by Geltab
in the woods "sharpening his blade," or so he said. Man did I have fun with that line, but he didn't get my sense of humor, Orcs and humor don't mix.
Amoz was as good as his word, the trading vessel was docked and in the process of a quick turnaround when we arrived to board just before dawn. Apparently all the goblins on board knew we were coming since we caused no surprise upon arrival, and there was a place prepared large enough to accommodate Kayhill below deck.
Less than an hour later we were at sea, the wind blowing us on our way towards infiltration of the human lands in North light. We will use their own slave network to gather military intelligence sneaking back south with a large warship for the Orcs to replicate. I had my doubts about that last part, but I had already accepted the big guys gold. There was no turning back now and who would want to? I dozed off and was asleep in minutes, I don't remember much of the passage on purpose as I was constantly drunk. I did have a lot of time to think how funny it was that both Emperor Dipshit and Kayhill want to do the same thing, but for selfish reasons I figured better alive then dead. If it was up to the humans I would end up as someone's furniture. There would be no room for green skins in a perfect human world, so they have to go.
I was dreaming about my favorite liquor when I felt a kick in the ribs.
"Get up Wormy." It was Kayhill, in his always cheerful mood waking me. I grumbled,
"I don't want any more fucking oysters!" He kicked me again, harder this time.
"No Kar'Edsh, not oysters… Land!"
That's all I needed to hear to wake me up, I sprang and ran topside. Goblins always sleep fully dressed, shoes included. You never know what's going to happen to you when you sleep, that's your most vulnerable time you know? Probably also why we stink so bad, but goblins enjoy our odors, it's others that have the problem, so fuck them.
After wallowing in a drunken stupor and being trapped on a small ship with a big angry Orc for weeks I almost cried when I saw the land, even if it was North light and we were probably sailing towards our deaths. Damned gold! Always getting me into trouble, did you know more goblins are killed over gold related incidents than anything else?
The port we would be sailing in on was where green skinned slaves did the trading for their human masters. The Western half of the continent was entirely populated by Orc slaves, they seemed content in their new life serving the pink skins since the business they were involved in was thriving.
When the boat arrived there was a large group of Orcs waiting on the pier already. I made sure we were off the boat quickly, before the tying down was done. I know better than to trust goblins, being one myself. The Orc in front stepped directly in our path. There always seems to be one.
“Prince Kayhill and Wormy, yes?" He growled from a green face that was almost as ugly and massive as Kayhill's."
"Who wants to know?" I asked starting to get itchy about this whole situation.
"Amoz says thanks for the gold, he hopes you enjoyed the free ride it's your last one."
"Well, isn't that sweet. The dirty old bastard." I took a big swig of my lucky flask, Mr. Never Fails.
"Now, you Prince Kayhill will have the honor of serving the humans here in North light and Wormy, well, we have no use for dirty little goblins, you will be killed."
Before I even had time to crap my pants Kayhill let out a cry I've never heard before, from goblin or human. He cleaved that poor bastards Orc skull in two, who then dropped like a sack of potatoes, I stealth jumped off the edge of the pier and began swimming under it. Forget that, I am not getting in the way of an Orc brawl, I would be crushed. Stealth and surprise is the goblin way, I had a good view from under the pier thank you very much. Kayhill took another Orcs left side off as three others began to rage. They turned red and lost it completely, I thought one would get Kayhill despite his prowess. But I'll be damned if the rage eater didn't live up to his name and consume the rage the remaining Orcs were radiating. Just like before he took the rage through some weird light trickery and there they were, all his. When I swung up the other side of the pier they were standing like obedient Orcs ready to serve Kayhill, when just a moment ago they were trying to kill him for their human overlords.
"Damn Kayhill, that is one neat trick."
"This is no trick wormy this is our way, though it was lost."
I hopped back onto the rail of the ship, the goblin crew was standing still, frozen in awe and horror at Kayhill.
"Which one of you shit birds knew about this?" I asked all the goblins scanning their response closely. I can tell when goblins are lying, "Come on now, you just saw with the big guys does to liars, what'll it be?" I looked even closer and there was only one guilty little face, a dirty rat lineman. I never liked his looks anyway, I walked over nice and casual like, then sliced off his ears and nose. The most distinctive features of a goblin, dropping them onto the deck about the same time he collapsed in his own blood. I turned and walked off the ship.
"Now you all make sure Amoz knows he's next." I said as we walked away from the ship. That was only the beginning then the real fun of conquest started.
Kayhill, me, and our three new soldiers marched off the pier and out of the harbor area, the landscape was coming back to me a little bit after arrival. With our incident no Orc or goblin working the harbor would even look our direction. It was now a pretty large area, they had indeed expanded it quite a bit since the last time I came through North light. The three Orcs whose minds had been cleansed by the rage eater were the best source of intelligence for us, they were more than happy to divulge all the secrets of their former masters.
We stopped walking when we reached the top of a small hill overlooking the harbor we just came from, overcoming the ambush. In front of us was a large Valley completely undeveloped except for a small dirt road used to bring in soldiers should the need arise. It seems the trade in this area was all based on the oceanic slave trade of Orcs.
"I suppose you think I'm going to behead them the way I did the others upon our first meeting." Kayhill said just as a breeze came through and felt nice on my moist leather jockstrap, hey a goblin says what's happening, we speak the truth!
" To tell you the truth Kayhill, the thought had crossed my little pea brain." I said looking back at the three obedient Orcs, damn I'm glad there's no mind control goblin… Anymore. Kayhill let out that growl of a chuckle that frightens small children and whose breath kills tiny animals. He shook his head and looked across the water longingly. "No Wormy, I am here to rescue all my brothers from slavery and smash the humans."
"Ah fuck… You mean you don't want ships? You don't want to learn their armored placements? Why did you even bring me here!? I was making good money at home before you came along you big lumbering ass hole!" I exploded on the big green bastard! I think I was just angry about being beaten at one of my own mind games. Kayhill earned my respect that night for more than just his fighting skills. He didn't react to my outbursts, he just simply waited for me to finish, he knew I had no choice now but to go forward. I was either all in or I was dead. I was all in.
"First I go back to the harbor to establish the beginnings of my army. Once all brother Orcs enslaved there are free, we march forward. Is the lay of the land coming back to you at all Wormy?"
"You green fucking prick," I gave him a nice obscene gesture. "Yeah, I know where some things are again, King Ivar Orwile is closest to the harbor. You know I expect double payment for your damn treachery sneaky Orc!"
"Wormy my brother, once the human pink skins are dead, and the noble Orcs are free, you will live as a goblin King, in a house made of solid gold if you wish."
That calmed me down a lot, why be angry when all I have to do is finish the job to become obscenely rich?
"Sounds good to me Kayhill, I was… SHH." I heard a noise coming from a bend down the road, it sounded like two people on foot. Most likely they were just more slaves, but caution saves the day.
"You four go lay in that grass and keep an eye out, stay hid
den, if you can."
"What about you wormy?" Kayhill asked as I stealthed disappearing before his very eyes. "Oh, I see." He said before the four of them moved to the side of the road and hid themselves. I slowly moved to a darker shadow as they came into sight. It's a good thing we hid, they turned out to be to humans. One was wearing full plate armor, the other was wearing leather armor and the blades of a rogue upon his waist. I decided to have some fun with them before putting them out of their outlived pink skin existence.
I tossed a small blade into the center of the road where it stuck nicely out of the ground. These two bumbling idiots were making all the noise in the world as they came along, they bumbled to the knife on the ground and stopped.
"What's this then?" The one in the heavy plate armor said in a high-pitched, nasally whine. "You fucker, I'm going to kill you just to shut you up," I thought to myself. His voice was enough to drive you crazy.
"Looks like a blade I dropped yesterday, well it's mine again." The pink skin wearing leather said bending down and picking up the knife, tucking it into his belt. Little did the dirty pink skin notice, the very act of touching it would poison him leading to delirium and a slow, painful death. "That's what you get for being selfish pink skin," I thought while moving into a better ambush position
