"Do you think it'll teach him a lesson if he thinks something's happened to us?" I said to Thorne the following evening as we sat huddled in our blankets beside the fire.
He snorted. "Only if we never come back. The second we step out of the forest he'll just nod his head and remind himself that he was right all along."
"We could, you know," I said. "Never come back, I mean. I bet we'd do just fine by ourselves."
"Maybe for a few days, until our instincts woke up again." Thorne stared into the fire, turning over the coals with a stick. He was right, of course. We needed our pack, and as nice as running off into the woods sounded, there were still people I'd regret leaving behind.
I was still stiff from the rough night I'd spent with Thorne, but by the next evening most of his scratch marks and bites had faded from my skin. Shrugging off scrapes was another handy benefit to being a werewolf. A few tender bruises still remained, but I tried my best to ignore them. Every time I winced or took off my jacket Thorne's expression darkened and he went quiet. The marks his powerful hands had left around my arms seemed far more painful to him than they were to me. I wanted to tell him it was alright, that a large part of me had even enjoyed what he'd done, but I knew that was my wolf speaking. The rational, human part of my brain told me how much danger I'd been in that night. All it would have taken was a little more pressure on one of his bites, a sharp jerk of his hand in a moment of passion, and I'd have been nursing more than a few bruises.
I wanted to reassure him, but I couldn't see how without treading the same dangerous ground that had led us down this path in the first place. I settled for the enjoyment of his company, trying my best to take his mind—and my own—off what had happened.
We were lucky enough to find a deck of dog-eared playing cards in the supplies that had been stashed in the small cave, and, after discovering that Thorne didn't have the first clue about how to play any games, I spent several long hours teaching him how to play poker for strips of dried jerky.
"How are you so good at this?" he said dejectedly as I cleaned him out of his share of jerky for the third time. I smiled.
"Ellie and I used to play all the time—my little sister," I added when Thorne raised his eyebrows. "When the power was out we used to go into the attic and play with what we could find in the boxes up there."
"The power must've gone out a lot for you to get this good."
"Yeah. The electricity bills didn't always get paid." My smile faded.
"Was money tight?"
"No." I shook my head. "No, money was just fine. My mom though, she... used to forget to handle things."
Thorne nodded and let it drop. I wasn't the only one good at avoiding sensitive subjects, it seemed.
The next morning the sky still swirled with a blanket of grey cloud, but the rain had eased up to an intermittent drizzle. I stretched, rubbing the ache from my arms, and decided it was time to head back to camp. Bad weather was a good enough excuse to go missing for a day, but if we remained absent for much longer Cyan would make sure we regretted it, and I didn't feel like adding any more to my list of recent transgressions. Besides which, vague memories of my dreams from the previous night had started to unnerve me.
I only remembered flashes, but I was sure they'd involved Hawthorne, and a familiar tingle was starting to creep into my belly whenever I looked at him. My instinct had stayed mercifully dormant for a day, but now that I'd had time to recover it was showing signs of stirring once again. It was time to go back.
We packed up our things, put the cave back the way we'd found it, and headed out into the woods. The cave had been closer to camp than I'd thought, and after just an hour of walking we caught sight of tents between the trees up ahead. It made me feel a little guilty about being absent for so long, but Cyan didn't have to know we'd only been an hour away.
The camp was busier than usual when we arrived. Most of our other pack members seemed to have spent a restless day in their tents while the rain came down. I was glad I'd been safe in the shelter of the cave. My tent was always drafty and damp when the weather got up—one of the perks of being at the bottom of the pack hierarchy.
Cyan was sitting by the fire as usual, trying to coax a flame from the damp logs with a flint and steel as the rest of the pack went about their morning routine, preparing food and drying wet clothing from the day before. Our alpha's eyes flitted up as we approached, and for a second I almost thought I saw a hint of relief in his expression before his brow furrowed into a glare.
"Where have you two been?" he snapped.
"You took Lyssa miles away and tied her up," Thorne said pointedly. "We had to make camp and wait out the rain once I found her."
"Did you now? I don't remember telling you to go looking for her, Thorne. Though, I suppose she needed someone to take care of that instinct of hers, didn't she?" Cyan's looked in my direction, and I frowned, pressing my jacket collar tighter over the faint bite mark on my neck.
"She could have been in real danger out there," Thorne said.
Cyan snorted. "Lyssa? No, she's far too stubborn to let anything get the better of her." He paused. "But fair enough, go on and find yourselves some breakfast."
It was the closest Cyan was likely to come to an apology. Thorne and I shared a glance, and turned away to follow our alpha's advice. For once I'd been able to bite my tongue, but just as we stepped away from the fire Cyan's voice called me back.
"And Lyssa," he said. I turned. "I hope you thought about what I told you." He fixed me with his amber eyes, a faint smile on his lips. I shivered and forced myself to turn away. I hadn't told Thorne that Cyan had asked me to be his mate. My companion gave me a questioning look, but when I didn't say anything he followed on in silence as we walked away from the campfire.
I liked that about Thorne. He knew when not to say anything.
We went our separate ways after a meagre breakfast of fruit and berries. The tantalising sent of cooked meat began to drift over as Cyan finally got the fire going, but Thorne and I knew it would be reserved for the senior pack members. After a day of rain fresh supplies would be scarce, and they wouldn't be wasted on a pair of wolves like us. Most of the pack would go out hunting later to replenish our stocks of food, I expected.
Cyan's offer weighed heavily on my mind after Thorne had gone back to his tent. I wished I could talk to someone about it, but I knew that would only make things worse. I had a handful of friends in the pack, but I expected them all to tell me the exact same thing: "Say yes."
Baya, one of the other pack females, caught my eye from across the campfire and gave me a smile. I wiggled my fingers in a wave, and she turned back to her mate sitting beside her.
She'd tell me to say yes. Baya was near the top of the hierarchy, mated to Cyan's number one hunter. She was the senior female in our pack—though with only three of us that title wasn't nearly as impressive as it would have been in a larger clan. If I said yes to Cyan, I could be just like her. Comfortable, well-fed, the same male to warm my bed every night. I'd even have respect and authority over most of the other pack members. Maybe I'd even be able to sway Cyan a little, make him put aside some of his strict rules and let our little group grow and prosper.
Those were all smart reasons to become his mate, and I was sure Baya would tell me the same. But it didn't change how I felt deep down. I hated Cyan's control over the pack. I hated how he could make my body respond every time he put his hands on me. And I hated... him. I didn't care for him in the way a woman should care for her man.
I pressed my lips together, staring into the flames. We weren't a man and a woman though, were we? We were werewolves. It wasn't always as simple as finding someone you loved for us. Sometimes—a lot of times—we mated out of necessity. It was a wild world we lived in, and to survive we often had to make sacrifices. Was I just being naive, thinking my life might turn out better somehow if I said no to Cyan?
I thought of Thorne, and a pang of tightness clutched at my chest. I could
n't decide this now. Not after everything that had happened recently. I pulled my jacket tight around my body and watched the fire, trying to think about something else.
The pack slowly dispersed as morning wore on. Cyan assigned hunting and foraging territory to each person in turn before sending them out to replenish our supplies. When he got to me I tried my best to remain impassive, waiting in silence for my instructions.
"Here," he said after a pause, and reached into his pocket. When his hand emerged it was holding a cell phone.
"What's this?" Modern technology was frowned on by most werewolves. It was a kind of unwritten rule.
"You wanted to see your family, didn't you?" he said.
I blinked in surprise. With everything that had happened, I'd almost forgotten our initial argument that had set all of this in motion.
"I still haven't changed my mind, Lyssa, but don't think I never listen to the concerns of my pack. You can speak to them. One call."
"Thank you," I said, still a little blindsided, and took the phone from him.
"Take it up to the hill if you want decent reception, and bring it back as soon as you're done."
I nodded and stood up, cradling the phone in my hands. I'd never known Cyan to do anything considerate for me before. Even if it was just a phone call, it was still something. My confusion registered plainly on my face, but he just smiled and moved on to issue his instructions to the next member of the pack.
I slipped away from the others and circled around the edge of camp, heading for the hill. A short, steep cliff slanted upwards behind our cluster of tents, sheltering them from the worst of the weather. Beyond the rocks it rounded off into a grassy hill with a small clearing on top. It was one of my favourite places to go when I needed to get away from the others.
After a short hike I reached the summit, looking down at our camp and the forest stretching out into the distance beyond. If I looked East I could just barely make out the silhouettes of tall buildings on the horizon. My old home was there somewhere, a cosy little suburban house on the edge of the tree line.
My freshly healed bruises ached after the climb, but I couldn't stop my hands from trembling with excitement as I keyed the number into the cell phone. I pressed the speaker to my ear and held my breath, listening to the comfortingly familiar sound of the dial tone. It only took a second before someone answered, and my lips widened into a broad grin as a young girl's voice spoke.
"Hello, the Maybelle residence?" Her official tone almost sounded adult, but it was impossible for her to keep the squeaky ring of an eleven-year-old out of her voice entirely.
"Hey Ellie, guess who?"
"Lisa! You called!"
I closed my eyes and squeezed the phone tight, wishing I was there to hug her in person. My little sister was the only person who called me by my old name now. "Yeah, sorry it's been so long. I wanted to come see you, but I couldn't get away. Is Mom around?"
"No. Well... yeah, but she's asleep."
I sighed. It didn't surprise me. "Good, I won't have to talk to her then."
"She's not so bad since you left. She even remembers to make me lunch some days."
I grimaced. "Have you still got the money I left you hidden away?"
"Uh huh."
"Good." I trusted Ellie to look after our finances more than I trusted our mother. "So how're you doing? I miss you, missus nerdy-butt."
I heard Ellie giggle. She always got the best grades in her class ever since I'd started spending my evenings helping her with homework. My own grades hadn't been the best after that, but what did a werewolf need with a college education anyway?
"I'm fine," she said. "I like my new school. It's better than the old one. I'm not one of the big kids any more, though."
"Just give it a couple of years, you will be."
"I guess so. But what about you? Are you coming home soon?"
"I don't think that's gonna happen, Ellie. I'm sorry."
"Oh... okay."
I pressed a hand to my throat, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.
"What should I tell Mom?" she said.
I swallowed, trying to keep my voice steady. "Just keep telling her I'm up in Alaska working. I'll try and come visit soon, I promise. Maybe by Christmas."
"I wish I could come and live with you. I could be a wolf too, it'd be the coolest thing—"
"You can't, Ellie," I said sharply. "It's not like it is in those books you read. Promise me you won't ever go into the forest looking for werewolves, it's not safe in here."
My sister huffed. "Fine. I promise."
She was the only person from my old life who knew the truth about me. I'd been terrified of her reaction when I first showed her what I could do after being bitten. But rather than being afraid, Ellie had practically exploded with excitement. Having an older sister who could turn into a wolf had been the coolest thing in the world for a ten-year-old.
She'd pestered me relentlessly after that. She wanted more than anything to be like me, but how could I explain my situation to someone her age? She didn't understand how radically our instincts defined who we were. I didn't regret what I'd become, but there was no way I'd ever gamble Ellie's future away on getting a bad instinct like mine. The further I could keep her away from the pack, the better.
"You don't have to be a freaky old werewolf to be cool," I said comfortingly. "I love you just the way you are."
"Urgh, fine." I could just imagine her puffing out her cheeks and rolling her eyes. "But come home soon, okay? I love you t-"
The phone cut out with a faint electronic pop. I pulled it away from my ear and hit the redial button, but the screen was blank. Only a dim "low battery" icon glowed in the upper right corner. I pushed the button again, and gave the phone a frustrated slap, but the battery remained dead. I pressed my hand to my face and let out a sob, rubbing my eyes hard with a thumb and forefinger.
I should have known. Cyan wouldn't just let me speak to my sister out of the kindness of his heart. A couple of minutes of battery life was all I got. Just enough to remind me of home. Just enough to remind me that he'd never let me go back there again.
I sank to my knees and stared out over the forest, letting the wind whip my hair into my face. Those buildings in the distance had never looked more inviting. Maybe Cyan was right. Maybe I'd be better off forgetting my old life completely. I kept wanting the best of both worlds. A family as well as a pack. A lover who was more than just a mate. Freedom as well as security.
But making any of those choices would be admitting defeat. I didn't want to settle for second best. Even if everything I hoped for was a pipe dream, it was one I couldn't bear to let go of. Not yet.
Eventually I came back down from the hill, my hair a tangled mess from the wind as I trudged back into camp. Thorne was washing at the hollow log that served as our water basin, but even the sight of his bare chest and firm muscles wasn't enough to stir me out of my gloom.
"What happened?" he asked, splashing water over his face. "I saw Cyan give you that phone, did you talk to your family?"
"Yeah. For as long as I could with a dead battery." I didn't even try to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"You really miss them still?"
I nodded and sat on the end of the log, looking at the dead cell phone in my hand. Anger suddenly flared up inside me, and I drew back my arm and hurled the phone into the water trough as hard as I could. The loud splash turned several heads in our direction, but Thorne remained unfazed, looking down at his dripping shirt as he washed it.
"Cyan won't be happy you wrecked his phone," he said calmly.
"What does he care?" I replied. "I don't see a phone charger out here, do you?"
"You can't let him get to you like this, Lyssa. I'd swear, half the reason your instinct's so bad is because of the way you react to him."
I glared at Thorne, hurt by the implication in his words. But he returned the look with his cool, solemn gaze. He hadn't been trying to provok
e me, he was just being honest.
"But if you miss your family that much," he continued, "maybe there's something we can do about it."
"Like what?"
A smile lit the corners of his mouth. "Cyan's sent me out hunting on the South edge of our territory. He's given me two days for it."
"Why's that good news?" Sleeping rough and hunting far afield always meant you'd drawn the short straw.
"I don't have a partner yet, and two days is a long time. Long enough to get to the city and back, I expect. What do you think, wolfie?"
I smiled uncertainly, taken aback by the offer. "But that's nowhere near where you're headed, and we wouldn't have time to get much hunting done."
"Cyan doesn't have to know that. Besides, seeing your family would cheer you up more than a couple of extra meals, wouldn't it?" He grinned and wrung the water from his dripping shirt. I shook my head, my anger giving way to excitement. I wouldn't have thought to make the trip on my own, but if I was with Thorne, and if we had a good excuse... My instinct was still quiet enough for me to control it for a couple of days, especially with Thorne's help. By this time tomorrow I could be talking to Ellie in person. We could spend all day together if we wanted.
"Are you sure about this?" I said.
"It sounds like a better idea than two days of hunting."
"Cyan'll be mad if he finds out."
"He'd be mad about that cell phone too."
I grinned and splashed a handful of water in Thorne's direction. "Okay then. Let's do it, butch." I could've hugged him then and there if half the pack hadn't been around. A sparkling droplet of water sliding down Thorne's chest caught my attention, and my eye followed its descent for moment until I caught myself and had the good decency to blush. I quickly silenced the flicker of heat rising in my belly with thoughts of seeing Ellie again.
Wild Instincts - Complete Edition (Werewolf Erotic Romance) Page 5
