Now, he was heading to the benefit dinner and knew Brooke would be there. He felt like an ass for ignoring her all week and had no idea what he’d say to her. How would he even manage to explain all of this?
A million different scenarios of how he’d open up the discussion were going through his mind as he waited on the elevator, but they all sounded insane. If he had a woman he’d gone on a couple of dates with come up to him and give him a story like his, he’d think she had some issues, because it sounded like a plot straight out of a Lifetime movie.
The elevator door finally opened, and he sighed as he stepped inside, completely dreading the evening. He’d originally been excited about the benefit dinner, as he’d heard the food that was being catered in was amazing, but now the thought of eating turned his stomach.
He exited the elevator and turned right down the hall towards the main auditorium. As he entered through the open doors, he was shocked at the turnout. He wasn’t expecting it to be this crowded, and he scanned the room, looking for Brooke. He didn’t see her anywhere yet, and wondered if she had changed her mind. A voice spoke up from behind him, bringing him out of his search.
“I have an open seat next to me, if you’re looking for one.”
The suggestive tone and offer made him jerk around and he saw Stacey standing behind him, her brow arched in question. “Stacey, hi,” he said.
“I can walk you to the table, if you’d like me to,” she said.
Before he knew what was happening, he was being led towards the middle of the auditorium, her hand on the bend of his elbow as his head went from left to right, trying to spot Brooke among the huge crowd. He frowned, not knowing how he’d let this happen. He must have been so sidetracked by looking for Brooke that she caught him off guard. But, now as the full table of his co-workers sat staring up at him and smiling, he had no choice but to take a seat and mingle.
“Dr. Harris, how are you settling into Anderson Hospital?” Dr. Minton asked, waving his hand to the open seat next to him.
Ethan leaned back in his chair, trying his best to relax, and said, “It’s been a smooth transition, Dr. Minton. How is the orthopedics department doing?”
Dr. Minton smiled enthusiastically and said, “Let’s just say I think the saying, ‘break a leg’, has actually been working, business is great.”
Returning the smile, Ethan said, “This may sound depraved of me, but that’s good news.”
They laughed and continued with small talk for another ten minutes before their salads were served. Stacey chatted away to him, but he barely said a word, nodding when he thought he should and making eye contact every once in a while. She’d laugh and lightly touch his arm, and as Ethan had the fork up to his mouth to take a bite, he felt someone watching him. He looked over to his left and saw Brooke staring at him, more than likely at him and Stacey, since she was acting like they were here together. As soon as their eyes met, she arched an eyebrow questioningly and then turned away. That wasn’t a good look at all. It was a ‘where the hell have you been and why have you been ignoring me’ look. He cursed under his breath, knowing he deserved it.
“What was that, Ethan?” Stacey asked.
His eyes shot to hers guiltily, even though he had no idea why. “Nothing, I just said, mm mm.” He gave her a sheepish grin and shoveled another bite into his mouth, nodding and moaning around a mouthful.
“Well, if you like their salad that much, you’ll love the main course,” she said, nudging him gently.
He nodded and resumed eating, although he’d completely lost his appetite now and was ready for this night to be over with.
An hour later, when the conversation began to die down and people were starting to leave, Ethan caught sight of Brooke pushing her chair back and then heading towards the doors.
He quickly stood up. “Well, guys, it’s been a fine dinner, but I’d better get going. I’ll see most of you bright and early Monday morning.” They all murmured their good byes and he nodded and began to walk towards Brooke.
“Ethan, wait,” Stacey called after him.
He paused, his back to her, and rolled his eyes. He was never going to get rid of her. He turned around and said, “Thanks for saving me a seat, Stacey, but I’m exhausted. I’ll see you Monday, okay?”
“It was no problem. Have a good weekend, Ethan,” she said with a tight smile.
“You, too,” he said.
Seeing the disappointed look on her face made him feel bad, but he wanted to catch Brooke before she left. As soon as Stacey turned and walked away, he quickly made a dash for the doors that led to the parking lot.
Pushing the main doors open, he scanned the parking lot, and saw her opening the door to her car straight ahead.
“Brooke!” he shouted, as he began to half jog towards her.
She paused with one leg in the car and looked up at him. There was a long moment of silence and then she said, “What do you want, Ethan?”
He stopped in front of her, breathing hard, and said, “I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”
She looked at her watch and said, “Real quick. I have somewhere I need to be in fifteen minutes.”
“Look, Brooke, I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you all week. It’s just...” he paused, not sure how much he wanted to tell her right now.
“I get it,” she said, looking him up and down. “It’s fine. With your reputation, I wasn’t expecting much anyway.”
The remark stung and he couldn’t help but wince. “It’s not that at all. I just don’t know how to tell you what’s been going on with me. It’s incredibly personal and I’m just wrapping my head around it. But, I wanted you to know it’s nothing to do with you.” He paused, trying to find the right words, if there even were any. “There are pieces missing in me, in my life, and I can’t give you everything right now and that’s not fair to you.” His words shocked even himself and as he looked at Brooke, he could tell by the look on her face that she had no idea what to make of what he’d just said.
Her face softened a little as she said, “Um, okay. I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but I can’t be with someone who isn’t ready to be with me. I hope you get things worked out, Ethan.” She got in her car and added, “I’ll see you around the hospital.”
He released a long sigh and said, “I’ll talk to you later. Have a nice night, Brooke.”
And with that goodbye, he stood in the parking lot and watched her car disappear into the night.
Chapter 6
BROOKE
Three months later...
Lifeless, blue eyes stared up at Brooke, causing her chest to constrict with panic. The sight was terrifying, even for a nurse, and no matter how many times she would see it throughout her career, there was no way she would ever get used to it. She frantically ducked her head and placed her mouth against the plastic tube, blowing air into her patient’s lungs, and praying for a miracle. Ellie, the sweet, old lady who had been doing great, had suddenly coded—out of nowhere.
“Come on,” she pleaded, as she inhaled a deep breath into her own lungs, preparing for the next round of breaths. The stillness of Ellie’s chest filled Brooke’s core with a feeling of self-doubt and her hands balled up into fists at her side as she anxiously waited to breathe for Ellie again.
This couldn’t be happening.
Her eyes landed on Paige’s pale face as she paused from the twentieth chest compression, the fear hiding beneath her determined expression obvious as she motioned for Brooke to continue.
As Brooke exhaled another breath into Miss Ellie’s lungs, hoping and praying to see her chest rise, small details of Ellie’s features caught her eye. Her soft gray hair was perfectly curled just this morning by her daughter. Her nails were painted a pale pink and the make-up that her daughter had done was light and natural. Picturing her daughter doing her best to make Ellie feel better,
and not even thinking it might be their last time together, tore her heart in half.
Miss Ellie had to pull through.
“Brooke, I think we need to call it,” Paige whispered beside her.
How long had they been working on her, Brooke wondered. Time had wandered away from her as the adrenaline had charged in and taken over. She felt everyone’s eyes on her, waiting for an answer. Waiting for Brooke to decide Miss Ellie’s fate. The room was full of other nurses and staff members, all doing their part to help Miss Ellie try and pull through, but it was obvious it was just her time. They couldn’t save her. They had to have been working on her for at least twenty minutes, or longer now.
Brooke looked around the room for confirmation that she was making the right decision.
“I think Paige is right,” Debbie, another RN said. She was standing on the opposite side of Miss Ellie’s bed, ready to jump in and help when they needed a break.
Tears welled up in Brooke’s eyes as she gave a quick shake of her head in agreement. They were right, as much as she hated to admit it. She felt as if she had failed Miss Ellie. Deep down, her rational nurse mentality knew it wasn’t true, but she couldn’t stop that thought from forming.
“Time of death, one sixteen p.m.,” Brooke whispered, removing the bag valve mask and gently touching Miss Ellie’s cheek one last time before she stepped out of the room. As she walked down to the nurse’s station, she replayed Miss Ellie’s health assessment over and over in her head. Everything had been good this morning. Her vitals had been normal, blood work had come back this morning with better results than yesterday. She was on her way to recovery and Brooke couldn’t understand what had gone wrong.
“Hey.”
She felt Paige’s hand squeeze her shoulder. “Hey,” she said, as she fell into her chair and began to chart the details of Miss Ellie’s death.
“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” Paige questioned, leaning against the desk, her arms crossed as she watched Brooke stare into the computer screen.
“Yeah, I guess,” Brooke responded, not really believing the whole ‘it’s not your fault’ line. It had to be. She was her nurse and she had been in charge of her health while she was here. She should have seen something that would have insinuated this outcome.
“Brooke, I’m serious. Look at me. She more than likely passed from old age. I had her as my patient yesterday and I know her bloodwork had been good. Patients rarely pass away on the psych floor, and usually when they do, it has something to do with their age,” Paige demanded.
Brooke paused for a second and glanced up at her friend. Paige’s eyes were strained with empathy and fatigue as she stared down at her. “Yes, I understand, but you know that I’m going to somewhat blame myself, since I was her nurse when it happened. I mean, how could I not?” she asked, her eyes burning with tears. She willed them to stop it, but the tears began to flow regardless, and doubt began to surface inside her. Was she cut out for this type of responsibility? Nursing had always been a job she had wanted to pursue, second to owning a restaurant, but that opportunity had never seemed to make it into her life. It had always felt more like a dream than a reality. She enjoyed helping people. But this? She had known a patient dying on her shift was possible, but she never took into consideration the raw emotions that would follow with such a tragic event.
“I understand, Brooke, it’s a difficult thing to go through. Having a patient die is a huge deal and no one expects you to not be upset about it. But we’re all here for you, okay?” Paige said, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug.
“Yes, I know. And thanks,” she said. She resumed typing in her report, trying to do everything she could to keep her mind distracted from the reality of what had just happened, but she needed to call Miss Ellie’s family. She sighed, feeling completely drained.
“I’ll call the family if you want me to,” Paige offered as if reading her mind.
Brooke smiled. “No, she was my patient, I’ll make the call. But thanks anyway,” she said, giving her friend a halfhearted smile.
“No problem. Let me know if you need help with anything else, okay?”
“I will, but staying busy will help to keep my mind off everything,” Brooke said, swiping the tears off her cheek.
“Okay, I’ll see ya in a little bit. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know it’s not easy, but you did everything you could, try and remember that, okay?” Paige gave her shoulder one last squeeze before heading down the hall to check on her own patients.
Brooke’s eyes landed on the family contact numbers. Judith, Miss Ellie’s daughter, who just this morning had done everything she could to make her sick mother feel better, was the primary contact person. She was dreading this phone call. This moment that would tear someone in two. Hearing the pain and grief in her voice as she asked what had happened to her mother would be the worst part. But it was something that had to be done. She picked up the phone with a trembling hand and made the call, biting her lip as the phone clicked and the soft voice of Miss Ellie’s daughter said hello.
“Come on, you need to take a break,” Paige said, leaning over the nurses’ station and peering down at Brooke while she charted.
Brooke paused for a second, her face twisting into a grimace as she said, “I don’t know. I have so much charting left to do.”
“A fifteen-minute break will be good for you. You’ll have time to finish your charting before the end of shift,” Paige insisted.
“Fine, but only a short break,” Brooke said, as she logged off her computer and reluctantly followed Paige down the hall.
Kyleigh fell into place on Brooke’s other side and wrapped her arm around hers as they made a dash down the hall and towards the doors.
“Don’t worry, I let Deb and the other two nurses know we were going, they’ve got it all under control for a bit. So, tell me how things went with the family?” Kyleigh asked.
“As well as could be expected. It was hard to tell her what had happened without breaking down. I mean, this was my first patient to pass. It was just all so sad,” Brooke said.
“I couldn’t imagine going through what you went through this morning. I’m so sorry, Brooke,” Kyleigh said. “I’m dreading the moment I have to deal with my first patient passing away.”
“Yeah, it’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through,” Brooke said.
“Well, you handled everything very well,” Paige said.
“Thanks,” Brooke replied, her voice trailing off as she thought about Paige’s statement. She thought she could have handled things better, but it was her first time dealing with a situation like this. Maybe she was being too hard on herself.
As they rounded the corner, she glanced down the hall and was met with Ethan’s stare as he headed their way. Her stomach dropped at how fast he diverted his gaze and her heart tightened with regret.
As they got closer, he finally glanced up, his eyes darting around in a distracted dance, only falling on her face for a brief second in acknowledgment. His chiseled face was tense and his lips formed a tight, straight line as he gave her a quick nod in passing. She pursed her lips as she nodded back, aggravation at what had happened three months ago evident in her furrowed brow and the way she glared at him.
His shoulder barely grazed hers in passing, and a woodsy scent drifted towards her, sending her senses into overdrive and igniting a burst of memories in its wake. She squeezed her eyes shut for a brief second before pushing forward and following Paige and Kyleigh out into the bright sun. They headed over to their favorite spot and took a seat on the limestone bench.
“So, Ethan still hasn’t talked to you?” Paige asked, squinting from the sun.
Brooke gritted her teeth and looked away for a moment, the question hitting a nerve. She would almost rather talk about her patient dying than this. Almost. “Not
since things quickly fizzled out. It’s pretty obvious he’s not interested, considering every time I see him at work he just gives me a curt nod and quickly diverts his eyes away from me. Whatever he has going on is holding him back, and I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with it all, anyway. So, I don’t know, maybe it’s for the best,” Brooke said.
“I’m sorry, Brooke,” Paige said.
Running her fingers through her hair, she said, “I just regret sleeping with him on the first date, it’s not who I am and I think that’s what ruined my chances with him. Obviously lack of sex, good wine, and a sexy doctor inhibits your better judgment. But at the time I wasn’t even sure what I was expecting out of the date.”
“And now?” Kyleigh questioned.
“Well, I don’t know. I wish things had gone differently. I thought we had a good connection,” Brooke said. “I definitely learned my lesson, though; I’ll never mix that deadly combo again.” She let out a sarcastic huff and kicked a rock across the sidewalk. She watched it bounce three times before settling into the grass. There was a myth that incidents always came in threes, she thought. Third times a charm. Three strikes you’re out. Death comes in threes. Or, the deadly trio that she wanted to blame for her poor choices three months ago. Lack of sex, wine, and a sexy doctor. Patterns. Life was full of patterns, and people loved to connect the dots in their lives. She was one of those people. She always found connections to everything. There was always a reason for everything.
“Well, everyone needs to have a good one-night stand at least once in their lifetime,” Kyleigh teased. “It was good, right?”
Rolling her eyes, Paige shrieked, “Kyleigh!”
Brooke’s eyes lit up and a sly smile slowly appeared. “It. Was. Amazing.”
Ignoring Paige’s outburst, Kyleigh said, “Do you think he really has something going on? Or, do you think it was an excuse?”
A sigh escaped her lips as she said, “Yeah, I don’t know. He seemed to be telling the truth, but you never know.”
When Love Ignites Page 5
