by J. L. Madore
Oh. Heat warms my cheeks.
Suddenly, I want to chase after him and watch. But gross, I don’t want our first sexual encounter to be in the stall of a rest stop. Actually, I guess it was in the back seat of Hawk’s Navigator. Really? Back seat of a car? Am I sixteen?
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I say, raking my fingers through my hair. “I’ve never been an exhibitionist and yet I almost ripped off Kotah’s jeans to ravish him. I want to race back to be with Jaxx. I want to climb you like a jungle gym plaything,” I say, gesturing to Brant. Then I look to Hawk. “And so help me, I want to test how dominant you are when we’re both naked and tethered up.”
That outburst earns me an encouraging nod from Brant and one hell of a wicked flash of emotion from Hawk. A shiver races through me as if his gaze is visceral, brushing over my heated flesh, and turning up the dial of my pumping heart. My mind is shocked, but my body isn’t.
“Careful what you wish for, Spitfire,” Hawk says. “That kind of thinking is liable to get you into trouble.”
My nipples harden at the thought. “Challenge accepted.”
Hawk arches a dark brow. “You couldn’t handle it.”
But I want to. Gawd I want to. My mind spins with all kinds of ideas.
Hawk frowns and his muscles tighten. His shoulders and biceps visibly grow more rigid as he stalks closer.
It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Do you want to avenge your friend or fuck?” he asks, driving his cigarette into the butt-out sand he’s standing next to. The full focus of Hawk’s attention steals the breath from my lungs. “The two options are not mutually exclusive, mind, but one seems more time-sensitive than the other. Your quest. Your friend. Your choice.”
Right. Riley. I owe it to her to stay focused.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Calli
Facing the trees, I flap the blanket wrapped around my shoulders and shiver as my skin cools. “I swear I’m heating up again.”
“You likely are.” Brant’s gaze narrows on the shadows of the woods opposite where we’ve parked. I bet if anyone happens to be in the trees taking their dog for a pee, he’ll race over and poke their eyes out with his claws.
“I need to learn how you guys materialize clothes.”
“No,” Hawk says flatly. “You need to learn how to control the fire of your phoenix. Clothes won’t help if your skin is molten hot.”
Well, yeah, there’s that.
Kotah jogs back to our dysfunctional meeting of the minds and the guys give him a bro-nod to welcome him back to the fold. “Hawk, what did you learn?”
Hawk turns a cool smile to me. “The most interesting thing is that our Spitfire is curious about kink. Less interesting, is that the drow MC had a barn filled with enough weapons to take out three states and a locked freight box being guarded by men with automatic weapons.”
“That must be where the women are,” I say.
“Wait,” Brant says. “You said had. Why the past tense.”
“Two CFO teams moved in five minutes ago and seized the site.”
“What?” I shout. “Without me? We had a deal.”
Hawk scowls. “We had no deal. You lied that you’d stay out of it. I made it clear you wouldn’t be put in harm’s way.”
“I’m not nearly as helpless as you think.”
“And not nearly as equipped to handle an onslaught of magical attack as you think.”
Fire sparks off my fingers and I don’t even care. Let him get burned. Let it draw the attention of people. If he’s so hellbent on handling everything, let him clean up all the messes I make. I curl my fingers into fists and move directly before him. “You had no right to do that without me. I need to set things right for Riley.”
He smacks at his shirt when a spark takes hold and starts melting a hole in the fabric. “Yeah, I noted your commitment to the task while you were busy masturbating on the kid. It’s over now. Done deal.”
“So, you got Sonny?”
Hawk’s gaze narrows. “What you fail to realize, Spitfire, is that this is bigger than you and your friend. The illegal activity of these men was brought to my attention before any of this phoenix mess ever exploded in our face. If your friend brought the human police into it, that’s a bad thing for us. Let the FCO handle it from here.”
“You already knew about the Black Knight before Calli told you?” Brant asks, his attention focused.
I wasn’t about to be sidetracked. “Sonny? Did you get him? Will he pay?”
Hawk curses. “You’re a pit-bull on a pant leg.”
“Glad you’re getting that. So, what about Sonny?”
The storm brewing in Hawk’s cold, gray eyes gives me my answer before he does. “He’s not in custody, but we’ll get him. And before you say anything, there was nothing you could’ve done differently to bring him down. The women won’t be sold and defiled. The guns are out of their hands. You ensured your friend’s sacrifice meant something.”
I can’t breathe. I’m so angry at him, at myself, at the world… I should’ve been there. “You took this from me, Hawk, and I’ll never forgive you for that.”
“Aw… my heart is broken. The mean man made an executive decision to keep you alive. Poor little girl.”
“Stop talking to me like I’m a child.”
“Stop acting like one and I’ll consider it.”
“You’re such an arrogant ass.”
“Glad you’re getting that.”
The two of us glare at one another, breathing heavily. I hate him. Yet, every part of me is so alive right now I’m not sure if I attack him if I’ll rip him to shreds or rip his clothes off. Damn, this mating heat is seriously annoying.
“What now?” Kotah asks.
Hawk gestures to the tour bus pulling into the rest station. The long, black and gold vehicle passes the first driveway that joins the cars parked in front and steers behind the building to wrap around to us, stopping in one of the long, bus and transport spots.
When the air brakes squelch, the door to the bus opens and the driver steps out. Hawk points to the square-jawed, ebony-haired man sporting a double shoulder harness. The way he carries himself and surveys his surroundings, he exudes military training. I’d bet he’s locked and loaded at all times. “Everyone, this is Lukas. He brought the jaguar and Brant’s doctor friend to meet us. Since Calli refused to return to the safehouse, I thought this the next best thing.”
My mind spins and I look at the bus. It’s the kind of decked-out vehicle that rock bands use while on nation-wide tours. “What? Wait. Jaxx is in there?”
Hawk nods. “Unlike your dead friend, Jaxx actually needs your help.”
“Is he all right?”
Hawk rolls his eyes. “Far from it. According to Brant’s friend, his system won’t take much more of this situation. Doc believes you’re the only one who can save him now.”
I balk at that. Me?
“Of course.” Kotah’s eyes sparkle with understanding. “Yes, that’s an inspired idea. You can do this, Calli.”
Whatever damage I caused by clubbing Jaxx in the head is killing him and that fact is killing me. I’ve never been one to stick around and take responsibility for my reckless decision-making but here I am.
Look at me—adulting.
“How?” I ask, looking from Hawk to Kotah for a clue. “I don’t know anything about fixing people.”
“No,” Hawk snaps. “Only how to break them.”
I give the asshole a middle-fingered salute as he climbs the curved steps of the bus and heads inside.
“Ignore him, beautiful,” Brant says, close to my ear. “Focus on what’s important. Jaxx needs you.”
I follow behind the burly frame of my bear as we pass through the living area and past a kitchenette to the back bedroom at the end of the hotel on wheels. I watch the broad span of his back as he walks, marveling at the clench and release of muscles. He’s a big boy but is also cut and carved like a sculpted go
d.
When we arrive at the back of the bus, he stops. Filling the frame of the bedroom doorway, he turns to me looking grim. “It’s not good. There might be nothing anybody can do even if you do try. Keep that in mind, yeah?”
I swallow hard and draw a deep breath. “Kotah thinks I can help. I want to try.”
After hesitating a moment longer, Brant opens the way and walks me inside. The room is dark except for whatever industrious rays of light are fighting through the crack of the closed blinds.
Jaxx groans and flashes from man to cat. It’s not the magical shift like when he shifted in the garden and introduced himself yesterday. This transformation is violent and jerky and looks terribly painful. It seems like he’s stuck mid-shift and getting electrocuted because his body is out of phase.
I press a hand to my chest. “I’m so sorry, Jaxx.”
“Prove it,” Another man says, staring up at me from Jaxx’s bedside. He’s got the same build as Brant, but smaller and with dark hair and eyes. “You’re the only one who can save him, now.”
“I still don’t understand.”
Kotah shifts closer and runs a gentle hand over my shoulder. “Remember what I said about how powerful a phoenix’s healing ability is?”
“Yes, but how do I—a blood transfusion?” I stick my arm out from the fire blanket ready to roll on that.
Kotah shakes his head. “No, not blood. Phoenix tears are said to be the strongest medical miracle in existence. There are tales in the lore of incredible feats of healing from a few shed tears absorbed. It’s plain in your face that you regret what happened. I think what Doc is suggesting is for you to feel that and shed tears for him.”
My breath locks frozen in my chest.
Shit. “I want to help. I… uh, but I’m not much of a tear-jerker girl.”
Brant frowns down at me. “Try Calli. Sit with him and let it sink in. He needs your help. You gotta try.”
I shuffle across the floor even though I don’t know what good it will do. I haven’t cried in over twelve years—not since my parents’ funeral. Not since everything I loved about life was torn away.
“Hey, Jaxx,” I say, struggling with the length of the fire blanket as I crawl onto the bed. It catches under my knee and after a few awkward tugs, I lay beside the gorgeous golden jaguar. The spotted cat lifts his boxy head and I think a flash of recognition hits. I wait for betrayal to darken those stunning turquoise eyes, but it doesn’t come.
Instead, there is only tenderness and relief.
“Jaxx is worried about you,” Doc says, standing at the edge of the bed behind me. “Every moment he’s lucid, he fights with me to go find you. He’s a good man, dedicated to your safety and your bond as mates.”
I don’t miss the censure in his voice and glance over my shoulder to match his hostile glare. “Thank you for taking care of Jaxx, but you don’t know me, Bear. You’re not part of this mess and you don’t get an opinion.”
He offers me a sad smile. “Maybe not, but Brant is my friend and he deserves better than a club to the back of the skull. Should I stick close in case you try to take another one of your guardians out?”
Heat explodes in the center of my chest as fiery rage claws to get out. “Careful. I’m not in control of my fire yet and picking at me makes me want to flame out and torch you to a crisp.”
Brant moves in fast and steps between us. “But you won’t. We need Doc to help Jaxx. Besides, you don’t actually want to hurt him.”
I give Doc what I hope is a convincing smile. “Yes. I do. You don’t know me well yet either, big guy, but I’ll never be voted Miss Congeniality.”
Brant’s expression seems frozen between surprise and sexual turn-on. It’s a look I’m getting used to the more time I spend with him. He turns to his buddy and gestures to the door. “Maybe some distance would be good, Doc. Calli needs to focus on Jaxx.”
Doc eases back, his gaze locked on me. “I get that your animal side is powerful and protective. So, too, is my loyalty. You’d do well to remember that.”
Brant grumbles something as he clears his friend from the room, and I uncurl my fingers from white-knuckled fists.
I look at Hawk and Brant standing at the bedside behind me, and then Kotah on the other side of Jaxx. I close my eyes and draw a steadying breath. “I don’t care what he thinks, but you three need to understand how sorry I am. I was scared and confused. I wanted to get away. I’ve never had the strength to hurt a man before. I made a terrible but honest mistake.”
Hawk laughs and waves away my apology. “Please. You may never have possessed wildling strength before, but you’ve left a path of destruction in your wake your whole, pathetic life.”
A deep-chested rumble fills the air as Brant straightens to his full height. “Avian, if you don’t want to be here, then fuck off. We don’t need a pompous dick as part of our bonding. If we promise to miss you, will you go away?”
Hawk steps toward the end of the bed, his steel-gray swinging toward Brant. “Are you so pussy-whipped that you buy into her performance?”
Kotah huffs and adjusts the frame of his glasses. “Avians may be a solitary race, but that doesn’t excuse the way you speak to people, Hawk. Whatever your issue is, it’s wrong for you to take it out on us.”
“Not you, kid. Her.” Hawk’s voice drips with disdain. “Our little mate is a white trash liar and you three don’t see it. Do you honestly think she’ll bow over poor Jaxx and weep tears of remorse? Please, she doesn’t have it in her.”
Hawk’s words hit too close to home. He isn’t wrong. The others look at me and see the potential of what they believe I can be. Hawk is shrewder.
Brant scowls. “How about you give her a minute to adjust before you point fingers and write her off? It’s been a crazy couple of days.”
“I do feel horrible about what happened,” I say.
Hawk stalks closer. The tension in his muscles gives off palpable energy that makes the hair on my arms stand on end. He grips the end of the bed and leans forward. “You may regret Jaxx’s brain damage but way down deep you’re doing a fucking jig. You’ve got a real-life Cinderella story unfolding here, don’t you?”
I bark a laugh. “How do you figure?”
He stretches his hands out as if clearing the stage for a grand tale. “Calliope Tannis, the sad, orphan child is shipped off to live with an aunt who doesn’t want her half as much as the skeevy husband does. How old were you when he first found his way into your room at night, Calli? Thirteen? Fourteen? It must’ve been flattering on some level, right? Finally getting the attention you crave.”
I freeze, reading his eyes. His words ripple through my body, triggering a violent tide of shame and revulsion. He knows. My body explodes with the need to escape.
“I was a kid. He was—”
“An uncle by marriage—I know. Not real family, so fair game, right? No one here blames you for seeking a bit of security in life.”
“Seeking? I never…” My heart pounds, banging to get free of my ribs. “You’re disgusting. It wasn’t my fault.”
“No? Your aunt blamed you, didn’t she? You went to her and she chose him. She took his word over yours, protected her life with him instead of believing you. She told my guy you seduced her husband.”
What? No. The taste of char sours my mouth as my stomach churns. “I was fourteen!”
“Who can blame you for what you turned into?”
“Shut up,” I snap, my mind spinning. “You don’t know anything about me. You don’t know what happened.”
Hawk laughs. “I know every shameful detail, Calli. I had a file on you the same day the bond locked into place. Did you think I’d simply accept you as an equal? I have an image to protect, a corporate brand I represent. I get ahead of publicity nightmares by knowing who I’m in bed with. I know all your dirty little secrets.”
He’s not bluffing. My lockbox of past humiliations blows wide open and my skin crawls. I feel my uncle’s hot breath on the back
of my neck, hear the excitement in his whisper as he tells me what he has planned for us that night.
My stomach churns.
It’s taken years of shame and self-destruction to bury my past and Hawk digs it up with a smile and throws it in my face? “That wasn’t my fault.”
He casts me a cold smile. “What about the next decade of you and Riley lying, stealing, and begging for scraps to survive? Is any of that your fault?”
“You weren’t there.”
“But I was—that’s the point. I transformed myself from a penniless runaway, to start my own company and take over the world. Women throw themselves at me, Calli, beautiful women of breeding and education. They’ve got class and style and I devour them like ambrosia. Now I’m supposed to be ball-and-chained to you for the rest of my life?”
He passes a withering gaze over me and frowns.
Piercing pain impales my heart and my phoenix shrieks inside me. The mating bond tilted my world on its axis, but he wants other women?
“Yeah, you’re the shit,” I say, my eyes stinging.
A cruel smile curves his lips. “Until four days ago, I was. Now, according to shifter legend, my cock will never rise for another and everything I built now belongs to you, my queen. You are the be-all-end-all to our lives—you—a scared little girl who never earned anything except a reputation as an easy suck and fuck.”
I catch the horror in Nakotah’s gaze and his face blurs behind a wall of moisture.
Brant prowls to the end of the bed. “Shut your fucking mouth and get out. That’s enough.”
Hawk chuffs and holds his ground. “So, she gets four beck and call boys and you’re not pissed at the tradeoff? I lose my life’s work, the jaguar gets brain damage, the kid loses out on his dream of becoming a scholar, and you haven’t realized it yet, but your sex life just got a whole lot less interesting. She’s the only one of us sitting in the winner’s circle here.”
