He held her shoulders as his eyes searched her tearstained face. “Grace, I love you. I didn’t realize that you felt this way. But you don’t know how it felt last night to watch Emma, to feel that visceral connection to someone, someone who is totally dependent on me, what I do and how I do it. For the first time in my life, I’m confused, uncertain. And yet I’ve never felt this alive. Emma’s a lovely little girl and I’m sure you will fall in love with her. Just wait until she gets home from kindergarten.”
“I—I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“Why not? She’s a part of our lives.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” She glanced at him and the sadness in her expression crushed his heart. “You want us to include a little girl in our lives and to overcome the damage caused to our relationship by the fact you had an affair without being clear on what all this means to each of us.”
“I guess I don’t get it. I want to, but every time I say something it comes out all wrong,” he said, feeling lost, adrift and afraid that he was about to lose her.
“I need to know that my feelings matter,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“They do!” Was that the problem? Was she feeling left out? She shouldn’t feel that way. He wasn’t leaving her out. “Your feelings have always mattered—”
“Let me finish. I need for us to take this slow, to talk this out together before we decide to take her home with us. This is a big decision for both of us. It will change our lives, our relationship, forever.”
She couldn’t be suggesting that he walk away from Emma, leave her here on her own without family, could she? “But Grace, Emma is my responsibility. I love her and I can’t walk away from her.”
Grace sighed. “I’m simply suggesting that you come home with me—Emma will be fine with Lisa for a little bit—and we work out a plan, look at our options. And if we decide to become parents, we find a kindergarten for Emma. We get our house ready for a little girl.” She paused, then said slowly, “And we start proceedings to adopt her…if that’s what we decide we want to do. In the meantime, she’s safe and content here with Lisa.”
He frowned in surprise. “Grace, there is no decision to be made about whether or not we take Emma. The decision is when and how,” he said, his heart surging in his chest as he began to see what was going on here. Grace was worried over things that were easily fixed. “You and I and Emma will be a family. Together we will arrange for everything Emma needs. You will be a wonderful mom.”
Grace’s expression was despondent as she looked at him before turning away. “I am not Emma’s mother. Her mother just died. If we’re to be Emma’s family, if that’s the best resolution for all of us, you and I first have to be together on how we’ll do it. If we’re not, we’ll only make your daughter unhappy. Is that what you want?”
Hurt, like a dull blade, jabbed at his heart. “I don’t want anyone to be unhappy, especially not you,” he said, feeling the situation slip out of his control. Where had he gone so wrong?
“Then come home with me. Call Mr. Knowles and reschedule your meeting.” She took his hand in hers, her skin warm and inviting. “We have so much to consider. If we are to get through all of this, we need to go to counseling.”
“Counseling isn’t necessary if we love each other and want to be a family. Grace, don’t do this to me. I already feel guilty that I had an affair and that I didn’t know about Emma. I could have been here for her, but I wasn’t. I can’t make that right. But I… We’ve got a chance now to do what she needs.”
“Your lack of involvement in Emma’s life was Deidre’s decision and out of your control.”
He clutched her hand tighter. “That’s true. And now I’ve got a chance to make it up to her by being with her. She’s just a little girl. She’s confused and missing her mom. I can help her. You can, too.”
Grace pulled her hand away. “Aidan, it’s clear that you and I can’t resolve this standing here. Please come home with me and let’s work this out between us.”
“I love you with all my heart, Grace. But I can’t leave Emma, not right now.”
She turned her face to his, the look of longing in her eyes cutting straight to his heart. “Is that it? You’re going to stay here with Emma rather than coming home with me?”
Aware that things were going terribly wrong, he fought to make her understand. “Grace, it’s not that simple.”
“It is. Either you love me enough to put my feelings first, or you don’t.”
“That’s not fair! I do love you.”
She stepped away from him. “But not enough. Not enough to make you change your mind. I came here to convince you that we needed to sort things out, for our sakes as well as for Emma’s. It’s pretty clear to me that I’ve wasted my time,” she said, her voice catching.
“You haven’t wasted your time. I do want to talk, but I can’t leave Emma here by herself.”
“She’s not by herself. She’s with the one person in her life she loves best. You said yourself she is shy around you, doesn’t trust you. If you gave her a little time, it would be better for both of you. While she’s adjusting to her life without her mother, you and I could be working out a plan that provides for Emma’s needs.”
“Providing for her needs? Are you suggesting we aren’t what Emma needs?”
“I’m not suggesting anything, only that we sit down, just the two of us, and work this out between us,” she said, her voice so soft he could barely hear her.
“Why did you come here if you weren’t willing to help me bring Emma home?” he asked, barely hiding his annoyance. “Was all that talk about having a child just talk?”
“How dare you say that? You really don’t want to change anything at all. I came here to talk this out and you’re being totally selfish and unreasonable,” she said, turning to go, her shoulders rigid.
When she got to the door, she turned to face him. “So I guess that’s it. There is nothing left to talk about. I’m going home, Aidan.”
CHAPTER NINE
HOURS LATER, WITH Grace’s words still ringing in his ears, Aidan pulled into the parking lot at Larry Knowles’s office. He hadn’t known what to do or where to turn after Grace left. He felt hollow, cut off from everything he’d known and loved, adrift trying to make sense of it. He’d been thankful for the meeting with the lawyer, anything to distract him from what had occurred between Grace and him.
Hearing Deidre’s will might help him better understand why she chose to do what she did, and maybe a hint as to why she’d not told him about Emma.
After he entered the building he was shown directly into the lawyer’s office.
“So good to see you again,” the lawyer said, coming around his desk to shake hands. “We’ll get right to the will. I’ve made a copy for you and will go through the major provisions set out in it.”
The men sat, and Aidan picked up the document, reminded of how easily life can be summed up in a few pages of instructions for the beneficiary. “I wish I’d known Deidre better,” he said, scanning the pages.
“How’s that? You and she had a relationship, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know what she told you. My company did work with Deidre’s. Our intimate relationship amounted to one weekend. A weekend that never should have happened.” He looked across the desk at the lawyer. “I don’t know why I’m telling you that, other than I feel guilty that I didn’t know about Emma before Deidre passed away. I didn’t know Deidre was pregnant. I never heard from her again after that weekend five years ago. I guess that’s part of why I was so shocked when you called to tell me I was named as guardian of Emma.”
Larry leaned back in his chair. “That’s interesting. Deidre didn’t go into the details of her connection to you, although your reaction to my initial phone call made me suspect you’d had limited contact with her.”
He rubbed his chin in thought. “Before I go through the various provisions, I’d like to tell you a couple things about Deidre that you may not have known. She always had to be in control, set the agenda. She was tough, hardworking and always very careful about whom she allowed close to her. As her friend, no one was more surprised than I was when she came to see me about her will. I’m probably overstepping my bounds, but I don’t think she ever intended to have you find out about Emma. I think, like most people, she never believed she’d die young.”
“Why would she do such a thing?” Aidan asked.
“Deidre wanted Emma to herself. I’m guessing here, but I believe it had to do with being an only child herself. She had told me she wanted a child, and when Deidre wanted something, she usually got it. I don’t think she had many relationships. I was one of only a handful of friends. She was one of those people who made her decisions based on her needs at the time, including the people she did or did not need.”
Aidan remembered that weekend, the way Deidre came on to him, seducing him with determination and eagerness. He’d been totally surprised by her attitude and her clear intention to have sex, even though he didn’t have any condoms with him. He had never slept around on Grace, so had no need for such protection. Still, Deidre had assured him she was on birth control and had provided the condoms. Was it possible she’d misled him? Had Deidre intentionally gotten pregnant? Why hadn’t he insisted on buying his own condoms?
As he stared at the document, not reading a word of it, his mind scrambled over his memories of that weekend—the wild sex, the total freedom and excitement.
A sickening feeling flooded him, forcing him to face the ugliness of it all. Not only had he cheated on his wife, destroying the trust between them and breaking his vow to the only woman he’d ever loved, but he’d done it without thinking of the other possible repercussions of having sex.
He had shown little or no responsibility for taking precautions during sex with a woman he didn’t know well at all. He’d been careless and thoughtless.
Because of his actions, a little girl had been born without the advantage of having a father in her life. And now, because of Deidre’s decision to name him as guardian for her daughter, his marriage might not survive and Emma might still end up without a mother. What a hell of a mess he’d made of things.
He sighed inwardly as he met Larry’s inquiring gaze. “Obviously Deidre liked being in charge, so what else has she dictated?”
“What does your wife think of all this?”
Aidan grimaced. “She didn’t know about the affair. It’s really been very difficult for her, and quite frankly, my marriage is in trouble.”
Larry Knowles shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry for you and your wife, but my concern is for Emma. She deserves a stable environment. She has Lisa, of course, but no family to speak of.” The lawyer stared straight at him. “If you agree to the terms of the will, you have a huge responsibility.”
“And if I don’t take Emma, my daughter will become a ward of the state and put up for adoption,” he said, returning the lawyer’s demanding gaze.
“She will.”
“I messed up and hurt two people who were completely innocent. Now I have to make things right for them. I love both of them very much. I never knew what it felt like to be a father, and now I have a child who needs me in her life. I plan to take good care of her and to prove to my wife how much I love her.”
The lawyer’s expression softened. “Then let’s get to the will. Deidre left an estate of a little over five million, most of which is invested with a professional investment group here in the city. I have all that information when you’re ready to deal with it. I have all the documents ready for you to sign as the guardian. Deidre wanted you to move into her house.”
“But Deidre knew I have a wife, that I live outside of Charleston. Why would she think I would move here?”
“Again, Deidre looked at things from her perspective and what she wanted for Emma. Knowing her as I did, she probably thought that the combination of money and her home would entice you to move here. But I’m only guessing.” He shifted in his chair. “Why don’t I go through the will? If you have questions, we can address them. Would that work?”
Aidan listened to the lawyer as he read out the conditions. Sadness and regret washed over his mind. He’d hurt everyone he loved with his behavior, and now it was time to make amends. In his heart, he knew that Grace and Emma belonged together. He’d done a lousy job trying to bring that situation about. But from now on, he’d listen to his wife and do his best to allay her fears.
He was done making decisions that ended up hurting the people he loved.
An hour later, after he’d signed all the paperwork at the brokerage firm and made arrangements to set up new bank accounts, he headed to Deidre’s house, relieved that all of that was finished for a while. There would be further decisions to make later, but the urgent details and paperwork had been settled.
Now was the time for him to prove to Grace and to Emma that he loved them and would care for them. It was his job to prevent any further damage to Emma. And to Grace.
Watching Emma this morning before she left the house had cemented his determination to be a good father. With her bright red curls and blue eyes, her instant smile and the adorable way she talked and played with Lisa, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
It was true that, so far, she’d avoided any direct contact with him, but he believed with all his heart that, given time, he could change that. He looked forward to the day he could hold her and play with her the way Lisa did. Until then, he would take it slow, be there for her and make certain that her life was as close to normal as possible. That meant staying here for a few days to get everything organized. It might even take a couple of weeks. He should have explained that to Grace, to make it clear he wanted to resolve the issues they faced, but from here. Not at their home, where he couldn’t establish a relationship with Emma. But between Grace’s anger and his inability to cope with her anger, he had, once again, mishandled their conversation and gotten it all wrong.
He heard the back door open and moved off the kitchen stool he’d been sitting on. Emma came in, tugging on Lisa’s hand, a ready smile on her face. When she saw him, she slowed, stopped and stared at him. Without saying a word, he smiled at her. She gave him a tiny smile back, and his heart soared. He was making progress.
Lisa put the knapsack on the counter, then went to the fridge. “What would you like for a snack?” she asked Emma. “What about pita and hummus?”
Aidan had never eaten hummus in his life, but he was certainly willing to try. If eating hummus would give him a starting point with his daughter, he’d eat a gallon of it.
He waited to see what Emma would do. She rushed across the room to the fridge and took the food from Lisa’s hands. “I’m hungry,” she said, placing the food on the counter and climbing up on a stool next to him.
“Let me help you with that,” he said, reaching toward her.
She looked anxiously at him out of the corner of her eye, her lower lip jutting out. Was she going to cry? He hoped not. He’d seen enough tears for one day. “Can I have some of that?” he asked.
Emma blinked. A slight smile slowly turned up the corners of her mouth. “Mommy says we should all eat healthy,” she said, popping her thumb into her mouth as her eyes moved to Lisa, who was putting the food on a plate.
“Your mom is right. We should all eat healthy,” he said.
“Can I have juice, please?” she asked.
“Certainly,” Lisa answered, going to the cupboard and returning with what seemed to Aidan to be a lot of similar small boxes with colorful cartoon characters on them.
Emma reached for the plate and slid it across to him. “We can share.”
His heart beat hard in his chest at the kind gesture. Obviously, Deidre and Lisa had been teachi
ng Emma to be polite and kind. “Thank you. I’d really like that.”
They settled in to enjoy the snack while Lisa started to prepare dinner. Watching Emma eat and chat with Lisa, Aidan spent the most enjoyable time he’d had since coming here. He had to believe that everything would work out. He’d make sure it did. And the hummus wasn’t half-bad, either.
He was laughing at Emma’s antics with a piece of pita when Lisa spoke. “Aidan, we need to talk.”
“Sure. Now?”
“Emma, sweetie, how would you like to finish your snack while you watch SpongeBob SquarePants?” Lisa asked as she gathered the remainder of the food and took it to the family room. Emma gave him a quick smile as she slid off the stool. “Do you like SpongeBob?” she asked him.
“Ah. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it,” he said, realizing that he was going to have to learn all about Emma’s likes and dislikes, and clearly her favorite TV programs.
She stared at him. “Everyone watches SpongeBob SquarePants. It’s funny.” She giggled as she followed Lisa into the family room.
When Lisa returned, she had a concerned look on her face. “I had a call from my family while I was waiting for Emma. My mother has been taken to the hospital, and I have to go.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What can I do?”
She looked at him a little strangely. “Nothing. You’ll have your hands full with Emma. Having lost her mother and without me here, Emma will need all the love and support you can give her.”
He had to care for Emma? On his own? The knowledge slammed into him with the force of a sledgehammer.
“I—I’m afraid I’ll screw up. I mean, I’m just learning this whole parenting thing. Emma is still very uncomfortable around me. It’s not a good idea to leave her alone with just me, is it?” he asked, his heart pounding hard against his ribs.
Lisa gave him a quick glance. “There really isn’t anyone else I can call on, and I have to go. If you need help, I’m sure Deidre’s friend Valerie Henson could step in, but she works full-time and has kids of her own,” she said as she continued to peel carrots at the sink. “I’m afraid it’s up to you.”
Harlequin Superromance May 2018 Box Set Page 62
