by Alice Ward
As I sat there, I remembered my conversation with Claire earlier in the day. Her offer seemed genuine, but I didn’t trust her. Claire’s history of lying and cheating made me hesitant. She wanted me in Paisley’s life today, but what if that changed tomorrow? What if I let myself hope and then Claire took that hope away from me again?
For years, I wanted nothing more than to see my daughter. I thought of Paisley every single day. I wondered what kind of person she was becoming. Except for a few pictures twice a year, I didn’t know anything about her. Claire kept Paisley safely tucked away, far removed from me. As much as I hated her for it, part of me was grateful. If Paisley never knew me, I could never truly disappoint her.
Still, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to take Claire up on her offer. Getting to know Paisley would have been a dream come true. Maybe, after all these years, we could have a real father-daughter relationship. I smiled at the thought, but it quickly faded from my lips. There was a reason I didn’t fight Claire over Paisley. Paisley deserved the world and I couldn’t give it to her. She deserved a good life and, so far, Claire had provided exactly that. I didn’t know if I could do the same.
My mind was still racing when I heard the front door ding. I jerked my head up with a frown. We’d been closed for an hour. Who was coming inside?
“I’m sorry, we’re closed!” I called from the back. I poked my head around the corner and saw a man wearing a suit step further inside. Rolling my eyes, I stood up and walked out front.
“Are you Mr. Yates?” the man asked. “Sean Yates?”
“I am,” I said suspiciously. “But like I said, we’re closed for the night. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”
“Mr. Yates,” the man said. “I’m not looking for a mechanic. I’m sorry, but I have some bad news.”
The world around me seemed to shrink at his words. A million possibilities flew through my mind. My father died. My brother was in the hospital. The FBI was investigating the shop, and I was being arrested.
“A few hours ago,” the man continued. “Your ex-wife, Claire Holland, was in a car accident. She was pronounced dead on scene.”
Of all the horrific possibilities flooding my mind, that was the last thing I expected. I blinked. My heart was racing. My breathing slowed. I shook my head slowly, not wanting to believe what the man was saying. Immediately, I pictured Paisley’s face.
“Paisley,” I said weakly. “My daughter. What’s going to happen to her now?”
“That’s why I’m here, Mr. Yates,” he said. “Paisley Holland is at the police station downtown. We had an officer pick her up from summer camp and a CPS agent informed her of her mother’s death. The same agent is with her now.”
“CPS?” I asked. My mind was blank.
“Child Protective Services,” he explained simply.
“I know,” I said impatiently. “What happens next? Does she go to Claire’s parents or...”
“Mr. Yates,” the man said slowly. “I thought you were aware of the situation. Your ex-wife has no surviving family other than Paisley. Her parents died years ago, and she was an only child.”
“I never met her parents,” I said with a shake of my head. “She didn’t keep in touch with them when we were married.”
“By law, custody of Paisley transferred to you upon Claire’s death,” the man said. He looked at me like I was going to combust at any moment. “Now, if you’re unprepared or unwilling to accept that responsibility, we’ll assign her to a foster home, and she’ll become a ward of the state. It’s up to you.”
His words felt like ice being poured in my ears. My entire body went cold as I thought of my baby girl being taken to a stranger. I remembered the way she looked as a baby. Small and pure. I was terrified to hold her because I thought she might break. Even then, I knew she was special. Part of why I agreed to stay away was because I didn’t want to rob her of her innocence. I didn’t want her to inherit my bad luck.
“No,” I said suddenly. I shook my head firmly. “She’s my daughter. I’ll take her. I want her.”
“Good,” the man smiled for the first time since he’d arrived. “Come with me, then. I’ll take you to her. You’ll need your I.D. so we can fill out the necessary paperwork.”
“Okay,” I nodded.
***
At the police station, I climbed off my bike and walked over to the man’s car. He climbed out and motioned for me to follow him inside.
“I don’t know your name,” I realized, speaking out loud.
“I’m Tony Hudson,” he said.
“Nice to meet you,” I said awkwardly. Every inch of my body was shaking with nerves. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this way before. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. It was like I was living inside of someone else’s body, someone else’s life.
“Relax, Mr. Yates,” Tony said kindly. “She’s your daughter. She’s just going to be happy to see a familiar face amid all this.”
“I’m not familiar to her,” I explained. “She doesn’t even know me.”
“She will.”
Tony’s words, more than anything, calmed me just enough that the shaking stopped. I followed him inside the police station and down two hallways. We turned to the right and there she was. She was sitting with her back to the far wall. Her eyes were focused on her feet and her dark hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She was wearing an overly large t-shirt and shorts that covered a bathing suit. She must have been at swim camp when they picked her up.
“Go ahead,” Tony said. He nodded toward Paisley. I moved without thinking.
When I approached her, she looked up quickly and stared at me with wide eyes. I couldn’t tell if she recognized me or not.
“Paisley?” I asked, even though I knew it was her.
“Yes,” she answered simply. I expected her voice to be hoarse from crying, but she sounded fine. Just like a normal little girl.
“My name is Sean Yates,” I said slowly. “I’m your—”
“You’re my dad,” she interrupted. “I know. I’ve seen pictures.”
“Oh,” I said. I fell silent, trying to think of something else to say. My mouth was dry and my tongue felt heavy. I wanted to say something, anything that might make her feel better. There was nothing.
“Is my mom really dead?” she asked bluntly. I sat down beside her and exhaled loudly. I tried to answer her, but the only thing I could do was nod. She nodded back and said, “Yeah.”
I waited for her to cry. I expected to see her slump in her chair and succumb to sobs, but she didn’t. She simply sat there and stared off into the distance. I watched her closely, waiting for any sign that she might need comfort. She never gave any. In that moment, she reminded me so much of myself. She was quiet. Stoic. Strong. Everything I was, and everything I wished I wasn’t.
“So,” she said. “I guess that means we’re stuck together now.”
I nodded again and she sighed deeply. She folded her hands together and turned to face me head on. I started into her eyes and it was like looking in a mirror. They were the exact same shade of blue as mine. I wanted to reach over and wrap my arm around her shoulder, but I told myself to wait. She didn’t even know me yet.
“When can we leave?” she asked. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
“I’ll go sign the papers and then we can go.”
I hurried over to Tony and dealt with the formalities. By the time we were finished, it was late, and I knew Paisley needed to get some rest.
“When can we get inside the house?” I asked Tony. “Claire’s house, I mean. Paisley will need clothes and…”
“We took her home to pack a bag,” Tony explained. “Everything else will be handled quickly. We’ll be in touch.”
“Okay.” I nodded and turned back to Paisley. She grabbed a duffle bag from underneath her chair and walked over to me.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
She followed me out to the park
ing lot. I led the way to my bike and held my hand out for her bag. I flung the strap over my head so it sat across my body. Pulling out my helmet, I placed it on my head before grabbing my spare and handing it to Paisley. When I turned back to her, I saw that she was staring at the motorcycle with her mouth hanging open.
“You drive a motorcycle?” she asked softly.
“Is that bad?” I asked quickly. “If you don’t want to ride on it, we can ask one of the officers to drive us. I’ll just get the bike later.”
“Are you kidding?” Paisley said. “This is awesome.”
I smiled and threw my legs over the bike. I held my hand out to her and helped pull her on behind me.
“Is your helmet tight?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“Okay, hold on to me,” I ordered. “Tightly. And do not let go.”
“Okay.” I felt her little arms wrap around my waist. I turned on the bike and kicked it into gear. Paisley’s arms tightened as we pulled out of the parking lot.
I drove ten miles under the speed limit the whole way to my place. My heart raced with fear as I turned every corner. I knew after about five minutes that I would need to invest in a used car. Paisley didn’t need to be on the back of my bike any more often than she had to be.
When we pulled into my driveway, I turned the bike off and helped Paisley to the ground. We walked in silence to the front door. I unlocked it and walked inside with Paisley right behind me. Immediately, I wished I’d cleaned up that morning. The place wasn’t a wreck, but I wasn’t proud of it, either.
“This way,” I said.
I showed Paisley to the spare bedroom. She walked inside and looked around. I laid her bag down on the bed.
“The bathroom is just down the hall,” I told her. “And my room is across the living room. If you need anything, just come get me. Did you pack a toothbrush?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” I said. “Well, it’s late so…”
Paisley climbed on the bed and rolled over to the face the wall. I stayed in the room for another minute, trying to think of something to say. “I’m sorry” felt fake and “Everything will be okay” just felt like a lie. Instead, I decided to say nothing. I left the room and pulled the door closed behind me.
That night, I didn’t know how I was going to be a dad. I didn’t know the first thing about raising an eight-year-old girl, let alone one who just lost her mother. All I knew was that I had to try. No matter what.
CHAPTER FOUR
Tara
Monday morning arrived faster than I expected. My weekend was filled with nonstop thoughts about the company. More than anything, I wanted to find a solution that would make everyone happy, but I kept returning to that picture of Sean. Ray seemed whole-heartedly against the idea, and I didn’t know why. All I knew was that a model would never work.
All weekend, I wondered whether I should bring up the idea with Ray again. As opposed to it as he was, I thought I saw some sliver of curiosity in his eyes when I pitched the idea. There was something there I didn’t understand. After five years of working for Ray, I never once met his younger son. Sean was just someone I vaguely knew existed, but I hadn’t even learned his name until I found that picture. I couldn’t imagine what could have caused such a rift between him and Ray.
As I walked into the office on Monday morning, I let my feet drag. For the first time ever, I was arriving five minutes late. I walked down the hall toward my office without saying hello to anyone. All I wanted was to disappear into my office and work through my confusing thoughts.
Before I got the chance, Ray called out to me from his office. I passed his door and walked a few more steps. I considered ignoring him and following through with my plan, but I knew I could never do that. Instead, I turned around and walked into his office with a fake smile plastered across my face.
“Good morning, Tara,” he said. “How was your weekend?”
“It was fine,” I said with a shrug. “Uneventful.”
“Did you get a chance to think any more about our predicament?” he asked.
“I did,” I answered simply. Ray stared at me, waiting for me to elaborate, but I stayed silent. I already pitched the one idea I was sure would work. I refused to waste my time throwing around half-assed brainstorms we both knew would fail.
“And?” Ray finally asked.
“I thought you wanted to go with a model,” I said. “Jennifer already rounded up a few agencies. She has all the information ready for you.”
“I know,” Ray sighed. “She gave me the list this morning.”
He leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. I followed his gaze for no reason and waited for him to speak again. I had no idea what I was doing in his office at that point, but I stayed where I was. Despite my mood, I remained professional and polite.
“What do you think, Tara?” he asked. “Honestly.”
“About?” I asked.
“Rebranding,” he explained. “I’ve worked with you long enough to know you have more opinions than you’re sharing.”’
“I gave my opinion on Friday,” I reminded him. “What we need is an authentic motorcycle enthusiast to become the face of Ray Yates’ Motorcycles. I don’t believe a model will achieve that goal. Our target market will see right through our ploy and they’ll write us off immediately. Do you remember when that cigarette company rebranded? They hired that cowboy. Their profits rose through the roof because he was exactly what everyone wanted to be. We need someone who can do that, who can make our customers want to be him. But, you didn’t want to go in that direction.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Ray sighed. “Tara, I know you’re right. Sean would be perfect for us. Having him as the face of the company… People would flock here in droves. I agree with you.”
“Then, what’s the problem?” I asked.
“Sean and I,” Ray began. “We don’t have the best relationship. I haven’t spoken to my youngest son in years. Neither has Zach. Things are strained. I don’t believe he would work with us.”
“It can’t hurt to try,” I pressed. “Ray, I don’t want to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but you asked for my opinion. You’ve always trusted me. I’m asking you to trust me again. This will work. Just call him and ask.”
“I can’t call him,” Ray said. My heart sank. I really thought he was changing his mind. “But, you can.”
Ray’s words hit my ears like a brick. I blinked and smiled nervously. Was he seriously suggesting that I, a stranger to Sean, reach out to him?
“I’m happy to,” I said slowly. “But are you sure that’s what you want?”
“It’ll be better coming from you,” Ray said. He sounded certain, but I wasn’t so sure.
“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll call him right now.”
“Thank you, Tara,” Ray said. The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t just thanking me as the president of the company, but as a father.
***
“Turner’s Repair Shop,” a voice said on the other end of the line.
“Hello,” I said, using my best professional voice. “May I please speak with Sean Yates?”
“Yup,” the voice said. “You got him.”
“Hi, Mr. Yates,” I said.
“Sean,” he corrected quickly.
“Sean,” I repeated. “My name is Tara Isaac. I work for you father at Ray Yates’ Motorcycles and I was wondering if—”
“What do you want? Just spit it out.”
Sean’s voice was rough. I stopped talking and closed my mouth quickly. I hadn’t expected to be interrupted, and it threw me completely off balance. I cleared my throat and began again.
“Like I said, I work for your father. We have a business proposition for you.”
Before I could say another word, Sean hung up. I heard the dial tone, and I pulled the phone away from my ear. I stared at the receiver and blinked slowly. I couldn’t believe what just happened.
I
dialed the number again, holding my breath as I waited for an answer. It rang for what felt like ten minutes before someone picked up.
“Turner’s Repair Shop, this is Jason. How can I help you?” The voice sounded younger than Sean’s, lighter, friendlier.
“Hello,” I said. “May I please speak with Sean Yates?”
“I’m sorry,” Jason said. “He just stepped out to lunch.”
“Lunch?” I scoffed. “It’s not even ten.”
“He takes an early lunch,” Jason explained unconvincingly. “He gets hungry easily.”
“I see.” I rolled my eyes. “Well, do you know when Sean will be back?”
“Not sure,” Jason said. “I can take a message though, if you want.”
“No,” I said. “That won’t be necessary. Thank you, Jason.”
I hung up and exhaled loudly. Putting my hands behind my head, I spun my chair around to face the back wall. I closed my eyes and pretended like I wasn’t at work. For two minutes, I let my mind wander far away. I was on a beach in Florida, lying in the sun and listening to the waves. I pictured my best friend Niki beside me, popping open a beer and handing it to me. It was perfectly blissful.
Then, I opened my eyes, and I was back at work. Back on a mission. I shoved myself to my feet and walked purposely toward Ray’s office. Clearly, I wasn’t the right person to reach out to Sean, after all.
“Got a minute?” I asked Ray. I stepped inside and saw that Zach was already there. He was sitting in a chair against the side wall. He grinned at me. I turned away.
“Sure,” Ray said. He glanced nervously at Zach. “How’d it go?”
“Not great,” I admitted. “He hung up on me.”
“Who?” Zach asked. I ignored him.
“I tried to call back, but he pretended to be at lunch,” I said. “Obviously, he doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“I’m not surprised,” Ray said. “I didn’t think he would be interested.”
