“She knew Linda. I didn't want to go with her that night. Linda asked me to take her,” he said.
“Really,” Jessica snapped. “You two sure looked pretty comfy to me.”
Luke looked up at her with his eyes stern and his face rigid. Oh shit, she thought. Why did I just say that? He has no right to know that I care about him. She held her hands in fists as she thought about what she had just said.
“You are really going to give me shit for taking someone to that party,” he said, as he ran his fingers through his hair. “If I recall, when I walked in, some guy was spinning you around and dipping you.”
“It was someone from work,” she said. “That was all.”
“Did you notice the way he was looking at you?” he asked. “The way he had to make sure you were okay and had what you needed. The way he got up to run after you when you left. I had to push him back down onto the couch, so I could come after you.”
“You came after me?” she asked.
“I tried, but you are already gone by the time I could get to the door,” he snapped. “Are you really going to say something to me about having a date at a party? Do you have any idea what you did to me?”
Luke smacked his hands on his knees and wiggled in his seat.
“What?” she asked. “I didn't do anything to you. I left because I couldn't sit there and watch one of my friends grind on your lap and kiss on your neck. There is nothing wrong with that. If you want to be with whoever, that is up to you. I just didn't want to watch you. Is that okay?”
Jessica could tell her voice was hard and aggressive, but she didn't care.
“That is not what I'm talking about,” he said, as he stared into her eyes. “I loved you, dammit. I thought we were happy and in love. I thought we were going to be together forever. I wanted a family with you. Everything seemed perfect.”
Luke put his head in his hands and continued to talk. She could see him start to shake his leg.
“I had the ring in my pocket. I had been so worried and excited about that day. It was going to be the day I would have to leave for school without you, but also the first day of the rest of our lives. I was going to work hard to be the best man I could, so that our family would be taken care of. I was going to propose to you that day. I had my hand in my pocket all day, protecting that ring. I waited for the perfect moment to get down on one knee and ask you for forever. Just as I was about to do it, you changed my life. You crushed my world. I never saw it coming. You never even gave me a reason. I never understood why you did it. You broke my heart. I left for college devastated and alone. My life has never been the same. Did you ever love me?”
Luke looked over at her with tears in his eyes. She didn't know what to do. How could he think she never loved him? She had done it for him. Jessica sat up and put her hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away. She could not hold her tears much longer. Give him his answers and send him on his way, she told herself. You can't do this. She knew she couldn't tell him everything. He would hate her if she did. She needed to let him know that she did love him. It hurt her so bad to see him like that.
“Yes, I loved you,” she said. “I can't believe you would think I didn't. I never knew you were going to propose. I did it for you. I thought it would be better for you.”
“Don't you think it should have been my decision?” he asked, with his hands squeezed together. “I should have been the one to decide what was better for me.”
“I didn't want to hold you back. You got a full ride to University of Michigan. Football was your dream. You were going to go pro. You worked so hard for that. I knew you needed to concentrate on your dreams. It was crazy enough that you were going off to college, but you were playing college football. That was a lot for you to take on. I didn't want you to have to worry about me too. I didn't want to be the reason your dreams didn't come true.”
She moved closer to him and took his chin in her hand, as she looked into his eyes.
“Please, don't ever think it was because I didn't love you. You called a few times once you left. I looked forward to your calls. Then, you stopped calling. You never called me again. You were only gone a month and were already done with me. I knew then, that I had made the right decision by letting you go. You were free to enjoy college and have the life you deserved. I would have been holding you back. If you would have been with me, you would have missed out on the fun part of college. I was devastated that you quit calling. I can't tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep. It was hard, but it was the right decision. You were going to be able to live the life you worked so hard for. You might have only been able to play professional for two years, but you got to do it.”
She wanted to kiss him so bad, but pulled back and moved to the other side of the couch.
“Really, the life I deserved,” Luke shook his head. “That was my choice to make. You took that away from me. You have no idea what I would have chosen.”
“It wasn't easy for me, Luke,” she said, as a tear ran down her cheek. “If something had happened, and you had chosen me over your dreams, you would have regretted it later, and it would have been my fault. It was not easy to let you go. Do you have any idea how hard it was to see pictures of you and your model girlfriends, all over each other?”
“Oh, really,” he snapped, as he stood up. “It wasn't easy?”
Luke's face changed. She could see anger and hurt in his eyes. He paced back and forth. She was nervous about what was going to happen. Was he going to yell? Was he going to walk out? She wanted him to leave, but at the same time, she was afraid he was going to. Jessica had to hear what he was going to say. She sat silent and waited.
“How does your husband feel about you looking at pictures of your ex?” he blurted out, as he ran his hand roughly through his hair. “It was so hard on you. You sure didn't wait long to be in bed with someone else. Tell me, did you sleep with him before I even left? Is he the reason you broke up with me? Who is he? Are you with one of my friends?”
Luke stared straight into her eyes. His chest puffed out and his arms tensed up. Jessica was livid. How dare he accuse her of cheating? She didn't want to let him go. He was going to have a great future. She didn't want him to give any part of that up for her. Her face had to have turned red. She could feel the blood rise in her cheeks. She jumped up from the couch and got inches from his face. He wasn't going to accuse her.
“What are you talking about?” she snapped at him. “Who? I wasn't with anyone when you left. How dare you say that to me? I loved you, Luke. I fucking loved you more than you could ever imagine. I don't have a husband. What the hell are you talking about?”
She was not going to back down. Jessica was right in his face. There was no way he was going to push her around. She had been through to much to deal with his shit. He had his dreams. She worked her ass off every day. Nobody was going to make her feel like she was lower than she was.
“I drove by your house yesterday,” he said, as he got closer to her face.
Their noses were touching, and she could see his face darken a deep red. Her hands shook at her sides. The conversation was getting too deep. She had to stop him before he asked too much. What was she going to do? She went to tell him to leave, but he cut her off and spoke louder than her.
“I saw you outside with a little boy. He had to be about five or six. I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. It doesn't take a genius to figure out you were pregnant within months of my leaving. I felt like someone tore my heart out all over again. I was supposed to marry you. You were supposed to have my babies. I was the one you were supposed to have a family with. I can't believe I spent all those years thinking about you, when you never even cared about me.”
Jessica started to cry. She couldn't take it. He was going to hate her, but it didn't matter anymore. It seemed like he already did. She took off to her bedroom and slammed the door.
Chapter 11
Luke
Luke was so upset. It felt good to
get it out of his system. He walked over and sat on the couch with his hands on his lap, clenched together. Luke was glad she stormed off, because he needed to calm down. As mad as he was, he still felt bad seeing her cry. He had always had a hard time when she cried. Luke loved her so much. He never wanted her to hurt. She was his love. The only woman he would ever give his whole heart to.
He sat there for at least a half an hour. His muscles started to relax. He could feel himself calm down. Maybe he should just leave, he thought. Was she going to come back out? He was not sure what to do. Luke went there to get answers, and he had not gotten them yet. After all of the yelling, he still did not have his answers. He had come that far, and he was not going to back down. Luke wanted to know who she had been with. Once she told him that, he would be on his way. He would make sure their paths never crossed again.
Suddenly, a door in the house slammed open against the wall. Luke jumped. He looked up just as Jessica stormed into the room. Her eyes were red and her face was puffy. Had she been crying the whole time, he wondered? She had a box in her hands. He could see sadness in her eyes as he looked at her. She tore the lid off the box, turned the box upside down, spilled the contents onto the floor, and threw the lid to the side.
“If I didn't care about you, then what the hell is all of this,” she yelled.
Luke felt bad as he looked into her tear filled eyes. He got off the couch and walked over to the pile. He bent down and picked up one thing after the next. There were things there from their time in high school. He moved some things to the side. Jessica walked over to a window and stared outside. He picked up more stuff from the ground. There were a bunch of pictures, articles, and print outs from the internet. They were all of him, from college and professional football. The box was filled with stuff from while he was gone. Everything in it was of him.
“What is all of this? Why do you have this stuff? What the hell is going on, Jessica?” he asked.
She didn't respond. He stood up and walked over to a wall with pictures on it.
“You broke up with me and immediately had a baby with another man.”
Luke saw pictures of her with her son. They were all of just the two of them.
“Why is his dad not in these pictures?” he asked.
“We're not together,” she said.
He saw a picture of her holding the new baby in the hospital. She looked just as he remembered. Jessica was so beautiful.
“Who took this picture,” he asked, “his dad?”
“My sister, Renee,” she said, still looking out the window.
“Did you go through your pregnancy alone? He asked, as she stood silent. “What kind of man would not be there for his baby?”
“We were fine,” she said. “Renee was there the whole time. She has helped me for years. I have given him a good life. I do my best to be a great mom. I work very hard for what we have.”
Luke looked at another picture of the little boy. He was so adorable.
“He is so cute. He has your color hair, but he didn't get your eyes. He has beautiful blue eyes. You always said you wanted our babies to have blue eyes,” Luke said, as he felt his breath catch in his chest. “He is adorable. Did his dad have blue eyes?”
Jessica stood still and stared out the window. Why won't she look at me, he thought? Look at me, he commanded in his mind. He wanted her to turn to him. If he had known she was alone and pregnant, he would have been there for her. No matter what the situation was. Luke felt horrible that she had gone through that alone. What kind of man does that to his child, he thought? It upset him to think someone had done that to her and that little boy.
“Yes,” she finally answered, barely audible.
Something seemed off. Why was she acting so nervous? He felt a nervous feeling rush through his entire body.
“What's your son's name?” he asked.
He watched her and waited for her to answer. Luke stood quietly. After a minute, she looked down at the ground. He felt horrible seeing her in pain. What was going on with her? She let out a huge breath of air.
“Lucas,” she said.
“What?” he asked.
“His name is Lucas,” she said.
Luke felt his body freeze. He wanted to go and sit on the couch, but he couldn't. He could not make his feet move. Jessica walked to him and put her hand on his arm.
“He's your son, Luke,” she said, as tears ran down her face.
“How?” Luke asked quietly. “How could I have a son and not have known? How could you do this to me? How could you not tell me?”
Luke pulled his arm away from her and walked over to sit on the couch. He felt hurt and furious.
“I didn't know when you left. I found out a month later. You had already stopped calling me. That quickly you were over me. You never fought for me. You were having fun at college. You were spending so much time with football and classes. I knew you needed to concentrate. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to take your dreams away.”
Jessica walked over and stood in front of him. He had his head in his hands. She wanted to see his face, but he wouldn't look at her.
“My parents were so mad when I told them. They wanted me to give the baby up for adoption. I didn't want to. He was our baby. I was not giving up our precious baby. My parents stopped talking to me. I never left for college. I got a job and was able to buy this house. My sister moved in with me so that she could help me when the baby was born. She was with me when I had him. She lived with me while she finished high school. It was hard, but I got through it for him. He was my everything. He was our son and the only piece of you I had. I knew I had to concentrate on building a good life for him. I wanted you to finish college and play professional football. That was what you had always wanted. There was no way I wanted to be the reason you gave that up.”
“I can't believe you didn't even tell me,” Luke snapped. “I should have been able to make that decision. You had no right to do that. I would have come back. I would have been here for my son. I would have been here for you.”
“I know,” Jessica said, as she knelt down in front of him. “You would have never played for the Steelers. I didn't want you to give up your dream because I was pregnant. If you came back, I wanted it to be because you loved me, but you didn't.”
“I wanted to be with you. You were more important to me than football. You knew my father was never there for me. I should have known about the baby. I can't believe I have a son and have never been there for him. That makes me no better than my own father. Do you realize how much I have missed? I feel horrible. I can't believe you kept him from me,” Luke said.
“You never came back,” she said. “I wanted you to come back so bad. I wanted to tell you. In seven years, you never came back. Why didn't you come back? Why didn't you fight for us? I thought you found someone else.”
Jessica put her hands on his knees.
“I am so sorry,” she said. “I think about it every day. I was eighteen years old and scared. I know I made the wrong decision. I should have found a way to tell you. As time went on, the thought of telling you became more distant. There were pictures of you everywhere with different women. You had made a life without me. I accepted that.”
“You dumped me and crushed my heart. What did you expect me to do? I wasn't going to beg you to love me. I came back. I would come in for the day, spend time with my mom, and then hurry and leave. I never wanted to be reminded of you. I never wanted to see you with someone else. I have never felt anything for anyone else. I can't believe you did it all by yourself. You never should have gone through pregnancy, birth, and raising a baby alone. You were so young. I can't believe that I was not a part of any of that. We were supposed to be a family. That was all I wanted. I have missed out on my family. What did you tell him about his dad? Who does he think his father is? Does he think his dad is some loser that doesn't even care about him? I can't fucking believe this. I would have never let him be without his father.” Luke a
sked.
“He knows you are his father. I have shown him all of the stuff from that box. We talk about you all the time. We watched all of your games on television, and he would always root for you. He is proud of you and talks about you all the time. We talked about you yesterday. He asked if you would have liked his snowman and if you liked to play in the snow. You are in his life every single day. He knows everything about you,” Jessica said.
“He knows all about his dad who has never been there. You have no idea how much that hurts me. He should have had his father with him all along. I should have been supporting you. You should never have struggled. If I had known, you never would have. I would have done everything for you,” Luke said, as he looked into her eyes.
“I know you would have. You would have given up your dreams for me. I wanted you to be with me because of love, not because you had to be,” she said, as tears ran from her eyes. “It only took a month for you to be done with me. I never thought you would toss be aside that quickly. I was eighteen and pregnant. You weren't calling anymore. Your life had gone on without me in it. I didn't think you had feelings for me anymore. I was afraid and alone. My parents were done with me. I knew I wanted our baby and would love him enough for everyone. I didn't know what to do, Luke. I'm so sorry.”
“I love you. I have never stopped loving you. I couldn't believe you broke up with me. The thought of you being with another man broke my heart. You have always been my everything. There has never been anyone else,” he said, as he rubbed his finger across her tears to dry them.
“I have never been with anyone else. I put everything into taking care of Lucas. There was never another man for me. I would never have brought another man around our son. I love you. I have loved you every single moment of every single day. You are the man I dream about every night. You are the only man I have ever wanted,” she said.
“You have never been with another man?” he asked.
“Never,” she said.
He felt his shoulders and muscles relax slightly. The anger he felt was slipping away. Luke pulled out his wallet, opened it, and showed her. There was a picture of her in the window of his wallet. He reached in and pulled out a piece of paper. It was a letter she had written him in high school. She could barely read the worn writing.
A Love Rekindled (The Game of Love #1) Page 4
