They were going to shock me again. At any second, the electricity would light my insides on fire. I tensed against the blast, closing my eyes to brace myself for the jolt.
But it didn’t come.
Jens looked sick and sad. Tears fell down his cheeks again, each one a declaration of a broken heart. “That’s okay. We can work with that. It’s alright.” He held onto me possessively. “I know who you are, and that’s all that matters.”
Seventeen.
It Was Jens
I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I awoke, we weren’t in the car anymore. I was in a dark room again.
I knew it. I knew it hadn’t been real Jens. Don’t eat the food.
The concrete felt soft beneath me. I felt around and put several facts in order with clarity I hadn’t had in a long time. I was in a bed that wasn’t a cot. The air didn’t smell stale, like the underground lair of doom. I was wearing gloves that covered my arms.
Something was attached to my upper arm. I looked up and saw an IV. The bag hanging read Saline, so my fears that I was being pumped full of poison died down a modest amount.
I reached for Jamie in my mind, running to the corners and down our joint hallway calling his name. Jamie! Jamie? When he didn’t answer, I tried not to panic. Perhaps he was sleeping. If I stopped eating, he would come back to me. We had a system.
The darkness was a thing I was used to, but the room before me when I opened my eyes again wasn’t pitch black. There was a sliver of light from the hallway trickling in from under the door, lighting just enough for me to be able to read the bold block letters on the IV bag, but not too bright I couldn’t bear it. I shifted on the bed and tried to sit up. I wasn’t as weak as I had been, but I still couldn’t go anywhere on my own. I knew somehow I had to get out. If I was alone, who knew how long I’d be here before they’d send someone in to drug me.
Someone made a patting noise to my left. I turned and saw Jamie in a bed next to mine. My heart soared when I saw his eyes open and him trying to get my attention by banging his hand on his bed.
Jamie! Jamie! I sobbed in my mind, relieved to see the face I’d only been able to imagine for months.
He reached out to me, but our beds were about three feet apart. I extended my arm and brushed my quaking fingers to his. The contact made both of us tear up. We needed more, so we inched toward the edges of our beds. I dropped my legs over the side and tried to stand. I knew it was a bad idea seconds before I fell, but the smack to the carpet was still jarring.
Carpet?
One of the suckers I didn’t even realize was attached to my chest ripped off like a glued-on sticker, and the IV tore out of my arm, but I was that much closer to Jamie, so it didn’t matter.
Jamie, sweet Jamie, did the same, tumbling next to me in a pile of ungraceful limbs. We breathed heavily, sinking into each other’s arms with teary-eyed relief. Just like that, I found him in my mind again. Jamie, where are we?
I thought you knew! I only just woke up. Why are we in the same room? What are they going to do to us next? Don’t eat the food, Lucy! Don’t eat a thing!
I won’t. I’m sorry I caved. We clung to each other in reality and in our brains.
The door opened and a heavy-set brunette woman in pink scrubs came in, fretting when she saw us on the floor. She ran back out and called down the hall for help. Don’t let them take me! I screamed, gripping Jamie with everything in me. Jamie, help!
I won’t leave you! Stay strong!
The woman came running back in with…
It was Jens. I think. He turned on the light, causing Jamie and I to do our impersonations of the Wicked Witch of the West melting in toil and desperation.
“No? What’s wrong? Is the light too bright?” Jens asked.
I nodded, but was instantly unsure if I should interact with the man who I was too lost to have hope was Jens. The lights went off to our great relief, and Jamie and I clung to each other greedily, bracing ourselves for the moment we would be torn apart and thrown back into the oppressive nothingness. The nurse touched my arm, and I recoiled from the contact, slapping and lashing out as best I could. Jamie was all I had left, and I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“I have to fix her IV,” the woman explained, exasperated when I threw a four-limbed fit after she tried touching me again.
“Okay. Let me try.” Jens bent down, kneeling half a foot from my feet. It was a distance safe enough to where I didn’t feel like he was going to snatch me away from Jamie, but close enough that I could see the details of his face. “Lucy, it’s Jens. Do you know who I am?”
I burrowed my back into Jamie’s possessive embrace, looking sideways at Jens.
It had to be Jens. It said it was Jens. Why would it lie? Jamie was scared, but he was also desperate. He wanted the mirage to be real, for us to have been rescued.
I regarded the bearded man before me warily, reluctant to declare him friend or foe. I watched his handsome face, the earnest eyes that were etched with hurt and the hands that were raised in surrender.
It was Jamie who made the decision for us. I have to try. Brace yourself, in case I’m wrong and it shocks us. I think it’s Jens.
No, Jamie! It’s not Jens!
Syster, I have to try. He reached around me, extending a shaking hand to his best friend. When Jens reached out to take it, I winced at the small advance, my calves instantly on fire with the phantom shocks I’d been subjected to. I could see the painful effect this had on Jens when his expression dimmed as if I’d cussed him out. I didn’t want to hurt Jens.
I was firm. But it’s not Jens. It has a beard.
Jamie squeezed his best friend’s hand, his chest heaving with relief and grief. We’d lost so much time and too much of ourselves. The hope that this was real was a hard truth to accept, but Jamie was stronger than me. When he tried to sit up, Jens moved quickly over to assist him. He was gentle, taking the smallest movement into consideration, knowing we had limited mobility. It was a kindness the real Jens would have known to do. Jens loved Jamie.
And just like that, Jamie was engulfed in a hug from the brother he loved. They clung to each other with eyes shut tight, squeezing to give their angst a safe place to rest in the other’s open heart. They had always been a good fit. It was a beautiful thing to watch.
“Brother,” Jens whispered. “What happened to you?”
Jamie shook his head. Neither of us were ready to open that can of crap-covered worms. He simply clung to Jens while tears fell down his cheeks and into his beard. It was then I noticed Jamie’s beard was clean and less wild. He had bruises, but his body had been freshly bathed and his clothes changed into blue sweatpants and a white t-shirt. So scattered was my brain that it didn’t dawn on me until that moment that I had been bathed and was dressed in clothes. The black yoga pants were baggy on me, and the fitted red T hung off me like it was three sizes too big, but it wasn’t scrubs. I wasn’t tied down. I’d been given a bit of dignity.
Jens released Jamie to wipe the tears from his eyes. “We have to get you back into bed. You guys can’t sleep on the floor.” He glanced up at the two beds. “Did you want me to push your beds together? That way you don’t have to be separate. You seem to want to be near each other. Would that help everything calm down a little?”
Jamie nodded emphatically, grateful someone seemed to understand.
“Okay, then. Let’s get you up.” He spoke over his shoulder to the nurse, his voice cracking. “Grace? C-could you help me lift Jamie? I’m afraid he’ll break something if I do it wrong.” The nurse’s wide hips bumped Jens as she neared. I backed away from her advance, but didn’t hit her this time when she reached out. Jens and Grace lifted Jamie off the floor and onto his bed. She redid the IV he’d ripped out when he’d toppled onto the carpet, and they adjusted his pillows so he could sit up without putting forth much effort.
Jens approached me slowly, as if I was a wild animal. Honestly, he wasn’t too far off. Had I the strength, I
would have run away before anyone else could lay a hand on me. I was so turned around, and only medium sure it was the real Jens. “I’m going to push the beds together so you can stay right with Jamie, but to do that, I have to move you. Would you rather Grace move you instead? Or Elsa? I can call Elsa up if you want.”
I looked around the room and realized where we were. We weren’t underground. We were in the Huldras’ lair. I’d never stayed in this room before, but the décor was similar. Everything was white and beige in their giant home, and this room was no different. White walls, beige carpet, beige comforters. But we’d been outfitted with medical gear scattered about the room to monitor and rehabilitate us.
Jens was waiting for my response, but I wasn’t sure. I blinked up at him, and finally motioned for him to come a little closer. When he consented, I got a better look at his features. I’d never seen him with a beard before. It hid half his face from me. I tried to sit up so I could see him better, and he leaned in to accommodate my feeble effort. “Can I help you? I’ll just get you to Jamie, and then I’ll give you your space, if that’s what you want.”
His face was so sincere. I studied the bags under his eyes and the earnest way he looked at me – yearning, yet controlled for the greater good. I don’t know how long I stared before I finally consented to his offer for help with a slight nod. His hands were slow and purposeful as one snaked around my back and the other looped under my knees. “Am I hurting you? Is this okay?”
I touched his chest, not sure if that served as a proper response or not. Jens laid me beside Jamie, who wrapped his arms around me greedily. Though he knew it was Jens and not a trick, it still felt like we only had each other. Jens pushed my bed over so it touched Jamie’s. He rearranged my pillows so I fit in snugly next to his best friend. I watched his cautious movements and intentional care of us.
Jens was always careful with me.
When he slid a pillow under my legs to prop them up, I lifted my hand to clumsily touch his face. As if we were two magnets, Jens sat on the bed next to me, looking deep into my eyes as my hand felt its way along his newly acquired facial hair. It was prickly in parts, but mostly it was soft. I touched the crinkles next to his eyes that accordioned whenever he laughed, though he didn’t look like he’d done much joking around as of late. My thumb traced the crest of his cheekbone, trying to recall the thousands of other times I’d indulged in the motion. My thumb found his full lips, and I could feel his eyes on me, watching every breath and movement with trepidation. My lips parted and mouthed his name, and I could tell they weren’t as dry as they had been when I was last awake.
Jens exhaled the burdens of his duty in a gust of elation that tickled my face with the scent of warm cookies. “Yes! It’s me. Jens.” He pressed my hand to his cheek, savoring the contact we’d been barely surviving without. “You’re in there. You’re still you.” His relief was palpable, and I could tell he was holding himself back for my sake to keep from scaring me. His eyes were filled with sincerity and longing. He looked like home, and I’d been without that for too much of my life.
Jens leaned forward slowly, giving me every opportunity to pull away, and rested his cheek to mine. I inhaled the freshly baked sugar cookies he always came with and closed my eyes as his arm wrapped around me, stroking my ribs and separating me from Jamie.
The inch of distance was too much. I began to panic, shaking my head and shrinking back into Jamie’s chest.
Jens retracted immediately. “What’s wrong? Too much? Did I hurt you? You’re so fragile now. I’m sorry, baby. I just… It’s been so long without you. I’ve been searching for months with no sign from you! Where were you?”
Jens was selfless in his love for me. He didn’t mind that I needed in my basest of needs to not be parted from his best friend. He overlooked my ragged and deteriorated state and saw the me I couldn’t even see anymore.
Whatever doubts I’d been harboring retreated under his powerful gaze that was always fixed on me.
It was Jens. I was safe.
Eighteen.
Crazy Jamie
Jens eventually passed out on the bed next to me while I slept in Jamie’s possessive grip. When Jamie awoke, it was with an animalistic clawing at the IV in his hand again. He ripped it out, chest heaving and eyes wild as he fought to once again make sense of his surroundings.
Poor Jens would never get a full night’s sleep with the two of us around. He woke up and talked Jamie down to reason, reminding him that we were safe, and he was real.
But if Jens is real, where’s Britta? Jamie asked me, lying back down so I could hold him while he fought with his demons for tranquility.
I mouthed my girlfriend’s name to Jens, who nodded. “She’s here. She’s downstairs. When you’re ready, she can’t wait to see you both. But you have to get a little better first.”
Both Jamie and I grimaced at that reasoning. Why shouldn’t Jamie be allowed to see his wife right away? What could possibly keep Britta away from Jamie?
Jens understood my confusion. Jens always understood me. “When you first got here, you attacked me, Foss and Grace a few times. Britt’s dying to see you, but we can’t have you trying to strangle her. It’s just not safe.”
Jamie’s mouth fell open. I listened to his thoughts that were similar to mine. Neither of us recalled attacking Jens or the others. I didn’t even remember seeing Foss except briefly in the car on the way here. Most everything was a blur between reality and our dream life, so it was hard to tell what was actually going on. Jamie closed his mouth and nodded.
Jens called Grace back in to fix Jamie’s IV again, and this time Jamie didn’t fight her. I could tell he wanted to attack anyone who wore scrubs, but he remained motionless because it got him one step closer to Britta.
Jens laid back down on my other side and stretched his arms toward the headboard. Then he dipped his hand to run it through my hair. The touch caught me off-guard because I hadn’t seen it coming, so I flinched and clung harder to Jamie.
“I’m sorry! Man, that really wasn’t supposed to scare you.” Jens sat up. “I’ve got to know what happened, guys. Why aren’t either of you talking? Worse than that, you two haven’t made a single noise the entire time since we found you. What did they do? Grace said there wasn’t too much damage to your vocal chords, but the black marks around your neck when we first saw you were like a ring or something. What was it?”
I mimed a collar around my neck and then acted out a dumbed down version of the shock running through my body.
“You got choked?” Jens guessed, his thick eyebrows furrowed. “Someone choked you?”
I shook my head and motioned for him to get me something to write with.
“Duh. Of course. One second.” Jens hopped off the bed and came back twenty seconds later, ready for me to write down some concrete answers. Colonel Mustard in the Library with the electrocuting collar.
With the utmost care, Jens helped me to sit up against the headboard so I could write on the spiral notebook he slid across my lap. Jamie was still lying down, but his cheek was pressed to my hip and his arm was wrapped around my thighs as I tried to master the mechanics of properly holding a pen.
I wasn’t sure where to start. There really was no beginning anymore.
Jens sensed my confusion and guided me with an even tone. “Let’s start with who had you.”
That was easy. Sirens, I scribbled.
To his credit, Jens only yelled once. “Sirens?! Are you sure? How is that possible?”
I scribbled with untidy, angry letters, not bothering to anchor my words to the lines on the page. Tucker drugged and abducted us when we were trying to escape the attack on his Pearl house. He handed us over to a crapload of sirens, which is where we’ve been. Underground somewhere, imprisoned by the psychotic sirens.
“Tucker did what?!” Jens grabbed at the paper to make sure he was reading my scrawl correctly.
Jamie was unbalanced. We both were, really, but I only flinched whe
n Jens’s hand moved too quickly for my liking to take the notebook from me. Jamie’s hand flung out in a claw and tore at Jens’s arm like a tiger who had his food snatched at. He clutched me to him, eyes wide with anger that had a note of fear to them.
Jens held his hands up and flipped his legs off the bed, standing so Jamie could see he meant us no harm. “Jamie, it’s me.” Though he was trying to be understanding of something he couldn’t begin to grasp the depths of, the hurt was clear. “Brother, what did they do that you don’t trust me?”
Jamie watched his best friend with caution, his cagey glances darting from Jens to the door to the IV in his hand. They would have given us Britta if it was real. It’s not real! It’s not Jens!
I let Jamie’s arms tighten around my ribs because he needed the comfort. I motioned for the pen and paper, and Jens handed it over slowly, making sure not to touch me so as not to upset Jamie.
I scribbled out, Jamie won’t believe it’s you until he sees Britta. The sirens messed us up, but I know it’s you now. Then I paused, the doubt flooding me at making such a bold declaration. It is you, isn’t it?
Jens nodded, softening. “It’s me. Who else would I be? And I’ll bring Britta up just as soon as Jamie’s under control. Brother, you just attacked me. Britta’s pregnant. I won’t have you doing something you’ll regret.”
Jamie yelled in my head. Jens doesn’t have a beard! Even when his parents left for Be, he still shaved! It’s not Jens!
I motioned to Jens’s beard, which obscured the face I’d grown to love.
Jens scratched his chin. “My beard? Yeah, I haven’t shaved in a while. Shoot, I haven’t showered in a while.” He knelt down at the bedside, careful not to touch either of us so Jamie didn’t get spooked again. His hands clasped in supplication. “I haven’t done anything that wasn’t directly related to getting you back here in months. I only ate to keep myself sharp for the task. Everything, and I still failed. I didn’t even find you. You found me. I’d love to hear how that all came about, when you’re up for it.”
Lucy at War Page 8
