Without going back up to Fallon, I leave the house and her behind to handle our business. She used to be the only thing in the world that could calm me, but with one five-minute conversation, did she manage to rip out my heart and slice it into tiny pieces.
This is how betrayal feels.
This is what I did to her, but far worse by lying all those months.
This is retribution. And it hurts like a motherfucker.
Redemption is not meant for men like me. Only a constant stream of retribution is what lies in my future.
And if she was to ever function in the Syndicate, she would be eaten alive.
CHAPTER 39
Fallon
After hours of distress polluting my mind, the door opens and I breathe a sigh of relief when Camilla appears. “What happened?”
Frantically, I tell her bits and pieces, enough for her to realize I’m still the one held captive here. Luca hasn’t been honest, but I get locked up for lying. “He was furious and left, locked the door,” I emphasize. “Camilla, I just hit rock bottom. Even though I don’t trust Luca, I still felt his undeniable devotion to me. The last couple of days have been bearable because of him, yet I’m here because of him.” I swallow back an avalanche of mixed feelings. Fear of the unknown. Guilt for lying. Panic over what to do. And still, still a layer of misguided love for Luca envelops it all. I shake it off quickly. Resolve slowly finds its way through my jumbled thoughts. I’ve probably destroyed his trust and lost his devotion now. I’m not the innocent party here anymore since I lied to him; I saw that much in his eyes. “I need to leave as soon as possible. What if Luca comes back just as furious? I don’t know what he’ll do in this state.” There’s no more time for me to gradually convince Camilla to help me. I need the help right now, so I pound her with questions, hoping we can figure out a way for me to escape. “Where are we exactly?”
The bed dips as Camilla sits beside me. “Melrose.”
That’s close to Lake Forest.
“In the middle of nowhere though. We’re at the far edge of the suburbs,” she mentions, solemn. “Shit, I’ve never seen him this pissed off.”
It’s not a good sign if Luca doesn’t return to this room because he’s the kind of guy who needs to cool off and then comes back to fight. If he doesn’t come back, then he’s still brooding. And I really need to avoid a brooding Luca now. “There has got to be a way out,” I implore.
Camilla continues. “I don’t know. I have to be downstairs again. I’ll be back as soon as I come up with something.”
***
She didn’t come back the entire day. Neither did Luca. My first night alone and I feel just as scared as I did on Friday. Luca’s out of reach, and I’m petrified of what the consequences of not divulging Alex’s blackmail will be for me.
CHAPTER 40
Luca
Drenched in sweat, I sit up straight in bed as my eyes adjust to the sunlight streaming in.
Tuesday.
My head jerks to my left just when my hand shoots out to the side to touch her. She’s not beside me.
Fallon.
I take in the unfamiliar room, one of the rooms of the strip club. I haven’t seen Fallon since her revelation. Adriano and I came back late to the house. Camilla informed me she was crying up in the room. My anger prevailed over my affection, and I couldn’t be the one to console her.
Rubbing my eyes, I desperately want to be with her, but I need to concentrate. Only two more days. I don’t think about anything beyond those days. Gathering my clothes, I tuck my legs in my grey pants. I don’t bother to unbutton my dress shirt and pull it over my head, then drive my hands through my ruffled hair. From the bedside table, I retrieve my silver watch and clasp it around my wrist. It’s almost ten thirty a.m.
Leaving the room, I glance left and right and am welcomed by complete silence. I get a bottle of water and down it while sitting on the half-round couch in the middle of the room and let my head fall back on the couch. How am I going to handle Fallon? Will she even cooperate with the trade? She can’t be trusted. While I’ve been patient with her because I do feel responsible for this mess, she’s been holding out. If only she had told me about Alex, so much could’ve been prevented. She broke down my walls with her innocent nature. I would’ve done anything to be with her when this was over, but we’re slipping further and further away from each other with each passing day. Maybe we were just two people meant to journey together shortly and redirect the way. Only instead of redirecting the way, giving it a nudge in the right direction, we clashed and imploded. Maybe, it’s time for me to let her go, but that thought is cutting brutally through my chest.
The front door of the room opens with a low creak. I slowly lift my head, and in walks Skye in her short jeans skirt and white see-through tank top. She smiles as her eyes land on me. Skye has the same brown hair as Fallon, only Fallon’s hair is thicker and shinier.
“Good morning, Luca.” Skye invites herself to sit right next to me.
“Morning.” My leg brushes hers and a blush colors her cheeks.
“Rough night?”
“Yeah.” Leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, I attempt to escape her penetrating eyes.
Skye places her hands on my shoulders and starts to massage the knots out. “I can help you relax, Luca,” she suggests.
I tense on instinct, but relax as her fingers work their magic. Skye stands and pushes me back with her palms on my chest, her cleavage at eye level. My eyes travel upward, and meet her hungry look, and a plan quickly forms in my head - a plan that could backfire on me, but I trudge one. What if we use Skye for the trade instead of Fallon?
Skye’s making it so easy.
Palming her bare thigh, I allow her to touch me. As my fingers contact her skin, Fallon’s exquisite caramel brown eyes emerge behind my eyelids - her eyes disapproving of using another innocent woman. I’m starting to get sick and tired of myself. Of my need for her validation. Of her constantly dancing in the back of my mind while she has been lying to me too.
Skye actually moans from that slight contact, and her fingers travel to the nape of my neck as her mouth inclines to mine.
When her breath blows across my cheek, I say, “I have a favor to ask you, Skye.”
“Anything for you, Luca,” she answers in a husky voice.
I meet her desirous gaze. “I need…” When she pouts her lips, I shrink back slightly because I can’t do this. I don’t need to bring another person into this.
A sharp intake of breath steers my attention to the door. My eyes zero in on Fallon blocking the doorway, shocked and repulsed. She’s still wearing the same t-shirt as yesterday, underneath peaks a pair of my black boxer briefs.
What the fuck is she doing here? Why is she roaming the house?
My hand instantly leaves Skye’s bare leg while I lock eyes with Fallon. She spins and sprints back into the hall while Skye’s oblivious to it all.
“I’ll be right back.” Removing her hands quickly from my neck, I bolt out of the room after Fallon.
“Luca,” Skye whines, but I ignore her.
Fallon’s heading toward the first staircase.
From the other end of the hall, Camilla advances on her. “Fallon!” Camilla screams.
I increase my speed. Fallon grabs the banister with her left hand to turn and start her descent, but I push her against that banister before she can take the first step down and circle her waist with one arm.
“Get off me.” She’s trying to elbow me, so I hold her firmly.
“Calm the fuck down.” I fleetingly glance around to make sure nobody is witnessing this. The door I exited is still closed. I swivel us around, my intention to quickly climb the stairs to the third floor. Capturing her arms underneath mine as both my arms encircle her, I shake Fallon to disorient her and continue toward the stairs.
Her legs are flailing, kicking wildly at the air. “Calm down.” I whisper yell in her ear. “If you don’t calm the fuck down, so
help me…”
“Fuck you,” she spits.
Camilla blocks my path up the stairs. “Luca, it was my fault, don’t hurt her—”
“I’m not going to hurt her. Go to Skye and ensure she’s not following me. Now!” My patience is wearing thin. “Give me the key to my room.” I open my palm, arms still around Fallon who’s determined not to hold still.
Camilla places it firmly in my hand and steps back. Looking from Fallon to me with an uncertain glare, Camilla hesitates for a second, and then runs off.
Fallon’s still struggling in my hold, so I tighten my arms and lift her off the floor, racing up to my room as fast as I can.
She coughs as I plant us against the door of my private room, her body flat against it. The key almost falls when I try to unlock it while restraining her. When I get the door open, we fall into the room, me on top of her. I scoot her up and kick the door closed with my foot. Then I pick her up and throw her on the bed.
Our heavy breathing fills the silence as we scowl at each other. Food’s scattered on the floor beside the drawers from where she flew out of the room when Camilla brought her breakfast.
“What were you planning to do when you got out of the house, Fallon?”
She scurries back on the bed as I advance on her.
“I went to look for you. You left me yesterday. I didn’t know if you were coming back. I didn’t know if… I don’t know if you’re still helping me.” Her tears soak her cheeks as they fall in trails down her face. “Why didn’t you come back?”
“I’m trying to help you.” With both my hands, I grasp my hair in desperation from wanting to give her some sort of comfort, yet my anger about yesterday prevents me from doing so. “I- I.” I sigh deeply. “You have to trust me, Fallon. I needed time to figure things out. I am helping you. Everything I do nowadays is to help you.”
“Who is she?” she asks in a small voice. I can see the resentment building up in her again. Even through her worry, her jealousy succeeds to be heard.
“Nobody of importance.”
“Were you with her last night? How is kissing another woman helping me?”
“How was lying to me helping us?” I counter furiously. I have been working nonstop to get us out of this mess, and she’s not comprehending the danger of this fucking situation.
Fallon wipes her tears with the back of her hand and stands on the other side of the bed. “I wanted to tell you. I made a mistake in omitting it. I get that, but put yourself in my shoes. This is all new and petrifying territory for me. And you locking me in again… I didn’t sleep at all last night. Despite all I’ve found out - and I’ve discovered a hell of a lot more than you - I still ache for you to make me feel safe.” She draws in a deep breath. Her anger is getting the best of her too. “But do you still need me? Was she worth it? Did it make you feel better to kiss another woman while the woman you supposedly love is stuck in this room because of you? Make no mistake, I wouldn’t be in this situation if I’d never met you.”
Her admission is true. Fallon knows exactly how to rile me up. Seeing her torn between spewing her guts and latching onto me for security is a cold reminder of how my world is already staining her beautiful spirit.
“I just want out, Luca,” she cries. “I need to know, otherwise it will destroy me even more. Who is she?” Fallon adds in a calm tone.
Her struggle cuts through me. “You misinterpreted a situation. I was not with her, and I didn’t kiss her. Give me a little credit. You have got to trust me to end this nightmare for you.”
She stalks toward me.
I take a step forward because I don’t want her close to the door because she’s volatile, and I’m losing my grip on her.
“Trust you?” Her tone reeks of contempt for me. “You were about to kiss her. How can I misinterpret that?”
“Because sometimes the end justifies the means, Fallon,” I retort.
“What does that mean, Luca?”
I choose to remain silent.
“Are you going to trade me for Danny?”
My weariness, combined with her attitude, is grating on my nerves. “Yes.” A second before she caught me with Skye I decided to follow James’ plan, our initial plan.
Confounded, she gasps at me. “What?”
I rub my forefinger and thumb over my eyelids. “I told you to trust me. I’m just repeating myself, and you are only managing to anger me.” I take a step back.
She’s lost in thought for a couple of minutes, putting together the pieces of what will happen. “No, Luca.” Fallon clutches her hair in disbelief and inches closer to me. “Your need to protect me, how long did that last? What am I now? Just a pawn in the Syndicate’s sick little games? Just a woman you fucked?”
Her source of irritation - jealousy coupled with fear and resentment – is creating foolish thoughts in her head. “You’re making no sense. You’re not just a woman I fucked,” I throw back indignantly. “You are the woman—”
Her trembling finger is pointed at my chest. “Don’t you dare say it. I hate you. I hate this. What kind of life is this?”
She will always be the only woman I ever loved. I use her words. “Make no mistake, whether you’re with me or not, our love will go on,” I promise her. She’s going to lose it - I can tell by how eerily slowly she spoke of her hate for me, and I need to leave before I break too. As I head for the door, she follows me immediately. “Fallon, stay back,” I demand and clench my jaw without facing her while I push her back and open the door quickly to step out.
She steps forward and throws her arm into the small door opening.
“Goddammit!” I yell. “Be careful.” I open the door marginally in an effort to nudge her arm back without hurting her.
Fallon’s putting all her body weight in the opening, scratching her arm open, and starts to scream. “No. Luca!” She doesn’t look at me while she’s uncontrollably trying to push herself through the opening.
I have to close this door before someone comes up and walks in on me not being in control of her. “I don’t want to hurt you, Fallon. Remove your arm,” I almost beg her. She won’t back down, and even though I can easily overpower her, I don’t want to frighten her more. However, my annoyance is rising, so I shove her violently back into the room.
She falls on her behind and darts back up, but I’ve closed the door. She bangs on the door with all her power and all her anger is voiced in her fists hitting the door. “I hate you so much for doing this to me!” she yells at me repeatedly.
My forehead rests on the door while she curses at me, and my hand constricts on the door handle until my knuckles turn white. I want to open it. I want to comfort her. Hold her in my arms, to make her feel safe in my embrace, but I can’t - not now.
I stand there for over an hour until she calms down. My throat is dry from holding in my raging emotions so I don’t break down alongside her.
The banging lessens after she has exhausted herself, and I hear her sliding down the other side of the door, hitting the floor with a loud thump. She’s quietly crying. In a broken voice - a voice that terrifies me because maybe she has given up - she utters, “I’m scared. L-look what you did to me. Why…why…why me?”
She can’t give up because I’m afraid she’ll hurt herself if she loses hope. The brokenness in her voice is pinching my battered heart. My palm rests on the door as I clutch my throbbing temple with my other hand and let out a heavy breath in a futile attempt to force out the agony coursing through me.
I answer without letting her hear. “Perché ti amo.” Because I love you.
***
Back downstairs, I slam the door shut to get Camilla and Skye’s attention. Camilla takes this as her cue to start explaining, but I shush her by holding up my palm and face Skye. “Skye, can you wait in the last room?” I nod toward the adjacent private room, and she leaves eagerly. Turning back to Camilla, I ask in a worn-out tone, “What happened upstairs?”
“She ambushed me when I brought
her breakfast. She was asking where you were. I had no idea so I told her that. She was pacing and suddenly pushed me aside, tray and all, and ran out of the room. Is she okay?”
“Yes. She’ll leave the day after tomorrow. I’m trying here, Camilla.”
She peruses me with scornful eyes.
“Nobody can know about her little incident,” I sternly tell her.
Camilla’s guilty face gives her away. “I already told Adriano. He’s on his way.”
“Nobody else, okay?”
She nods in acceptance.
Adriano comes barging in, standing possessively next to Camilla. “Are we all fine here?”
“Yes,” Camilla offers and breaks a small smile.
Adriano softens immediately and presses his lips to hers. “Fallon’s lost it?”
“I can clean up the room,” Camilla offers.
I hand her the key. This situation is spiraling entirely out of my control, intensifying my anger, because I’m not used to working this way. “Only to clean, then you leave immediately. Do not talk to her.” She nods and leaves hurriedly. “I slept here last night.” I point to the room Skye’s in. “Fallon didn’t take that well. She saw me almost kissing Skye.”
Adriano makes a disgusted face. “Why did you kiss her?”
“I didn’t kiss her. I thought we could use her,” I confess. “I was ‘massaging’ her into being more pliable. The plan was never to kiss her. I was seducing her a little.”
“Use?” he questions.
“Never mind. It was a fleeting thought.” Adriano and I have a busy day ahead. We have to be in The Loop at noon to sign off on new investment plans, and we have to drop off some cash to several associates. Tonight we’re meeting Leggia’s underboss, Biagio, in private. It’s imperative that I get Biagio in our corner before the trade takes place tomorrow.
Adriano and I get in my car. Every day, I need to change plans, do damage control, keep myself and Fallon in control. I’m exhausted. Drained. Her wariness and distrust is draining our love. Her constant need to fight me is infuriating.
For Fallon (Chicago Syndicate) Page 22
