by Alice Ward
“Yeah, I love E.T. Perfect.” I looked over to KP. “Is that okay? I’m sure you’ve seen it many times.”
“Actually, not since I was a kid.”
Gran grinned. “Everyone was so afraid of that little alien, but not those kids. They knew he was a great guy. They wanted him to stay, but he really wanted to go home, needed to go home, and he was happy when it was his time.” Although she seemed to be retelling the story, but in typical Gran fashion, there was more to what she was saying.
“I always wished he would come back, but they never made a sequel,” I added.
“They didn’t have to.” Gran seemed to be slipping a little as her eyes started to droop. “Sometimes people… I mean aliens are meant to be gone.”
I shivered. I knew what she meant. “Let’s put on the movie,” I whispered and then I cuddled into Gran.
“I love you,” I said as I held her hand tightly in mine.
“I’ll always love you,” she answered in a small and feeble voice.
We sat there for a while, not saying much as the movie played. I’d forgotten how cute the beginning was, and we even laughed in a few places. My heart was racing and fear was dancing all around my mind. Things seemed too quiet, too peaceful, and I think KP and I both knew what we were facing.
I’d heard about it before. People seemed to magically get better the day they died. It was as if God had granted them one more romp in the sun before the lights forever dimmed. I didn’t think I could bear it, and I didn’t want to face it.
Sometime during the middle of the movie, while I was holding Gran’s hand, her head resting on mine, I could feel the stillness of the air where her breath should have been.
I couldn’t move.
I was suspended in time, lost to the ethers of inertia.
I didn’t want to take the next step, I didn’t want to let go, so I held her until E.T. finally went home. As the credits rolled, tears marched down my face, and I could hardly find the air I needed for my lungs.
Sensing my distress, KP stood up, understanding what had happened. I couldn’t say a thing. I just held her, crying, unable to move. He smoothed his hand over my hair. “I’m so sorry,” he said, his tone so loving my heart broke a little more.
I nodded, trying to speak, but sadness blocked the words from coming out.
Still, he soothed. “You gave her a most wonderful last day. She died in your arms, eating caviar. No screenwriter could have scripted it better.”
I knew what he was saying was true, but I wanted to grab the remote and press rewind and do more, say more. Make it better.
There was no better. I was truly an orphan now.
KP kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll let you two have a few more minutes together,” he said as he went into the kitchen.
Through the fog in my brain, I heard him making some calls, then the sound of running water and clanking dishes. Soon, Athena was standing in front of me. There was suddenly a lot of movement in the room as two men came in and milled about the living room. KP seemed to be handling them. Everything he did was with a kind and loving grace that made me feel safe and comfortable. Nobody was freaking out or panicking, and everyone seemed to understand my temporary catatonia.
“Caitlyn,” Athena said as she shook my arm a little, “I know that you love Eula, and she knew it better than anyone. She’s in heaven now, sweetheart, and I know she wanted you to feel free to let her go. She and I talked about it a lot, and she was really worried that you might want to hang on to her when she had already passed.”
I kissed Gran’s cooling cheek. “I’m not ready.”
“Honey, it was your gran’s wish that she be taken care of right away, so that you could start your grieving and healing. We have to take Eula. I have people from the funeral home here and they need to take her now.”
KP moved in beside Athena and squatted down in front of me. “I’m going to stay with you tonight. When the funeral home has done what they need to do, I’ll take you there.” His fingers squeezed mine. “Okay?”
I heard him and yet the words passed by in a blur. It wasn’t until he swept me up into his arms that I had any real awareness of what was going on around me. He held me tightly to his chest, and I watched the men lift Gran’s body off the couch and place her on a stretcher.
Athena approached us again. “When you’re ready, Gran wrote you a note. She gave it to me to give you after she passed. She knew you’d want one last way of hearing from her after she was gone, so she wrote this for you. She also recorded a message that I’ll email to you after you’ve read the letter. I wouldn’t read it right away. Wait until you’ve had some time for this to all process in your mind, okay, sweetie. I’ll be over tomorrow, and we can all go and see your grandma together.”
I nodded, still unable to speak.
“And you are staying with her tonight?” she confirmed with KP.
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll leave you two alone and see you both in the morning,” she said with a sad smile as she followed Gran’s body out the door.
KP didn’t put me down, just sat with me in his lap. He didn’t say anything, just stroked my hair and rocked me like a child. And that’s what I was. I was five years old again in my grandma’s arms crying uncontrollably. Then, I woke up in a daze, unaware of what had happened, but it was similar. They took two bodies away that time, both covered in sheets, I didn’t even know which one was which. Which one was the mother and which the murderer? The bottom dropped out of my heart and all there was left was Gran.
Now, that moment came crashing back to me. All of the loss, the fear, the pain came after me like a tidal wave. I was unable to withstand its onslaught. I started to cry, screaming with the force of the pain. And he held me, rocking me, stroking my hair while I shattered into pieces in his arms.
“It’s okay, let it out. Scream, cry, whatever you want, Caitlyn. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m sorry,” I said but couldn’t make the tremors and grief subside.
“I understand,” he said over and over again. When my tears had finally calmed, he held me in his strong arms. I knew it had to be past midnight and my whole body felt like I had been hit by a moving van. I didn’t want him to leave my side, I wanted him to continue to hold me and keep me safe from my grief.
“Are you sure you want to stay with me?” I asked quietly.
He kissed my forehead, my hair. “Of course, I’ll stay as long as you need me. You’re pretty tired. Let’s get you into bed.” His voice was soft and warm.
Fear pricked my psyche. “Don’t leave.”
“I won’t,” he assured me as he stood, carrying me like I was a child.
“Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?” I knew it was a lot to ask of him, and he was probably wishing that he hadn’t gotten himself into this mess.
“Of course.”
In my bedroom, he sat me on the bed and began pulling down the covers. “I’ll step out so you can change into pajamas.” He was so sweet and so different from the man I met at the diner.
“I’m more of a t-shirt kind of girl.”
He made a little noise — maybe a groan? — and left while I stripped down and pulled on a pair of jersey shorts and a t-shirt.
It surprised me when he came in wearing track pants and a t-shirt himself, then realized he must have gotten them from his driver. Sliding under the covers, I curled around him when he followed after turning off the lights. He made me feel protected from my fears and the unending sadness that threatened my sanity.
“Thank you so much for being here. Since we’ve met, it’s been like this weird dream, or nightmare, whatever. It’s really been a lot to think over. Thanks for not running away.”
He turned until my head was more firmly on his chest. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here, right now.”
I believed him.
I smiled into the dark room. “I like you now.”
“I like you t
oo.” He swept the hair out of my eyes, which felt swollen and red.
I needed him closer, and tried hugging him tighter, and he turned until we were front to front. When I molded myself to him, I felt the hardness of his erection on my belly.
“I’m sorry,” he said, turning onto his back again. “I’m trying to will it away. Maybe it’s best if I stay on this side of the bed.”
I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to stay in his arms. And I wanted more. I wanted him to make me forget the sorrow of the day. I wanted him to make love to me until I couldn’t think.
When he tried to pull away, I held tighter, holding onto his shirt with my fists. “It’s okay. Don’t go.”
“Caitlyn, I… Shit. Honey.” He growled in frustration, and I stroked his arm. He barked out a laugh. “That’s not helping.”
I kept stroking his arm, his shoulder. My hand moved into his hair. “KP?”
“Yes.”
“I…I think I’m falling for you,” I said it quietly, unsure of his reaction.
Through the dimness of the room, I could barely see his eyes. He pressed his forehead to mine, giving up all resistance. “I’m not sure what I’m feeling, but it’s bigger than anything I know how to handle,” he responded softly.
“KP?”
“Yes.”
My heart picked up speed, pounding in my chest. “I want to make love with you, but I’m really scared.”
“I’m scared too. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by hurting me. Did he mean, break my heart or break my body?
“How do you think you’ll hurt me?”
I felt more than heard him sigh. “When we first met, all I wanted was your body, but now…” He shook his head. “I want more, but I’m afraid what more means to me won’t be enough to make you happy. I don’t really even know what love, like the kind you want, is. I’m willing to try.”
“That’s all either of us can do. I’ll try too. And if it doesn’t work out, we’ll go back to being friends?”
Yeah, right. Like that ever worked out.
He pulled me harder against him, and I felt his cock pulse. In spite of the grief… or maybe because of it… I wanted him.
“On to the next awkward question. I want to make love to you, but I’m worried that you’re too vulnerable right now. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
I pressed against him and he moaned. “I want you.”
He stroked my back. “Is there anything you don’t like?”
I’d never been asked that question before. “Well, as long as you don’t go all porno on me, like butts and feet and stuff, I’ll be okay.”
He chuckled, his strokes growing longer, nearly reaching my ass. “One more question.”
“Hit me with it.” I was grasping at playfulness, but I was so nervous. Still so raw.
“Are you on any type of birth control?” He sounded kind and gentle when he asked.
Drat, I didn’t have anything in the house at all. “No.”
“I’ll get some protection out of my bag. I want you to understand that I didn’t bring it because I was planning on this happening, I always have it with me. In case I… shit.” He sighed and rolled toward the edge of the bed, and it was my turn to stroke his back.
“I already know you were a super ho-bag. It’s good to know you were smart about it.”
He kissed my nose. “Always.”
As he got up, I started thinking about what a mess I was. “I’m going to jump in the shower.”
God, the whole seduction thing wasn’t very… seductive. I might as well break down and cry some more when he sticks it in me.
He turned on the lamp by the bed and I blinked against the glare. “Is that what you want?”
I pushed the hair out of my face, giving myself a quick pit sniff. Ugh. “Yes. Will you join me?”
I couldn’t believe I just said that, then was immediately glad when he grinned. “I’d love to.”
When he stepped out, I put one foot in front of the other and went into the bathroom. This wasn’t real. None of it.
And it should have felt wrong, but it didn’t. It was like Gran had chosen this night to pass away so that I’d have KP to comfort me.
I turned on the water and nearly panicked when the door opened behind me. “Still want company?” he asked as he stepped into the small room.
I was scared. Terrified. Excited. Desperate.
“Yes.”
He pulled his shirt over his head and I gulped as his chiseled chest was revealed. The pants were next, and my stomach clenched as his cock popped out from them.
Holy. Shit.
A smile played on my lips. “I think you’re in the wrong profession.”
He followed my eyes south and laughed. “I thought about porn for a minute but knew the police would still be looking for my body when my parents found out.”
It felt like a dream as he stepped into the shower with me. Here we were smiling, and it felt so natural. So right.
Things changed as the shower curtain closed, and we were secluded into the small space.
“Hi,” he said and pushed my wet hair back from my face.
One of the pieces of my shattered heart reconnected. “Hi.”
Then he kissed me, and the world righted itself.
“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he murmured against my lips. “How beautiful you are? So sweet?”
“I feel that way with you.”
He smiled and reached for my favorite bar of soap, trying to take it from his hands.
“Can I do that?” I asked.
His eyes fell to my breasts. “I’d rather do it for you,” he said sweetly.
I reached out a hand and touched his chest, his stomach. “I think I’ll feel better if I start.”
He handed the soap to me. “You have all the power tonight.”
I grinned. “I like the sound of that. Turn around.”
He did, and I touched the random freckles on his otherwise smooth skin. They surprised and endeared him to me. For being such a devastatingly handsome man, he had some flaws.
I loved the feel of him though, so rugged and perfect as I washed his shoulders, then down his spine, to his ass. I stopped there. I felt a hardened kind of fear stab at me, and I struggled against it.
He turned to me and took my chin in his hand as the water pelted our bodies. “You okay?”
I nodded, and he dipped his head down to kiss me. Tenderly at first, just little pecks across my skin. I clenched the soap as he sent rocketing bolts of sensation through my body. From just kisses. All he was doing was delivering tiny pecks all over my skin.
His hand found the soap in mine. “May I?”
At my nod, his hands were on my body, massaging the sweet-smelling soap into my skin. He spent a long time on my neck and shoulders, kneading the tight muscles there. I had been holding myself in a vice of pain, sadness, and fear for so long I didn’t even know that my neck and shoulders had turned to stone. His strong arms worked the pain out of my muscles, and I felt myself start to relax.
“Ah, baby, you’re a statue, so tense,” he said as he delivered kisses to the nape of my neck and top of my shoulder blades.
He ran his stubbled chin over my tender flesh, and I felt a rush of wetness course into my sex. Wow, it had been such a long time, I responded to his touch immediately. He lathered my chest and breast, my nipples tightening even further at the attention.
I moaned, and he chuckled. “So sensitive, my little Prince Slayer. Who knew?”
“I’m a mess. I think you just like melting me.”
“Oh, trust me, I’m a mess too, I’m just better at hiding it than you are.”
“Can I breathe yet?” I gasped.
He was making me insane with his swirling hands and his lilting attentions to my sex starved body.
“I strongly recommend it.” He kissed my earlobe and behind my ear.
I moaned, feeling the water turning
cold, but I didn’t want to move.
“How about we get out before we turn to ice?” he suggested.
My teeth were chattering. “Y-y-yes.”
He turned off the water, then stepped out to grab the towels. I was shaking as he dried me off, wrapping another towel around my head.
With a gentleness that nearly made me cry, he lay me on the bed and joined me, pulling the covers over us both. He was still hard. He still wanted me, I knew. As much as I wanted him.
“Are you sure?” he asked, even as my hand found him and he moaned.
“Yes. I want you. I want this. Make me forget everything but this.”
As if in slow motion, our mouths met and desire curled down deep in my belly. Our tongues danced, entwined as he pushed his hand through my hair. I kissed him passionately, sharing all that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel for him.
“So fucking sweet,” he murmured against my lips before licking into my mouth. Our kiss softened and then deepened again as he took his time. I understood. I could kiss him for eternity.
Needing more of my skin to touch his, I molded myself to him, draping my leg across his middle. His cock pulsed against my thigh, a reminder of how much he desired me.
He rolled me onto my back and I took his heavy weight. It was glorious, and I clung to him, never wanting to let go. His hand was on my breast, kneading my flesh, and his mouth followed.
I cried out as his lips and teeth sucked and bit, driving me wild. I didn’t know my breasts were a conduit to my clitoris, but I knew it now.
“Please.”
It was a prayer. A plea. I just needed this ache to end and I knew he was the only one to do it. My longing for him increased as his unique mixture of tenderness and strength went into every touch.
“Please,” I begged again. “Need you. Please. Inside of me.”
“Baby, I’m going to touch you, and I want you just to let go,” he said as his hand traveled down my body, exploring each curve in agonizing slowness. Then he was there, his long fingers dipping into my depths.
“So hot, Caitlyn. Everything is so fucking hot with you. So sweet. So perfect.”
I cried out as he cupped my sex, his thumb circling my clitoris. A finger, then two slipped deep inside me as he sucked my nipple into his mouth.
