“I have to admit, as scared as I was … there was something kind of hot about you taking that guy down. It was my first time watching you actually face off with someone. I know it wasn’t by the book,” she whispered, “and I know Chico misbehaved. I confess he always scared me a little after that because it happened so close, but that was the day I first thought ‘My god, that man is like a full dose of testosterone and adrenaline.’ It was stunning because I never thought I’d be that kind of girl.”
“The kind that finds me hot?” he teased.
“Oh, you …” She reached out and pinched him on his chest.
“Ow. Hey,” he complained.
“Oh don’t give me that. I doubt a—”
She was cut off with a wild gasp as he suddenly pushed off and rolled her beneath him, her hair spilling wildly across his bed and pillows. Oh yes, he thought, I like that. Marissa in my bed.
“So you thought I was hot, I thought you were gorgeous, and there was no one else between us save my dog. And that incident was the only reason why I chose to go to you instead of an off-site shrink. Because Chico saved you and I knew you’d get it. I knew you’d understand my loss.”
“Of course I did. It was like losing an arm for you, Jackson. He was a sidearm no different from your gun or your taser. You felt naked without him. Vulnerable.”
“I’m naked now. I’m vulnerable now,” he said softly, unable to help himself from touching her hair again in a soft, reverent stroke.
“Yeah. The way a tank is vulnerable,” she said dryly.
“I’m not talking physical, Marissa.”
She fell quiet, her hands like gentle butterflies as they settled on his shoulders.
“I know,” she said at last. “I know.”
And he knew she did. What thrilled him was that she was facing it. Accepting it. Now if only she would accept him on a whole other level. He knew it was asking a lot of her. He knew she was trying to protect herself at all costs. He didn’t know why exactly, and he hoped she would tell him one day. Perhaps it had to do with her having to raise her sister all alone, or just that she had a cruddy self esteem for god knew what reason. He just wanted to know so he could tell her she was wrong about herself. Tell her that she was incredibly beautiful and so much braver than she gave herself credit for.
He held her between his hands and bent to gently touch his mouth to hers. Just a touch, not a kiss, and there he waited for her, his breath quick and heated. It felt like a moment too long to him before she lifted that small increment into a kiss. He kissed her sweetly, a soft demure thing that was all she seemed to be asking for. But he wasn’t going to let her get away with half measures. He pulled back and looked into her liquid blue eyes.
“Now kiss me the way you really feel,” he said to her. “And know that it will decide whether you stay or I askwww.ballantinebooks.commag. you once more to leave me, hummingbird.”
He watched her catch her breath, felt her leg move up a fragment against his thigh, a subconscious gesture he knew. If her mind had any doubts, he knew her body did not. But she was expecting seduction and he wouldn’t give it to her. He wouldn’t take her as wildly and dominantly as he knew how so she could blame him for it later. No. No, this she had to demand from him.
“I want to,” she said, a flush creeping over her cheeks. “You know that I want to s-stay.”
“Prove it,” he commanded of her. Her eyes widened as she licked her lips and let her gaze drop to his mouth. Then she lifted her head out of his hands and kissed him. Again, it was sweet. A pretty and shy kiss. But he didn’t believe she couldn’t find it in her to be more than that.
He broke off the kiss and moved to get off of her and send her packing. Disappointment lurched through him, a part of him crying out in frustration. He wouldn’t aggress with her, sweeping her up in the passion he knew she craved. He’d tried that already and it had blown up in his face. But just as he was about to leave her hands tightened on his shoulders, trying to hold him to her.
“W-what’s wrong? Why …?” she stammered.
“What’s wrong is I know exactly how passionate you are,” he said fiercely. “I know how hot you can be when I make you that way. Why won’t you admit to it? Why do you want to make me run roughshod over you with seduction just so you can hold yourself free of blame and heap it all on me? No, Marissa. I won’t let that happen this time.” He moved off of her but she tightened her grip even more, following him with a slide across and back beneath him.
“No! I don’t know what you want!”
“You’re already what I want,” he said with a sigh. “That’s the whole point. I want you, Marissa. You. Not just your body. Not just a vessel. But you. My Marissa. My sweet, delicious, passionate Marissa.”
“I think you expect more than I’m capable of,” she said softly, her cheeks so pink, like she was out in the freshest cold of winter.
“I think you underestimate yourself,” he said back to her.
She seemed to think on that for a moment, but he could see the frustration in her. “Isn’t it enough that I’m here? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” She was getting snappish, her annoyance with him for not seducing her very apparent. He would have smiled if he didn’t think she’d deck him for it.
“I pulled you down. I put you under me. I’m here hard as a goddamn rock, Marissa. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” Damn. Now his frustration was showing. Well fine, he thought irritably. Better he fix the problem before it started. He swung himself away from her and got to his feet, pulling himself free of the grip of her hands, her nails trying to hold him until the very last second.
“Oh my god! Jackson, get back here!” she burst out. “Don’t you dare make me beg! It’s a shameful, dirty ploy to make me feel … to make me feel …”
“I’m not going to make you feel anything,” he bit out. “You either feel it forwww.ballantinebooks.commag. yourself or you don’t. And honestly, I’m not in the mood for any uncertainties. Not after—” He broke off, too sickened with disappointment to say it aloud. Not after I’ve bared my soul to you completely. Why oh why won’t you do as much for me?
Marissa was completely flustered. Just minutes ago he was so warm and sweet. So obviously wanting her. What did he want from her? She had kissed him, hadn’t she? She was there, in his bed, in spite of her original resolve when she’d entered the room. Did he want her to leave? Was … was she making a fool of herself?
“There,” he said suddenly, pointing into her face. “That right there is what I’m talking about. I can read that expression clear as crystal. You don’t trust me and you sure as hell don’t trust yourself. I have more faith in you than you do, Marissa. I just don’t get it. I know you’re stronger than this!”
Marissa opened her mouth to retort, but he just moved away from the bed completely and was standing there naked and proud. He hadn’t been lying to her when he’d said he was hard for her; his erection, just a couple of inches beneath that wicked tattoo, was an amazing, powerful thing to behold. And Marissa felt her mouth go dry and other places get completely wet. Places that were aching, begging her to do something. Anything.
She didn’t know what happened next exactly. One minute she was on the bed, the next she was launching herself at him, her entire weight tackling into him so hard he almost fell over. And before he could say a word, she grabbed hold of him and crushed her mouth against his. She kissed him with everything she had. She begged him with her aching body and her craving heart. She reached down with one hand and yanked up that annoying skirt so she could wrap her leg around him and pull him in even closer. She felt him against her lower belly, his erection pressing against her uterus in all the wrong ways, she thought with frustration. He ought to be inside her, pressing against her that way. He ought to be holding her. He ought to be ravishing the hell out of her.
But he wasn’t. So goddamn him she was going to make him do it. She opened her mouth beneath his, and slowly, provocatively ran her tongue over his
lips.
“Let me in,” she breathed against him.
Well hell. She didn’t have to ask him twice, Jackson thought fiercely as he swept her mouth up against his, chasing after that silky, sexy tongue of hers. God, her natural seductiveness was treacherous and overpowering. This, he thought, was what he had seen every day walking past his desk in those CFM heels of hers. He’d probably had at least a hundred fantasies of bending her over her damn desk and fucking her to within an inch of her life, but this was so much better. He wanted her to make fierce love with him to within an inch of his life.
He lurched forward, tossing her back down on the bed, following roughly after her. He climbed right up between her thighs, helping her pull up that tight, ridiculous skirt of hers. God, the thing hugged her body the way he wanted to hug her body. But for now he settled for the feel of himself pressing against the warm, soft heat of her. He groaned as he rubbed himself against the fabric of her panties, listening to her gasp and feeling her grip him. She lifted her hips and moved against him in return, a seductive wriggle that just about made him lose his mind.
Take her. Take her!
He didn’t need that voice in his head” she stammeredhe said when to motivate him. He was already on it. He reached down between their bodies and grabbed for her underwear, pulling it down her long thighs then pushing them away from her. She still had all her clothes on. She still had her shoes on, and it was exactly how he wanted to take her. No prelude. No more foreplay. They’d spent years toying with each other. Now it was over. He put himself back between her legs, his cock hard and eager, so eager for its mate.
“Fuck. Oh fuck,” he hissed when he felt her heat and the purest wetness in the whole damn universe. His whole body tightened up and he wanted to … oh god, was this even right? Shouldn’t he be—?
He disregarded all doubt and just gave in to Menes’s forceful taunt to take her. He found her entrance and thrust into her all in the same movement. He gasped with the shock of how hot she felt around him. She was so freaking tight, so damn juicy wet.
He was honestly amazed he didn’t make an idiot of himself by coming on the spot. No, he thought, that is not the way this is going to be. Not after waiting and wanting for so long.
She was gasping for every breath, her nails digging into his shoulders. Oh yes. Oh, god yes, he thought.
“Yes!” she cried out. “Oh god, yes!”
He laughed. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Then his hand left her thigh and reached to grab her blouse, ripping it open in two sharp movements. Her bra matched her discarded panties. A pristine white lace cami bra, beaming with t
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jackson knew it was the truth, just as much as she did. But then again, he’d made no secret about his desires … on all fronts. He just was reluctant to talk about it right then, while he was still inside her and in desperate need to make love to her again, this time taking it slow and doing it right. Not that what they’d just done could be considered wrong on any level. More right, was possibly a better way of looking at it. He was afraid that if they started in on this topic once again everything would dissolve into defensive posturing and huge protective walls flying up in front of his face.
“You know, I’m going to have to stop referring to myself in the third person eventually,” he said carefully. “Don’t try to separate us, Marissa. We’ve very much become the same person. But there will always be the ability to do what I call a sidebar, where we can step apart from ourselves as a Blended being in order to debate an issue, voice a strong opinion, or when considering options. Sort of like having a very powerful conscience, I guess you could say.”
“So you mean you want her, too,” she said, an odd sort of flatness to her tone. Not petulant. Not curious. Just emotionless. Which led him to believe she was reacting to something with very strong emotion. It was a habit for her, he realized, this heavy curtain over her emotions. It might work very well for her in her profession, but he wasn’t her patient any longer.
Very gently he eas to make me feel …Y. And what ed away from her, moving to lie on his side right up against the length of her. She was rumpled and was wearing nothing but her skirt and heels and he schooled his features from smiling lest she mistake what was amusing him. The minute he was off of her though, she pulled down her skirt, smoothing it against her thighs. He saw her searching for her blouse with a turn of her head … either that or she was trying to hide some more.
“At the moment,” he said, “everything I want is right here.” He reached to run slow, gentle fingers along the path of her breastbone. His words and his touch must have gotten her attention because she looked back into his eyes.
“But he’s not … I mean, if he wants me like this, doesn’t that make him unfaithful to this woman he’s supposed to love with every fiber of his being?”
“You’re thinking in very black-and-white human ways. With the nature of who we are, Bodywalkers I mean, we have to flex to accommodate the fact that we’re sharing the desires and needs of multiple souls.”
“So it’s carte blanche on cheating. How lovely for you,” she said, sitting up suddenly. But Jackson took her by her arm and pulled her back down and even closer to his side.
“What I mean is, I know that Hatshepsut understands that by doing things this way, by trying to find a volunteer for her rather than letting her resurrect in the usual way of our people, things can’t be left so black-and-white. She wants me to choose someone I would be very attracted to. It’s … it’s like a gift she’s giving me, in some respects. However, once she is here, I would be taking my life in my hands if I even thought about another woman. I am a faithful man, Marissa. I always have been. I may not have had many long relationships, but when I was in one I didn’t disrespect my significant other by sleeping around on her. And as you know, Menes has had what could potentially be the longest relationship on earth, and I assure you, he’s never been unfaithful to Hatshepsut.” He smiled a little. “That’s not to say she hasn’t occasionally over our lifetimes found a woman she’s thought I would like and brought her into our bedroom as a gift to me.”
Marissa gasped and flushed hot, indignation rising in her eyes. “I would never do that!”
“Never is not a word we use when we can potentially live hundreds of years in our mortal bodies … barring outside interference of course. And we come from a time when multiple wives were commonplace. We’ve been through every single sexual evolution and revolution known to mankind. What we’ve done here is blunt and rudimentary. And you’re being very narrow-minded, Marissa. You’re far too educated to start pretending you don’t understand these things. And I assure you, if she does not have permission of her host, she wouldn’t push or try to change the host’s mind. Well”—he smiled a bit wolfishly—“not much anyway. She can be quite persuasive when arguing a point. Rather a lot like you. And she loves opportunities to put me in my place. Also a common trait between you.”
That made her smile and laugh. “So she’s convincing, kinky, and bossy.”
He laughed as well. “In a nutshell, yes. But she’s also incredibly kind, fierce when it comes to protecting her people and her family, and plays a mean game of chess.”
“You make her sound so human,” s to make me feel … have betterhe said with a sigh. “But the truth is, she just isn’t. And I don’t know if I can be all the things that she is. A queen? A Bodywalker? Your … your …”
“Wife,” he said in a soft word. “We’ve been married over two dozen times, by everything from a priest to an island native that stomped and danced for the gods to take notice before playing a tune on a nose flute.”
“Oh stop, now you’re joking,” she cried with a laugh, pushing at his chest in reprimand.
“I am not joking,” he said almost seriously. “It’s the truth. All of it.”
She stopped smiling and turned pensive. “So, you’re telling me that if I become Hatshepsut’s host, then you’ll want to marry me.”
“But you didn’t seem like the marrying type,” she hedged, her fingers smoothing her skirt down again even though it hadn’t budged from the initial time. He was beginning to realize that her need to keep a perfect image at all times was like a protective armor for her. She was probably feeling very vulnerable right then, talking about difficult things without her armor on. It could very well be the reason why he’d never seen a single sign of a dating life from her in the two years she’d been on the force.
“I’m with Menes on this one,” he told her quietly. “I’m waiting for the right woman. No one else will do.”
“If I say no, then someone else will have to do,” she said a bit sharply. “I don’t see Menes giving up after the first try fails. You either for that matter. You’re as tenacious as that dog of yours.”
“Well, at least you’re forewarned.”
“About what?”
“My tenaciousness. I’m not the sort to give up easily, Marissa. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you say yes to me.”
Her expression was one of pure consternation. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that if you push too hard it makes people shove back?”
“I’m sure they did somewhere along the line. I think I disregarded it.”
“Oh!” she exclaimed this time shoving at him harder.
Marissa wanted to be mad at him. She wanted to push back, push away and run. It was just too overwhelming. All of it. Everything he wanted from her was just asking so much. He probably wouldn’t even be asking if he really knew who she was. She wasn’t queen material. She just … wasn’t.
“You’re incorrigible,” she said to him, unable to make it sound at all serious. She liked it when he teased her, although god only knew why. Just like she liked it when he acted like her hair was his favorite place for his fingers to be. And she damn well liked it when he threw her on the bed and took her like a man out of control with lust for her.
Forever Page 19
