by Alice Ward
Zoe was nodding, tiny little shakes of her head. “Yes. I felt like that. I hated myself so much.”
“Jess said that is one of the things that stop women from going to the police. The rapist, in court, will swear that she was wet, that she came. It can end up being a bigger source of shame than the attack itself.”
Air whooshed out of Zoe’s lungs, and I saw the hurt and confusion begin to melt off of her. “I thought it was just me.”
“From what Jessica said, it’s not something women talk about so it perpetuates everything else going on for them mentally and physically.”
Her eyes widened. “I need to write about this. Maybe have one of my stories talk about rape and the aftermath, but then how the woman is able to still have her happy ever after with the man who helps her heal.”
I kissed her nose, her forehead, the bruise just beneath her eye. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”
We stood that way even as the water began to cool. Something else she had said kept tapping at my brain. A part of me dreaded asking the question, but I really wanted to know. “You mentioned that the man said you were like your mother. Will you tell me what you meant?”
She shivered, and I didn’t know if it was because of the cooling water or from something else. “I—”
“How about we get dried off first?” I suggested, and she nodded.
Like she’d only remembered that she was naked, she lifted her arms, crossing them over her breasts. “Don’t. Your body is beautiful. Don’t hide it from me.” I extended both of my hands to her, urging her to uncover herself… but only on her own terms.
She seemed to relax, and her eyes fell from my face, to my chest, to my stomach. Lower. They widened and whipped back up to my face. Another day, at another time, her reaction might have been funny.
Today, it served as additional proof of just how innocent she was, despite the lush curves and supermodel looks. And that word again — vulnerable.
“The truth is, my mother was… is… a porn star,” she just blurted out.
I had to admit, that surprised me. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but that wasn’t it. I tried to imagine how it would be to grow up with that knowledge, be around that scene. It couldn’t have been easy, and from the way her face looked right now, it had been a nightmare. And it couldn’t have been easy to admit it either.
I blew out a breath. All right. If she wanted to continue the truth game, I’d go all in.
“The truth is, my wife was pregnant with our daughter when she was killed.”
Her fingers squeezed mine, her eyes filling with tears. “You win.”
I squeezed her fingers back. “There is no winner in any of this. Keep saying what you need to say.”
“The truth is, she wants me to do a movie with her. Mother-daughter is apparently a thing.”
I couldn’t even imagine that. Why did people have to suck so much?
My jaw was tight, the muscle throbbing as I confessed, “I killed the man who killed her.”
She didn’t look frightened. She only nodded, causing the tears that had brimmed to spill over. “I’m afraid of becoming like my mother, so I push people away.”
My chest constricted, and it took everything inside me to reach out and wipe away her tears. “I’m afraid to love anyone again. That hasn’t worked out too well in my life so far.”
The energy that always seemed to weave around us grew stronger as each of us let down our walls.
Zoe licked her lips. “The truth is, I’m desperate to make love with you, but I’m afraid I’ll freak out again.”
“I’m afraid that when I make love to you, it means I’ve cheated on my wife.”
We stood there, our souls as bare as our bodies, the air pulsing between us.
Then, when she stepped closer to me, her face lifting, our lips pressing together, I knew neither of us had to be afraid any longer.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Zoe
Something fierce and possessive flashed across his eyes before his mouth came down on mine, hard and hungry. He pulled me against his chest, his arms tight around me. We were both still damp, my hair still dripping, but it only added to the rawness of us coming together.
I leaned into him, moaning at his taste, his touch. It didn’t seem possible that a single kiss could make me feel so much. But I felt it all, everything the universe had to offer, and more.
His kiss. God, his kiss took my breath, stirred something deep inside me. The way our tongues twisted together, the way he sucked on it, nibbled at my lips. So good. It was like he was trying to devour me, consume every part of my flesh, and I’d gladly let him.
Still kissing, he walked me backward, not stopping until my back was against the solid surface of the door. He lifted our entwined fingers over my head, his long fingers wrapping around my wrists, his body pressed against mine. I was crushed between the hardness of the door and the strength of his body. I loved it. Loved how small and desired I felt.
I was at his mercy, and I didn’t care. It was exactly where I wanted to be. If I could choose any place, any time, any man, it would be here. Now. Him.
“I need you,” he breathed against my mouth before following his words with his tongue. I kissed him back hard, giving him my answer. I needed him too.
When I pulled, wanting my hands free, he released my wrists, and I groaned as my fingers settled in his hair. One hand fell to his beard. It was so soft but also rough, a contradiction much like the man himself.
He lifted his head, his forehead pressed against mine, our hot breath mingling between us. “I’m going to make love to you, and then fuck you, and before the night is over, I’ll make love to you again. Tell me you want it.”
Oh god, I wanted it. Nothing had ever sounded so good.
“Yes. Please. I want it. I want everything.”
With a small smile, he leaned in to kiss me again, then nibbled on my lips. “I love kissing you. I love how soft your lips are. How you taste.”
His tongue explored my mouth and I pushed back with my own, needing to know every part of his as well. As our tongues stroked each other, moved together, the fire in my belly expanded, leaving me hot, needy, and wanton, but I didn’t care.
I was falling. Falling under his spell, completely seduced by his every word and action.
Falling for this. For him.
Lifting me until I could wrap myself around him, he opened the door and strode to the bed. Then I was taking his weight as he pinned me with his warmth. He was so heavy, but the pressure was delicious as he sank onto me and began kissing me again.
What started as gentle took on a more urgent tone as his mouth tried to devour mine. I fed from him too, my arms and legs curling around him, refusing to let go.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he said against my cheek as he slid his lips to my ear, then down my neck. “Do you know how beautiful you are? How strong and soft? How perfect?” He moved down to my chest and took a nipple between his teeth. “Your breasts are so responsive.” He bit down, and I groaned, arching into him, thrilling in the combination of pain and pleasure.
“Gray, please.”
He chuckled at my neediness, his teeth and tongue still doing wonderful things to my breasts. His fingers began their own torment, trailing down my stomach and hip before traveling between my legs.
Moving back up the bed, he stared down into my eyes as the first finger slipped inside before a second one immediately followed. I cried out, and he captured the sound in his mouth. He twisted and thrust his fingers, curling them until the edges of my vision grew dim.
“So tight,” he murmured. So…”
He hesitated. Groaned. And I felt his entire body grow rigid.
I opened my eyes, looked into his. “Say it.”
He kissed the tip of my nose and gave me a smile that looked so sad. “So wet.”
I listened to the words, let them vibrate through me, but they didn’t have the edge they had before. He had been rig
ht. Monsters ran from the light, and this monster had been exposed. It wasn’t gone, but maybe it wouldn’t be as frightening moving forward. I had him to thank for that.
I ran my fingers through his hair. “Gray?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
I licked my lips, daring myself to say what my mind was screaming. “Make me wetter.”
The sadness of his gaze transformed into something else completely. Pure lust.
His nostrils flared, and the movement of his fingers picked up speed, spearing into me over and over. My hands sank into his hair, his beard, hanging on as he took me, pushing me higher as he watched my every expression. His blue eyes penetrated me as surely as his fingers, forcing me to the brink.
His fingers curled inside me, finding some hidden place that made my entire body hum and contract. “I want to watch your face as you come.” He pressed harder inside me as he licked at my lips. “Look at me, Zoe. Watch me watch you come.”
My body arched as he drove his fingers even deeper, curling them into the walls. His thumb circled my clit, making my eyes roll back in my head.
“That’s right, baby. I feel it. Feel you.”
I held onto his face, my fingers in his soft beard as what he was doing to me built. “Gray…” I lifted my hips, grinding, needing, taking. Craving. “Please.”
His nostrils flared, and he drove his fingers harder, faster. “Please what?”
The edges of my vision darkened as my eyes focused only on his face. My body was tightening, building, cresting as I raced to an unknown destination I only knew I must reach.
“Squeeze your inside muscles, bear down on my hand,” he said, his eyes not leaving mine. I did and, oh god, the sensations changed, and I came, my body twisting as everything I was feeling overwhelmed me.
Before I could catch my breath, he was pushing my legs apart, and his mouth was on me, his tongue in me, his hands gripping my ass, lifting me for better access.
“Please!”
It was a wail, it was a prayer, a plea. It was confusion that anything could ever feel so good.
He tongued my clit, drawing it into his mouth, pulling and sucking, driving me mad. The fingers were back, pushing, twisting, pounding until I was crying out a second time, my body trembling with the release.
He didn’t stop. Licking, sucking, biting, plunging, Gray took me higher than I knew was possible, the softness of his tongue, the brush of his beard making each movement a new and different sensation.
I was lost, totally his as he changed pressure and strokes, never letting me know what to expect.
“Don’t stop,” I begged as his tongue danced on my clitoris. He didn’t as he sucked it deep into his mouth.
I came again, powerfully, loudly, my thighs pressed together, clamping around his head as I rode out the million sensations flowing through me. He continued to lick me, long up and down strokes as I settled, and my trembling began to ease. He rimmed me, circling around and around my opening, penetrating just a tiny bit more with each exotic swirl of his tongue. Even through the aftermath of my climax, I opened for him, accepting him willingly.
In and out… round and round, his tongue giving and taking.
Another climax was near. Building. Growing. Tightening. Strengthening. The power of my body overtook me, convulsed through me, and I covered my face with my hands to muffle the scream. I sobbed through my release, as the pleasure continued to vibrate in each cell, every molecule of my being.
“So sensitive. I love how easy it is to make you come.” He crawled up my body, kissing and licking my flesh along the way. “See how good you taste.”
His mouth came down on mine as he settled between my legs. I licked his lips, tasted the saltiness there. It felt so erotic, and I didn’t hesitate to kiss him harder.
Then he was there, his cock nudging my entrance, spreading me, taking his time. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, lifting my hips with an instinct I didn’t know was inside me, wanting more.
He stiffened. “Shit.”
I opened my eyes, looking up into his blue ones. He was frowning, then he groaned and pulled out of me.
Uncertainty speared through me. “What’s wrong?”
His breathing was harsh, each exhale warming my face as he spoke. “No condoms,” he said, and understanding hit me like a brick. “I wasn’t thinking. Shit. I can’t think when I’m near you.”
I took his face in my hands. “It’s okay. I think I’m safe,” I told him, feeling myself blush. But hell, if I couldn’t talk about stuff like this, I had no business having sex. “My period was over just two days ago. I’m in the safe zone.”
He lowered his head until our foreheads touched, both of us panting, our breath humid between us. “It’s still risky.”
I lifted my hips, searching for him. “It’s worth it, and if the worst happens, I wouldn’t hold you responsible.”
He frowned. “The hell you wouldn’t. You couldn’t keep me away.” His voice softened, as did his eyes, his expression. “You might not be able to keep me away now.”
I think my entire body smiled, and I stroked my fingers through his hair. “The truth is, I don’t want to keep you away. I want to do this, I’d risk anything to be with you right now.”
The frown returned. “Right now, yes. But what about tomorrow or a month from now? Nine months?”
I stroked his beard, watched the hair play through my fingers. “Then I’d have a little Gray or Grayette to love.”
A cloud passed over his expression and I knew from where it came.
“I’m sorry about your baby, Gray. Your wife. I can’t imagine the horror and sadness you’ve gone through.”
His face grew tight, and although I tried to hold on, he pulled away, practically ejecting himself from the bed. Running all ten fingers through his hair, he walked over to the fireplace, stared down into the flames. From where I lay, I watched him, the beautiful man in so much torment, trying to imagine how he must feel.
Betrayal came to mind first. He must see this as a betrayal to his wife’s memory, which was a symbol of just how much he once loved her. Loved her still. I shivered. It was almost as if her ghost was in the room, which cast a new realization. If she were alive, he would be with her, not me.
I shook my head, shaking the selfishness away. If I could be Super Z right now and transport to a different time and place, I’d save his wife, his child. I’d gladly give him his family back. I’d walk away even now, even with all this need and desire and… hope living inside me.
I would, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have that power. But I possessed other powers. The power of compassion and laughter and… I sighed. The power of love too. I’d only known him less than twenty-four hours, and I knew intellectually that what I felt for him couldn’t be love, not in the true sense of the word. Book reviewers would call it insta-love, and they would write scathing reviews of how that wasn’t possible.
But if it wasn’t possible, then why did my chest ache at the thought of losing him? Why did this sense of tenderness make me so protective?
It was crazy. Why can a mother look into the eyes of her child for the first time and feel insta-love, but that same woman would be shamed for feeling the same for a man?
Maybe it was my youth and inexperience that made it difficult to answer the question. Maybe after my heart was broken a few times, I’d see the naysayers’ points.
But no one was here but the two of us right now, and I knew that what I felt was powerful and real. It might not last. After a few days, months, or years, these feelings might not stand the test of time. But now…
I brought my pendant to my lips. Own luck. Own love. Own life. Own legacy.
My decision was made.
Sitting up, I swung my legs from the bed, ignoring the edge of dizziness, the pounding that still hadn’t eased away. I walked behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. And as I pressed my lips and breasts to his back, inhaled his scent, I let the sense of love wash over from me
and to him.
Gray turned to face me, torment still written over his beautiful face. He looked lost, like hope had escaped him, and I remembered how I felt just yesterday as the Jeep attempted to suck me to my death.
I remembered the hand extended to mine. I remembered latching on to it for dear life.
It was my turn.
“Here,” I said softly, reaching into the space between us. “Take my hand.”
In his eyes, I could see that he remembered too. The tiniest of smiles played at his lips as his fingers linked with mine. Walking backward, I led him to the bed. Led him to a different type of safety. The safety of me.
When his weight was on me again, his throbbing cock between us, his lips only inches from mine, he hesitated.
“Use me, Gray,” I whispered. “Use me to help you heal just as I’m using you. You said before… of all the mountains in all the world, I showed up on yours. Yes, I did, and I think there’s a powerful reason for that. A reason outside both of our control.”
He pushed my hair back from my face, and with one flex of his hips, he was inside me. I was the lock, and he the key. Separate, both were useless. Together, something incredible was unlocked.
“My goddess.”
Fully connected, he kissed me, our tongues merging as completely as our sexes. Wrapping my arms and legs around him, I was lost in wonder at how my body could completely absorb his.
“Feel me,” he whispered against my lips, flexing his hips again.
I was in awe at how my body stretched around him, accommodating his width and length. “I feel you,” I promised. “I feel everything. I want to feel it all.”
His hands on the sides of my face, he pulled out slowly, inch by beautiful inch. “Feel.”
