All the nights she’d dreamed of being with him like this seemed real now. As if those dreams had come from an alternate reality, where the two of them had always been in love. A land of alpha and omega, or maybe it was a place where there was no beginning or end. Just a place where their souls had always lived, endlessly entwined.
He deftly shifted his body so that he was stretched out beside her. She turned to face him so that they lay stomach to stomach, bare chest to breasts. The feel of his skin against hers almost put her into sensory overload. She was so aware of him, of the two of them fused so closely, that it seemed they were joined body and soul. The entire world evaporated as they touched and caressed and explored each other, each taking turns bringing the other to the outer edges of ecstasy.
The feel of him worshipping her body with his mouth and hands brought out all the desire and longing that had been bottled up in her since the night they’d first made love.
She’d never felt this way about anyone. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen after tonight, but she wasn’t going to think about that now. All she cared about was the hot tender way he was touching her and how she wanted to live inside the bubble of this moment, suspended in time and space forever.
No Ocala. No Celebration. Just them. Together. Now.
Tonight they existed in the here and now. Just them. No one else. Tonight she intended to make love to him like there would never be another moment like this one. Because there might not be—
He preempted the wayward thought with kisses that found their way to her abdomen and circled her belly button. Then, gently pushing her onto her back, he took a detour and kissed the insides of her thighs. She inhaled sharply and her eyes widened.
“Why did we decide it was a good idea to just be friends?” His voice was soft and breathless in the darkness.
“I don’t know. It was a dumb idea. We are too good together.”
He flashed a wicked smile at her as he climbed back toward her. With a commanding move he turned her onto her side. He spooned her, kissing her neck and pulling her body snugly against him. She could feel the hard length of him pressing against her, and she gave in to the temptation to slide her body down and take him inside of her.
He found his way so naturally, entering her with a tender, unhurried push, that the sensation made her cry out. He gently inched forward, going so very slowly and being so careful. As her body adjusted to welcome him, she joined him in a slow rocking rhythm.
Another groan bubbled up in her throat as she savored the heat that coursed between them. It seeped into her bones as she reveled in the feel of him inside her. She drew in a jagged breath, determined to not rush things. Determined to savor every last delicious second.
“Zane,” she whispered.
Her sighs were lost in his kiss. He touched her with such care and seemed to instinctively know what her body wanted.
Pleasure began to rise and she angled her hips up to intensify the sensation. Their union seemed so very right that she cried out from the sheer perfection of it.
“Let yourself go,” he said, his voice hoarse and husky. “Just let go, Lucy.”
Maybe it was the heat of his voice in her ear, more likely it was the way he made her body sing, but the next thing she knew, she had fallen over the edge in a free fall of ecstasy.
Again, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly, protectively, until she had ridden out the wave.
She turned her head so she could see him, so she could breathe in the scent of him, of their joining, needing to get as close to him as possible. Still inside of her, he held her tight. She lost herself again in the shelter of his broad shoulders and the warmth of his strong arms.
“How was that?” His voice was a raspy whisper.
His eyes searched her face.
“It was great. I can hardly speak.”
He smiled. “And we’re not finished yet.”
Zane buried his head in the curve of her neck and started the rhythmic motion again, slow, at first, building to a delicious pace. Again, she felt the energy building inside her body, like a starburst glowing warm, hot, hotter—until they both arrived at the brink together. It didn’t take long before their bond, coupled with the pulsing of their bodies, carried them over the edge together. They were both sweaty and spent, and he cradled her against him. They lay together for a long time, their bodies so close, it was hard to tell where she stopped and Zane began.
* * *
Later, when Lucy turned onto her other side to face him, Zane stared into her deep brown eyes and felt the mantle of his life shift. All of a sudden, without explanation, everything was different.
How could that happen now when it had never happened to him before? He hadn’t thought he was capable of experiencing it, because he’d never had a feeling like this.
He was in love with Lucy’s laugh, in love with her mind, in love with the way she was able to keep him in line without making him feel as if she was trying to change him. He was in love with the way she felt in his arms right now, the smell of her skin and the way she gazed up at him with a certain look in her eyes that was equal parts sassy confidence and vulnerability. In her eyes, he glimpsed everything he already knew about her and all the things he had yet to discover.
In a staggering instant, he had the overwhelming need for her to be the first face he saw in the morning and the last face he saw before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep at night. He wanted to be the shelter where she sought refuge and the storm who swept her off her feet.
The question was, did he have it in him? Could he be that for her on any ordinary Tuesday night, when they were both tired and life wasn’t romantic or even fun anymore?
She deserved someone who was crazy about her all the time, someone who adored her and loved her the way she’d always dreamed of being loved. He wanted to prove to her that he was a good man. But that added up to ripping open his heart and rendering it vulnerable, leaving it in her hands.
This was Lucy. If he could trust anyone, it was Lucy. Still, the magnitude of it—of this rush of feelings, the slow, gradual coming back down to earth—scared him to death. But it was too late now. He’d already passed the point of no return.
Now he needed to figure out what to do.
“Zane?” Lucy’s eyes searched his face. “Are you...okay?”
“I am better than okay,” he finally said.
He kissed her deeply, pulling her to him so tightly that every inch of their bodies merged. He hadn’t particularly cared how close he’d felt to other women after they’d been intimate. But this was different. He needed the connection. Not just body to body, but eye to eye and soul to soul.
As they’d made love, three words had been building in his heart. Now they’d worked their way to the tip of his tongue.
He turned onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes, trying to catch his breath. Come on, man... You’re caught up in the moment. Don’t say things you don’t mean.
The problem was, he wanted to mean it. With all of his heart and soul.
Even so, meaning “I love you” and living it the way Lucy expected were two very different orders.
He couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud.
* * *
The next morning, they didn’t have time for things to get weird. Zane had an early breakfast with Rhett Sullivan. He was gone by the time Lucy woke up.
She was relieved, really.
Okay, so she would’ve liked to have had a chance to read the relationship barometer before he’d dashed out the door, but this time alone gave her a chance to do a little soul searching of her own. Time to sort out why the best night of her life left her with such a feeling of dread.
There had been no breakfast invitation from the Sullivans for Lucy. She hadn’t wanted or expected one,
but it did seem glaringly indicative of what she should expect if she was to move to Ocala with Zane. Despite Rhett Sullivan’s insistence that the Hidden Rock crew was family, Lucy could already tell it wouldn’t be an easy task for her to infiltrate the ranks. She just wasn’t cut from that cloth. Maybe in time she and Luann would grow to be friendly—friendly-ish—but Lucy knew the truth. It would never happen.
Luann Sullivan was a wonderful woman, Lucy was sure, but the two of them had zero in common. Not only that, but Ocala was also a different world from everything Lucy wanted from life. Just like Luann, it was lovely. There wasn’t a thing wrong with either Luann or this place. But neither of them was for her.
Zane, though... Hidden Rock was the perfect place for him.
Hence Lucy’s dark cloud of sadness. She tried with all her heart to be happy for him. She would never stand in his way, but the only thing she’d managed to accomplish by accompanying him on this trip was to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she could not move there with him.
Zane must’ve had an idea of what was coming, because the two of them didn’t discuss the possibility of her moving to Ocala until after their plane had landed at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport and the car that Sullivan had hired to pick them up had delivered them to Lucy’s house.
“Okay,” Zane said after he’d put his suitcase in his truck. “I’ve given you time to mull it over without bugging you about it. But I have to know. What do you think? It’s a pretty great place, isn’t it?”
Zane had managed to slip out of Rhett Sullivan’s grasp without giving him a solid answer. Sullivan had granted him twenty-four hours to mull over the employment package and give him an answer. The boss had even complimented his negotiation skills. Sullivan said while he’d have preferred to solidify the offer before Zane left, his needing to think it over was a feather in Zane’s cap, but a guy like Sullivan had to have been pretty confident that he would get what he wanted in the end. Men like that always did.
“I’m glad I got to see Hidden Rock, because now I know without a doubt it is the perfect job for you.”
It really was. The salary was twice the amount he was making at Bridgemont. And that didn’t even count the house and the truck allowance. Plus, it went without saying, all the bourbon he could drink.
She braced herself for what she knew was coming next.
“Can you see us raising our child there?” Zane asked.
She wanted to tell him exactly how she felt, but she couldn’t form the words.
She loved her life in Celebration. She loved her friends and family. She loved her wedding barn. Even though she’d jumped from one thing to another in the past, it was clear that every mistake and wrong turn she’d made had prepared her for the life she was living in Celebration. She was established here. Even though both of her parents were gone, her family was here. And she had friends, lots of friends, in Celebration. If she moved to Ocala, she would have Zane, but she wouldn’t really have him.
As good as she and Zane were together, he still wasn’t sure how he felt about her. Or at least he couldn’t tell her how he felt. That was an answer in itself. She’d known Zane long enough to understand that he was moody, that he could blow hot and cold.
If she moved to Ocala, they would be pretending to be a family, and all the while Lucy would live in fear that the spell would wear off and he would grow discontent. If that happened, like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, her coach would turn into a pumpkin and her dress would revert back to rags. All too soon, her Prince Charming would start feeling trapped, the same way his own daddy had felt.
That spelled disaster.
The only way she and Zane could make this coparenting arrangement work was if she didn’t hold on to him too tightly. And that was why she had to let him go.
As she tried to gather her thoughts, she busied herself cleaning nonexistent dust off the potted philodendron on her windowsill.
“Did I ever tell you about the recurring dream that I used to have?” she said.
He hesitated. She didn’t have to turn around to know that he was scowling because he thought she’d changed the subject. And she hadn’t. He’d see.
“No.”
“Well, once upon a time, I had this crazy recurring dream.” Her back was still to him because she couldn’t look at him. It was all she could do not to cry. “I dreamed that one day you would look at me and suddenly realize you loved me and couldn’t live without me. In that dream, you’d suddenly see me and say, ‘It’s you, Lucy. It’s always been you.’”
He was silent for a long moment.
Finally, he said, “And then what happened?”
“We got married and lived happily ever after, of course. Though, it’s only fair that you know there were no fluffy woodland pets in this fairy tale.”
“I would’ve been surprised if there were.”
She swiped at her tears and picked up the watering canister to give the plant some water and herself something else to focus on. She didn’t know what she would do next—she was running out of busywork. Pretty soon, she would have to turn around and face him. She didn’t want to, because once she did, the clock would strike midnight and everything would be over.
“You’re not moving to Ocala with me, are you?”
She shook her head.
“I probably shouldn’t even have visited,” she said. “I have to be honest, I knew before we arrived that I couldn’t move there.”
“It really isn’t what you want, is it?”
She shook her head again and set down the can.
“What about last night?” he asked.
“Last night was one of the most beautiful nights of my life—” She choked on her words. “But it doesn’t change the fact that if I moved to Ocala with you, we would live together in a weird state of limbo that’s not platonic, at least not for me, but definitely not love, at least not for you. Zane, I would give birth in a strange city, without a support system beyond you. You’re a whole lot of good man, but you’re going to be busy with your new job, which involves a fair amount of schmoozing at events like that barbecue. I’m truly happy that you’ve found your place. That’s why you must take that job. But I can’t go with you.”
Thinking about how good this was for him helped her get ahold of herself. She turned to face him. He looked as miserable as she felt.
“What am I supposed to tell the Sullivans when they ask about you?” Zane said. “About why you’re not moving with me?”
“Tell them the truth. That we were never really engaged. I’m sure Taylor will be thrilled to know you’re not otherwise encumbered.”
He winced.
“Zane, I’m not being snarky. I only want what’s best for you. And for our child. Think about it—moving to Florida, where everything is fresh and shiny and brand-new, maybe you’ll meet someone and realize you don’t want it to be just a temporary fling. Maybe your soul mate is somewhere in Ocala and you’ll finally know what it feels like to fall in love.”
“Would you stop with the love talk already?” he said. “Love has nothing to do with this.”
“Exactly. I know it doesn’t, but it should. It should be all about love. And that’s why we are where we are right now. Your we-don’t-need-to-be-in-love theory will only work until you meet someone else and fall in love. Because just when you least expect it, the right woman is going to come along. You’ll take one look at her and she will knock you off your feet. If you’re tied to me, things will get messy. That’s not a good way to coparent.”
Zane didn’t say anything. His walls were up. She wondered if he’d even heard her.
Lucy smiled through her hurt. She needed to find some way to salvage this. She didn’t want him to go away mad.
“I have something for you,” she said. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
/> A minute later, she returned with Dorothy’s sketchbook. She handed it to him.
“What’s this?”
“It was your mom’s.”
His brows knit together. “I know it was hers. Why do you have it?”
“Because I pulled it out of the garbage that night I came over with the movies.”
Zane thumbed through it. “I don’t remember throwing it away. Why would I throw this away? This was important. It’s her.”
“I wondered the same thing,” Lucy said. “I think you had so much on you and you were so racked with grief that night, you didn’t realize what you were doing.”
The minute the words escaped her lips, she wished she hadn’t said them, because that was the night they had made love, the night they had conceived a baby.
But it was true. That night Zane hadn’t been in his right mind. She had seduced him in a vulnerable moment and... Well, the rest was history. As much as she had always dreamed of finding her happily-ever-after with him, she knew she wasn’t going to find it like this. That was why, from this moment on, she needed to stop pretending like anything was going to change between them. She wasn’t Cinderella. Zane was a good guy, but he wasn’t a prince who was going to show up at her door with a glass slipper and suddenly declare his love.
“I hope you will take this with you as a reminder of what can happen if you don’t follow your dreams.” Zane did a double take, as if he was just realizing the parallels between his and Dorothy’s situations. “Dorothy missed the Guys and Dolls ship. Her dream was in sight, but the ship sailed without her. Don’t you miss out on your big opportunity. You’ll still be a great father if you live in Ocala. Between the two of us, we will make sure you have a strong presence in our baby’s life.”
A Bride, a Barn, and a Baby Page 14
