…Serena was in the same boat, actually in a worse boat than her.
“So what are you going to do?” Tabitha asked her friend. “Move to LA or stay in Frisco?”
“I don’t know.” Serena’s eyes widened with fright. “Both options are as daunting as each other. Plus it doesn’t help that I’m more confused about Markie than ever.”
“Confused? What’s there to be confused about? You love Markie and only went on this stupid break to make him realize how much he needs you. Which he obviously does by now, so the boy is all yours again. Game over.”
“But I’m not sure if I want him any more…” Serena whispered absently, looking away from Tabitha and at her watch. Five past two; if she didn’t get her ass off this seat soon, the director was going to come and take it off for her. Taking a deep breath, Serena stood up and motioned for Tabitha to do the same. But Tabitha was not moving; she was just glaring at Serena as if an escapee from prison.
“Are you crazy? You can’t possibly mean what you just said.”
Many moments later, Tabitha was still sitting there frozen. She wouldn’t budge; instead she took to crossing her arms stubbornly.
“Come on Tab you have to go…I’m late for work.”
“No, I’m not moving until you take back what you said.”
“What did I say?”
“About not loving Markie. You know it isn’t true.”
Oh so that’s what this was all about…
“Okay I love him, truly, madly, deeply. Now go.”
“Hell, you couldn’t be more sarcastic if you tried,” Tabitha muttered, finally standing up and pick
ing up her bag and cardigan. “Just know, you’re gonna regret this Serena. You’re gonna regret it badly if you let your stupid thoughts screw you up the ass.”
“Yes thank you Dear Abby; I’ll make sure to take that advice to heart. Now scoot, you really have to or James will kill me.”
“Just as long as you listen to me,” Tabitha frowned, walking off in the direction of the exit. “I can’t think of anything worse than you and Markie not been together.”
At that, Serena smiled pleasantly and waved her newly reunited best friend off. Whatever you say honey, whatever you say….
Back at the ranch, Markie was busy making arrangements for the move.
He assumed that Serena, despite the initial glum demeanor, would eventually jump at the opportunity. She had to… He and Rick had already called an emergency summit meeting with the Guerrilla Zoo staff and laid it all on the table. Their reactions were as to be expected, a menagerie of shock, bubbling excitement and bitter disbelief. Observing lab researchers would have quickly scribbled into their notebook the following remarks:
There are two groups, definitively marked by age. Younger species, somewhere in the vicinity of 20-25, show genuine signs of enthusiasm, including high pitched voices, plenty of chatter and arms waving around. This is in great contrast to second group which include individuals approximately 30 and over and/or wearing wedding bands. Latter faces may be smiling but there is visible concern/caution in their movements and in their eyes.
Markie could see almost straight away that he might not get to keep all his staff. Harry had pre-warned him this would be the case (expect the fifty-fifty ratio he advised) and not to worry too much about it.
“No matter how vital you think someone is, even if you think the company would collapse without its crux, past encounters will prove you wrong. There isn’t a CEO or secretary in the world that can’t be replaced, even you my friend. So don’t be too disheartened if the resignation slips start pouring in. Think of them as an opportunity for new blood. New blood always gives a company new life.”
Still whilst expecting the worst, Markie hoped for the best. ‘The more of these guys I can take with me, the more confident and at home I will feel” was his rationale and speech to them.
So to bolster up everyone’s morale a bit during the last few weeks, Markie and Rick instigated Project Easy Transition. This involved allowing each staff member to spend up to half an hour a day on personal Internet browsing (for real estate, new employment, whatever they desired). At reception, they could pick up their own daily copy of LA Times or any brochure from the healthy bunch Rick had accrued (or more specifically begged or stolen from about a dozen different travel agencies.) Most importantly, if they were undecided about what to do, they could simply ask Raspberry to book them in for a session with a career counselor, already briefed on the company’s situation.
It was Rick himself, stressed from the pressures of a new relationship or merely Tabitha, who volunteered to road test Dr Jamison first.
“To see whether this counseling thing is really worth offering our staff. We wouldn’t want to invest money in something which corrupts them, would we?” He winked.
“No we wouldn’t,” Markie agreed. In fact, he thought, while you’re in with the counselor why not tackle your own ‘attracted to losers’ problem and that way we get our full money’s worth?
Markie still couldn’t see what Rick saw in Tabitha. They had been going out for a full three weeks now, which was surely a record on both parts. At first, Markie thought maybe his minor irritation would go away after seeing Tabitha often enough for a while – like any human builds up their immunity against common diseases. But the reverse ended up being the case. After five nights of her sleeping over in a row, five nights of bumping into the airhead in the bathroom, living room, kitchen, Markie felt the slightest contact with her would bring on a panic attack. Shortness of breath, dizziness, dry-retching leading to vomiting: the whole shenanigans. To combat this effect, Markie took to entering the house via the back entrance and running straight up the stairwell to his bedroom, do not pass go, go straight to jail.
The first time Rick caught him buried like that under the covers he was certain, so, so sure there was a girl smuggled underneath with him.
“Who is she?” Rick demanded to know, when Markie made the mistake of venturing down to refill his two liter water bottle. It was times like this that one was better off staying dehydrated.
“Who is who?” Markie replied, willing the water to fill up the container quicker. Come on, come on, he needed to get out of there before Tabitha popped out dressed in her teddy bear and suspenders like last night. This time heart failure would surely not be a false alarm.
“The girl in your bed, you secretive wanker!” Rick continued, pointing to upstairs. “Damn, you must be ecstatic, finally getting it de-rusted and oiled for action. And there I thought your dick had been permanently rendered soft.”
“Oh right,” Markie said, clearing his throat. “A girl is…um…waiting for me. Yep, I better go. Don’t want to keep the lady waiting.”
With that, he took off back up upstairs, locked the door and kept the radio on till the wee hours of the night. The only time anyone ever left on the radio while sleeping was when a new lover shared their bed so Markie thought it lent well to the authenticity of his lie. Yep, that would keep Rick’s mouth shut for a while…but would it keep Tabitha’s? That was another question.
Deep down, Markie was a bit pissed off at Rick for allowing a spy to enter his house…let alone his bed. Why not install a full-spectrum video surveillance camera hooked up to Serena’s computer while you’re at it? What with Tabitha’s mouth, it was probably the same thing.
Ah darling Tabitha... Markie knew he shouldn’t hate her too much because of the traitor reporting …hell he’d probably do the same if the shoes were swapped. Still it made the reality of this embarrassing insider situation no less hard to deal with. Now Serena knew 100%, as opposed to merely suspecting it that he was not a full-raging stud. Now she knew about how his days started, how his days ended and all that happened in between. Tell me now… if a couple’s sole reason to separate was to profit from the ensuing intrigue (and that was almost certainly their reason), what was the point of the break when the intrigue and wonder was taken away? He might as well just forfeit his life to The Truman Show.
Or screw it all, he decided…in the figurative sense. Seeing as Markie had lost all longing to do it in the tangible way.
Tabitha was obviously less than impressed to learn about the Harry Sangster offer from Serena. What girl wouldn’t be? Surely if your boyfriend was potentially moving hundreds of miles away you’d rather hear it straight from the horse’s mouth than via the piddly local grapevine.
Yep that Rick was definitely in the league of horses now - donkeys and asses specifically. Tabitha was tempted like hell to call him up the moment she left the studio, with view to laying on the abuse. But something stopped her from doing so. It must have been the book she was reading, she thought to herself. Her latest bag companion was “Smash a Pillow and Not Their Face: Anger Management for Beginners and with advice like ‘stay calm, take deep breaths, maybe the content was subliminally entering her unconscious.
“Fine, fine,” Tabitha huffed, stuffing her cell phone back into her cardigan pocket. So maybe you’ve won this time but don’t think you can get away with being obtuse for much longer! Really man, Serena said its three weeks before Guerrilla shuts shop. And I would love to know when exactly you’re expecting to drop this bombshell… or if you’re planning to even tell me at all…
In the meantime Tabitha sought solace in the suspenseful waiting game. Each day she walked straight from work to number 34 Lavender Street, and upon entering Rick’s house, wondered whether that day would be the day that suck-up roses and Ferrero Roche chocolates landed in her arms. She assumed that was the approach Rick would take: softening bruises with love that money could buy. After all, boys were all the
same…why lay their balls on the line when they could adequately protect them behind a perfectly good set of earrings, lingerie or perfume, delicately wrapped in gold silk and pink ribbon?
Except after a week not one gift had been forthcoming.
“That’s strange,” Tabitha thought to herself, “Rick’s still acting like he’s on cloud nine relationship wise. He speaks about what we’re going to be doing next weekend and the weekend after.” Nothing about moving had come up. Maybe he was having second thoughts about it or something.
There was only one way to find out. Tabitha decided to bite the bullet and call Guerrilla Zoo. First thing the next morning she put on her best international voice – a cross between British, South American and Oztraliyan – and asked “Raspberry speaking” the question on her mind.
“Hello, Raspberry. This is Karen calling from Ad Palace in LA. I’m just calling to make sure that all is going well in the office and whether you guys require any further assistance with the move.”
“Oh wow, oh hi, Karen!” Raspberry bumbled down the line. “How nice of you to call us here! Yes, yes, the move is going great.” This was a receptionist who clearly punctuated all sentences with an exclamation point.
“So you are all moving?” Tabitha asked, changing gears into investigative mode. “All of you at Guerrilla Zoo?”
“Oh no, not all of us. Surely you got the figures I faxed through yesterday morning. Of the seventeen staff, nine have agreed to go and eight have said nay.”
“Does that include both Markie and Rick?”
“Of course,” Raspberry answered efficiently. But the fact she didn’t say which category they fell in left Tabitha stumped. She cleared for throat before going in for more.
“Meaning we can expect Rick and Markie to arrive in LA when?” A leading question would surely work the best.
The Numbers Game Page 30
