“Kelly.” Jake’s voice came from right behind her and she whirled around to find him standing less than a metre away. Her bustier dangled from one of his hands. She snatched it from him, stuffing it into the pocket of her jacket. Then she crossed to the other side of the living room, needing some distance between them. She raked her fingers through her hair as she tried to get her thoughts into some sort of order, but they were impossible to keep straight.
“I don’t understand,” she said at last. “We were having fun together. Indulging ourselves and… enjoying each other.”
“We were.” Jake nodded in agreement with her. “I mean, we are.”
“Then what the hell is going on with you?” she cried. “One minute you’re all over me, the next you’re rejecting me. Now you’re claiming to be in love with me? Seriously, Jake, you’re giving me whiplash.”
He sighed, his eyes closing for a moment as he cringed at her words. “I know. I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m trying to get this right but instead I’m stuffing it all up.”
“I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
Jake’s head snapped up. “What the hell would make you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact you suddenly stopped sleeping with me.” Her voice was rising too high, she was at the point of yelling but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I figured you were trying to let me down easy so you could walk away without feeling guilty about it this time.”
“Are you kidding me?” Jake’s face screwed up as if somehow she was the crazy one. “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to keep my hands to myself these past few weeks?”
Throwing her hands in the air Kelly turned a full circle, as if she could find a clue to his logic hidden somewhere in the room. “Excuse me if I don’t feel for your pain but I don’t remember asking you to do that. ‘Sexually frustrated’ isn’t my best look.”
He snorted at her words, a groan sounding as he leaned over to rest his elbows on the kitchen counter, his head hanging between his hands. “Tell me about it,” he said with a pained expression. “I’m so hard I could probably pound nails into this wood with my dick.”
She’d much rather he pounded into her, but she didn’t think this was the right time to remind him of that. She wasn’t about to leave herself open to another no.
“Tell me, right now, what all this crap is about,” she demanded. “What is it you want from me?” She pronounced each word clearly, sharply, so he’d be sure to hear her. This was the only chance she’d give him. He needed to be honest with her or she was out of here. She’d had enough of his games.
Straightening his shoulders, he took measured steps around the counter and into the living room until he stood in front of her, almost close enough to touch.
“I want you, Kelly. All of you.” His chest rose and fell too fast, as if this was something he’d been waiting to say—as if he was finally revealing himself to her for the first time since he’d been back in town. “I want you to be mine.”
She shook her head in confusion. He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he meant. Not after everything that had already happened between them. “You want to be… my boyfriend?” Her tongue tripped over the word and it fell awkwardly from her mouth.
He took a step closer and the air between them seemed to crackle with possibility. “I want to wake up next to you. I want to cook you breakfast on Sunday morning and hear about your day every night.” His right hand rose to thread through her hair, cupping the side of her head. “I want to go on dates with you and watch bad movies while hanging out on the couch in our pyjamas.”
Kelly’s eyes slid closed as he took yet another step. She could feel the heat of his body now, could feel his breath on her skin. “I want to make love to you in the middle of the night.” Gentle fingers splayed around her chin, tilted her face up toward his. “I want to tell you how much I love you, over and over.” He kissed one corner of her mouth, then the other, before he pressed his lips against hers. She whimpered at the taste of him.
“Say the words, Kelly.” His quiet voice was so full of longing, of hope. He made her want to give in. “Tell me you love me.”
I love you, Jake.
The whisper of memory came back to her, from so long ago. She had told him she loved him once. It had been the first time she’d said the words to any man. The pain that followed so close behind, it had echoed through her heart ever since.
Unable to speak, she placed her hands against his chest. Her fingers curled against the warmth of his skin before she pushed him away. His own hands tightened for a moment before letting go. They stood there, in silence, for a long time.
Kelly swallowed around the lump in her throat, cleared it in an attempt to make speaking easier. “We’ve already been here, Jake,” she croaked. “It was forever ago, another lifetime, but it still happened. I gave you everything, and you hurt me with it.”
“I know.” He nodded, his gaze never leaving hers. “But things are different now, I need you to believe that. I won’t let you down—not ever again.”
She walked past him, needing some space as she replayed his words in her mind. Something about the way this confession had played out wasn’t quite right. It felt too well-crafted, rehearsed almost.
“How long have you felt this way?” she asked, crossing her arms as she faced him once more.
He released a deep breath as he looked away, and she knew he didn’t want to answer.
“How long, Jake?”
“It’s been a while.”
“You just didn’t bother to tell me,” she added. He gave a curt nod and she bristled at his presumptuousness. “You let me think this thing between us was casual, when really it was anything but. This whole time you’ve had an agenda I knew nothing about.”
He pressed his lips together in a thin line. “I needed you to give me a chance.”
“And you lied to me to get it.” There was no yelling now, no accusations or pointing of fingers. She simply laid out the facts as she saw them. “You want me to believe your sudden confession of undying love, but in truth you’ve been lying to me for who knows how long.”
“Will you put that aside for one damned minute?” He stalked toward her, clasped her hands between his as he implored her with his eyes. “Think about how good we are together. How much better we can be.” His hands raised to hold her face as he pressed his forehead against hers once more. “Please, baby. This is our second chance. Don’t throw us away.”
She pulled free of his grasp, took a step back. “There is no us, Jake. Not really. We haven’t even been playing by the same rules.”
He lift an eyebrow. “Seriously? You think that?”
“We’re good together, we always were.” She held her hands up when he got too close, keeping him at a distance. “The chemistry between us could melt steel, but that sort of fire doesn’t last. It has to burn out eventually.” She looked away, her chest clenching painfully as she spoke again. “Maybe it’s better to end it now, before we both get hurt.”
“No, don’t say that.” His voice was all broken glass and husky growl as he took her by the shoulders. “I’m not some confused kid anymore. I’m a grown man and I know exactly what I want. I love you, Kelly. Please, let me prove it to you. Say you’ll give me a real chance.”
She shook her head, extracting herself from his touch. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, picking up her purse. “This is all too much, I can’t… I can’t think.” She strode down the hallway, intent on escaping. When she opened the door, the cool night air washed over her, urging her back into the house—back into Jake’s arms.
“Ten year’s apart couldn’t kill what’s between us, Kelly,” Jake called after her. “And neither can you.”
She turned to look back at him. He stood at the other end of the hallway and, though his face was in shadow, she could see the pain in his eyes. Pain that was reflected in her own heart. “I just… I need to catch my breath.
I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”
He gave her a curt nod. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
She left the house, pulling the door closed behind her, and walked to her car with long strides. It wasn’t until she sat safe behind the wheel that she allowed the confusion to overwhelm her, and allowed herself to cry.
Chapter 18
Standing at the front door of Trina’s parents’ house, Kelly felt a strange mixture of dread and anticipation tangling in her stomach. She really should knock. She couldn’t stand outside forever. Today was Trina’s thirtieth birthday, after all, and she was expected to be at the party. Trina’s parents had been planning it for months. A bunch of Trina’s friends would be there, as well as all her family—including Jake.
She took a deep breath and raised her fist, giving the door three sharp raps as she steeled herself for the night ahead.
For the past few weeks she’d avoided Jake like the plague. She knew her behaviour was cowardly and immature, but she’d done it anyway. Now she could avoid it no longer, her stomach roiled at the idea of seeing him again.
She still didn’t know what to do about their relationship, or how much longer he would put up with the silent treatment before he came and kicked her front door down in an effort to re-establish communications. But then again, maybe he’d already given up on her and moved on. He’d seemed sincere the night he’d proclaimed his love but, she didn’t actually believe absence made the heart grow fonder and there was the possibility he’d already given her up as a lost cause. It wasn’t like she’d been in touch for him to tell her one way or the other.
She was still caught up in her thoughts, also known as self-recriminations, when she realised the door had opened and she now stood right in front of the main focus of all those distracting thoughts. And dreams. And lustful fantasies.
“Good evening, gorgeous.”
One second of that husky voice and all the nasty dread in her stomach metamorphosed into fluttering butterflies. A part of her wished she could walk into his arms and snuggle against the broad expanse of his chest. If only it were so simple.
“Hello, Jake.” At least she hadn’t been trying for any sort of responding sexy huskiness, because her voice came out as more of a cracked squeak. She gave a quiet cough before trying again. “It’s nice to see you.”
“Nice,” he said, his face twisting into a pained expression. “That’s a god-awful word.”
She couldn’t help but smile, thankful he seemed undone by the situation also. She closed the door behind her and they made their way through the house.
“I could have used ‘hideously awkward’, but I’m trying to be polite.” She indicated the party decorations strung up around the house. “Given the happy circumstances and all.”
“Probably a good idea,” he replied. “Aunty Alice wouldn’t be above breaking her favourite wooden spoon on my backside if I upset her youngest daughter on her special day.”
“You’ve got that right, boy,” Trina’s mother called out from the kitchen. “Hello, Kelly. How are you?”
Kelly had met the older woman a number of times over the years and greeted her warmly. They exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes until she said, “Speaking of Trina, where is the birthday girl?”
“Right behind you.”
She turned to see a grinning Trina walking toward them. She handed them each a large cup containing liquid of a suspiciously vibrant pink. “Let’s get this party started,” she said, giving them an exaggerated wink.
Kelly laughed at her friend’s enthusiasm. “I have a feeling you started without me.”
The expression Trina wore was all wide-eyed innocence, right before she broke into giggles. “I may possibly be one or two drinks in front of you.”
Meanwhile, Jake eyed the candy glow liquid with frank suspicion. “You don’t actually expect me to drink this do you?”
“Watch it buddy or I’ll add a little umbrella.” Trina poked at his chest with a freshly manicured finger. “I’ll have you know I invented this little taste of happiness.”
Jake backed up, handing the cup to Kelly as he went. “I’ve heard enough. I’m gonna go beg your dad for a beer.”
Trina tutted at Jake’s back as he walked away. “Men,” she scoffed. “They’re such wimps.”
“Show them a wisp of pink and they’ll run a mile,” Kelly agreed.
“Come on, everyone’s outside.”
They headed out onto the already crowded back deck. Laughter and the light-hearted chatter of people having a good time almost drowned out the music pumping from the built in sound system. The whole area had been decked out with fairy lights at every turn. Silver stars hung from the roof and a light breeze made them dance and turn in the light until the whole ceiling emulated a twinkling night sky.
Kelly quickly fell into conversations with the various family members and friends she knew. Over an hour passed before she made it to the far side of the deck and could look out over the large backyard. Accessible via a set of external stairs, the yard was lit with flood lights and Kelly could see more chairs set up around a fire pit down on the grass. Trina’s sister, Lauren, and their brother, Derek, sat chatting in the firelight while Lauren’s two daughters played in the nearby sandpit. The little girls’ brows were knitted in concentration as they used a battered toy truck to transport a precious load of sand from one end of the pit to the half-built castle at the other. A few dolls provided stoic supervision of their future abode from the edge.
This sort of simple, carefree scene was something Kelly had enjoyed in the past, on the few occasions when she visited with Trina’s family. Every time she came here she felt a sense of envy at the oddity of being surrounded by such a large family. She and her sister had grown up flying distance from their other relatives. Really it had just been the two of them and their parents. Then, after her parents’ divorce when she was ten, she’d just had her mum and sister most of the time. Simon had been an only child with a small extended family so, even when she’d been with him, there hadn’t been a big family presence around them.
She wasn’t used to this kind of close-knit togetherness. When she was younger she’d always figured such closeness would feel stifling or make her claustrophobic. Then she’d come to this house with its noise and crowd of siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents and she’d been overcome with longing. The way they’d welcomed her right from the first day, it had made her wish one day she could have something like this—something like Trina and Jake had.
I want you to be mine.
Longing pierced her at the memory of those words. Jake had said he wanted something real with her. He’d gone so far as to use the word ‘forever.’ It occurred to her then, if she said yes, she might not have cause to be envious of these people anymore. Jake had offered her a chance to become a part of this family—to belong here. The idea was tempting, but risky too. The possibility of gaining a real place in all of this only to lose it again if, or when, he changed his mind, was more than she could bear.
“There you are,” Trina’s voice startled her out of her morose thoughts and she smiled at her friend. “I lost you somewhere along the way.”
“It’s all good. I’ve been busy catching up with everyone. Are you having a good time?”
“Of course,” Trina scoffed. “I’m thirty years old, working in a dead end job as a personal assistant for an arsehole I hate and I’m single. This is the best day of my life.” She threw back whatever she currently had in her glass before pointing a finger in Kelly’s general direction. “But hey, I’ve spent all day accepting gifts and being showered with compliments. What’s not to love?”
Kelly put an arm around her friend’s shoulder. “And after that speech I may have to go out tomorrow and buy you a second birthday gift to make you feel better.”
Trina gave a watery laugh. “Just don’t tell anyone what I said.”
“Cross my heart,” she assured her.
&n
bsp; “I’m glad you’re here. You were so late I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”
Kelly cringed, feeling awful that her best friend had doubted she would show up. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a bit out of sorts lately, but I never would have missed your party. Not for anything.”
“Good, because it wouldn’t have been the same without you.”
They hugged it out and Kelly was glad she hadn’t chickened out of seeing Jake, though she couldn’t pretend the idea hadn’t crossed her mind. When she’d first reignited their affair, the one thing she’d promised herself was that she wouldn’t let anything happening between her and Jake interfere with her relationship with Trina. They’d been friends for so long, she didn’t know what she’d do without the other woman in her life. And yet, recently she’d come dangerously close to letting that happen. She’d been so self-absorbed she hadn’t recognised Trina’s struggle with this milestone she was hitting. That thought alone give her the kick in the pants she knew she needed.
She had to stop running away from her messy feelings and confront them head-on. The time had come to make a decision about her future, and whether that future included Jake, one way or the other.
Chapter 19
“Good evening, dear.”
Kelly looked up to see a slender woman of about fifty lowering herself into the chair beside her. It had only recently been vacated by Julia, who was called to the kitchen for some emergency involving platters of sausage rolls and an empty tomato sauce bottle.
The woman gave her a warm smile. The grey hair and lined face spoke of a hard life, though the unmistakable sparkle of curiosity still shone in her dark eyes. Eyes that were the exact same shade as someone else she knew. “My name is Adele Caine. I believe you know my son, Jacob.”
Holy ever living crap! She was sitting beside Jake’s mother.
Returning the smile, Kelly held out her hand in greeting. “That’s correct,” she said. “I’m Trina’s friend, Kelly Rawlins. It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs Caine.”
This Time Forever: Second Chance Romance (Finding Forever Book 3) Page 11
