Luca stirs and sees me with his shirt in my hand.
I sit down on the bed next to him and show him the stains. “What’s this?”
He avoids my eyes and answers in a sleepy voice. “Nothing, Fallon.”
“Luca, did you fight tonight?” I cover his hand with mine in reassurance that I wouldn’t be mad. However, I do want to know why there’s blood on his clothes.
“I was upset and some guy was goading me,” he admits with a sorrowful look.
“Oh Luca, I’m sorry you were so upset about us. I shouldn’t have left things unresolved. Are you hurt?” I ease back in the crook of his arm and rest my left hand on his chest. My first reaction of concern is swiftly replaced with more doubt.
He’s lying.
He holds me, his hand caressing up and down my left arm, and kisses me on the top of my head. “I’m fine now that I’m with you again. Tu sei il mio mondo.” You’re my world.
“Weren’t you supposed to leave town again tonight?” I ask, not letting on that I think he’s lying to me.
“Yes, but I need to stay with you more, dolcezza.” He comforts me, and we fall asleep, holding tightly onto each other.
CHAPTER 21
Luca
Her breathing evens out, her grip on me loosens. She’s asleep. Today was a close call. My hand traces patterns across her bare shoulders.
The priest is Leggia’s priest, Father Eli. I had to pay a visit to Father Eli today and then travel east to meet James. Leggia is a religious man that goes to confession. I need to discover more about him because the moment will come when he tries to blackmail me with Fallon. He has started to play a game with me, and she is his leverage. Father Eli is easily pressured with money and his love for young men, which he desperately wants to keep hidden from his wife and the community, but my Capo, Adriano, can find out the dirtiest of secrets.
I told her I would be gone for the weekend. I went to confession with Father Eli and gave him an ultimatum: get valuable information on Leggia - information he doesn’t want anyone to know that will hurt him, or I will expose the photos I have in my possession of Eli in compromising positions with several extremely young men.
I was supposed to visit the priest and then be on my way to James, but I spotted Fallon immediately when I left the church. I’m trained to notice everything unusual. Someone staring at me and retreating behind a tree quickly is clearly unusual. I wore my sunglasses to prevent her from seeing the alarm in my eyes. Damage control was needed, but first things first. Father Eli hurried down the steps after sending me away without accepting my offer. They always tell me to fuck off first, and then run after me with their tail between their legs. Eli couldn’t take the risk of me exposing him. My gun was in the inner pocket of my suit jacket, and I aimed it at Father Eli, giving him two weeks to report back.
When he left, I got in the car. I needed to think about how to handle Fallon because this was bad. She’s become progressively distrustful lately. My first plan was to tell the truth, well, part of it. I was expecting for her to demand an explanation. When she didn’t mention that she caught me, I was unnerved and only left because I was thrown off by her secretive behavior. The fact that she didn’t tell me means she’s growing even more distrustful. My anxiety doubled in her dismissal of me.
I contacted James and told him that I couldn’t make it tonight, but he was too busy to ask why. I met up with Adriano, who was having trouble with an associate. I must be more careful because I never noticed the bloodstains - of the associate Adriano and I fought with - on my shirt.
Even though I’m marginally reassured and glad Fallon called me, her behavior is a sign that it’s only a matter of time before she finds out who I really am.
I could’ve stayed away. I didn’t do it then, and I’m in too deep to even consider it as an option anymore. Although, it was never really an option.
Leggia has me on edge constantly. This dispute he has with our Syndicate is eating into my time with Fallon and has interfered with the relaxed life I’ve built with her, and that’s making me hostile. I need some space to cope with Syndicate business.
CHAPTER 22
Fallon
Another shift has occurred in our relationship. After the first time I confronted him with his dubious behavior in my room, Luca has been distancing himself from me for days. I feel it in the coldness of his kisses. I feel his unfriendliness when he comes home. He’s with me physically, but mentally he’s worlds away. Somewhere I can’t reach him. No matter how hard I fight, he’s slowly drifting away from me. I catch glimpses of him when we’re making love, but those fleeting moments aren’t enough to sustain this relationship. On the other hand, those fleeting moments are constantly pushing me to keep fighting for us, even though I know something is wrong - something he isn’t sharing with me.
I ask Luca to join me for lunch on a random Wednesday. He’s reluctant to accept my invitation, but my irritation at his refusal persuades him to meet me at the deli.
When I step into the deli, Luca’s already waiting impatiently. “I don’t have much time, Fallon.”
I slide into the chair. “I rarely see you, Luca. You can’t spare five minutes for me?”
Luca sighs. “I can, dolcezza. It’s just a busy time.”
“I get that and I’m trying to be supportive, but this is not healthy for us.” I’m completely in the dark about what’s going on with him.
“I’m not in the mood to argue,” he throws back.
“Who’s arguing? I want us to talk, communicate,” I explain.
“It’s only work, Fallon. We are fine.” He doesn’t budge.
I let out an exasperated breath. “Let’s order.”
We eat within ten minutes and head back out.
Luca reaches out to stroke the side of my face, pushing my hair back. “Ti amo, dolcezza. Non ti preoccupare.” I love you. Don’t worry.
That does not appease me at all. Talking to him when he’s not ready is like pulling teeth.
As our eyes burn into each other, the usual sparks of love and lust are now replaced with sparks of mistrust when we say goodbye. Luca will be away on business again for the next two days.
Stepping onto my floor, I diligently work for half an hour until Alex interrupts me. “Can I see you in my office?” he demands coldly and strides back.
I get my notebook and pen and follow him in for more workload.
***
I’m emotional, nervous, and confused. The next night I’m not feeling any better. For once, I’m glad Luca’s away on business. He’s already texted twice and called once today asking what I’m doing. I‘ll text him later because I need to think. I need to be alone with my thoughts; however, sitting home alone is making me ever more worried. Luca can tell me with so much conviction that nothing is wrong. Everything is wrong. Maybe I should end this now? Maybe I’m not in too deep yet? I’m torn between ending this because of the unknown and continuing in the hopes that I’m wrong about Luca.
In the kitchen cabinet, I find an old bottle of vodka that Teagan left. I hold the bottle up, unsure whether to drink or not.
“Screw it.” I’m about to open the bottle when the doorbell rings.
I check the peephole and unlock the door. “How did you get in the building?”
Jason shows me his white teeth. “Neighbor let me in.”
I open to door wider for him to enter.
“I was going to meet a friend two streets from here who canceled five minutes before our appointment, so I thought I’d come by to see you. You were not in a good mood yesterday, but I was so busy, I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.” He plops down on the couch.
Getting the vodka and two shot glasses from the kitchen, I pour two shots. “I feel like crap. I don’t want to talk.”
Jason takes his shot and clinks it with mine. “I’m a guy, you don’t have to tell me no talking twice. I prefer that too.” His lips stretch into a boyish grin.
We take our shots and refill im
mediately.
Jason is searching the coffee table after our third shot. “Where’s your remote?”
The alcohol is warming my body and slowly numbing the growing unease in my heart. “I have no idea. Give me one more shot.”
“You’re going to regret it in the morning. You’ll be stinking drunk within minutes if you continue.”
I turn up my nose. “No more shots for me then.” This is hitting me hard. My head feels heavy. “I didn’t have dinner.”
“In that case, definitely no more for you.” He’s walking toward the TV, searching for the remote. “Did you freaking eat the remote?” He turns around impatiently.
“I never watch TV. Let me check.” I stand up and hold my arms out in front of me to steady myself.
Jason laughs at me. “You can’t even handle a few shots.”
I smile at him. “I already feel a little drunk.”
“I can tell from that ridiculous smirk on your face.”
I reach him and open the drawer of the entertainment center to rummage around. “Do you really need to watch TV? Read a magazine.” Grabbing a magazine from the drawer, I throw it at him.
He catches it and flings it onto the table. “That’s it.” Jason strides toward me and starts to tickle me because he knows I’m extremely ticklish.
“Stop it!” I yell through my giggles, trying to capture his hands and curl down to stop him from reaching my underarms.
I twist on the floor as Jason lies on my back. “St-Stop!”
“You needed a good laugh and to unwind.” He’s trying to wiggle his hand under my down pressed arm. “Come on, little one.”
“Shut up,” I croak in between exhausting laughs. “Stop!”
My front door swings open. Jason and I turn as one to see Luca running at us and hauling Jason off of me, flinging him onto the living room table.
Jason grunts after he falls with all his weight back on the wooden table.
Luca’s silently fuming. “What. Is. Going. On. Here.” He towers over Jason and grips his shirt.
I snap out of my astonishment and jump up. “No. It’s only Jason.”
I yank Luca’s arm to let Jason go.
His glower is in full force and turned on me as he looks down into my eyes. “The colleague?”
“Yes, let him go,” I plead.
“Dude, I was only tickling her,” Jason pipes in.
Luca’s grip tightens briefly and Jason holds up his hands in defense while Luca keeps his scathing eyes on him before he shoves him away. “Leave. Now.”
Jason adjusts his clothes. “Are you okay, Fallon?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I placate and nod toward the door for him to move out of here.
He strides out as Luca spins his aggravation on me.
Jason mouths, “Call me.” And he closes the door, leaving us alone.
“Where have you been all day?” Luca asks in a dead calm tone as if nothing happened just now.
The alcohol is slowing down my reaction time. “What?”
“Where have you been all day?” he repeats and glowers some more at me.
“Home.”
“Then why couldn’t you send a text back or answer your goddamn phone?”
“I- I was going to later, but…” I sigh in frustration. “I’m just sad about everything between us,” I honestly tell him. “Jason deserves an apology.”
“He’ll get one,” Luca counters. “I need you to answer your phone from now on.”
“Yes, okay.” In my foggy mind, I remember that he isn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow. “Why are you home early?”
“Because I can’t function when we distance ourselves from each other.” Flashes of anger and sorrow flicker across his face.
“You distance yourself from me,” I mumble.
Luca’s eyelids drift shut, and he takes my hand and kisses my fingers. When they open, his pupils have dilated, making his eyes terrifyingly indistinct.
“Luca—”
His lips crash down on mine, and he forces me backward until he pins me against the wall and lifts me up, parting my thighs around him. His straining erection is pressing against my dampening heat as my skirt rides up my hips. Without breaking our kiss, Luca unbuttons his pants and tears my panties off while arousal floods me. He slams inside me to the hilt. My back curves to take him in. The fullness of adjusting to him erases the empty feeling that has been lingering since he left, and I gasp in delight. He bites my lips and pushes his tongue into my mouth, desperately seeking mine. My back is scraping against the wall as he vehemently thrusts into me. Both his hands powerfully palm my ass to hold me up while my nails are digging into his shoulders and breaking his skin. My head falls back in heady ecstasy, and I scream in pleasure and pain while my alcohol-induced body is already tingling from a pending orgasm. I’m unsure whether his arduous thrusts are meant to punish me or himself. Luca’s relentlessly fucking me. He buries his face in my cleavage with hints of a growl in his rasping tone. A rush of heat is flooding my lower abdomen, and I revel in my orgasm when it hits me in full force while Luca keeps up his pace.
Mere seconds later, he withdraws and places me on my feet. “I need to come on you,” he demands in a dangerously low voice, and he tears open my blouse and unclasps my bra.
I kneel in front of Luca before I wrap my hand around him. He presses the head if his shaft to the swell of my breasts, rotating it on my hardening nipples. My hand slides over his silky arousal, pumping frantically, and I look up at him as he cups the back of my head with his left hand. His right hand steadies him, palm flat against the wall. Our eyes lock as his erection twitches, and he shoots his semen on my breasts with a satisfying groan. Luca slows his thrusting in my hand to ride out the last drop. With his erection in his own left hand now, he spreads his load over my breasts. Marking me. Pacifying his jealous tendencies.
I can barely keep my eyes open because the alcohol and sex have tired me.
Luca steps out of his pants and picks my up, cradling me to him as he walks to the bedroom and lays me down in my bed. He takes off my clothes and cleans me with a warm bath cloth.
I manage to pry open my eyes and watch him tenderly take care of me.
As if he senses I’m awake, he looks up into my eyes. His handsome features are saddened by a grim look. He tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Dormi, dolcezza.” Sleep.
I turn on my side. Moments later Luca slips in behind me and tucks me against his sculpted chest. He fingers my hair back from my face and nestles my neck while holding me tightly around my middle. “Ti amo, amore mio.” I love you, my love.
I can’t say it back.
CHAPTER 23
Fallon
The average person lives 80 years. The average person lives 29,200 days. When I come to realize that; an average life, in days, seems infinitely small. Only 29,200 days. A whole lifetime of memories, of love lost and love found exists within 29,200 days. Shouldn’t I strive for happiness in those 29,200 days? Shouldn’t I stop worrying about inconsequential matters? Shouldn’t I relish in every moment of every day? I probably should and keep repeating that to myself. Only my mantra loses its power when every day that voice inside my head screams to be acknowledged. I can’t keep deluding myself that I’m worried about inconsequential matters. What may have started as inconsequential has turned into a very consequential matter that’s slowly tearing us apart.
Teagan doesn’t understand my reasoning because she hasn’t gotten to know Luca. It’s frustrating for me to get my point across, so I just tell her we’re fine.
I’m stuck in a cycle I don’t know how to break. I put up a wall of protection, and Luca can’t reach me anymore. The entire situation is about to blow up. My anxiety is reaching a breaking point. We’ve both been progressively distant.
One night I arrive home late from work, and I find him pacing my living room. He hurriedly slips a phone into his pocket that’s not his current smartphone. It was definitely an older type
of phone.
He has another phone?
As I see it, I can react in several ways. One - I ask him directly about the phone, which I’m quite positive he’ll lie about now because of the way he inconspicuously placed it in his pants. Two - I can be hysterical and demand an explanation, which I won’t get. Three - I can wait until I get my chance to check the phone myself. I choose option three.
Luca strides determinedly toward me as I enter my apartment, looking me over intently. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours.” Annoyance reflects behind his eyes.
I take my time removing my sandals. All I want is to unwind and jump into the shower after working in the sweltering heat of this August day since the air-conditioning broke at the office. We’re hosting the yearly orphan charity event in two days, this Friday. I’ve told him that I would be busy this entire week with last-minute preparations and writing the speeches for Alex.
“Fallon!” Luca crowds me.
Turning around to him, I say in an aggravated tone, “I told you I would be busy this week. I didn’t have time to check my phone.”
Luca’s hair is in disarray, falling over his forehead. He’s obviously worried and infuriated. Apprehensively, he approaches me. “I asked you to always answer. I need you to abide by that promise. Especially now,” he almost yells at me, throwing his hand in the air. His usual self-control wavers.
I don’t let him intimidate me. “What the hell are you talking about? Abide?” I spit the word with malice. “Lose the attitude.”
His breathing is labored from trying to restrain his emotions. As he clenches his hands, his strained biceps ripple through his dress shirt in contained rage.
I hold up my hands in surrender. “Let’s calm down here.”
For Fallon (Chicago Syndicate) Page 13
