“I’m not sure,” she admitted, then started toward Christie.
Christie had found a small plastic bucket, no doubt left over from a child’s afternoon at the beach. She filled it with sand and water. “In case I catch a crab,” she said. “I can take it home.”
“Fortunately the crabs are faster than you,” Erin said, then kissed the top of her daughter’s head. “You’re a wild one.”
As Christie raced around, finding treasures and chasing sand crabs, Erin took her picture. A couple of times she took him, although he wasn’t sure why she would want to.
At one point she had him put Christie on his shoulders, then seated them on the large piece of wood. She took her pictures slowly, thinking out what she wanted rather than just snapping randomly. He liked watching her try different angles and turn them so the sun hit just right.
“You take your photography seriously,” he said when he set Christie on the sand.
Erin shrugged. “I’ve always liked it. There was a time when I’d hoped to become a professional photographer.”
“What got in the way?”
“Life in the form of an unexpected child.”
He glanced at Christie. Her pigtails bounced in time with her skipping steps. She swung her bucket back and forth as she danced to the far end of the cove.
“I’m not saying she wasn’t worth it,” Erin added quickly as she followed his gaze. “I love her more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone. And I wouldn’t give her up for the world. But she wasn’t part of the original plan.”
“What was the plan?” he asked.
Erin opened the back of the camera and pulled out the full roll of film. She stuffed it into her front right pocket. She transferred the camera to her opposite hand, then removed a new roll of film from her front left pocket.
“I was going to study photojournalism in college.”
“But you went to college.”
“I was going to study it in grad school. For my bachelor’s, I got my degree in English, with an emphasis on history. I wanted something to fall back on. I thought if I couldn’t make a living as a photographer, I would be able to get my teaching credentials.”
“Which you did because of Christie.”
“Right.” She dropped the film into the back of the camera and set it in place. She clicked the cover closed and advanced the roll. “I guess I lost my turn.”
“What does that mean?”
“Oh, nothing really. Just something Stacey and I used to talk about. Usually there wasn’t enough money for both of us to do something, so we took turns. She was more intense than I was, so she usually went first. I’ve gotten very good at waiting my turn.”
He thought about her plans. “But this time Fate intervened.”
“Something like that.”
He stared out at the ocean. Despite the growing strength of the sun, the water remained a cold muddy gray. The storm had churned up the bottom and it would take a few days for everything to settle back down and for the water to turn blue again.
Like the ocean, Erin’s world had been turned upside down, but she hadn’t had a chance to return to what she used to be. She wouldn’t get her turn because of him. Yet another of his sins. All because of a single night. If only he’d refused what Stacey had offered. If only he hadn’t felt so damn empty inside.
“I wish things could have been different for you,” he said.
Her gaze darkened. “Parker, it just happened. You didn’t plan on-” She paused and blushed. “On doing that with Stacey, and you certainly didn’t know that she was going to get pregnant.”
“And why aren’t you taking pictures instead of teaching school?”
“Because it’s not my turn yet,” she said. “I don’t mind waiting.”
She’d waited her whole life, he thought. He wondered if she ever wanted to just seize her turn and be done with it.
“You don’t need a degree to take pictures,” he told her. “You’re doing it now.”
“I know.” She glanced at the camera. “I like to take the odd photo or two. Most of Christie. But it’s not the same. I have a good eye, but I need some training in composition, light, that kind of thing.”
“You sure that’s not an excuse to let fear get in the way of what you want to do?” he asked without thinking.
“An interesting question from a man who lives like a hermit,” she said, then turned away and started toward Christie.
He felt her anger and the faint whisper of hurt. “Erin, I didn’t mean anything by that.” He hurried to catch up with her. “Erin?”
She stopped and looked at him. “I know. I guess you touched a nerve.” Her gaze intensified. “Maybe I did, too. It’s okay that you live like a hermit.”
He touched her cheek. She didn’t pull away. “It’s okay that you’re scared to take pictures,” he said.
Once again he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her until they both forgot their pain and their pasts. But they weren’t alone. This was neither the time nor the place. If he were very careful, he could avoid ever finding the right time and place. Then maybe, just maybe, they would both get out of this in one piece.
“Race you to the end of the cove,” he said, sprinting in that direction.
“No fair,” she called after him. “You got a head start.”
As they laughed, the tension between them faded.
“A family is very imp…imp…Daddy, what’s that word?” Christie asked, holding up her book.
Parker leaned over the side of his chair. Christie was on the floor next to him, reading in front of the fire. Erin sat on the sofa deeply engrossed in a book of her own. They’d just finished dinner and Kiki had already left for one of her rendezvous.
“Important,” he said. “See, you can sound it out. Impor-tant.”
“What’s a ‘tant’?”
“It’s not a real word. It’s just a sound.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I like real words better than sounds. Sounds are hard.”
She rolled onto her back, pulled the book with her and continued to read. “A family is very important. We all have a family. A family can be big or little. A family is more than just a mommy or a daddy.” She dropped the book to her chest. “Is Kiki part of my family?”
Parker didn’t know how to answer that. “I defer to the resident expert. Erin?”
“Hmm?” She glanced up from her book. “What?”
“Is Kiki part of my family?” Christie asked.
“Sure.”
“Is Millie?”
Millie, Parker remembered, was Christie’s favorite doll.
“Yes,” Erin said. “Family is anyone we care about a great deal. Pets can be part of a family.”
Christie sat up and grinned. “So if I had a puppy, he would be part of the family.”
Erin groaned and leaned her head back on the sofa. “I can’t believe I said that.”
“You brought it on yourself,” Parker told her.
“I know.”
“A puppy would be very nice,” Christie said. “Just a little one. He would be very quiet.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” Erin looked at her daughter. “You’re not going to get a puppy tonight. Nor are you going to convince me to get you a puppy. Why don’t you go get Millie and bring her downstairs and I’ll read you both a story?”
“Okay.” Christie scrambled to her feet and raced out of the room.
“You handled that very well,” Parker said. “This parent thing is harder than I thought.”
“It has its rewards.”
He nodded. “I see that.” The lamplight caught her hair and turned the red highlights to the color of fire. “I’m glad you agreed to stay. I appreciate the time to get to know Christie so it will be more comfortable when she’s here on her own.”
“Oh, I thought I’d break you in gently. Maybe give you a practice session or two. You know, leave you two alone for an afternoon.”
&
nbsp; “When?” he asked, suppressing his uneasiness at the prospect. God knows what horrible mistakes he could make in a few hours. Thinking about being alone with Christie was fine as long as the reality of it was in the future.
Erin laughed. “Parker, you look as if I just threatened to murder nuns. It’s going to be fine. You and Christie get along great.”
“Sure, while you’re around. What if she starts to cry? What if she falls down and hurts herself? What will we talk about? What will we do?”
“You’ll figure it all out. I promise.”
He didn’t believe that. Maybe he could convince Erin to join her daughter when Christie visited here. Not just because the thought of being alone with Christie made him nervous but also because he liked having Erin around. She was funny and bright. She considered herself on equal footing with him. He knew she often forgot he was a millionaire several times over. He liked that. He hadn’t grown up around money so he wasn’t used to people treating him differently.
She set her book down and leaned forward on the sofa. Her feet were tucked under her. “Kiki will be here,” she reminded him. “I’m sure if you ask her, she’ll forgo her nocturnal visiting. At least for the first couple of nights.”
“Very funny,” he muttered.
She laughed. The sweet sound found an answering chord deep in his chest. Sometimes he thought her laughter was the most healing sound he’d ever heard. She complicated the hell out of his world. He wanted her. He liked her. He refused to screw things up by acting on his desire.
Life was damn hard sometimes, but he knew how to make it easy. He wasn’t going to let her know she got to him. He was going to be her friend, nothing more. He was going to be polite and pleasant and never let on that he’d once had the insane thought of asking her and Christie to stay. Permanently.
Chapter Ten
Erin opened the large manila envelope and dumped the contents onto the small desk in the corner of her room. She sorted through her forwarded mail, picking out the bills, tossing junk mail disguised as real correspondence. There wasn’t much here. Her rent was due, as were the utilities and the phone bill. Four bills. She got her checkbook from her purse and started to write.
Ten minutes later, she had finished. She leaned back in her chair, then glanced out the open window to her right. A perfect starry night winked back at her. If someone had told her she was going away for the summer she would have thought it would take weeks to prepare. But the reality was very different. Joyce picked up her mail and forwarded it once a week. The landlord’s gardener took care of the small yard. There were no pets, no other commitments. She and Christie had simply disappeared into Northern California and no one noticed.
That wasn’t completely true, Erin reminded herself. Joyce noticed. She’d called a couple of times to make sure Erin knew what she was doing. Erin always told her yes, even though she wasn’t sure. She’d been here a month. In that time, she, Parker and Christie had settled into a routine. They were living like a family. She enjoyed the situation, even if it wasn’t real.
Joyce warned her that Parker could still be an ax murderer in disguise. Erin had reassured her friend on that point. Parker was a complex man, but he wasn’t a sociopath. They were both a little confused about their relationship. It was complicated by Christie, the fact they were strangers trying to parent together, and by the past. And by her attraction to him.
As she sealed the envelopes and wrote the return address, she fought the memories of that night they’d had the storm. The night he’d said he was attracted to her and then had kissed her.
She’d relived that night a thousand times in her mind. Every time she was just as confused and just as aroused. What had really happened between them? Why had he walked away from her? Not that she wasn’t grateful, because she was. She hadn’t been with a man in years and she and Parker had barely known each other a few days. It was too soon, although her hormones didn’t agree.
But why had he kissed her? Should she believe what he said? Logically it made no sense to lie to her. She’d already agreed to let Christie spend the summer, so there wasn’t anything to be gained by seducing her or pretending a physical attraction that didn’t really exist. In fact, a physical relationship would only complicate matters between them.
Was it just straight sexual awareness? Was she trying to make it more complicated than it needed to be? Erin smiled. What a concept! It was possible he really wanted her, she supposed. Although she’d gotten so used to thinking of herself as a sexless single mother, a man finding her attractive was startling to say the least.
After four weeks, Parker still had the power to make her knees tremble. She hated the weakness and loss of control. Fortunately he hadn’t done anything about it. Since that last kiss, he’d been a perfect gentleman. They’d spent long afternoons together with Christie. Once Christie was in bed, she and Parker often talked in the evenings. She’d even shared some details about her past. And through it all, he’d barely touched her. She was relieved.
Erin brushed the tip of her nose to see if it was growing. She didn’t usually lie to herself. Especially not about something so obvious. She wasn’t relieved. She was confused and aroused and frustrated. She wanted to grab Parker by his shirtfront and kiss him until they forgot the “supposed tos” and simply reacted. She wanted to run home to Palmdale and pretend this summer had never happened. She wanted to follow Kiki on her next date and ask if the guy had a friend.
Instead of doing any of that, she collected her mail and left the bedroom. Before heading downstairs, she stuck her head in Christie’s room. The little girl was sound asleep in her bed. Erin moved back into the hall and headed for the stairs.
She paused on the second-floor landing and glanced out the window. It was one of those perfect summer nights that usually only happen in the movies. The stars were a glinting backdrop for the brilliant half moon. Below, the ocean reached endlessly for the shore. The temperature was still pleasant.
She continued down the stairs. The house was quiet. It usually was once Christie was in bed and Kiki had left for her evening out. Erin envied the other woman’s life-style. Not that she, Erin, wanted to be having sex with three different men. She envied Kiki’s freedom and her willingness to do exactly what she wanted. Kiki was happy and content. Erin was only mildly frustrated to admit that Kiki had had more sex in the past month than Erin had had in her whole life.
When she reached the main floor, she dropped her bills on the table by the front door. Kiki would take them out to the mail tomorrow. As she turned toward the stairs, Erin noticed the terrace doors were open. She could see Parker standing by the waist-high stone wall.
She walked toward him. “Is this a private party or can anyone come?” she asked.
He settled one hip on the stone wall and beckoned her closer. “You’re welcome if you don’t mind sharing the dance floor with a few ghosts.”
“Don’t tell me this place is haunted. I haven’t heard a peep since I arrived.”
His dark hair drifted onto his forehead. He brushed it back with a smooth, easy gesture. “No ghosts in residence. The only ones here tonight are mine.”
She moved closer and studied him. “Are you all right?”
His dark gaze met hers. “Never better.”
She saw the pain etched in his face and knew the ghosts he talked about were from his past. “Liar,” she said softly. “There is something wrong.”
“Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. I thought maybe I could fool you.”
“I know you pretend to be a tough guy, but the act is wasted on me. I saw you reading a bedtime story to your daughter tonight. Hardly a macho act.”
Instead of teasing her back, as he usually did, Parker stared out at the ocean. “That damn book,” he muttered.
The day had been warm. He wore a red polo shirt tucked into tailored shorts. She’d tried not to notice his long, lean, tanned legs as he’d walked around the house. Thank goodness it was too dark to see them cle
arly now. But she could see the sadness twisting his mouth and the restless stirring of his hands as he first gripped the railing, then folded his arms over his chest. His brooding emotions doused her heat as effectively as a cold shower.
She moved closer still, this time spurred by compassion rather than desire. “What book?”
“Christie’s book on families. That’s what I was reading to her tonight.”
“I don’t understand.”
He shrugged. “It’s about what makes up a family and explains how families can be different, so long as they work. It made me think about-”
“Robin?” she asked quietly.
“I wish. That would be easy. It made me think about my folks.”
“What about them? Do you want them to meet Christie? I wouldn’t mind. They must be very proud of you and all you’ve accomplished.”
He laughed harshly. “You’d think so, but they don’t give a damn.”
“Parker, I’m sorry.” She leaned against the railing and stared up at him. She and Stacey had lost their parents at a young age. She would have given anything to have been able to change that. All she and Stacey had cared about was being part of a family again. Why couldn’t people realize how lucky they were before they lost everything?
“I tell myself they’re unhappy people,” he said. “When I was growing up they never talked. I would go to friends’ houses for dinner and their parents actually talked to each other. Not my folks. The television always played at dinner, no one ever spoke.”
“How did you get into computers?” she asked.
“A science project in junior high. I had a weird teacher who encouraged exploring different things. I wanted to learn what made a computer work so he gave me a broken one to take apart. The first time I looked inside and saw all the components, then sat down with a working system, I thought it was magic. Then I figured out how to make that magic work for me.”
He continued to stare out at the ocean. “I tried to tell my dad about it that night, but he didn’t want to listen. He drove a cement truck, worked hard all day and just wanted to come home and sit in front of the television. I never did figure out what my mother did with her life. She didn’t work, but she was always too busy for me. Eventually I gave up trying to get their attention. I buried myself in computers and never looked up until college.”
Full-Time Father Page 13
