by Marie Force
"God, Janey," he said softly as he gripped her shoulders. "How can you not know? Some days I feel as if I walk around with a neon sign strapped to my back."
"I don't understand," she said, unnerved by his torment.
He released her and moved to the rail that faced the harbor. Bending, he rested his elbows on the rail.
Janey went to him and put her hand on his back. "I'm sorry. I never meant to upset you." His shoulders were tight with tension she had caused.
"Janey," he sighed, dropping his head to his hands.
She didn't know what to say or do. Keeping her hand on his back, she gave him a minute. "Joe—"
He stood up straight, framed her face with his hands and captured her mouth in a deep, searing kiss. "I love you. I love you so much, and I have for as long as I can remember." Before she could say anything, he kissed her again. "I hated watching you care for a guy who didn't deserve you. I hated how he went weeks and sometimes months without visiting you. I hated watching you waste your time with him, knowing he would never love you like I do."
She'd suspected there was something… But never had she imagined that he'd spent years silently in love with her. Flabbergasted, she stared up at him. "I, um… I…"
"I shouldn't be saying these things to you, especially right now. But I couldn't have you thinking I'm out whoring around or that I give a shit about any other woman. I date, I even have fun with some of them and I've probably had more one-night stands than any guy alive. I'm not proud of that. Believe me. But not one of them has ever mattered."
Janey struggled free of him. "I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have called you yesterday." Her hands began to shake as images from their erotic night together ran through her mind like a movie. "Oh, God, Joe. I didn't know. I didn't know it was like that." Sure, she'd figured out he had a little thing for her, but madly in love? For years? No, she hadn't known that. She hadn't had the first inkling.
"There's no way you could've known. I worked very, very hard to keep it hidden. Only one person has ever figured it out."
"Who?"
He smiled and tilted his head.
"Mac."
Nodding, Joe drew her back in close to him. "I don't want you to go."
"What happened between us…"
"Was the best thing to ever happen to me. Someday, when you're ready, maybe you'll see it was the best thing to ever happen to you, too."
Chapter 5
Janey lay in Joe's big bed that night, staring out at the harbor, trying not to think about all that had happened in the last two days and failing miserably. Since his profession of love earlier, they had bumbled awkwardly through dinner, unable to get back the easy groove they'd always shared. If she lost Joe's friendship on top of David's betrayal…
The thought of losing Joe made her ache with despair. Maybe she hadn't suspected the full depth of his feelings for her, but she'd always known he loved her. She couldn't lose that. She just couldn't.
Janey got up and padded into the living room, where he slept on the sofa. Squatting next to him, she reached out to toy with his hair.
He startled awake and stared at her for a long breathless moment.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to wake you."
He extended his arms, and as Janey sank into his embrace, the relief overwhelmed her. She stretched out next to him on the sofa, the heat of his body warming the chill that had descended upon them earlier.
"Janey," he whispered, smoothing a hand over her hair and down her back.
He trembled when she pressed her lips against his neck. His clean fresh scent invaded her senses, sending a surge of desire rippling through her. That she could feel so many conflicting emotions for this man she'd known for so long as a friend still took her by surprise.
His erection pressed against her belly, and his heart beat fast under her ear, reminding her they'd gone far beyond the simple bonds of friendship in the last few days.
Empowered by the effect she had on him, she raised her head and found his eyes in the darkness.
Earlier, he'd confessed to being wildly in love with her. Now, in his eyes, she saw the hunger and the need and the desire. She wondered how she'd missed it all these years—or rather, she conceded she hadn't allowed herself to look too closely for fear of finding exactly what she now saw in those hazel eyes.
Still holding his gaze, she lowered her head and kissed him, a sweet meeting of lips. A hum of awareness zipped between them. In all her time with David, Janey had never experienced anything quite like the raging desire Joe inspired in her. Over the years, her relationship with David had become comfortable, predictable, sturdy—or so she'd thought. Now, as she lay in Joe's arms wanting him so fiercely, she wondered if that easy comfort had led David to seek out another woman.
"What?" Joe asked.
Startled, Janey looked down at him. His nimble fingers massaged her shoulders. God, he was good at that!
"You just got all tense."
Since she couldn't tell Joe she'd been thinking of David and what might've driven him into the arms of another woman, Janey made an effort to relax under Joe's tender ministrations.
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" he asked.
Janey resisted the urge to purr as he worked his magic on her neck. "I just…"
He kissed her softly. "What? Tell me."
"This," she said. "Whatever this is… It's surprising."
His handsome face lifted into a rakish grin. "Not to me. I've waited years for you to catch up."
Janey propped her chin on her fist and studied him. "It pains me to think I might've said or done something to hurt you when I didn't know how you felt."
"You didn't."
"I talked about him with you. I waved my ring around under your nose."
"You were happy, Janey. I never begrudged you that."
"But my happiness made you unhappy. I hate that."
"I'm happy right now. Holding you, kissing you…" He kissed her lips and chin before returning his attention to her neck. "It's everything I've ever wanted."
"I'm not ready for this to be anything more, Joe."
"I know." His tongue traced the line of her collarbone, setting off new shock waves of desire.
"I have things I need to resolve. I'm not sure how long it'll take…"
"I've already waited a long time." His hands coasted over her ribs and found her breasts through her thin tank top. "Whenever you're ready to find out what we might be together, you know where to find me."
"What if I'm never ready? After what happened with…" She stopped herself from saying David's name.
Joe ran his thumbs over her sensitive nipples.
Janey gasped.
"You'd never have to worry about me wanting someone else," he said, his tone fierce and heated. "If I had you, I'd have everything."
She smoothed his hair back from his forehead and combed her fingers through the thick strands. "Can I ask you something?"
He continued to tease her nipples. "Anything."
"Why me?"
"Ah, Janey, I don't know. I've asked myself that very question a million times. I don't even recall a time when it wasn't you. I see you, and I want you. Not just like this," he added, gently squeezing her breasts. "I want you in my life, in my home, sleeping next to me. I just want you."
Taken aback by his intensity, Janey wished she could give him even a fraction of what he so willingly gave to her. "I need some time."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Janey told herself she should get up and leave him while she still could, but it felt so good to be held in his strong arms, to be surrounded by his overwhelming love. Had David ever made her feel so treasured? Not that she could recall. "I should go back to bed."
"Take me with you."
They had this final night together before she returned to the disaster the rest of her life had become. He knew where they stood, that she had miles to go before she could consider anything more with him, and he wanted her anyway.<
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Janey got up and held out a hand to him.
He linked his fingers with hers and let her tug him up from the sofa. Holding hands, they walked through moonlit rooms to his bedroom.
Janey turned and wrapped her arms around him, pressing delicate kisses to his chest.
As if they had all the time in the world and not just, perhaps, this one night, Joe slowly undressed her, worshiping every inch of her fevered skin before he guided her onto the bed. He brought her to the edge of the mattress and kept his own feet on the floor as he entered her.
Janey floated on a cloud of sensation so exquisite and so devastating that she had no choice but to give herself over to him and let him take her where she'd never been before.
He bent to lave at her nipple and sent her soaring. She cried out, clutching his head to her chest as her body trembled with aftershocks. "Joe," she sighed. "God. What're you doing to me?"
"Loving you the way I've wanted to for so long." As his hips kept up a steady pace, Janey realized he wasn't done with her yet. "The way I want to forever."
While he made sweet love to her, Janey closed her eyes tight and tried to shut off the thoughts spiraling through her mind. But her best efforts couldn't stop one persistent realization from pressing to the forefront: it had taken just two days in the arms of her brother's best friend to make her wonder if she'd spent thirteen years with the wrong man.
Joe didn't sleep at all during that long night. He didn't want to miss a second of the simple joy of having Janey warm and soft and cuddled up to him. As she slept, he caressed her back and buried his nose in her fragrant hair. Committing each detail to memory, he had no idea when or if he'd ever get to hold her this way again. That thought sent a jolt of panic straight through him. After having her with him like this, how was he supposed to go back to a life that didn't include her? How was he supposed to go back to sleeping alone?
He tortured himself with questions. Had he done enough to show her how he felt about her? Had he made a mistake by telling her he'd been in love with her for years? Would he regret not giving her more time to recover from David's deception before stepping into the void? Over and over he replayed every minute they'd spent together since he rescued her on the highway. Over and over he came to the same conclusion: he had no regrets. Maybe the timing hadn't been ideal for her, but at least she'd leave here later today knowing exactly how he felt and what he wanted from her.
"Are you awake?" she whispered.
Instantly aroused by the sound of her voice, Joe wondered how it was possible that one tiny dynamo of a woman could have such an overwhelming effect on him. "Yeah."
"How come?"
"Couldn't sleep."
"Everything okay?"
"Everything's perfect." He kissed her forehead and then her lips. "Except that you have to go home tonight."
"We knew I'd have to face it all eventually."
"You could stay, you know. As long as you want to." In fact, forever would work just fine for him.
"I have to get back to work."
"You could call in sick and spend the holiday here." His heart filled with irrational hope. They'd just be prolonging the inevitable, but he'd have more time to show her what he already knew—they were meant to be together.
Janey surprised him when she raised herself up and started trailing kisses on his chest and then his belly. "That's a very tempting offer."
"And one you should consider very carefully before saying no."
She smiled at him and wrapped her hand around his throbbing erection.
Joe gasped and vowed right in that moment that no matter how long it took for Janey to see the light, he was done with other women in the meantime. He could never be with anyone else after her.
Bending her head, she dragged her tongue back and forth over his penis.
Joe clutched her hair and held on for dear life. If she was trying to kill him, she was doing it one stroke of her tongue at a time. He decided, as she drew him into the warmth of her mouth, that it was a hell of a way to go. "Janey. Oh, God. Janey."
He kept his eyes open, watching her, wanting to absorb every detail as she loved him with her mouth. Despite the erotic visual, he managed to keep a firm grip on his control for several sexually charged minutes until she dragged a fingernail lightly over his balls, sending him over the edge. "Jesus," he muttered when he could finally speak again.
Kissing her way up, Janey rested her head on his chest. "I take it you liked that."
"Yeah," he said, gathering her in close to him. "You could say that."
"I can't stay, Joe. As much as I'd like to."
"I know." He decided to celebrate the half victory—at least she wanted to stay.
"We've got all day though," she said with a small smile, ever the optimist.
His heart skipped a crazy beat. "And what would you like to do?"
"This," she said as she kissed him. "Just this."
From his vantage point on the bridge, Joe looked down at Janey on the bow. She leaned against the rail lost in thought, the cool sea breeze blowing through the blonde hair he'd shampooed in the shower earlier. He could only imagine her thoughts as she headed for home. Exhausted from the sleepless night, his body ached in a number of unique places thanks to a day of erotic pleasure.
After those amazing hours with her, he was more certain than ever that his life would never be complete without her by his side. But now he had to take a step back and let her do what she needed to do. Until she worked things out in her heart and mind, he could only wait and hope and pray that she'd come to the same conclusion he'd reached years ago.
His cell phone rang, jarring him out of his pensive thoughts. With a few words to the captain, Joe stepped outside the wheelhouse, extinguished the first clove cigarette he'd had in days and took the call from Mac.
"Hey, man," Mac said. "Where are you?"
"On the boat."
"Is Janey with you?"
Joe's eyes were riveted to her. Even though he wasn't working this trip, he'd insisted on seeing her home. "Uh-huh."
"David's looking for her. He tried her cell a bunch of times, but I guess it was off, so he called my mother. Of course she told him she thought Janey was with him. Now she's all up in arms about where Janey has been the last few days." Joe wondered if it was also possible that David had figured out what Janey might've witnessed in his apartment.
He suppressed a groan. The last thing Janey would want was Linda McCarthy all over her about what had happened during her eventful trip to the mainland. "Do me a favor," Joe said. "Don't let your mom swoop down on her tonight. Janey is kinda fragile right now."
"I'll do what I can, but you know how my mother can be."
"Which is exactly why she's the last thing Janey needs tonight."
"I hear ya. I'll talk to her."
"Are you meeting the boat?"
"Yep."
"Mac…"
"Yeah?"
Joe cleared the huge lump of emotion that lodged in his throat. "Take good care of her, will you?"
"You know I will."
"Thanks." He hated the idea of turning her over to anyone else, even her doting older brother.
"Everything all right?"
"Everything's fine," Joe said with forced cheer. As much as he'd love to unload on his best friend, he couldn't. Not about this. Not if he wanted to live through the night. Mac would assume Joe had taken advantage of his sister at her lowest moment, and Joe couldn't deny that if the roles had been reversed, he'd probably see it the same way. He and Janey knew how it had happened, which was all that mattered.
"We'll see you at the party?" Mac asked.
Joe's heart did a small happy dance at the reminder that he'd see Janey later in the week at the Fourth of July cookout Mac and Maddie were hosting at their new house. "I'll be there."
"Thanks for everything," Mac said.
"It was my pleasure." Surely that had to be the understatement of the century, Joe thought as he ended the c
all and took the metal stairs to the lower deck. Approaching Janey, he noticed tears on her cheeks that could probably be blamed only in part on the brisk sea breeze. It pained him to think that her time with him might've added to her torment.
"Hey." He squeezed her shoulder and ran a hand down her back, aware of the watchful eyes of his employees. The second to last thing she needed was to be the brunt of the island's vicious gossip machine.
"Hi." Her wan smile said it all.
They stood together at the rail, watching the bluffs on the island's northern coast emerge from the fog.
Joe took a deep breath and told her about Mac's call.
Janey winced. "I can't believe David called my mother. That's just what I need."
"I guess he was worried when he couldn't reach you."
Her snort was loaded with sarcasm. "Should I feel honored he cares enough to worry?"
"You'll have to talk to him at some point."
"Not until I'm good and ready."
"I'm sure your mother told him you'd gone to surprise him. He may have figured out why you disappeared."
"Good. Let him wonder."
At some point in the last few days, her disappointment had turned to anger. Joe supposed that was healthy, but he wouldn't be satisfied until she'd officially ended it with David. He didn't expect her longtime fiancé to go without a fight and couldn't bear the idea of him causing her any more pain than he already had.
As the ferry steamed toward South Harbor, Joe wanted to stop time, to go back to this morning when he'd held her naked in his arms, to when they'd had a whole day to spend in bed together. A tremendous sense of foreboding came over him as they got closer to the island. He wanted to howl and rage and grab hold of her and never let her go.
"Janey."
She looked up at him with those bottomless blue eyes, and he lost the words he'd been prepared to say. All he could do was stare at her and drink her in.
Mindless of the prying eyes that surrounded them, she dropped her head to his chest and rested her hands on his hips. "I never would've survived this without you."
Joe ached. How could he tell her he'd never survive the rest of his life without her? He couldn't. It would be so unfair to add to her burden.
