by Natalie Ann
“Don’t be spreading rumors like that.” He narrowed his dark eyes at her. He’d been somewhat handsome once, but the missing brain cells and his lack of personal care just repulsed her now. “When I hit it big I don’t want anyone selling secrets or trying to blackmail me.”
She laughed. This whole conversation was too ridiculous to do anything else. “Oh, don’t worry. It can be our little secret. Now please leave, so I can get back to work. I’ll forget about you and you can forget about me.”
She walked him out, almost pushing him through the door, her disgust in her lack of taste and low standards back then choking her. So stupid for just wanting someone to love her. So stupid to fall for sweet-talking bad boys. For empty promises on a cold lonely night.
When she got behind the bar, she handed the key back to Brody, forced a smile and said, “There is no accounting for horrible decisions when you’re young, but he’s gone now.”
“Why did you need to talk to him alone?”
“I didn’t want to make a scene. But he asked that I keep our little hook-up a secret so when he makes it big someday I don’t try to blackmail him. Funny, I know, but there you go. He’s a funny dude.”
“He’s Sidney’s father, isn’t he?”
Pretty Forgiving
It wasn’t hard for Brody to have figured that out. The timing was there when he looked at her resume last night. Then the way she reacted when Pick came in sealed the deal. Nervous, scared, and annoyed all swirled together.
What he didn’t understand was why she was joking about it now. Acting like it was some kind of short-term fling and it was nothing more than her bad taste in men. Why the asshole walked out of here like he was getting ready for his next gig instead of asking about his kid.
“Why would you think that?”
“Just answer the question, Aimee.”
Her eyes started to fill, but she looked up at the ceiling and then grabbed a glass to wipe imaginary fingerprints off. He took it out of her hand and continued to stare at her until she swallowed and whispered, “Yes.”
“So what does he want? Does he want to see her? Be a part of her life?”
It wasn’t just the nastiness of the guy that was making him ill, but the fact that he might have to deal with someone in Aimee’s life right now. He wasn’t worried about competition in the least, but he was worried about interference when he thought he was finally making ground.
She laughed, not a happy sound. “No. He doesn’t even know about Sidney.”
“You never told him?” Brody asked, not thinking anything could shock him right now.
“It’s not the time to talk about this,” she said when someone sat at the bar, so she turned to get his order.
“Tonight. After work, I’m coming over. We’re going to talk and you’re going to tell me the truth.”
The day dragged on. It was torture working beside Aimee and having all these questions he wanted to ask but knew he couldn’t.
When seven rolled around, she all but ran out the door with him reminding her he’d be over after his shift.
At eleven, he walked up her steps, then knocked. She opened the door quickly, wearing an old shirt and loose shorts, looking more anxious than relaxed. “You’re early.”
“I let Steve close tonight. I was worthless standing there staring at the clock.”
“Come in,” she said, holding the door open and then shutting it behind him.
“Sidney sleeping?”
“Yes. She’s out for the night.”
“We won’t wake her talking?” he asked. He didn’t want to, but the other part of him missed her too and was hoping for an excuse to see her.
“I doubt it. We’ll keep it down though just in case.”
He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the couch, but she stood back up quickly. “Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
“No. I’m good.”
“I need a drink. Just water,” she said, walking a few steps to the small fridge then returning with a bottle in her hands. “I don’t know where to start.” She took a sip of water. “Other than I’m embarrassed that you know. Embarrassed that I even spent time with him, let alone had somewhat of a relationship or a child.”
“Start with that. Start with how you met him.” He hoped to hear something positive about the guy—some redeeming quality—but had a feeling it wasn’t going to happen.
“It was my first bar with a younger crowd. Before that, I’d been working at a dive that smelled like Aqua Velva and desperation when you walked in each night.”
Sadly, he got a mental image of exactly what she was talking about. “Dodging old hands left and right?” he asked, his frustration mounting.
She shrugged. “It is what it is. I was young and looking for work. I learned some fancy blocking moves then. Still, I didn’t stay long, taking the next available job I could. That’s where I met Pick. He was part of a band and played there on the weekends once in a while. He didn’t look like that, though. The last few years haven’t been kind to him.”
“What’s different?”
She snorted. “He was clean for one. Had a buzz cut, so no greasy hair. He dressed like a guy in a band, but he wasn’t dirty, he didn’t smell. It’s mortifying right now to look at him and think he and I…”
Brody didn’t want to think it either. “How long were you together?”
“I don’t know that we were ever exclusively together. I mean, I thought it then, but found out later he got around. He drank a lot, did some drugs, talked a big game, but I thought I’d found a guy who was really into me for the first time in my life. I don’t know. Stupid, I guess.”
“Do you do drugs?”
“No,” she rushed out. “Never. I never have. I hope you believe me. I drank a lot; I drank after the bar closed back then. You know how it is at the end of the shift. We’d have a drink before we left. He’d be there when we were closing and we’d have more than one. One thing would lead to another.”
“I get the idea,” he said. “He took advantage of the situation.”
“I’d like to believe that, but I was an adult, Brody. I knew what I was doing back then. I can acknowledge I was an idiot, and I made poor choices, but I don’t want anyone to think he took advantage of me. I wasn’t a victim.”
“I’d prefer to think you were.”
“Sorry to disappoint you.”
“He had women on the side. He could barely remember your name when he saw you,” Brody said, disgusted.
She flushed. “That still doesn’t make me a victim. I was blind and stupid, but not naive. No one took advantage of me.” She took another sip of water. “He’s not the smartest person I’ve come across in my life. And he’s a douche. I get it. But I was lonely and he was there. Then he wasn’t. Sometimes when you’re lonely you see something that’s not really there.”
“Why didn’t you tell him about Sidney?”
She drank some more, then put the closed water bottle on the arm of the sofa and took a deep breath. “I did. Right before he told me he was leaving. That he had another gig. A chance of a lifetime, he said. I told him I was pregnant.”
“What was his response?” None of this made any sense. How does a guy forget he has a child?
“He was angry. Told me to ‘take care of it.’ He didn’t come right out and tell me to end the pregnancy, but the meaning was clear. I was stunned, not believing what he was saying.”
“You didn’t, obviously.”
“No. He left the next morning. Never even came back to see if I did what he told me to. I worked there a few more months and found another job working days until Sidney was born. Then I moved around looking for something better again. If he was trying to find me, he didn’t look very hard. But my guess is he wasn’t at all.”
She was crying now. “He hurt you?”
“Not like you think. It’s not easy. It wasn’t easy to go through with the pregnancy by myself. There were days I almost didn’t. Then I thought I�
�d give her up. There are lots of couples out there dying for a child. She’d have a much better life than I could give her, I think. Than I give her now.”
That statement only pissed him off. “Don’t say that. You’re a great mother. You do a wonderful job with Sidney.”
“You have no idea how many things I’ve done wrong. How many times I question and doubt myself now. The thing is, she’s mine. After her delivery, I still thought I’d give her up, but when the nurse put her in my arms, I started bawling. I looked down at her tiny little form and made all these promises to myself. That I’d turn my life around. That I’d be a better mother than my mom was. That Sidney would always know she was loved.”
“Sidney knows she's loved. Anyone can see that.” He was holding her now, rocking her back and forth. It seemed that she’d held so much in in her life and now she was unable to stop the flood of emotions. All his anger had to be put aside at the moment.
“I can’t even make it on my own. I had to come back here to live. It was so hard to make the call and ask Rick.”
“It seems to me Rick needs you here as much as you need to be here.”
“Yeah. But I didn’t know that at the time. He’d never said a word. After my mother died, he and I lost touch. He knew about Sidney and I was afraid he’d be so disappointed in me. I was ashamed. I felt like a dog coming home with my tail between my legs.”
“You two seem like you’ve got a relatively strong relationship right now.”
“We do. He’s pretty forgiving. I guess I forgot about that in the last few years.”
“So now what?”
She sat back and wiped her eyes. “Now I get up and do what I do every day. Pick doesn’t know he has a child. I’m going to just forget he exists and I hope he does the same with me.”
Brody didn’t think it would be that easy. “What about us?”
“I guess that’s up to you. I didn’t need you to witness what happened today to know you’re way too good for me. I’d understand if you just want to end things.”
“I don’t,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “I’m not judging you.” She angled her head at him. “Okay, maybe I did a little. I mean, seriously, look at the guy.”
“I’d rather not.” She cracked the barest of smiles. “Brody, guys like you never wanted anything but a good time from someone like me. I’m not worthy of a serious relationship. After Sidney was born, I decided that it wasn’t even worth attempting it and have steered clear of men for the most part. You’re the first person who has made me sit back and think about wanting to look for more.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“Not really. I always thought I could handle getting hurt. I’ve always been this tough chick that did what she wanted and said screw you to any authority. Now I just don’t think I’m that person anymore.”
“I don’t think you are either. I think you’re afraid of getting hurt and you aren’t as tough as you’ve always wanted everyone to believe,” he said. “I think this is just as much about you as it is about Sidney. You’re trying to protect yourself as much as you are her.”
“I think you’re right, as hard as it is to admit that. The thing is, I look around my place and think about my life. Then I look at you, where you work, what you own—I can only imagine where you live—and I tell myself it’s only short-term. It can’t be more than that. But for once I want to at least enjoy the short-term. So if that’s all I can get, then I’m going to be stupid again and throw caution to the wind.”
“It’s not short-term. And you aren’t stupid.”
“I guess only time will tell.” She stood up. “It’s getting late. You should go home and get some sleep. I need to try to get some sleep too. It’s been a long day.”
“So that’s it?” he said. “You tell me that, and you’re just going to push me out the door.”
“It’s probably best. You should think about today, really think about it, and let me know the next step.”
He started to grind his teeth. “I don’t need to think about anything.”
“I do then,” she said. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and a little hug and part of him felt like this might be the start of goodbye rather than hello. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He turned and left, thinking she was humoring him and he probably wouldn’t hear from her until work on Monday.
It was the hardest thing to do, to walk away, but he wouldn’t beg.
The Other Side
Aimee sat down when the door closed and held her breath until she heard Brody pull away. Then she burst into tears.
No one ever fought for her. No one ever stayed. She knew Brody would drop her soon enough, so it was best to turn away now. Best to be the one to pull the trigger rather than waiting for a bullet to the head. Or rather her heart.
He was right, she was afraid of getting hurt. Not just Sidney, but her.
Her life had been hard enough—through her own choices, she knew—but that didn’t mean her choices should set her up for failure or heartache. Should they?
Then why did it hurt so much, thinking she should walk away? Was it too late now? Had she lost too much of herself already?
Didn’t he know she was afraid? Why didn’t he see that and push the issue with her more? Why didn’t he let her know he was willing to fight for her?
When she heard a knock at the door, she jumped up. Relief pushing forth like a baby rhino running toward its mama.
He did see it. He was coming back. He was going to tell her that he’d fight for her. That he’d never leave her no matter how much she feared he would. No matter how much she messed up.
But when she opened the door, Rick was standing there.
“Oh. Is everything okay?” she asked.
He looked at her oddly, then limped in past her and turned around. “Expecting Brody to come back?”
“Yeah,” she said, sniffling a little. While he sat down on the couch, she went and got a paper towel to wipe her face and blow her nose.
“Are you two fighting?”
“No,” she said, walking back over to sit in the chair across from him.
“Then why did he stop over for such a short time and leave you here crying?” he asked, annoyed.
She didn’t want to get into it with her stepfather. She wasn’t used to explaining herself to anyone. “It’s complicated.”
“Aimee, you’re too stubborn for your own good.”
“I’ve heard that before.” Her mother used to say it to her all the time. “But why now?”
“I’m guessing you’re giving him mixed messages. Thinking maybe he should know what to do and just do it.”
That was a little scary, that he knew what she’d just been thinking. “I’m not trying to. It’s just that I’m not right for him. I’m trying to save us both heartache.”
“Yet you’re sitting here with your heart breaking right now.”
“True.”
“You should fight for him,” Rick said. “If you really care about him. If you really think he is someone you could see yourself with, then fight for him.”
“Why do I have to fight? Why can’t he?” she asked, tired both mentally and physically at this point.
Rick shook his head. “You’re so much like your mother it’s not even funny. Did you even consider for one minute that he has been making all the moves? That he’s the one taking all the steps?”
“I don’t think that’s true,” she argued.
“Don’t be selfish,” Rick said. “And close your jaw. I’m going to tell you like it is. I’m going to tell you what it was like for me, so you understand the other side of it.”
“What does that mean?”
“You were four when I met your mother. She didn’t want to give me the time of day. Nothing. Served me my drinks every time I came in, held a conversation with me. Even flirted back a time or two. But it was one-sided, I knew. The minute I walked out the door, I was dismissed.”
“So how did you end
up together?” She’d never heard any of this before. Her mother and Rick were always pretty private people.
“Because I fought for her.”
She snorted. “You can say that and in the same breath tell me I should be the one to do it. Why?”
“You want to know why? It’s not fair that it’s one-sided. It’s not fair for one person to do it all. Do you know how hard it is for a guy to win over a woman who has a child? It’s not just one person he has to win over, it’s two.”
Aimee thought for a moment and realized the truth in that statement. Brody had on multiple occasions included Sidney in their activities. He wanted Sidney to feel more comfortable about and around him. He hadn’t really done much alone with Aimee, now that she thought of it.
And didn’t she say if Sidney didn’t warm up to him soon, that she wouldn’t go any further? That Sidney had to come first? She was making ultimatums and not cluing him in on them.
Yet Brody kept trying. Kept fighting, if she were to use Rick’s analogy.
“He’s won Sidney over,” Aimee said.
“He has. That’s because he doesn’t give up. Doesn’t give in. How much have you tried? How much have you fought? How much do you even want to continue? Have you given an inch at all?”
“There are things you don’t know, though.”
“What’s that? That you got pregnant and the father isn’t around? That you’re struggling on your own, but trying not to let anyone see? That you just want someone to love you, but never experienced it before? How about how you never had a father and didn’t have a good role model in your life?”
“You were there for me,” she said, crying again. She didn’t want him to feel like he failed her. He didn’t. He did the best he could.
“I was. Most of the time. The same with your mother. You see, Aimee, your mother didn’t know how to be a parent any more than I did. She was young when she had you, but she figured it out. Did she do the best she could at all times? No. But what parent does? Did she try? Yes, she did. So did I.”
