by J. L. Madore
“What about it?”
“We’re wildlings and are animals by nature. Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to us. We grow up fucking in the form of humans or animals. It can be about anger or dominance or our animals letting off steam. Jaxx, Brant, and Kotah are pack members. Sexual connections increase the bonds of their community. Avians are different again because we’re solitary animals and use sex to gain leverage and alliances.”
She draws back, her gaze narrow. “So, of the hundreds of women you guys were with, you’re saying none of them held any deep, personal meaning to you?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
She turns to the jaguar and I catch the flare of panic a split-second before I figure out why. “Is that how you feel, Jaxx? Will our morning together join the many non-personal wildling sexcapades you’ve participated in?”
“No,” Jaxx says, and he gets full points for the ring of certainty. “This morning was transformative. I told you that and I meant it. You are in a different category altogether. Everything about you is personal to me.”
“But you agree with Hawk otherwise? That the horizontal hijinks you all got into in the past is irrelevant. That it means nothing. That our lives began at the side of the road and everything that happened before that is forgotten.”
Jaxx hesitates and I don’t blame him.
That sounds like a lose-lose question.
“Calli,” I say, stepping in to stop the carnage. “Perhaps we can table this domestic squabble for now and get out of here. The wolf needs to return home and we have one quick stop before we move on—something I think you’ll be more interested in than our past conquests.”
Calli’s eyes shift like liquid emeralds as she pegs me with a hostile gaze. “And what is that?”
“Sonny and the Sovereign Sons. I have a jet fueling on the tarmac if you still want to settle your score.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Brant
Fucking asshole. As the five of us climb into Hawk’s sleek Gulfstream G650ER private jet, every instinct I have fires to life. The avian had no right to invite Calli into a confrontation with the leader of a drow gang. She isn’t ready. Despite how naturally skilled she is, she’s not ready for a head-to-head with males like that. And then there’s this luxury lounge area with wings. Are we supposed to be impressed?
Okay, the way the others sink into the plush leather, captain’s chairs and swivel, grinning at each other, it’s obvious they are impressed, but they shouldn’t be. Hawk has more money stacked in his coffers than a mint, but it’s far less impressive when you consider the man.
“Is everything all right, Brant?” Kotah asks, leaning in from his seat. “You’re unusually quiet.”
“People don’t plan murders out loud.” I grab the seatbelt and sling it over my lap to buckle in.
The four of us settle into our seats, while Hawk goes up to speak with the pilot. Lukas stops on his way past us toward the area behind us with the plush three-seater sofas. “Your bags are in the aft stateroom. We have a few minutes if you want to change and freshen up. I’ll show you where.”
“Thank goodness,” Calli says, jumping to her feet. “Me first. I gotta get out of this dress.”
“I can help you with that, kitten,” Jaxx says.
“Not this time, puss,” she says, following Lukas’s lead toward the back of the plane. “But I like the way you think.”
Five minutes later, the four of us are changed and back to feeling more like ourselves. Jaxx found some pillows and blankets in one of the overhead storage bins and we are set for hunkering down for the flight.
Calli takes a deep breath as she sets herself up. “I wouldn’t have survived growing up in a fancy world, I tell you that. I prefer breathing in my clothes.”
Jaxx chuckles, buckles in and reaches over Calli’s lap to ensure she’s secure. The thunder of the engines builds, as the plane readies to get us moving.
“Speaking of growing up fancy,” I say, turning to Kotah and switching gears for a moment. “I’m sorry about your dad, buddy. I don’t know the guy, personally, but he’s well respected as a strong leader and a male of honor. I’m sorry he’s not doing well.”
Kotah shrugs and purses his lips. “The Fae Prime may be a well-respected leader, but he is rubbish as a father. He has no interest in having a scholar for a son and made the shortfall of my intelligence known at every opportunity.”
“That sucks.” I’ve visited enough domestic scenes to know people don’t understand what happens behind closed doors. “For what it’s worth, the Prime failing to see how gifted you are is totally on him.”
Calli nods and reaches across the space between us to take his hand. “It’s his loss. You impress the hell out of us every day.”
“Damn straight,” Jaxx says, pushing back to recline. “You’re here because the universe sees your worth. You rose above every other wolf in your line as the male to represent. That says a fuck ton more than a male blinded by arrogance.”
Calli smiles and leans back, adjusting the blanket in her lap. “Exactly how much is a fuck ton?”
I chuckle. “I think it’s fifty times a shit ton.”
“Good to know.”
That gets a smile out of the kid. I pat his wrist. “S’all good, buddy. You don’t need to measure up to anyone. You have us now.”
The jet starts a slow roll. Pushing back from its spot by the hanger, we start taxiing toward the runway. As much as I hate it, there’s no way Calli will walk away from the opportunity to exact her revenge on the males who killed her friend.
Still, maybe we can mitigate the danger.
“Thinking ahead to the battle to come,” I say, rubbing my palms together. “I need to voice my concern about putting you in harm’s way, beautiful. You did well this afternoon in training, but these men—”
Calli frowns and leans forward in her seat. “Let me stop you now, Bear. There’s no scenario where I don’t avenge Riley. I understand that it’s your first instinct to protect me, but my participation in this is not up for discussion.”
“It’s been a day,” Kotah says, squeezing both armrests of his chair before pushing back to recline in his seat. “We have five hours until we reach California. Let’s try to rest.”
“Good idea,” Jaxx says, crossing his arms over his chest and closing his eyes. “Lukas, can you dim the cabin interior?”
As the three of them close their eyes, I get the picture.
My concerns don’t rank. Alrighty then. I cross my arms over my chest and shut my mouth. Why I am the only one of the four of us opposed to this, I have no idea.
This will come back and bite us in the ass. I feel it.
Fucking hell.
Calli
When we arrive at the remote property in Northern California, the five of us pile out of a blacked-out Navigator almost identical to Hawk’s. It’s four a.m. and the chill of the night works its way into the marrow of my bones. I shiver. Riley always said that an icy chill running up your spine means a ghost is near. Is she here with me? Does she know how much I miss her… how much I love her… that I’m going to make Sonny and his guys pay for hurting her?
Hawk escorts us to the back of the truck and opens things up. The storage space is filled with tactical gear, guns, and a dozen things I have no clue about.
He throws a vest over his head and secures the sides. “Lukas, you and Brant check in with the team and secure our approach. The two of you will join the lead strike and clear our path. Kotah, I want your wolf guarding Calli’s back. You’ve got the strongest sense of smell and I don’t want any surprises sneaking up on us. Jaxx, you and I are her bodyguards. She gets in, takes her moment and then she’s outtie.”
I frown at everyone deciding my life for me, but don’t say anything. I have no frame of reference to argue and by the sounds of it, Hawk’s trying to give me what I want the safest way possible.
Brant and Lukas each don on a Kevlar vest and head off. Kotah steps to
the side door of the truck to shift and check out our surroundings. And Jaxx takes the moment to step into the shadows and empty his bladder.
Hawk pulls a vest over my head and gets me covered. “You’re sure you want to do this?”
I pull my hair free from the back of the vest. “Positive.”
He grabs a gun from a locked safe in the floor of the truck and presses it in my hand. “This gun has special ammunition that takes down drow. It negates any magical healing, but it doesn’t stop them from retaliating with their powers. Be sure of your shot and shoot to kill. A head shot is tough for a new shooter. Aim for his chest, understood?”
I nod, a knot forming in my gut.
Hawk’s gaze narrows and he checks over my shoulder. “Calli, listen to me. It’s very different taking life in cold blood than it is fighting to save yourself or someone you love in the middle of a heated battle. Murdering Sonny will give him a place inside you that you’ll never get back. I have no problem being the one who—”
“No,” I say, swallowing my nerves. “It has to be me.”
A flash of emotion flickers in his cold gray eyes.
“What?” I say after he falls silent.
“It takes one, to know one, remember?”
I shrug, not sure what he’s getting at.
“I feel the shadow inside you. I know you’re afraid to let the others see but if you kill Sonny right in front of them, it won’t be your dirty little secret anymore. Are you sure snuffing out a piece of shit is worth it? Once people see the ruthless inside you, they look at you differently.”
I pull oxygen into my lungs but it’s an effort. He’s right. While the others see me as a beacon of strength, Hawk sees the entire picture. There is a side of me I thought I kept hidden from all of them. It doesn’t surprise me Hawk knows better.
“There are parts of me I’m not proud of, but for this quint bonding to work long term, I have to be authentic. If that tarnishes their image of me, they need to adjust and accept. I’m not sure how other wildlings handle mating bonds, but I won’t lie about who I am. Like you said, ‘As your past forged you into the male you are, my past forged me. I can be no other.’”
I can’t tell if it’s disappointment or respect clouding his gaze. “Does that make me less in your eyes?”
“Quite the opposite. You surprise me at every turn.”
I search his expression. “You’re a hard man to read. One minute you hate me. The next, you’re organizing the five of us on our journey. The next, I’d swear I see a spark of hope in your eyes.”
“First off, I never hated you. The situation, yes. My loss of control, definitely. I am, however, smart enough to separate you from what you represent. Second, I don’t do hope. It’s dark, you’re tired, and your eyes are playing tricks on you.”
Yeah, no. I don’t think so. “So, you swear you didn’t talk to the council about how to remove yourself from our quint.”
“I told you that already.” I’m sure he picks up on the erratic rhythm of my heart because he frowns and shakes his head. “That doesn’t mean I’m staying.”
“It means something.”
He rolls his eyes. “It means that I didn’t rise to the heights I have by making rash decisions. Being selected as a Guardian of the Phoenix is monumental. I haven’t even begun to explore what that might mean to me moving forward.”
His words blow a bazooka-sized hole through my hope.
Jaxx joins us, a screwed-up scowl marring face. “So, you’re assessing your place in our quint as a future business opportunity for political advantage? Seriously, you’re fucked up, Hawk.”
I feel Hawk’s defensive wall slam back into place.
“He’s being honest. Everyone gets to voice their opinion even if you don’t agree.”
Jaxx turns his scowl on me. “So, you’re okay with that? He gets a pass on sizing us up and deciding if it’s worth his valuable time and money to answer the call of our people?”
“It’s better than him blowing smoke up our asses and lying. Yes, I’d much rather know where he stands.”
Hawk checks his guns, replaces them into his shoulder holsters, and hits the button to close and lock the tailgate. “As much fun as it is to have you arguing about me when I’m standing right here, the bear is back. Yet another domestic dispute which will have to wait.”
I leave a deeply disgruntled Jaxx and follow Hawk toward the mouth of the trail that leads to the Son’s property. We haven’t gone twenty feet before Kotah trots along at my hip. My fingers draw through the depths of his coat. Long, wiry guard hairs catch the light of the descending moon, making the velvety soft undercoat look black in the bleached light.
The relief of touching Kotah is immediate. I fill my lungs, my cells steadier simply by connecting with him.
Maybe Hawk’s right and taking Sonny’s life will change me in the eyes of Kotah, Jaxx, and Brant. Everything is still so new with them. We’re all testing the waters of our new normal, putting our best foot forward. We all want this to work out. Even Hawk… I think.
My avian mate turns to me at the edge of a clearing. A sprawling ranch bungalow sits in darkness, sleeping in the early hours before dawn. “You have your gun?”
I lift it to show him, careful to keep it pointed out at the clearing. “Point and squeeze, right?”
He reaches over and releases a catch with his thumb. “That’s right. If at any time you want me to take the shot, let me know. I don’t want you carrying the weight of this unless you’re one-hundred percent sure.”
“Listen to him,” Brant says, pushing into our conversation. “Your friend is dead, and nothing will make that better. She will be avenged, and these assholes won’t hurt any other women. You don’t have to pull the trigger.”
My temper flares and my hair blows back from my face as a wild chinook suddenly engulfs us. “It does have to be me. Imagine someone tortures, rapes, and mutilates Doc. They leave the body on your doorstep, so you find him. Do you pass the buck and let someone else take care of it or do you make it right?”
The answer glows in his golden eyes. He doesn’t like it, but he’s starting to get the picture.
“Take me off the pedestal, Bear. I never agreed to be your paragon of inspiration and don’t want the job. This is me. Like it or not. Stop painting me with a delicate brush.”
I hate the flare of emotion in his warm golden eyes, but it’s said, and I won’t take it back. He stomps off, the bass rumble of his bear’s growl rattling in my chest.
I turn to Hawk once he’s gone and nod. “Okay enough overanalyzing. Let’s get this party started.”
He taps the comm system he has in his ear. “Move in. Secure the building. It’s a go.”
Kotah
Hawk’s team navigate the darkness like lethal shadows consuming everything in their path. Brant is among them and it both impresses me that he does this for a living and unnerves me how much the danger of him being in a front-line offensive worries me. He’s more than one of Calli’s other mates… he’s fast becoming another of my mates.
I file that realization away for the moment and focus on the situation at hand. The first team disarms the perimeter security, infiltrates the house, and after a pregnant pause of silence, reports in.
Hawk responds to something he hears through his earpiece and nods. “Well done. Allow the bear to secure the situation to his satisfaction. When he’s confident the phoenix is safe, we’ll move in.”
Calli blinks up at him, a growing affection warming her gaze. “Careful, Hawk. That almost seemed thoughtful. You wouldn’t want us to get the wrong impression.”
Hawk chuffs. “Whatever else the bear might be—pain in the ass, hot-head, self-righteous furball—I reviewed his files. He’s an outstanding FCO enforcer and he’s worried about you. If he secures that house to his liking, you’ll be safe, and we can all—” he taps his ear and nods. “Understood. The phoenix is landing. We’re coming in.”
Calli
Despite
the buildup and Hawk’s pep talks, seeing Sonny cable-tied to a chair in the kitchen of the house stirs nothing inside me except conviction. Maybe I’m numb to the idea of morality or maybe it simply doesn’t apply to him given what he put Riley through, but for all Hawk’s concern about me suffering about taking a life, I don’t.
I step right up to where the mouthy, blond, master of nothing sits glaring at me, raise the gun Hawk gave me, and pull the trigger. Bang.
Hawk’s wrong about another thing too. The head shot isn’t hard. As the gun fires and the scent of weapon discharge tingles in my sinuses, I watch the spray of blood and brain matter explode against the wall behind Sonny.
And I’m glad.
His head slumps forward and I let off another couple of rounds into his chest. Unlike the shock and disbelief that overcame me when I fried Plaid Nightmare, this kill brings out another kind of emotion.
Satisfaction.
Just so everyone is clear on that, I meet the gaze of each of my guardians. “This is me, boys. Sorry, if that doesn’t sit well, but there you have it. He hurt someone I love, and I won’t apologize for wanting him dead. I’d do the same for any of you.”
And with that, I hand Hawk my gun, and leave the whole mess behind me.
An hour later, I exit the lavatory at the back of Hawk’s private jet and frown at aft stateroom. Both couches are lowered and berthed out to provide a wall-to-wall bed, the pocket door is closed, and the lights are dimmed. It’s spacious and welcoming and heart-breakingly empty. I flop down on the cushioned surface and pull the soft micro-fiber blanket over myself.
Reality check. My guardians saw behind the veil of who I am and obviously, they didn’t like the view.
I brush my fingers over the console behind my head and abandon the idea of asking one of them to join me. If I ask, they don’t really want to be here. No way do I want any of them running through the motions.
That’s the whole point.
