“No, of course not.” He threw his hands out wide and she could feel the frustration coming off him in waves. “But you told me yourself you were using me to make yourself feel better. I didn’t realise you meant you were using me to get over him.” He paced across the foyer as he spoke, his thoughts seeming to spill out of him unchecked. “From the moment I came back you’ve been telling me we could never have anything real, I just didn’t want to believe it. I thought I could win you back and then our life together would be perfect, like I imagined it would be.”
“Like you… you what?” A rush of blood sounded in Kelly’s ears at his words. How long had he been planning their reunion? “You make it sound like you’d already decided what would happen between us before you got off the plane from Sydney. Before we even saw each other again.” She wanted him to laugh at the idea, to dismiss it as a ridiculous notion. He didn’t.
“What did you imagine would happen?” she asked, taking an unsteady step back as she felt the blood drain from her face. “Was I supposed to fall into your arms on sight, or did you picture me holding out for a day or two before the swooning commenced.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Those were the words she’d been hoping for, but they’d come too late.
“I’m being ridiculous?” She huffed out a derisive snicker. “How disappointed you must be. To have come all this way looking for a girl you met ten years ago, only to end up with me.” She held her arms up, her voice breaking on the last word. “I haven’t changed so much, you know. But I’m a grown woman now, with a decade worth of experiences and scars all my own. If you can’t accept me as I am, then we never had a chance in the first place.”
His gave a harsh laugh. “A chance. I’m beginning to wonder if we ever had one.” He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “I didn’t expect you to swoon into my arms. I’m not an idiot,” he bit out. “It just wasn’t… it wasn’t supposed to be this fucking hard.”
“Of course it’s hard,” she snapped. “Nothing worth having comes easy.”
He lifted his head to look at her. “Do you love me, Kelly?” he asked, his eyes searching her face. “In the end that’s all that matters, right? We’ve been doing this dance for months. Surely you have some idea how you feel by now. Please, tell me.” The words were demanding this time. “Do you love me or not?”
“Jake, I…” She’d been thinking earlier how she looked forward to the day she could finally say the words. When she felt safe, when she trusted him. Nothing about the way Jake was acting right now felt safe. And yet, she knew he needed to hear her say it. “I… I do. Yes.” It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been ready or the words hadn’t come easily. The feeling behind them was real—surely he would see that. Surely it would be enough.
But the hurt in his eyes told her he wasn’t fooled. “Nice try,” he said, his voice cracking. “But that was a little too much hesitation for me.”
He started to back away from her and Kelly felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. She clutched one hand over her belly, hoping she wouldn’t be sick. “Jake,” she breathed, “wait.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” he rasped. All the anger in him had drained away. Instead, he seemed defeated, which was a million times worse. “I have to go.” He turned on his heel and walked out through the front entrance.
Kelly stood there in shock for long minutes. It was only when she tasted salt on her lips that she realised she was crying. One hand rose to wipe her cheek and, as she looked at her wet fingertips, she felt a sense of deja vu wash over her. Jake had left her all over again. And this time, he was never coming back.
Chapter 26
Jake watched his mother pour tea and put a plate of biscuits on the table. She lowered herself into a chair opposite him, propped her elbows up on the table and placed her chin on her laced fingers.
“All right, my son,” she said with narrowed eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong, Mum.” He sipped his tea, refusing to meet her gaze. “I thought you might like some company for the morning.”
“Of course, dear. I always like company, you know that.” She reached out across the table to pat him on the arm. “But it’s a long way to come for tea and biscuits.”
He shrugged. “I don’t mind the drive. Now, tell me how those roses of yours are going? Are they suffering in the heat?”
“Oh, you know.” She waved a hand in the air. “A good watering first thing and they’ll live. They always do.” She gestured to herself with a flourish. “They’re survivors, like me.”
“Damned straight,” he agreed with pride. “A survivor to the bone.”
“That’s something I handed down to you, along with those beautiful eyes.”
He took another sip of his tea, ignoring the painful clenching in his gut. “I do all right,” he said, loath to have his mother realise he was anything but happy. She’d done enough worrying about him in years gone by, he didn’t want her to start doing it again now.
“You know,” she said after a long silence, “I wouldn’t have managed to keep us all together if it hadn’t been for you. Back when you boys were young and your father was gone.” She drained the last of her tea and looked down into the empty cup as if her memories could be seen in the bottom. “Working so much was hard. But what I hated most was not being there for you boys more.”
“We were fine, Mum.” Jake was quick to reassure her. He’d known, from the time he was a scruffy teenager, she was doing everything she could for them. Even if she did have to work on birthdays or miss dinner with them for weeks at a time. He’d never been angry at her for it, despite the noose of responsibility he’d felt chaffing his neck. He’d just wished things could be different for them.
“The younger boys were fine, yes. I have you to thank for that. You always made sure your brothers had done their homework and brushed their teeth.” Her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. “You tucked them in and read them a bedtime story every night I wasn’t there.”
Jake snorted, uncomfortable with the tone of the conversation. “I would hardly say a Stephen King novel counted as a good bedtime story for a nine-year-old Mike.”
His mother gasped in shock. “I didn’t know that. Stephen King? Is that why he kept having bad dreams?”
Jake shrugged, appalled at the memory of poor Mike waking up screaming at two o’clock in the morning. “I only did it once, I swear. The book was due back at the library the next day. All I wanted to do was finish it and he kept nagging me to read to him. It seemed like the perfect compromise at the time.”
“Well, the point is, out of the three of you boys I know those years were hardest on you. And I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you did. You helped me hold our family together. I will never forget that, and neither will your brothers.”
His heart swelled within him. “Thanks, Mum. It means a lot.”
“I wish I’d been there for you the way you were there for them. I know you were too old to be tucked in by then but, I wanted to be there to hear about your day, about your troubles. All the Mum stuff we did way too little of.” She wiped her eyes dry and cleared her throat before continuing. “And that is why I want you to tell me why you’re here today. And none of that, ‘keeping me company’ rubbish. Something is wrong, Jacob, and I want to know what it is.”
Jake sighed. If anyone would understand what he was going through it would be this strong, stubborn woman in front of him. “When I was a kid I used to dream we had this perfect family. You know, with two parents who loved each other and loved us. And we’d go to soccer games together and have picnics and movie nights. We even had a dog called Jack.”
“I wish I could have given you that,” she said with a nod.
He shrugged. “As I got older I lost interest in that for a long time. Then a few years ago those thoughts of having a family started to make a reappearance. Getting married, having children. Living the happily ever after I wished for as a kid.”
He nodded, though when she put it like that it sounded a lot less satisfying. “She changed my life the first time we were together, though she didn’t know it. So, naturally I thought about her over the years. I’d ask Trina how she was doing occasionally, that kind of thing.
But when I starting thinking about marriage, it was like my brain locked onto her and wouldn’t let go, though I knew she was with someone else. I’d date other women, but none of them could live up to the picture of Kelly I had in my head. And I kept thinking, if only I had another chance, things would be different this time.” He’d damned near driven himself insane with the what if’s and the could have been’s, right up until he’d gotten the one phone call that changed everything. “The day Trina told me Kelly was single again I started making plans to move home. I was determined to win her back—no matter what. I decided I was going to make that perfect life I’d always dreamt about happen and nothing would stop me.” Considering how things stood between them now, the fantasy seemed absurdly unrealistic. “Things have not exactly been going to plan.”
“I should hope not.” His mother sounded so appalled at the idea he frowned. She frowned right back. “You’ve got some cheek, coming back here and expecting this poor woman to live up to some fantasy life you’ve been building since you were a child. If you wanted her to follow your script you should have mailed her a copy ahead of time.”
Jake clasped his hands in front of him on the table to stop them from clenching. “It’s not like that.”
“Oh, isn’t it?” She threw her head back and laughed uproariously. “If she’s not putting you through the wringer before she says yes then she’s not the kind of woman I want for you anyway.”
He rolled his eyes. “So glad to know you’re on my side.”
“Of course I’m on your side,” she said, still chuckling. “Your childhood was far from perfect and I agree you can do better. But, honestly, if you think the two of you can get married and live out some perfect life free from mistakes and bad days then you’re setting yourself, and her, up for a rude shock. Perfection in a relationship is not possible.” She jabbed a finger at the table to emphasis her point. “What about your Aunty Alice and Uncle Pete. They’ve been married for nearly forty years, do you think they live some perfect fantasy life?”
Naturally, Jake already knew the answer. He’d seen his aunt and uncle fight over everything from the best way to cook a side of beef to whether they should vote Liberal or Labor in the next election. “Of course not.”
“Now tell me this,” she insisted. “Do those two people belong together?”
Jake sighed. They’d been in love since they were teenagers and the laughter and banter they shared easily outweighed any of the grumbling or arguments he’d ever seen them have. “Yes, they love each other, but—”
“Damned right they do. And it has nothing to do with being perfect or living happily ever after.” His mother shifted in her chair and he knew he was in for a lecture. There wasn’t much point in interrupting until she was done. “Let me tell you, no fairy tale ever got to the part about spouses who snore too much or juggling work with taking care of sick kids. They never tell you how to decide who gets the job of washing the dishes when you’re both too tired to move. Marriage takes work. But when you love each other and you want to take care of each other, the work is worthwhile. So tell me, do you love Kelly?”
“Yes,” he cried.
“I don’t mean some fantasy woman you had stuck in your head before you came home, I mean the woman you’ve spent the last four months trying to pin down. Do you love her?”
Jake thought back over all that had happened in the past few months, and the Kelly he’d gotten to know. She wasn’t anything like his perfect woman that was for sure. She argued with him constantly, she demanded to have everything her way, she’d flatly refused to take their relationship seriously for as long as possible.
She was stubborn and independent. Passionate and sexy as hell. When she set her mind on something she did whatever she had to in order to achieve her goal—even if the goal was as dubious as getting him out of his pants. She challenged him at every turn and he never had a clue what she would do next.
Suddenly, he realised he was smiling. His life was in a shambles, the dreams he’d had for his future were in tatters and he still didn’t know if she would ever love him in return. And yet, just thinking about her had him grinning like a lunatic.
He smiled, raking his hands through his hair as he groaned in frustration. “Yes, damn it. I love her like crazy.”
“Well, in that case, there’s only one question left.” His mother rose from the table and began gathering empty teacups. “What the hell are you doing here? Go fight for her.”
Chapter 27
The moment she stepped into the foyer on Monday morning, Kelly spotted Simon sitting in a plush chair near the reception area. He got up the moment he saw her, as if he’d been waiting for her to arrive, and she gave a low groan of annoyance. After the argument she’d had with Jake in this very room on Friday night, Simon was the last person she wanted to see.
“Good morning, Kelly.” He approached her with the usual hesitancy, as if unsure what her reaction would be. What did he think she would do, break down in tears at the sight of him or something? Truly, it had been more than six months since they broke up. She saw him on a regular basis. She was over it.
She blinked in surprise as it hit her how true those words were. She really was over it. She looked at Simon now, this man whom she’d once believed she would marry, and felt nothing—not even the anger that had plagued her for months. Now all she had to do was put a stop to the stutter in his step and she’d be able to dismiss him from her life altogether.
“Good morning, Simon,” she said, plastering a cheery morning smile on her lips. “Did you and Nadine enjoy the party on Friday night?”
“Yes, thank you.” He gave an enthusiastic nod. “How about you? Did you and Jake have a good time?”
She forced herself to keep smiling, not wanting him to know the evening had ended so badly they hadn’t even left together. “We did.” Despite all attempts, her voice quivered.
Simon frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Damn, the quivering was worse, and now her eyesight had started to grow hazy with moisture. After managing to keep a brave face in front of Trina for the entire weekend, she couldn’t possibly collapse into weepy tears in front of Simon. Surely life couldn’t be that cruel.
“Come over here for a minute.” Taking her lightly by the arm, Simon steered her toward the sitting area he’d been occupying earlier.
She sat down in a chair facing away from the elevators and took deep breaths until she felt more under control. “Sorry about that,” she told Simon, who sat opposite her, his eyes full of sincerity and concern.
The look sparked a healthy dose of irritation. She could have used some of that sincerity in their relationship. He could have been sincere in his fidelity, for instance.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“No,” she assured him with a shake of her head. “Jake and I had a bit of a misunderstanding over the weekend. But I’ll be fine, one way or the other.”
Simon opened his mouth, as though he wanted to say something but was hesitant, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes at him. “What is it?”
He glanced around, as if to make sure no one paid attention to them, before he said, “Do you want to know why I asked Nadine to marry me?”
“Not really. No.” She had no qualms admitting that one.
“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway because you need to hear it.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and spoke in a low voice so no one else would overhear. “I want to marry her because when she sees me, her eyes light u
p. It’s like I’m home to her and she’s home to me. And when she tells me she loves me I can feel it.” He pressed a hand to his heart, as if emphasising the visceral impact of the words. “It blows me away.” There was a sense of awe in his voice Kelly had never heard before.
“You never once looked at me that way,” he continued. “And when you used to tell me you loved me, I heard you say the words but,” he shook his head, “but I couldn’t feel them. I never knew whether you really loved me, or if I was just convenient, like a habit that wasn’t bad enough to break.”
Kelly had no idea Simon had felt that way. And yet, the moment he said it she knew he spoke the truth. She’d never given her heart to him—not completely. After the devastation she’d felt as a young woman, when Jake had walked out of her life so abruptly, she’d vowed it would never happen again and it hadn’t. When her relationship with Simon had ended she’d felt justified, relieved she’d protected herself. But what was the cost of that protective shield she hadn’t realised she wore?
“Why are you telling me all this?” she asked, her whole body trembling with realisation and regret. “Why now?”
“Because I do care about you, as a friend, and I want you to be happy,” he replied. “I saw you and Jake dancing the other night, before our conversation. The way you were looking at each other then, it was like you’d found home.” He sat back, a slight smile turning up the corners of his mouth, obviously proud of his observation. “You love him, in a way you never loved me or anyone else, and you need to tell him.”
“I did tell him,” she whispered. There was a desperation underlying the thready sound that felt more like a scream. “I told him and he left anyway.”
That ruined Simon’s smugness and saw a return of the frown. “Why?”
She looked away, refusing to answer. After all Simon had told her, she sure as hell didn’t want to admit Jake hadn’t believed her when she’d said the words—clumsily and under duress. She’d still held back from Jake, as she’d done with Simon. She’d still been protecting herself—just in case.
This Time Forever: Second Chance Romance (Finding Forever Book 3) Page 15
