“She did?” Grace said, her throat twisting into a hard knot. Aidan had had the moment she’d dreamed of all her life—that moment when her child called her Mom. “That’s lovely for you.”
“I… Whatever we decide, I don’t want to ever be separated from Emma again.”
“Not even for a few days while we sort things out between us?” she asked, feeling a sense of foreboding. By that one statement, he had made it clear that what Emma needed and what he needed came first, ahead of their relationship. Did he have any idea how cruel and hurtful his words were?
“We can talk when she’s in kindergarten any day you can get here.”
“I didn’t say I was coming back to Spartanburg. I’m still completely confused as to where I stand in all this and how we put things back together in our lives.”
There was a long pause before Aidan spoke. “Grace, I love you. This whole experience has affected me in ways I couldn’t have imagined a few weeks ago. But I realize that I’m too quick to talk about what I want and how I see things. My actions have hurt you and I’m sorry. What can I do to fix this?”
Had he not heard a word of what she’d said? “Do you think this can be fixed by making a list of things to be done?”
“Well, not exactly a list. My weekend with Deidre was almost five years ago, Grace. I’ve hurt you, made it difficult for you to trust me. I realize that. But I love you. We have a beautiful life together, and now we have a child.”
“Aidan, you’re asking me to accept your daughter by another woman without you helping me work through how I feel, what I want to see happen. I need you to listen to me, to my feelings.”
“I am listening right now, Grace.”
“I don’t know if I can accept Emma into our lives. Every time I look at her, I will see a part of you and be reminded that you were unfaithful to me. When I see you in her, I will remember what you did to us, and to our marriage. I will remember that when I thought we were focused on creating a child, a family together, you had sex with someone else.”
“Do you suppose you could get over those feelings and start thinking differently if you met Emma, formed your own bond with her? Deidre isn’t competition. She never was.”
“I know you believe that, but in my heart I’m afraid that I can’t handle living with Emma every day without remembering where she came from and how I feel about that.” She made a frustrated sound. “And in contradiction to those feelings, when you didn’t want my advice on Emma, I felt left out.”
“You’re not left out. I’ve just been a stupid person to let you feel that way.”
Did she dare hope that they were making progress? Was he really willing to take her into his plan as an equal and not as simply someone he needed? “I want what you want for Emma. But I feel we’re moving too fast without consideration as to how this will work in the long term.”
“Grace, a few weeks ago those words would have been my words. I’m the one who likes to sit back and deliberate on what to do and how to do it. But Grace, there’s no problem here that I can see. What I’d like is get you and Emma together. Believe me, all your worries will disappear. Would you consider that?”
Grace felt they still weren’t communicating well, but for now, she didn’t want to go any further. Aidan did seem to be trying to see her point of view, which was a start. “I guess the best thing for me to do is to wait and see whether or not you want to discuss bringing Emma home with you.”
“Grace, I can’t come home without her. The lawyer says she needs a stable environment. We can give her that.”
“No, we can’t, until we resolve some of our own issues.”
“Grace, please give my plan a try. Emma needs to feel part of a family.”
Pain and hopelessness spurred her to hang up the phone without saying anything more. She wasn’t angry; she was completely discouraged by their conversation. No one mattered more to him than his daughter.
She thought back to that time five years ago when Aidan had gone to Spartanburg. His company had been finally hitting the big time, had been sought after by a lot of high-powered companies, and he’d been working day and night and sometimes weekends.
When he’d called to say he wouldn’t be home for a couple more days, she worried about him being overtired. She remembered that weekend he’d spent with Deidre because they had planned to go with friends to a community theater production of Wicked and she’d been looking forward to it. Not wanting to go alone, she’d given her tickets to another couple and had stayed home to work on a quilt.
If she’d had any idea Aidan was with another woman that weekend… And yet, what had changed? Five years later, she was once again waiting for Aidan, hoping that he would consider her feelings in the decision he was making.
And she was left out of it.
Despite being fed up with him, she waited, hoping that he’d call back, looking for an explanation for her quick hang-up.
In their entire married life, she had never hung up on him. Reason enough for him to call her back. The fact he didn’t showed her how completely and utterly preoccupied he was with fatherhood and what it meant to him.
With a sinking heart, she decided to go for a walk, anything to not feel so completely abandoned by the one person she’d loved all her adult life.
CHAPTER TEN
IN THE DAYS that followed their phone call, Aidan had few moments when he wasn’t thinking about Grace and how she’d behaved. He should have called her back, but he’d been too hurt by her attitude to find the words that might help them, and he feared that if he did call, they would fight. What they needed was some time together where they could face each other and work things out.
To fill the void of Grace, he’d thrown himself into Emma’s life while he waited for Lisa to return. He’d managed to get Emma off to kindergarten without a huge flood of tears, and he was navigating the whole which-book-to-read-at-night thing. It had seemed complicated in the beginning, but really came down to allowing Emma to deliberate in front of her bookshelves about which book he could read.
A neighbor had dropped by offering to help him if needed, and the postman had dropped off a parcel. Not knowing what to do with parcels addressed to Deidre, he opened the package to find half a dozen new outfits for Emma from an online store specializing in clothing for young girls. It was clear from the invoice that Deidre had spent an exorbitant amount of money. He looked them over, realizing that he had no idea what size Emma wore or where to buy clothes for her. For future reference, he made a note of the company and its address.
There had been moments in the past two days when he’d wanted to call Grace to find out why she’d hung up on him. He wanted to, but she’d been acting so weird lately he was frustrated. She only seemed to be able to see all this from her perspective and what she wanted, and he didn’t have the ability to cope with all of her concerns when his days were filled with learning to manage his daughter’s life.
Besides, he was pretty certain that Grace would come around. She loved children and they now had a daughter. Once she could accept that and look forward to what their life now was, everything would work out.
He realized that he needed to include Grace in whatever way he could until she had the chance to meet Emma.
Ultimately, what he needed to do was convince Lisa to move home with him, and that way Grace would see how wonderful everything could be. He didn’t want to simply bring Emma into their lives and expect Grace to take over. It would be nice if he could, but that couldn’t happen as long as Grace felt the way she did. Until she changed, Lisa would be a good buffer. And she would give Emma some continuity while she got used to living with them.
The timing was becoming problematic. He needed to get back to work soon. Lucas had called with questions and decisions they needed to make, and he’d spent hours on the phone last evening after he put Emma to bed while they worked on the mo
re urgent problems. It wasn’t right for him to be away from work too long, especially when their marketing efforts to grow the business were paying off in substantial sales increases.
He checked his watch again. Lisa had called and said she’d be here by noon. He couldn’t imagine what she’d say to his idea of moving in with him and Emma, but he had to give it a try.
When she walked through the door, she didn’t waste any time. “Where’s Emma?”
“She’s at kindergarten,” he said, surprised at the question.
“Seriously? I thought she’d want to stay home when she realized I wouldn’t be here to take her. I always take her to school.” Lisa looked around. “How did you make out otherwise? Did she cry a lot?”
“A little the first evening after you left. She really missed you.”
Lisa’s smile brightened. “I missed her, too. She’s like my own daughter, and now with her mom gone…”
“How’s your mom doing?”
“She had to have a stent put in, but she’s doing okay.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Lisa’s presence would allow him to focus more on work, on the moving plan…and on Grace. “I wanted to talk to you about Emma and her future, if you have time.”
Lisa perched on a stool in front of the kitchen island. “I have all the time in the world, or until Emma needs to be picked up.”
“I’m thinking about taking Emma home with me. I’ve been working with the lawyer and a lot of Deidre’s will has been settled. I really need to get back to my wife and my business. Of course, I want to take Emma with me.”
Tears glistened in Lisa’s eyes. “What about this house? What about Emma and her kindergarten?”
“I won’t put the house on the market just yet. First, I want to have Emma’s life in order, get her settled in my home. If she’s really upset by the change, it might mean that we come back here, so I’ll keep the house for now.”
He glanced at her for approval, but saw none. “The thing is, I’d like you to come along. Emma would be happier with you in her life, and you could be a tremendous help in helping us adjust and adapt to her needs. Would you be interested in being part of the plan?”
Lisa squared her shoulders. “Yes. Of course, I’ll come with you. It’s important that some part of Emma’s life remain constant.” She sniffed. “But you have to know that I have had other job offers, and if your wife will be staying home with Emma, you won’t need me very long. I would like to be free to take another nanny position as soon as Emma is settled with you and your wife.”
“I understand, and I appreciate you being frank with me.”
“When do you plan to move?”
“I thought this weekend. I haven’t had a chance to look for a kindergarten near our home, but I’m sure Grace and I can find one.”
“I don’t mean to interfere, but your wife and I didn’t hit it off when she was here. If my going with you should cause a problem, I won’t stay more than a couple days. As much as I love Emma, she is not my child. She’s yours. You have the final decision on everything related to her. And, to be honest, I don’t want to live in a hostile environment.”
He was once again surprised by Lisa’s matter-of-fact tone. She obviously loved Emma, but she didn’t seem to be happy about the move. “Emma is my first priority, and will be Grace’s, as well. This has been very difficult for my wife, as she didn’t know about my relationship with Deidre.”
Lisa’s eyebrows shot up. “What? You mean she only found out when Deidre died?”
He didn’t want to tell this woman more than was necessary, but he did want to clear up any misconceptions. “Yes. I hadn’t said anything because it was a long time ago, and that was the only time I broke my marriage vows. Finding out what I’d done was very hard on my wife.”
“I had no idea…” Lisa said, a frown forming on her face.
“We are working out our problems.”
She gave him an odd look but said nothing. “I’ll drive in my own car,” she said. “That might be better…for everyone.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll call Grace and tell her the good news.”
* * *
GRACE HAD JUST returned from the grocery store. She struggled to find something she wanted to eat, as her appetite had abandoned her after that last conversation with Aidan. She didn’t know what to do about him, about their marriage, in the light of his obsession with Emma.
She’d tried to talk to her brother about it, but he’d had several work emergencies and had gone out of town on business. She wondered if Lucas had spoken with Aidan about the backlog of work that wasn’t getting done. If he had, she doubted that Aidan was listening. He was probably too preoccupied with his daughter to even notice the stress Lucas was under.
Aidan certainly hadn’t noticed anything about her during his last call. All he’d talked about was himself and his daughter.
She had just placed the last of the vegetables in the fridge when the phone rang.
Aidan. Taking a deep breath, she picked up. “Aidan, I apologize for hanging up on you, but I was upset. I hope you’re calling so we can talk.”
“I want that, too, sweetheart. And I think I have the answer. I can’t be away from you any longer, and I am so anxious for you to get to know Emma. I’ve decided to come home and bring Emma with me.”
“You what?” she yelled in disbelief. “How can you take that child away from everything and everyone she knows so soon after her mother’s death, with no plan on how to look after her? Aidan, you’re not thinking straight. This isn’t fair to Emma or to me or anyone else in your life. Lucas needs you at work. I need you. You need to get back here and get your life straightened out—our lives straightened out—before you move Emma here.”
“Grace, I talked to Lisa and she’s willing to move in with us and help with Emma, getting her settled and into a routine. Emma will be just fine with Lisa along.”
“And how long can Lisa stay with us?” she asked, anger rising. Totally ignoring her had become Aidan’s modus operandi and she was sick of it.
To think he could bring a child into their home without discussing the arrangements with her was so hurtful she could hardly breathe. What had happened to Aidan? Why was he so determined to bring this child into their lives without considering her?
“She hopes to stay about a month. If that’s all right?”
“Why didn’t you talk this over with me first?”
She heard a long sigh and knew that Aidan still didn’t get it. He was determined to act without her input. He was so sure he knew the outcome, knew how to make the situation bend to his will. But she didn’t care what he did anymore. He had tramped all over her feelings and her concerns and now he was moving strangers into their home—his child and her nanny.
“I thought you’d understand. We’ve been over all this. We have a little girl. We’re a family. Let’s concentrate on that for now.” He lowered his voice to a soft, intimate tone. “Honey, once we are all under the same roof together, loving and caring for each other and Emma, we will be happier than we’ve ever been in our lives. Please trust me on this. I want you to be happy and to have a family. Emma is only the beginning.”
So, now that he’d had a taste of being a father, he believed that they would proceed to have more children. She fully expected him to bring up the subject of adoption in his excitement about being a parent.
“Is this how it’s going to be, Aidan? You make all the decisions where our marriage is concerned, where my life is concerned?” Her hands trembled so much she could hardly hold the phone.
“Grace, honey, please don’t be upset. We’ll be there in a few hours. You and I will sit down together and talk about all of this.”
Tears began their steady movement over her cheeks, down into the corners of her mouth, tasting salty on her lips. “We’ll talk, will we? Like the last ti
me?”
“No. We will really talk. I promise.”
Funny thing how easily her world had shifted. She had wanted to talk things over since the beginning, but only now, when he was on his way back here with his daughter—putting her in the unbearable position of having his child in her home—did he think about her and her feelings. “Aidan, you can do whatever you like. I won’t be here.”
His abrupt intake of breath reached across the connection. “You don’t mean that. You wouldn’t leave me. I love you with my whole heart. Look, whatever it takes, I’ll do it. I—”
“I’ve heard you say those words repeatedly since that first hideous phone call, but nothing has changed. I’ve seen so little effort from you and you continue to make decisions to suit you, without consulting me. So I’m not sure we can, Aidan. I’ve waited my entire married life to have you show as much enthusiasm for having a child with me as you have over your child with another woman. I can’t listen to your excitement and your plans anymore just because suddenly you see what it means to be a parent. But you have a baby that is yours…not ours.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE SOUND OF the dead connection stabbed Aidan like a knife. This couldn’t be happening. What was he going to do without Grace? Glancing around at the messy counter and the load of laundry sitting by the door of the laundry room, he felt adrift and lost. He’d never faced anything like this. Even the loss of his parents hadn’t been this painful.
Why had he rushed this? He could have stayed here for a while and given Grace time to adjust. Maybe he could have even gone home for a few days, talked to Grace and gotten caught up at work. After all, she’d been here twice, which proved she cared. But Grace had made it clear from the start she didn’t want him to bring Emma to their home.
He should have given her time to adjust to his plan. What was going on with him? In hindsight, choosing to take Emma home so soon was a little erratic, but he seemed to be doing a lot of things lately that were not like him.
Harlequin Superromance May 2018 Box Set Page 64
