by Haley Weir
“Wasn’t complaining. Just an observation. You’re right. Let’s do this,” says Jenna as she takes her bags from the trunk.
Together, they approach the front desk. The motel lobby reeks of cigarettes and alcohol. At first, they don’t see anyone in the lobby or behind the counter. Jenna is nervous, and considers the emptiness a sign that they should leave. She isn’t sure where she would shift or what she would do when it happens, but it’s better than risking their lives.
“Maybe we should go,” says Jenna.
“Just wait a minute,” Xander responds, calmly as ever. Jenna admires his ability to stay composed in the most anxiety-inducing situations. She wishes she had that control over her emotions.
Then, someone appears from the back. He has a cigarette hanging out his mouth, which explains the dank smell of the lobby. His hair is gray, in a frizzy ponytail. He wears a wife-beater and a leather jacket, and has tattoos on every surface of his body. He looks like he rides a motorcycle, but Jenna didn’t see a bike in the parking lot. Maybe it’s just the look of a biker that he’s going for. Either way, Jenna feels unsettled. It’s not what he’s wearing, or the cigarette that hangs out his mouth, but the vibes of the motel. It feels like trouble.
Without saying anything, the man looks Jenna up and down. His stare causes knots in her stomach, but she shakes off the feeling. If Xander is being brave, she can be brave too. She silently waits for someone to speak up.
“One room?” the man asks, glaring at Xander.
“Two,” Xander replies.
“Oh, I see,” the man says, cigarette almost smoked to completion. He turns his attention to Jenna. “Staying all alone, pretty thing?”
Xander steps a few feet closer to the counter that separates him from the man.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Mo,” he replies.
“Well, Mo. It would be in your best interest not to start with us, okay?”
Jenna’s knots turn to butterflies at Xander’s use of “us.” Of course he’s just being a gentleman, but she loves how protective he is. There’s no one else she’d want to be with at this shady motel.
“Tough guy, huh?” Mo mumbles, putting out his cigarette on the counter. Jenna isn’t sure if he’s going to press Xander’s buttons further as he rises from his chair. He simply passes two room keys to Xander. He winks at Jenna and she shoots him a dirty look in response. She’ll never understand why strange men love to hit on her, or any women for that matter. If they knew the great strength she has inside of her, the ability to shift into a creature that could destroy them in moments, they’d never look at her again.
“Have a good night, you two,” he says as they head out of the lobby to find their rooms.
“Are you sure you don’t want to share a room? I’ll take the couch, or the floor, or-” Xander begins.
“I’m fine. Really. Thanks though,” says Jenna. In reality, there’s nothing more that Jenna wants then to spend the night with Xander. Just to be in his arms, comfortable and safe, would give her a rush like no other. But she won’t shift in front of him. It’s far too humiliating, and despite how much he’s seen of her, he hasn’t seen that. She wants to make sure he never will. If one day she can make peace with her other self, perhaps she’ll find her transformation empowering. Until then, she’ll stay in her own motel room to save herself the embarrassment.
“Okay.” Xander’s tone is unsure. . “Well, our rooms are right next to each other so if you need anything just come knock on my door. Or shout. I’m sure the walls are thin,” explains Xander.
He looks at Jenna in the dim outdoor lighting of the motel. What he would give to push her up against the door, kiss her all over, and pleasure her until she screams. Her soft skin is so familiar, yet so foreign to him. As much as he feels like he knows her, there’s so much he doesn’t understand. There’s so much she doesn’t know about him. Xander will keep his walls up no matter what, especially as danger approaches. It never feels like the right time to tell her who he is.
“Good night, Xander. Thanks for doing this,” Jenna says. She looks at her wristwatch. “I should go.”
“Good night, Jenna,” says Xander. Her door closes in his face.
Chapter 18
Jenna sits in the backseat of the car. It’s cruising down the windy roads of her rural Pennsylvania neighborhood. Her mother and father are in the front. Her father is in the driver’s seat, one hand on the steering wheel and one hand intertwined with Jenna’s mothers. . Jazz music softly plays on the radio. Jenna is four years old, strapped into her carseat. She’s tired, but content. At age four, her worries are minimal. She would be home to see Grandma Jean soon, and she couldn’t wait. Then, a strange man's face appears in the window. There’s a loud popping noise, and smoke. Suddenly, Jenna feels herself running and running. She’s on all fours. The wind is blowing through her fur. She knows that behind her are the burning remains of a car. She can’t go back. She can only keep running forward. Someone, maybe multiple people, are chasing her. They’re yelling indistinctly as Jenna picks up speed. She heads towards the dense foliage to find a place to catch her breath. She hides behind a bush. Then there’s a loud knocking. Knock. Knock. Knock.
The sound wakes Jenna from her dream. She’s in a pool of her own sweat while breathing heavily. Jenna’s always been haunted by reoccuring nightmares of the accident. This time, though, it felt particularly real. She’s shaken up, trying to calm herself down. Then, there’s that knock again. It must be Xander. Jenna rolls over to look at the clock on the nightstand. It’s 1 a.m. She stares down at her body and is shocked to realize she’s in her human form. She has yet to shift tonight.
If she can go back to sleep, maybe she can continue the dream. The knock on the door returns, but this time it’s more aggressive. Jenna jumps out of bed wondering what the emergency is. She looks through the peephole and is shocked to see it’s not Xander, but Mo. Why would he be at her room at 1 a.m.?
“I can hear you moving around in there, pretty thing,” grumbles Mo. His smell wafts into her room. He’s clearly drunk out of his mind. Without replying, she double checks that both locks on the door are secure. He knocks again and uses so much force that the door rattles.
“Let me in. It’s a billing question,” he slurs. “We’ll settle it in the morning then,” says Jenna softly. “I’m trying to sleep.”
She heads towards the bed, ready to cover herself in a blanket until she feels safely hidden, a tactic she’s used since she was a kid to calm herself down when she was scared. Mo still fiddles with the doorknob, jiggling it violently trying to let himself in.
“Fine,” seethes Mo. “You little bitch.”
If there was ever a good time to shift, now would be it. She would burst through the door as a 500 pound grizzly and sink her razor sharp teeth into his neck, or maybe tear off an arm. She doesn’t understand why she hasn’t shifted yet.
Then, there’s a sound more terrifying than the jiggle of the doorknob or the knocking on the door. She hears a key enter the slot and sees the door handle turn. Of course he has a key and Jenna is still in her human form. She’s fast, but lacks the brute strength of her bear form.
The door swings open. Mo’s pants are unbuttoned, and his thing hangs out. Jenna winces when she see it’s erect.
“You’re a very pretty girl. You shouldn’t be spending the night alone,” says Mo roughly, taking another step into the room. His hand on his package makes Jenna gag.
She tries to channel her anger, but she only feels fear and repulsion. While she’d love to shift in this moment, she’d be just as happy to disappear. She hates Mo’s smug look and his awful stench. As she tries to channel her anger, Mo steps closer to her. She realizes he’s backed her into the room. She’d have to go around him to get out and escape. If she moves towards him, he might try to grab her. Her mind races to figure out a game plan when she hears a large roar. Bursting through the room is a large brown grizzly, maybe 500 pounds. Mo doesn�
��t even stand a fighting chance with his back to the door. The bear takes him down. Mo shrieks.
“Holy shit,” Mo screams as the bear drags him out the front door. “Holy shit. Help me! Help me! What are you doing? Fuck!” He kicks and screams as the bear uses his sharp teeth to drag him by the shoulder out of Jenna’s room. As she runs outside after them, she doesn’t even attempt to make sense of the situation. Where did this bear come from? How did it know?
“You bitch,” shrieks Mo in sheer terror. “What the hell are you doing just standing there? Call 9-1-1.” The bear now has Mo in the empty parking lot. Under the neon lights of the motel sign, the bear rises up on its powerful back legs. He’s nearly 10 feet tall. The bear snatches up Mo with his large teeth and flings him across the parking lot. Mo lands on his back and lets out another shriek. There really must be no one else staying at this motel, because the chaos outside is hard to ignore. The giant bear rushes over to Mo, and this time, puts his whole arm in his mouth. He lets out a threatening roar before chomping down hard and ripping Mo’s arm off. The blood spurts almost makes Jenna woozy, but she hangs tough as she watches on in bewilderment from the edge of the parking lot. Mo lies in a pool of his own blood, unable to move.
“Please, please. I’m going to bleed out here. You need to get me help,” pleads Mo.
Jenna simply says nothing. She feels no pity for perverted men who think they are entitled to women’s bodies.
The bear comes for Mo once more, scooping him up by with his teeth. While Mo hangs from his shirt, blood pours of out the socket where his arm once was. He looks towards Jenna once more with fear in his eyes. She looks at him and shakes her head and shrugs, as if to say “you’ve made your bed, now lay in it.” The bear trots off into the darkness as Mo uses his remaining energy to scream for help. Mo and his desperate cries disappear into the night. His final resting place will be the same woodsy area where Jenna planned to roam.
She’s surprised that she’s remained in her human form despite all the danger. Maybe it’s because, for once, she didn’t have to defend herself. She was able to watch from the sidelines and root for the good guy. Who was the good guy, though? Jenna realizes she hasn’t seen Xander once throughout the whole ordeal.
Chapter 19
Jenna runs up to Xander’s motel room door. She knocks rapidly, waiting for him to stir from his sleep and answer.
“Xander? Xander, wake up. How did you sleep through all of that?” She’s met with silence. She jiggles the door knob to find that it’s open. Slowly, she pushes open the door and prepares to find a sleeping Xander. All that she finds is an unoccupied room and a pile of tattered clothing on the floor.
That’s when it hits her, and everything starts to make sense. She sits on his bed as the realization washes over her, andevery emotion hits her at once. First, she feels shocked. All she wanted was to work closely with a shifter to help her learn how to control herself,, and she was with one the whole time. She feels so oblivious. Of course he worked with all the Collins men and has been in their lives forever- he isn’t just knowledgeable, he’s experienced. Then, Jenna gets very angry. It’s the same type of anger she felt the day of prom when she saw Keith with another girl: betrayed. Someone she trusted kept something so huge from her. Suddenly, Jenna feels too tired to process all of these emotions. She puts her head on Xander’s pillow and his familiar smell is a minor comfort. She closes her eyes just to rest them while she waits for Xander to return.
Soon, she’s being gently shaken awake from a dreamless slumber. Xander is sitting on the bed next to her. The first thing she notices is his freshly-showered smell. As she opens her eyes, she first sees his shirtless body. He only sports the small motel towel around his waist. If there was not a more pressing conversation to be had, she’d jump him right now and tear off that towel.
“Good morning,” greets Xander. “We should probably hit the road soon. What are you doing in here? Did you shift last night?”
“Don’t,” demands Jenna, sitting up to try and shake the sleep from her mind. “No more lies. How could you keep that from me?”
First, Xander says nothing. They sit in silence while Jenna waits for an answer. Sun peaks through the blinders and Jenna wonders what is left of Mo.
“I was scared,” admits Xander.
“You were scared?” Jenna responds incredulously.
“I’ve had to play this all very carefully. We’re in danger, Jenna.”
“So you don’t trust me? You still don’t believe that I’m a shifter?”
“No, it’s not that. I don’t trust anyone else. The poachers have eyes and ears everywhere. I’ve kept my identity on the downlow because I’ve had to. For the safety of the group.”
“But why couldn’t you tell me?” Jenna feels tears sting her eyes.
“I wanted to. So many times. But I couldn’t work up the nerve. Then, it was too late. I realized I’d withheld the truth from you for so long that when I finally did tell you, you’d be hurt.”
“‘Withholding truth’ is a nice way to say ‘lying,’” Jenna says. “So, what was the plan? To have me never find out? Or have me find out like...this?”
“I guess I didn’t really have a plan.”
“Or maybe you thought I’d be out of your hair- oh, I’m sorry, your fur- before you’d have to approach the topic at all.”
“It’s not like that, Jenna.”
“Then what is it like? You know how desperate I’ve been to feel connected to a shifter. All this time, he was standing beside me and I didn’t even realize. I feel like such an idiot.”
“You couldn’t have known. I’ve become very good at keeping this under wraps. You know there’s still a lot of stigma about shifters. It’s not just you I’ve kept this from. It’s the whole world. Being a shifter has only ever been a source of pain for me,” explains Xander. Jenna’s heart breaks a little bit. She can certainly relate.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’ve lost people I love because of the way that I am. I’m worried that the poachers are after me, Jenna. They’ve come for me before.”
“Really?”
“Yes. At the castle. It’s where it all happened…” says Xander as his mind wanders to a dark place.
“What happened, Xander?”
“I can’t talk about it.”
“Okay,” snaps Jenna. “Fine. Another thing to keep from me.”
“It’s not about you!”
“Hey, calm down,” Jenna retorts. “I just want….I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.”
“I’m sorry. You want what I want. Safety, comfort, stability. A predictable life. A good night’s sleep.”
“Yeah, I do want all things. And control.”
“It’s the one thing I’ve mastered.”
“That’s why you’re the coach. The leader. That makes sense,” says Jenna.
“Does any of this make sense?” Xander sighs deeply. “My control comes from my pain, Jenna. I am able to channel all the hurt and anger into the energy that drives my transformation.”
“I want that. I want to take all of my emotions and make them useful.”
“Your emotions are useful. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to use them.”
“Any advice?” Jenna pleads.
“Like I’ve said before, it’s a personal journey. I can help you like I have been by guiding you through meditation and focus exercises, but…”
“Yeah, it’s on me. I understand.”
“Jenna, there’s one more thing I need to tell you,” starts Xander. He walks over to the nightstand where he grabs a piece of paper.
“What?”
“Here. Look at this. It was on Mo when I….took care of him” says Xander.
“Is he…”
“Oh, he’s definitely not coming back. I think the world will rotate without him,” Xander says.
Jenna grabs the paper. “Good riddance, Mo.” She unfolds the paper to find startling information. It simply r
eads “call T + M. Jenna and Xander at motel.”
“What the hell is this?” asks Jenna.
“I’m not sure who T and M are, but they’re clearly concerned with us.”
“I don’t remember giving Mo our names…” says a confused Jenna.
“We didn’t. He recognized us. We need to get out of here.”
“Recognized us? From what?”
“From the ears and the eyes everywhere, Jenna. This is what I feared.”
“It makes more sense that they’d know you….but why is my name on that note?”
“I’m not sure,” admits Xander. “But I don’t want to wait here to find out. We have to get going to the castle. It’s our safest bet.”
“Okay,” agrees Jenna. She can’t help but wonder who would be after her, but she’s thankful to be with someone who protects her.
Chapter 20
As they drive away, Jenna watches the neon sign vanish in the rearview mirror. She’s exhausted from the long night, so she shuts her eyes on leans her head on the window. Xander peers over at her and smiles when he sees her falling asleep. She looks so comfortable and safe. He would keep her like that forever if he could. Passing dense fields and the occasional deer grazing in the acres of grass that sandwich the road, Xander can tell they’re coming up on Bolt Castle. The area starts to look familiar. There’s enough time to let Jenna continue sleeping. Xander puts his phone on speaker to make a call to Blake.
“How’s it going over there?” asks Xander.
“We’re good. Nothing has happened yet, but we’re remaining alert.”
“That’s good to hear,” replies Xander, although he’s not very surprised. Now that he knows who the poachers are after, he feels confident that his brothers are safe. He can’t say the same for himself or the woman sleeping next to him.
“And you?”
“It’s been more eventful than anticipated.”
“What happened?” asks a panicked Blake.
“I’ll give you the full story later. There were eyes on us. I don’t know for how long, but
