by Alice Ward
She was right.
Sexually, I would never get the free lunch I had with Rachel. Hands down, she was the kinkiest, most amenable lover I’d ever been with, but that was it. Sex on a stick. I wanted… no needed, more.
“You’re amazing, Rachel. Sexually, you’re a rock star and the kinkiest lover I’ve ever had. If I were choosing with my dick, you’d win,” I said gently.
“So, there is someone else,” she realized, defeated.
“Kind of.” I was going for honesty.
“What does that mean?”
“I met a girl I’d like to know better. She’s a waitress I met in Connecticut. Well, not a waitress anymore, she’s an artist and an educator. The point is, she’s different than any woman I’ve met before. I like her.” I was surprised by my own frankness.
Rachel laughed. “You can have the both of us. You just met, right? No need to get all righteous on me.”
“Actually, I want to be a little righteous, just for a change of pace,” I said cautiously.
“What is she? A conservative Christian? Doesn’t strike me as your type. I’ve never even seen you pick up a bible,” she joked, but I heard the stress behind the words.
“I’m not sure what her religious affiliation is. I just, well, my reputation has preceded me and she thinks me incapable of anything resembling love.”
Why was my mouth still talking?
“She’s smart,” Rachel said. She knew me well.
“I want to prove her wrong.”
“Oh fuck, no. You have a crush. What is she? Supermodel gorgeous?” she asked sarcastically.
“Yes, but—”
“Then she won’t care. She probably loves herself more than she’ll ever love you. Just keep all the fucking on the DL.”
Still naked, Rachel pressed against me, running her hand down to my softened cock. Like the traitor it was, it pulsed, and she laughed.
“See, you want me.”
“Any man in his right mind would want you,” I said gently, seeing the hurt behind her actions. “I’m not in my right mind right now. I want to get to know this other woman. I want to see where it leads.”
Her jaw tightened, but she stepped away. “Fine. I’ll go home. In fact, when you call me, I won’t answer. Then when you do fuck your little conservative Christian waitress, see if little Miss Missionary is better than this.” She slid her finger down her wet center and wiped the juice across my lips.
It pissed me off, and I swiped at my face with my sleeve. “It’s time for you to go.”
We faced off. “So, you planning on being celibate until Miss Missionary puts out?”
“Yes.”
Fuck. Did I really just say that? Yes. Yes, I did. And the confession was a relief.
She laughed and began pulling on her clothes. “Well, good luck with that.”
In just a few moments, my fix would walk out the door. If I really wanted to go through with this, then I would have to let a totally free, absolutely no strings attached pussy waltz out of my life. I nearly stopped her. She turned to me and smiled.
“You know, little righteous girls don’t suck cock or scream your name while they take it up the ass.”
I said nothing, just took a few steps toward my door.
A glint came into her eyes. “Let’s put money on it. You practice abstinence until you crack Chastity’s clam. If you fuck someone else, it will be news and I’ll know. You can text me a screenshot of her sending a pathetic ‘it was the best sex of my life’ message.”
Whatever. I just wanted her gone. “Fine.”
She grinned. “What are we wagering?”
I lifted a shoulder. “Winner decides.”
She smiled. “This’ll be fun.”
She blew me a kiss and was gone.
Sinking onto the couch, I leaned my head back, totally exhausted. It was a hell of a lot easier to be an asshole. It took less work. Less thought. Less everything.
Then I thought of auburn hair and big brown eyes.
Little Caitlyn Ashcroft was worth it.
Hell, she better be.
CHAPTER NINE
Caitlyn
I woke up the next morning still high from my day with KP. It all seemed like a dream — one amazing dream. I had a hard time accepting the fact that I was no longer broke, and it didn’t sink in until KP’s accountant called. We went over the details of the contract, defining how much money I would be getting from the sale and when I would be getting it. Even with all the facts, figures and details, it still wasn’t sinking in that I was almost a millionaire.
When I finished my phone conversation, I just sat there and cried. Everything in life seemed so big and overwhelming, I could barely function. I called Tammy. She was my rock, she would fix me.
“Hey, you,” I said when she answered her cell.
“Hey, you back. How’s Gran today? Everything okay? I’m at work, but you know I’ll drop everything if I need to.” There was a sad note of fear in her voice.
“No, nothing’s changed from yesterday. She’s still out of it, and the hospital won’t release her yet. I’m going to see her in a few, and I’ll update you then.”
“Okay…” her voice still sounded worried. “So, what’s wrong? You never call while I’m at work unless something’s wrong.”
“Right, sorry. Well, are you sitting down, cause what I’m going to tell you might knock you over.”
“Yeah, I’m sitting. Hit me with it.” She was worried, I could tell.
“I sold all my paintings to that guy who came into the diner,” I said in one breath.
“Him? But… but you hate him.”
I pressed my fingers to my temples. “Yeah, I know. It’s a long story, but Tam… I’m a millionaire. He bought them for that, and he’s commissioned me to paint another one for him. I’m… I’m…” I didn’t know what I was.
If anyone was going to call me out on my shit, it would be Tammy. She’s like me. She could give a damn about money. If I was compromising my ideals and beliefs, especially for money —or sex or anything else — I was gonna die by her hand.
“What exactly do you mean about painting one for him? Of what, Caitlyn Marie Ashcroft?”
“First, you’re not my mother, so don’t Caitlyn Marie me. Second, it’s legit. His lawyer drafted a contract that his accountant discussed with me on the phone a few minutes ago. It’s all legal. The money is going through Miguel first, then I should have my part by Monday. The commissioned work is like for five hundred an hour or some craziness.”
“Are you shitting me?”
“Why would I do that? Like hey, Tam, I’m a millionaire. Just kidding.”
“Okay, is anyone going to be naked?” She was being a mother again.
“If anyone is naked, it’s my choice. If I want to paint them or sleep with them or—”
“Hold up,” she interrupted, “it’s your choice, but you may not have all your faculties in order with Gran sick and him dangling a million clams at you. Are you considering sleeping with this guy? Cat, you hardly know him. That’s like some serious kept-girl shit.”
“I’m not, I was just seeing if you were paying attention,” I lied. I really was testing her reaction to see what I would face if I did choose to sleep with KP.
I couldn’t believe I was even considering the idea. She was right, I was a mess.
“When don’t I listen to you?” she asked, incensed.
“The painting is one of those pretentious mantelpiece portraits of his brother,” I confessed.
“This shit just keeps getting weirder.”
“I’ll find out what it’s all about when I meet him. KP says he’s special. The way he said it was loving and kind of protective, so I think there’s something going on there. Also, I’ve drawn my line in the sand. He knows where I stand. So, if anything gets dangerous, I have you on speed dial and there’s always 911. I’ll be fine.”
She was quiet for so long that I looked at my phone to see if we’d been discon
nected. “Tam?”
“Holy fuck girl, you’re a millionaire!” she yelled.
“I know, right!” I yelled back.
Tammy was my soul mate. I only wished we were attracted to one another because she got me and I got her. We had the kind of indelible friendship that would outlast any man. She was planning on marrying Jamal Price, a local football hero. In addition to being a star athlete, he was also in his first year of law school. With Tammy being an engineer and Jamal a soon-to-be lawyer, they were just biding their time until they were established enough in their careers to get married. They both wanted a solid foundation to build on. I tried to learn from Tammy and Jamal, but I always seemed to be scrambling. That was why all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours had not yet sunk in.
The next person I had to tell was Gran, so I got my ass up, got ready, and headed to the hospital hoping Gran would be improved. When I arrived, Gran seemed to be in better spirits. She was sitting up and eating, which was a first. In the last few days, she had been either sleepy or incoherent. Today, she was her usual chipper, irreverent self.
“Hi, gorgeous,” I said as I walked into the room.
She winked. “Back at ya.”
“So, how’s the green jello today?”
“It’s a hit.” She cocked a solid white eyebrow. “So, when are you busting me out of here?”
“You seem to be doing better today. I’ll just go get my cape and we’ll jet.”
“Dr. Pushkin is out with Nurse Ratchet. You should go get a medical release first,” she instructed.
“I think I will. That nurse treatin’ yous bad, Gran?” I said in my best mobster voice. “Cause I’s knows a guy…yous knows whadda mean?”
“She likes to stick me with needles, the bitch.”
Relief washed over me. “She was really back to her old self. Time to liberate.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a flash and no more needles,” I promised.
“No need for them now, I got this,” she said as she showed me the PICC line in her side.
My heart sank. Gran had one when she was originally diagnosed with cancer. Now that she had the line again, it confirmed my worst fears. Her cancer had returned. Dr. Pushkin had been vague about the masses they found, but this almost certainly proved they were back.
I walked out into the hall to find Dr. Pushkin at the nurses’ station as Gran suggested he would be. I waved to him, letting him know that I was there. He gave me a “one minute” sign with his finger and signed some papers before heading my way.
“I’m glad you’re here, I was about to call you,” he said, all businesslike.
“What’s up?” I was trying to sound lighthearted, but it came out crazy and desperate.
“I think we should discuss this in my office,” he said as he shuttled me into the small cubical behind the nurses’ station. He offered me a seat and I sat down, terrified.
“What’s going on?” I asked, my fingers wringing together.
He sighed. “We have the preliminary reports back from the lab, and the results are not as promising as I’d hope they’d be.”
“Um…” My tongue was too thick too talk.
“Your grandmother’s cancer has returned, and it is a very aggressive recurrence. There is metastasis in almost every organ of her body. We can offer chemo again, but at her age, I don’t think it wise. We have some other treatment options, which we can go over. I’ve mentioned them to her already, and she’s not interested in pursuing any form of treatment. I wanted to discuss this with you because I could help you get power of attorney for her care if that is your wish. But I do feel that Eula is in full command of her faculties, and I think she might know what’s best for her at this stage. It’s her decision to make.” He essentially delivered a death sentence for Gran as if he was reading a cake recipe.
“So, you’re just going to let her die?” I asked on the verge of tears.
“We can keep her comfortable. She would be allowed to go home if she wanted, and we would assist her with pain management.” He offered me a tissue almost as robotically as he had announced Gran’s “execution.”
“And you guys aren’t going to do anything at all?” I nearly screamed.
“We’ve done all we can at this stage. The treatment options left will either compromise your grandmother’s quality of life or endanger it.” I hated the matter of fact way he approached her murder.
“How long does she have?” I hated the question, but I needed to know.
“A week, possibly six. Less, most likely. It’s hard to say exactly.”
“Oh my god! Are you saying she could die any day now?” I grabbed my hair in both fists. I needed to hit something, hard.
“We’ll do our best to provide pain management,” he repeated.
“Fuck you!” I said through gritted teeth, jumping to my feet. I stuck a finger out at him. “Fuck you and your fucking pain management. I want you to do your job and fucking save her life!”
When I stormed out of his office, he didn’t follow me.
I burst into Gran’s room and tried to plaster a smile on my face. “We’re getting you out of here. Let’s go!” I pulled the blanket down her legs and lowered the rails, my hands trembling so hard I could barely press the lever.
“Okay.” She looked confused, but was already swinging her legs off the side.
Nurse Ratchet rushed in. “Ms. Ashcroft, we need Ms. Darning to sign some forms and arrange for a hospice care provider. The hospital hasn’t released your grandmother yet.”
I whirled on her. “Oh yes they have. They released her the minute they said they wouldn’t do anything more for her!”
“Pumpkin…” Gran’s small voice broke through my haze of grief and anger. When I turned, she was patting the bed beside her. “Come, sit with me.
I didn’t think I could do it. It was like a million pounds were strapped to my shoulders, but I managed to take a place beside her without bursting into tears or puking my guts up.
“Gran, it’s okay. I… just… we need to find another hospital or something.”
“Ah, this one’s alright,” she said, stroking my hair. “The bastards have grown on me.”
I leaned into the touch. “Well, that’s generous of you, but we need a second opinion.”
“How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?” she asked.
I didn’t want to play this game, but I humored her. “I don’t know, Gran, how many?”
“Same number it takes for someone to know when they’re dying. Just one.” She continued to stroke my hair as my eyes flooded with tears.
“No…”
“Oh, honey, I’ve known for a while now. I don’t want to eat bees or zap myself with gamma radiation for a couple more days of feeling like shit. Forever isn’t enough time to be with you, so if I went today, tomorrow, or a million years from now, it still would never be enough time.”
“Gran—”
She shushed me. “I want to see you get married, have kids, be a grandmother, be famous. You know, do all your growing up. Just because I’m not here to see it, doesn’t mean I won’t know. You’re all I live for, kiddo. You’re everything. But I can live for you in heaven. I can see you from there. I can even haunt you if I want.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed hard.
It was almost like what she said to me in the dream. A shiver ran up my spine and made me shudder. She pulled me in close.
“I don’t want to let you go,” I choked out through the tears.
“I think it’s time I see my daughter. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve really been missing her.” She squeezed my hand again. “And don’t worry, I’m not going today. I got a few good days in me. We’ll do it up.”
I thought of the million dollars and how we could now “do it up” in style.
“Guess what, Gran.”
“What, sweetie?”
“I sold my paintings. I can quit the diner, so I’ll be able to be with you. Take care of you.”
<
br /> She smiled, showing all of her dentures. “Well, you’re getting famous already. I’m so glad I get to see that. Gonna see you quit that shithole too, my life’s complete.”
I grinned. “Yeah, quitting that shithole will be fun.”
“Let’s say a proper fuck you to mortality and eat bad stuff, watch scary movies, and cuddle,” Gran proclaimed in her adorable, perfectly imperfect way.
“Okay, let’s do it!” Somehow, she rallied me, and I was there, ready to say goodbye, even though I had no idea how I’d ever manage without her.
The first thing we did when the hospital finally released Gran was go to Baskin-Robbins. She got a triple scoop of ice cream — Jamoca Almond Fudge, Pralines and Cream, and Mint Chocolate Chip. She only ate part of it, but if we were flying the bird at mortality, she was doing it in grand style.
She also listened in to my phone call with Ma when I quit my job at the diner. I didn’t give them too much information because they already had about a week’s worth of great gossip to chew on. Rumor had it, I was sleeping with KP and we had a fight, which was why he came back to the restaurant. I was pregnant with his baby, but I, being the bitch I was, didn’t want it. He—according to them—had bought me an apartment in Manhattan and I was going to move there any day now.
What crazy nonsense, and the crazier thing was, they all believed it. I was just happy to be out of there.
I didn’t quit my job at the center. It was only a few days a week and I loved working with the kids. I needed something to help me keep my head on straight and Gran and I both agreed I needed them. As soon as I got Gran settled in her room, I told her about KP. I expected to get a tongue whipping, but she was thrilled.
“You don’t think I’m being stupid?” I asked.
