by Kaci Rose
Then, the words Whitney said crash back into me. I just couldn’t believe it. Why did she even come? All that could have been said over the phone. My physical appearance was a deal breaker for her. I’m still the same person. I might have a few scars, but on the inside, I’m the same. But I never thought she was that type of girl to be so superficial.
Though, I guess I should have known. Whitney is a big social media personality and is always posting photos. Every chance she got, she’d get me to pose. It made her happy, so I did it, even if I wasn’t a fan of having my photo taken all the time.
She was the first serious girlfriend I’ve had. I met her right after boot camp, and we had been dating for almost two years when I proposed. She had been hinting at it, and it felt like the right step. So, I popped the question, and then, I was shipping out a month later. We had been planning the wedding for when I got home from this deployment. Always picking out details in every letter or phone call, though I honestly could care less about flowers and colors, but I played the good groom to be.
My family didn’t like her much, and my sisters said she was mean to them. I remember asking them to just try harder. Looking back, I should have put my sisters first. If I get the chance, I’m going to tell them how damn sorry I am.
When Whitney was around, my friends also started hanging out with me outside of work less and less, and eventually, just stopped. It should have been a red flag, but I just didn’t see it.
I recalled looking over to Moore’s bed, where his wife and sister were, so I didn’t have to look at Whitney, as she talked. That’s when I locked eyes with her, and the electricity in the room intensified. I can’t describe it. It’s not a feeling I had ever felt before. For a brief moment, I was pain free for the first time, since the blast.
Seeing the fire in her eyes, and how she looked at Whitney made my heart clench. Whitney’s words hurt, but her breaking off the engagement didn’t. I loved her, but I’m starting to realize I wasn’t in love with her. I was in love with the idea of her. Of starting a family of my own, of having someone waiting on me back home, and someone to call and write to outside of my parents.
Whitney never made me feel the way I did when I looked at Moore’s sister. When I think about her going after Whitney and hearing what she said to her, it took my breath away with how much passion was in her eyes. She put Whitney in her place and said everything I wish I could have.
When she came back, she came back to me.
Me.
I didn’t tell her I wasn’t heartbroken over Whitney, I couldn’t talk at first. Not that talking, in general, is easy right now. My throat feels like sandpaper, and the effort to talk hurts all together.
Then, I remember what she said about the scars. I thought about that quote and realized right then that she was one of the people who didn’t care about the scars. No one who believed those words would care. It makes me think she has some of her own she’s hiding.
But the words she whispered right before I fell asleep, come back to me.
‘I’m not going anywhere. Fight for me and choose to live. I will be here when you wake up.’
And she is. Right here, asleep on the edge of his bed. She kept her promise, and I knew right then I would fight. I would fight to see her every day for as long as she would visit me.
I’d fight for a chance to get to know her and to spend time with her. I’d fight to keep hearing her voice, to see her smile, and to hear her laugh.
Even though I know the chances are slim she’d want to be with me, once the bandages come off, I will fight for what time I can have with her. Some time is better than none at all. When I’m alone, I will have these memories to reach for, because I know most likely I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
I heard the doctors. I have bad burns on the entire right side of my body. From my head to my foot. Burns that will leave scars. Ugly scars that I won’t be able to hide. Sure, I can wear long pants and long sleeves, and even gloves to hide my hand. Maybe, a turtleneck to hide my neck, but the ones on my face I won’t be able to hide. Who’s going to want to look at that every day? I already know I don’t want, too.
I look down at her asleep and can’t believe she stayed. She’s resting her head on her arms, and her long, blonde hair is splayed out on the bed. The way the light catches her hair, it looks almost golden. I still can’t believe she stayed.
I try to remember seeing her at our last homecoming. She had to be there, right? How do I not remember her? I know I was focused on Whitney, but someone who made me feel this way just by looking at them, I’d surely remember, right?
Whitney never made me feel this way, not once, not by looking at her, or when she touched me. It was just comfortable. Now, I don’t think I can settle for comfortable again. I wonder how long these sparks will last. Maybe, it’s just because this is all new, or maybe, it’s the pain medication they have me on.
I think again of the sparks from when she grabbed my hand, and suddenly, I have to know if they are still there.
Very slowly, since everything still hurts, I move my hand to her head and gently run my hand through her hair. My hand tingles, so yes, the sparks are still there, which gets my heart racing. This gets the nurse’s attention since the monitor near my bed starts going off.
They assume it’s from the pain and come over to give me another dose of pain medication.
It’s then I realize I don’t know her name. I never paid much attention, when Moore talked about her, and most of the time, he would just refer to her as his sister.
Who was this beautiful girl, who stormed into my life? And what are the chances I can get her to stay?
Chapter 3
Lexi
I wake up to hands, running through my hair. Without opening my eyes, I know it’s Noah just by the sparks I feel. I could sit here and let him play with my hair forever, it’s so calming. I don’t want to move, and I don’t want him to stop, because I want the sparks and whatever this is.
But even more than that, I need to know he’s okay.
I open my eyes and sit up slowly. “You’re awake,” I say, smiling at him.
“You never… told me… your name.” He says in a rough voice that’s dry and scratchy from not being used. His words are slow and deliberate like it’s hard for him to talk.
Reaching over, I get his water cup and bring the straw to his mouth. He takes a sip, before I set the cup back down.
“I’m Lexi,” I say and squeeze his hand, needing the connection.
“Noah,” he says his voice that sexy gritty baritone, even after the water. Maybe, that’s just his voice. God, I hope so.
I smile at him, and I’m not able to see if he smiles or not, because of the bandages. Yet even so, his eyes seem to smile back at me. My heart clenches, and a cage of butterflies are released in my stomach. You’d think I never had a guy’s attention on me before.
“I’m glad you decided to fight,” I say truthfully and rub my thumb over the back of his hand.
“Well, when a… beautiful woman… asks me to fight… for her. How… could I not?” He says.
I feel my cheeks warm, and I sigh. “Such a flirt,” I say, turning away from Noah for a minute to catch my breath.
Johnny is giving me a weird look, so I walk over and pull the curtain closed between their two beds.
“Mind your own business,” I say to Johnny, and then watch his whole face break into a smile.
Asshole.
I glare at him before I sit back down, and Noah watches my every move.
“Guess I’ll… get hell… for that later,” Noah says with more of a smile in his voice than I have heard him with before. I know he’s referring to Johnny being his Unit Leader.
“I can handle him, so you let me know if he gives you any trouble. Also, remind him of prom.” I say louder to make sure Johnny hears.
When I hear Johnny yell, “You wouldn’t dare!” I smirk and wink at Noah.
Smiling, I yell back, “Then min
d your own business.” I hear him grunt, but I know now he will at least try.
Noah tries to laugh, but then winces in pain, as he tries to shift.
“Want me to get a nurse to get you some more pain meds?”
“Yes,” he says and takes a deep breath.
I walk over to the nurse’s station, let them know, and then head back to Noah.
He takes my hand. “Talk to me, until they get here.”
Just then, the doctor comes in to talk to him. I squeeze his hand, “I’ll leave and let you two talk.”
“No, stay,” he says, his eyes pleading.
I nod and sit back down. The doctor looks surprised.
“To be honest, I’m surprised you’re even awake. Normally, the body will shut down to heal.” The doctor goes on. “But if you’re talking, it’s a good sign. We didn’t have to put you in a medically induced coma, as you have mostly second degree burns with some third degree burns. They won’t heal pretty, and we think you will need some skin grafts, but won’t know for sure, until the healing is further along. Though, we will monitor you for signs of infection in the burns, as they heal. We will need to do one graft here for sure, and maybe, more to get you stable for the trip home. Once you are stateside, you can be seen by a plastic surgeon to minimize scarring.”
It’s a lot to take in, but as bad as it is he still sounds like he was extremely lucky.
“Internally, you have had a significant amount of bleeding, so we need to make sure all your organs are working, before we move you stateside as well.” The doctor continues, “So far, everything looks good, but we aren’t out of the woods yet. But with enough rest and physical therapy, I believe you’ll recover fully.” I nod and squeeze Noah’s hand, and the doctor continues.
“Once you’re healed, you will need physical therapy on your right leg and right arm, since the muscles were injured pretty badly. However, if you do as the therapist says, you will regain up to 95% control with them again, and there’s a good chance you will recover 100%.”
“Though, when you are stateside, you will be required to see a therapist and psychologist. I know the last thing you want to do is talk about it, but I have seen where patients who talk and work through it actually physically heal faster. So, I encourage it.”
“Any questions for me?” The doctor asks.
“How long, before he can go stateside?” I ask.
“That depends on Noah, and how long, before he’s stable. We can’t move him until then, and also until the risk of infection is gone. It’s too long of a flight. Could be a few weeks, or it could be a month.”
I nod, and then look at Noah.
“Any other questions?” I ask him.
“No.” He says.
“I’ll send a nurse over with some pain medicine,” he says, walking over to Johnny’s bed.
Becky pulls the curtain away and holds her hand out for me. A silent ask for support. That’s why I’m here, so I squeeze Noah’s hand and walk over to stand beside Becky. She wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I wrap one around her waist and hold her as tight as I can.
This is the first time we will have talked to a doctor, and while we have assumed he’s okay, because he’s up and talking, we have no idea. I need to remember as much as possible because I know my mom will ask a million questions.
When I see the doctor looks confused why I’m over at this bed as well, I smile saying, “That’s my brother.”
The doctor shrugs and talks to Johnny, “As you know, you lost part of your leg below the knee in the blast. We’ve been keeping an eye on it, but I think the time for infection on it has almost passed, and also on your other wounds. When you came in, you had a collapsed lung and some internal injuries, which we are still monitoring. Before we send you stateside, we want to make sure everything is working properly.”
“No way. I stay until the last man from my unit goes back,” Johnny says.
I’m hit with pride for him. He’s always been protective of me and of Becky, but seeing how he is with his men, is a whole new level.
“I figured you would say that based on your file. We expect the last one to travel will be Mr. Carr here, which is why we placed you two next to each other.”
Johnny nods. “I’m not leaving his side,” he says to the doctor.
The doctor smiles and makes a note on his chart.
“How are the rest of the guys?” Johnny asks hesitantly.
“Doing well. Donell should be heading home in a few days, and Avery isn’t far behind him. The others will be a bit longer, but everyone is stable.” The doctor says, staring at Johnny. They seem to have a silent conversation before Johnny gives the man a firm nod and moves to the next bed.
That’s when it hits me what Johnny was asking silently. He wanted to know if anyone else had died and if everyone else would live.
“Johnny,” I say and turn to him. “How many guys did you lose?”
Johnny cringes. “One in the field, and one on the way here.”
Almost on autopilot, I’m at his side and hugging him. After a minute, he grips me back just as tight.
“It’s not your fault. Those families will not blame you.” I whisper to him.
“It still feels like my fault. I should have saved them.” He says, taking a shaky breath.
“I know.” Is all I can say.
Becky rubs my back, as Johnny and I stay locked in our hug a moment more. We have always been close, and his marrying my best friend only brought us closer.
When I stand, I turn to face my best friend, and she hugs me without a word, before closing the curtain again.
I go back to Noah’s bed, and he watches my every move.
“The nurse bring you pain medicine yet?” I ask.
“No.” He says.
“You rest. I’ll talk until the nurse gets here. What do you want me to talk about?” I ask Noah.
“You,” he says.
So, I start telling him about what being Johnny’s sister is like and some stories from our childhood, like when Johnny put a frog in my bed, and how much trouble he got in. The nurse comes over, and it’s not long into the next story of our tree house that he drifts off to sleep.
I walk over to Becky and see Johnny is asleep, too.
“Want to head out and get a shower and some clean clothes, before they wake up?” I ask her.
She nods.
“We shouldn’t be more than an hour. We can grab some food from the hotel restaurant, too.” I say, wrapping my arm through Becky’s, as we leave.
With the hotel being across from the hospital, it makes things really easy. While she showers, I’ll get some food and coffee. Then, she’ll eat, while I take one of the quickest showers of all time, and I’ll eat on the way back to the guys.
Becky stops on the sidewalk in front of the hospital.
“Listen, I want to say this without Johnny around. We all watched what you have been through, and we want you happy. I’m beyond thrilled with the way you handled Whitney. Hell, I’d have backed you up, if you had punched the twit in her face. She’s horrible. Just be careful is all I’m going to say.”
“Becky…” I start.
“No, that’s all I’m going to say. You and your brother, that playfulness is back between you two, and it’s been missing since… well, you know. You smiled today, and you don’t smile much anymore. If you’re happy, then I’ll handle Johnny, okay?”
Her words have so much more meaning than what she actually said. I get a bit choked up and just nod. What can you say, when your best friend reminds you once again, she has your back, even if it puts you between her and her husband, who happens to be your brother?
Chapter 4
Noah
I wake up and have to blink a few times to let my eyes adjust to the light. Everything still hurts, and even my hair hurts. Is that even possible? I lay there for a minute, before opening my eyes again.
Lexi.
God, she’s beautiful, and she makes me forget why I
’m in this bed, even if it’s for a little bit. It’s only been a few days, but I can’t picture my life without her in it.
She makes everything better. She’s my reason to fight.
To fight to live. To fight for me. To fight for her.
I will fight for her.
I finally open my eyes, and it takes a moment to focus, but I don’t see Lexi.
I groan.
Idiot.
Of course, she left, because she doesn’t want a crippled monster. What was I thinking? Not that I can blame her. A girl like that has to have guys lining up to be with her. She can have her pick of anyone she wants, and she doesn’t want me. I need to remember that.
As soon as I finish that thought, I hear her voice, coming through the door. I see her with Moore’s wife, and they both have coffee in their hand and new clothes on.
When she sees me, her smile lights up the room. Then, she sits down next to me, and I can’t help but sigh in relief. At least, I won’t be in the hospital alone.
“I thought… you left,” I say.
She sets her coffee down and squeezes my hand, and then lifts the straw to my mouth.
“No, I just needed a shower, a change of clothes, and coffee.” She says.
“I don’t really… want to be alone… here.” He says.
“I wouldn’t want to be alone either.” She says, taking my hand.
“What’s all that?” I ask when I notice she has a bag with her, and she pulls out a tablet.
“So, what do you want me to talk about this time, or would you rather me grab a book to read you?” She asks, holding up the tablet.
“Tell me about you. How long… can you stay? I’m sure you have… to get back to work.” I say.
She beams a smile at me, and I realize I’m addicted to that smile. I need more of them. I wish I knew what makes her smile because I’d do more of it.
“I’m my own boss actually,” she says while pulling out her laptop.
“I can do everything I need to right here,” she places a hand on her computer. “I’m here as long as my brother is, and since he’s staying until you’re ready to go back, then it looks like you’re stuck with me.”
