by Lexi Blake
She could. It was what she needed to do. Once all of this was over, that clinic would be all she had. When she thought about it, it was really all she’d ever had.
What did he have? What would Ten go back to after everything was done?
Something banged against the side of the house, making Faith nearly jump out of her skin.
Ten reached for her hand. “Hey, it’s all right. It’s only the storm. Hutch has the whole place wired with video. Even if the power goes out, the security system and those monitors are on a generator. We’re safe here.”
Only because her father had no idea where they were. “Once the storm blows over, he’ll come looking.”
“It won’t only be him. Those Chinese agents won’t let me go easily. I’m not the only one who wants a little revenge. But we’re safe for tonight. According to the reports, the storm should blow over by tomorrow afternoon. You’ll take off tomorrow evening.”
“I will?” She’d thought they were leaving, but then that had been Theo’s plan and he wasn’t here anymore. Ten was back in charge and it looked like the plans had changed.
“Yes. You and Erin and the rest of the team are heading back to Dallas. I have some things I need to clean up here.”
There was distance in his voice that made her question if tomorrow would be the last time she would see him. “You’re not coming back, are you?”
“No. I won’t go back to Dallas again. I broke those ties by getting Theo killed. I’m not going to be a reminder to everyone of what they lost.”
“Theo made the choice to go after you. You didn’t get him killed. You didn’t fire the bullet and you didn’t order him to go to that compound.” As far as she could tell, all Ten had done during his rescue was yell that he shouldn’t have been rescued at all.
“But it was my op. It doesn’t matter. He died on my watch and that’s all that counts. Ian will watch over you until the objective is achieved, and then you can go wherever you want. I’m going to make it safe for you.”
But he wouldn’t be with her.
The lights flickered and then died. His hand gripped hers. “It’s all right. It’s actually better for us to go dark. Just in case.”
Just in case her father’s men had braved the storm to look for them. Just in case the Chinese agents were out there right now. She’d been informed that this was the safest location they could find and all the locals believed it was empty this time of year. They only had to survive a few hours and then she wouldn’t see him again.
“Come to bed with me.”
A low chuckle accompanied his movement. In the shadows, she watched him struggle to his feet. “You’ve never been safer from a man’s advances than tonight, darlin’. I’m a little worried your father gave me an electrical vasectomy. Can they do that?”
She gasped. She’d told him to take off his pants, but he’d seemed fine. “I need to look at you.”
He huffed a little as he maneuvered them to the bed. “No, you do not. I’m hoping it was like the rest of what he did. Better than it seemed. It was the drugs that made the pain worse. I want to sleep, Faith. I want to hold you. Can you let me do that?”
She shouldn’t. He was going to leave her and no amount of anger would mask the heartache she would feel the last time she looked at him. Still, she needed his comfort, needed to give him some as well.
She curled against his body, looking for a spot that wouldn’t hurt, but he merely dragged her close. He wrapped her arm around his torso.
“I want to feel you, Faith. I don’t care about the pain. I want to know you’re here with me.”
She put her head on his chest and listened to the sound of his heart. Strong. Steady. Alive. No matter what her father had put him through, he was still with her.
It was enough for now.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Faith stepped out into the hallway, her eyes adjusting to the dark. It was long past time for dawn, but there was only a dim light illuminating the walkway. She couldn’t sleep. She’d left Tennessee, pulling away with reluctance, but she was so thirsty. There had been no little cups in the bathroom, but she’d seen bottles of water in the fridge earlier. She would slip away and grab one before Ten knew she was gone. He needed his rest after what he’d been through. He had more scars now, his body proving to be a map of the man.
She’d lain in his arms for hours, comforted by his nearness.
What was she thinking? He’d lied to her, used her, and she couldn’t work up the will to hate him. Not after tonight. Not after everything they’d been through.
She knew how precious life was, held it in her hands time and time again, but it was different when it was someone she cared about. Theo had been her friend. She couldn’t think of him as anything less. The way they met no longer mattered. Theo was gone and she would miss him.
When Ten was gone, she would mourn him. Likely she would mourn him to her dying day.
How long would it be before she tried again? She walked toward the kitchen, the problem on her mind. Would she try to find another lover while she knew Ten was still in the world? It was only a matter of time before some job he took put him in a dangerous position. She couldn’t imagine that Ten would live to see old age. He was careful, but he placed himself in mortal danger again and again. At some point he would lose.
She wouldn’t even know he was gone. Likely no one would tell her. She would simply spend the rest of her life wondering where he was and if anyone was taking care of him. She would continue with her work, the years going by in a blur of service.
Did she want to live her life that way? When she really thought about it, was honest with herself, she’d gotten into this type of medicine because she knew she could never compete with Hope’s brilliance. Her sister was a master surgeon and when she’d decided to put her mind to research, there apparently wasn’t anything she couldn’t tackle. Oh, she was evil as fuck, but so smart Faith had always been in her shadow. Her father had been a larger than life figure, one of those people who moved the world strictly on his say so.
Faith had wanted something of her own and she’d found it in the far reaches of the world. She’d told herself it was enough, but there was a restlessness that had begun the minute she’d laid eyes on Ten Smith.
Was she going to let him go? It was really up to her. Yes, he was the Dom, but this went past play and into real life. This was their relationship, and he had no idea how to have one. She was the mentor in this case and she was allowing emotion and pain to inform her decisions.
She’d been angry, and anger was really good at clouding judgment.
She’d made the one mistake she’d promised she wouldn’t. She’d reacted instead of acting. She’d allowed the actions of someone else to change who she was—who she wanted to be.
Tennessee didn’t understand what it meant to have a relationship because he’d never had one. Life trained a person and Ten’s training had taught him that he was expendable, that unless he was bringing something important to the table, he had no place there.
There was a crack of lightning and a ghostly figure was illuminated. Faith gasped and took a step back before she realized who it was.
Erin. She was standing in front of the big bay windows in the den. They were supposed to be shuttered, but one had come open and Erin was looking out over the ocean, the sky cracking around it.
“She blew out the candles,” a low voice said.
Faith turned to her right and saw Hutch sitting at a table, his laptop off for once. He was sitting there in the dark keeping watch. “She hasn’t slept?”
It had been almost ten hours since they’d lost Theo. The storm was calming, though there was still plenty of thunder and lighting. They wouldn’t leave for Dallas until they had the cover of night. They should all be resting and trying to recuperate.
He shook his head. “No. Not for a second and I don’t trust her not to try something stupid. So I haven’t slept either.”
Perhaps it was time to star
t acting like the person she wanted to be. After everything that had happened, no one would blame her for turning cynical. She could turn her back on the world and everyone who heard her story would understand. In some ways, it would be easier. Scar tissue could make a body tough. It didn’t feel pain the way healthy tissue did. She could let her wounds scar over and not feel again.
Or she could be something more.
“I can’t sleep either. I’ll stay up with her.”
Hutch shook his head. “Sorry, Doc. I put my money on her in a fight. Hell, she could probably take me, but at least I’m trained.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Hutch.” Erin didn’t move from her spot.
“Which is exactly what you would say if you were going somewhere,” he replied with a sigh.
“Please. Let me talk to her alone.” Faith found one of the candles Erin had apparently snuffed out and relit it with the box of matches on Hutch’s desk. The room was filled with soft light as she lit a few more.
“All right but if she leaves this house, Ten’s going to…” Hutch stopped as though realizing what he was about to say. Too soon. It was far too soon to joke about killing anyone. “Please don’t leave, Erin.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there’s a storm outside. We can’t get back to Dallas until it breaks.” Erin’s words came out in a monotone.
“I’m going to put on a pot of coffee and pray there’s a Diet Coke somewhere in this place.” Hutch nodded. “Call out if you need anything.”
He moved toward the doors that led to the kitchen, and she was alone with Erin.
“You got something you want to say, Doc?”
There was the tough girl. Faith was fairly certain the tough girl wasn’t an act. There was a hard core to the woman that formed her personality. More scars. She wasn’t sure where they’d come from in Erin’s case, but now she could see them.
Scars could be removed. Oh, they’d try to come back and some people formed them more easily than others, but they could be cleaned away for new tissue to grow in the hopes that the patient would regain sensation, feeling.
“I’m not leaving.” Erin finally turned around, her arms crossed over her chest. More protection. More defense. “Everyone thinks I’m going to do something stupid, but I won’t. We’ve had enough stupidity today.”
“I’m so sorry about Theo.”
Erin shrugged. “Yeah, well, he was stupid. I believe I told him what would happen. No one ever fucking listens to me.”
Her voice was flat, as though she was talking about Theo losing at some board game instead of his life. This was how Erin would deal with Theo’s death. She would shut down, close it off, try to make herself believe it didn’t matter because he’d been the only person in the world she could be vulnerable with. With Theo gone, Erin would lose her connection to the world because she didn’t make friends easily.
Like Ten. Like Faith herself.
She couldn’t leave Erin alone. She couldn’t.
She moved closer. She had to be careful because Erin wasn’t going to like this. “I forgive you.”
A single brow arched as Erin stared at her. “For what? For lying to you? That’s cool, Doc, but you should really be more pissed about that. Hey, I guess if Theo dropping means I get a free pass I should go with it, but you really don’t have to. I’d do it again. I’ll do whatever the mission takes, and if that means serving your pretty ass up to my boss, I’ll do it. That’s who I am.”
Poor Erin. Most people would see a cold, hard woman standing in front of them, but Faith saw someone who hurt so much she couldn’t acknowledge the pain. It was the most dangerous of all wounds. The one that didn’t register. The patient would look down, see the gaping hole in their body, but the brain wasn’t capable of handling that kind of pain. It would misfire, attempt to spare the body in its last moments. Pain unfortunately had its place. Pain could cleanse. If a body could still feel pain, it was capable of healing as well.
“I’m sorry about Theo.” Tears had formed. God, it felt good. Faith had been numb. She’d been stuck in that moment and it hadn’t been real. None of it had been real, but it happened. He’d died. Ten had been tortured. Her father was a monster. It was real and she had to face it.
For the first time, Erin’s face changed from the bland, blank expression to something like trepidation. “Good for you, Doc. Why don’t you go cry somewhere else? I want to be alone.”
Erin would be alone for the rest of her life if someone didn’t break through to her. Faith wasn’t sure it was her place, but she seemed to be Erin’s only real friend beyond Theo. Erin laughed and joked with others, but she’d been real with Faith. It hadn’t all been a lie and Faith wouldn’t throw it away because it hadn’t come in the perfect form.
“I’m so sorry about Theo.” She could barely see Erin as she walked toward her.
Erin backed away. “Don’t you do this to me.”
“You can’t cry so I’ll do it for you. Because we’re friends. You were right. I was mad at you and Ten because I loved you.” She stopped in front of Erin, searching her friend’s face. “I do love you and I’m so sorry about Theo.”
Erin flushed, turning pink and then red, her eyes brimming. She bit her words out, anger palpable. “Don’t you do this to me.”
Faith put her arms around Erin and let go. She cried. She cried for Erin and for Theo and everyone who loved him. She cried for Tennessee, who would never forgive himself. She cried for herself, for the family she’d lost.
Erin stood there for a long moment and then pushed her away.
A scream shook the walls, louder than the storm outside. Erin screamed, the sound coming from her soul.
Faith stood back and watched as Erin lost it. She picked up a lamp and tossed it across the room, brought her fists down on the table, breaking it. She pounded against the wall, her skin becoming bloody.
And finally, she dropped to her knees, tears replacing the anger.
“He fucking promised me.”
This time when Faith dropped down to join her, Erin reached out, grasping her like a lifeline. Erin squeezed her tight.
“He promised me.”
Theo had promised her forever. Faith had heard him when they thought she wasn’t around. Theo would pull Erin in and kiss her senseless and then he would tell her he would love her forever.
“I know.” Faith held on to her, let her friend nearly crack her bones as she wept. “I know, sweetie.”
There was nothing to say, no words that would truly comfort Erin. The only thing Faith could offer was her warmth, her love.
“I loved him. I loved him so much. I didn’t want to love him,” Erin said, her voice hoarse. “I didn’t want to love him. Do you think he knows? God, Faith. I didn’t tell him. He told me he loved me every day and I didn’t tell him because I was too afraid.”
“He knew.” Faith smoothed Erin’s hair back. Her mother had done this when she was a child and Faith had cried. She would smooth her hair back and rock gently. Faith started to move, as though her muscles remembered the rhythm of comfort. “He knew you loved him. He was so proud you loved him.”
“I don’t know why. I don’t understand anything.” She settled her head against Faith’s shoulder and a long shudder went through Erin’s body. “I already miss him. I can’t stand it. I can’t.”
Faith let Erin cry, the moment lengthening, softening. The hardness she’d felt in Erin was gone and there was nothing but grief left.
Grief was good. Grief was true.
Faith looked up and every man in the house was staring at them. Brody and Nick had come out of their room. Hutch stood in the kitchen entryway. And Ten was staring at her, his eyes as soft as she’d ever seen them.
The knock on the door forced them all to turn and suddenly every man in the room had a gun out.
Erin stood, shoving Faith behind her and trying to wipe her eyes with one hand.
Brody went to the door, his back ramro
d straight.
Hutch was back at his laptop. “Open it. It’s fine. If those three are here to kill us, I’ll lay down my arms and let them.”
Brody opened the door and three large figures were standing there. They each wore raincoats and had backpacks with them. It took her a minute, but she finally recognized Ian Taggart.
She glanced over and saw Ten’s shoulders slump.
It looked like his time as head of this operation was over.
* * * *
Ten set down his gun. He’d picked it up from the nightstand when he’d heard that horrible screaming. He’d known someone was in terrible pain and he’d sprinted in to try to save whoever it was, but nothing could spare Erin her pain.
He’d expected Erin’s grief to go deep. He’d never thought he’d see her cry, but Faith had somehow managed it. Faith had gotten the soldier to let herself be human for once, to hold on to someone because the pain of losing the man she’d loved was too much.
He wasn’t going to survive losing Faith. Walking away from her was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Then don’t, asshole. Stop the martyr shit and be a real live boy for once.
Now that his brother was back in his head, it seemed he wouldn’t go away. But the reasons he should leave her were many and varied, and one of them was now standing in the hallway.
Three of them really. Ian hadn’t come alone. Sean and Case were with him. The Taggart brothers had come for one of their own.
Case pulled off the rain jacket he was wearing. It dropped to the ground and he walked up to Erin, standing right in front of her. “I’ve never seen you cry.” His voice was utterly hollow and then his head dropped. “It’s real. Oh, god. It’s real.”
He was shaking as Erin put her arms around him. Theo’s twin. The two people in the world who had loved him most tried to comfort each other. Faith had made that happen. Without Faith, Erin likely would be cold and shut down and Case would have followed suit, the two separate and alone in their grief.
