28
I bite back my cry, cut it short before it can wake Mrs. Hennessey and bring her running.
“Hello, Jacinda.”
Dread strikes deep in the well of my heart at that voice. I knew this moment would eventually arrive, but that didn’t make me ready. He promised five weeks, after all. I swallow hard, knowing that persuading him to leave a second time will be harder.
My lungs smolder. My windpipe widens, swells with heat, ready to defend myself. The fire inside me intensifies when I think about the wing clipping that awaits me…that he wants to take me back to endure. “Get out,” I rasp.
His eyes flare wide, the pupils thinning to vertical slits. “Your mother told you,” he states flatly.
“Yeah,” I snap. “She told me.”
“She doesn’t know everything. She doesn’t know me…or how I feel. I would never force you to do anything against your will, and I would never, ever let anyone harm you.”
His words enrage me. Lies, I’m convinced. My hand shoots out, ready to slap that earnest look off his face. The same earnest look he’d given me the first time he lied to my face.
He catches my hand, squeezes the wrist tight. “Jacinda—”
“I don’t believe you. You gave me your word. Five weeks—”
“Five weeks was too long. I couldn’t leave you for that long without checking on you.”
“Because you’re a liar,” I assert.
His expression cracks. Emotion bleeds through. He knows I’m not talking about just the five weeks. With a shake of his head, he sounds almost sorry as he admits, “Maybe I didn’t tell you everything, but it doesn’t change anything I said. I will never hurt you. I want to try to protect you.”
“Try,” I repeat.
His jaw clenches. “I can. I can stop them.”
After several moments, I twist my hand free. He lets me go. Rubbing my wrist, I glare at him. “I have a life here now.” My fingers stretch, curl into talons at my sides, still hungry to fight him. “Make me go, and I’ll never forgive you.”
He inhales deeply, his broad chest lifting high. “Well. I can’t have that.”
“Then you’ll go? Leave me alone?” Hope stirs.
He shakes his head. “I didn’t say that.”
“Of course not,” I sneer. “What do you mean then?” Panic washes over me at the thought of him staying here and learning about Will and his family. “There’s no reason for you to stay.”
His dark eyes glint. “There’s you. I can give you more time. You can’t seriously fit in here. You’ll come around.”
“I won’t!”
His voice cracks like thunder on the air. “I won’t leave you! Do you know how unbearable it’s been without you? You’re not like the rest of them.” His hand swipes through air almost savagely. I stare at him, my eyes wide and aching. “You’re not some well-trained puppy content to go along with what you’re told. You have fire.” He laughs brokenly. “I don’t mean literally, although there is that. There’s something in you, Jacinda. You’re the only thing real for me there, the only thing remotely interesting.” He stares at me starkly and I don’t breathe. He looks ready to reach out and fold me into his arms.
I jump hastily back. Unbelievably, he looks hurt. Dropping his immense hands, he speaks again, evenly, calmly. “I’ll give you more space. Time for you to realize that this”—he motions to the living room—“isn’t for you. You need mists and mountains and sky. Flight. How can you stay here where you have none of that? How can you hope to survive? If you haven’t figured that out yet, you will.”
In my mind, I see Will. Think how he has become the mist, the sky, everything, to me. I do more than survive here. I love. But Cassian can never know that.
“What I have here beats what waits for me back home. The wing clipping you so conveniently failed to mention—”
“Is not going to happen, Jacinda.” He steps closer. His head dips to look into my eyes. “You have my word. If you return with me, you won’t be harmed. I’d die first.”
His words flow through me like a chill wind. “But your father—”
“My father won’t be our alpha forever. Someday, I’ll lead. Everyone knows it. The pride will listen to me. I promise you’ll be safe.”
Can I trust him again? Even after all he said? If I do and I’m wrong, the cost is too high. My life. “You’ll wait for me to agree to go back with you?” I want to be clear on this point. “You won’t force me in any way? Or reveal yourself to anyone, no matter what?”
“I’ll wait,” he promises. “However long you need.”
He’ll wait. But he’ll be lurking about. Nearby. Watching. And I won’t always know it.
Funny how things change. In the beginning, I thought I could never stay here. Now I don’t want to leave. Mostly because of Will, but also because I’ve decided to give Mom and Tamra what they want. A chance. It can’t be all about me. If I’m strong enough, smart enough, my draki can make it. And of course, Will can help with that. A few kisses. A smile. A brush of his hand and my draki is revived. And I no longer have to hide it from him.
I can last through high school. For Mom, for Tamra. After graduation, I can go with Will when he cuts free from his family. Just two more years. We’ll figure out the specifics. The how and where. For the first time since coming here, I feel the stirrings of hope. I won’t let Cassian ruin that.
“You’re going to wait forever,” I vow. “I won’t change my mind.”
Cassian’s mouth curves enigmatically. Like he knows something I don’t. He’s eighteen, but in that moment I can believe he has several more years than that on me. “Things change all the time. People change. I’ll take my chances.”
I shake my head. “You’ll see. I won’t change my mind.”
And then he’ll go. Because he can’t wait forever. No matter what he says. He’s got a pride to lead. He’s not going to hang around here for two years. No matter how interesting I am to him.
“We’ll see.”
I glance at the blinking clock on top of the TV. “You better go before my mom gets home.”
“Right.” He moves to the door. “Bye, Jacinda.”
I don’t return the farewell. Don’t want to pretend we’ve reached a level where niceties exist between us.
We’re not friends. Not even close. And we never will be.
29
At five o’clock, Mom sticks her head in the bedroom. “What do you want to do for dinner tonight, Jacinda?”
She switched shifts with someone so she could stay home with us one Friday night for a change. I feel a flicker of guilt. For all her trouble, she’s going to be alone.
Tamra has plans, too — no surprise. And I haven’t told either one of them about my date with Will yet. Right now, looking at me, Mom thinks she’s going to have a fun night with at least one of her girls.
Tamra is trying on clothes. She didn’t volunteer anything more than that she’s going out with friends. And I don’t ask. Don’t expect to know these friends if she did tell me. Given recent events, I’m pretty sure they’re not cheerleaders.
I spot a pretty eyelet blouse she’s tossed — eliminated as an option — on the bed, and think it’s perfect for my date with Will.
Inhaling, I confess, “Um, I’m actually going out, too.”
Tamra swings around.
“Really?” Mom asks, crossing her arms and stepping into the room. “With who?” A small note of hope rings her voice. That the difficult daughter might actually be coming along. Fitting in. Making friends.
“With Will.” I avoid calling it a date. No need to alarm her.
“Will?” Tamra’s voice cuts in. “Isn’t that kind of…stupid?”
Mom’s brow scrunches like she’s concentrating. “He’s the reason those girls harassed you in the bathroom, right?” Apparently, Tamra has been talking to Mom. “The boy who makes you…”
Manifest. Like it’s something dirty, she can’t even say it anymore.
“I can control it around him now,” I lie. Better than telling her I don’t need to.
Mom’s eyes harden. “I don’t want you going out with him,” she says this quickly, flatly.
“Yeah. Me too,” Tamra chimes in, like she has some kind of authority over me.
“You don’t get a say,” I snap at her.
Tamra’s livid now, and I’m sure it’s because I lied to her when she asked me about Will. Guess I should have told her the truth then instead of wanting to keep it a cozy little secret just between me and Will. “He’s caused us nothing but trouble—”
I stab a finger through the air. “He’s the only reason I even want to stay here! The only reason I haven’t run away yet! You should be thankful I met him.” Not totally true. Mom and Tamra play a part, too…but I’m too mad to admit that.
Mom jerks, blinks. Color bleeds from her face.
“Jacinda.” She exhales my name in a hushed breath. Like I’ve said something horrible. Done something even worse.
“What? You think I haven’t thought about running away?” I demand. “I was miserable until Will! I don’t think I could stand a day here without him!”
Tamra grunts in disgust and turns back to the closet.
Mom’s quiet. Looks pale and afraid. I can see her thinking, processing. I stare at her, try to feed her my hope. Make her understand that everything’s better, everything will be all right as long as I have Will.
She shakes her head sadly, regretfully. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with him.”
If only she knew how dangerous.
“Fine,” I say tightly, tossing my hands up. “Keep me in a bubble, why don’t you? Or homeschool me! Don’t you think any boy that I like…that I’m attracted to might make my draki come to life?” I don’t think this is true, but I say so anyway. It’s strictly Will. There’s something about him. Something in him reaches inside me. No other boy could affect me the way he does.
Mom shakes her head. “Jacinda—”
“Should I try going out with a guy that grosses me out just to play it safe?”
“Of course not,” she quickly says. “But maybe you shouldn’t date anyone until your draki—”
“Is dead?” I finish, biting out. “I know.” I fan my hands in the air. “It’s that great event you’ve been waiting for. The day you can call me human.”
And this hurts. Like a wound that just won’t heal, but pulses open and bloody. The knowledge that I’m not what she wants, that I have to be someone I don’t want to be in order to have her approval….
Tears burn in my eyes at the unfairness of it all. I pull in a deep breath. “Has it occurred to you it may not die? That my draki is not a part of me you can just kill off? That it is me. Forever. All of me. Who. I. Am.” I splay my hand over my heart. “I know you think it will eventually wither away here, but I’m a fire-breather, remember? That makes me different from everything we’ve ever known about our kind.”
She shakes her head. Looks tired. Old and a little scared. “You’re not going out with him.”
I clench my hands until the bones ache. “You can’t do this—”
“What? Be your mother?” she snaps, her amber eyes lively again. “That’s never going to stop, Jacinda. Get used to it.”
I know she’s right, of course. She loves me and will always do what she thinks is right to protect me. Even if she makes me miserable in the process. She’ll do whatever she has to do.
I cross my arms, settle my lips in a grim line. And so will I.
Two minutes before Will is scheduled to arrive, I sneak out the window, sliding it shut quietly.
Mom’s in the kitchen, getting a drink and snack ready for the movie I agreed to watch with her. The buttery aroma of popcorn fills the air, the frenzied staccato of popping covering up any sounds I make.
Tamra left half an hour ago, still angry at me. She didn’t even say good night.
As I run around the pool, I spot Mrs. Hennessey looking out the window, the blue light of her television pulsing behind her. I wave, hoping I don’t resemble a prison escapee too much. Air crashes from my lips as I hurry.
Will’s at the curb, just stepping out from his Land Rover. His face relaxes when he sees me. A loose smile forms on his lips. “Hey. I was coming in—”
“That’s okay. Let’s go.” I open the passenger door before he can reach it and hop inside. Breathless.
He gets back in, moving slowly, sending me curious looks. My hands tap an impatient rhythm on my thighs.
“You sure you’re all right? I wanted to meet your mom—”
“Not such a good idea right now.” I glance at the house. No sign of Mom, thankfully. “Let’s just get out of here.”
He nods with slow uncertainty. “All right.”
I can tell he’s not happy — he wants to be the proper boyfriend and everything. I wish I could let him. But I know it won’t work with my mother. Not yet.
“I missed you,” I say, hoping that’s enough to make him feel better. “It’s been a long day.”
He laughs. “I missed you, too. I could have cut school, you know. You’re the one—”
“I know. I know.” I shake my head. “I just don’t want you doing that for me anymore.”
“Well, I won’t have to. You’ll be back on Monday.”
He starts the ignition and drives. I sigh with relief as we pull away. Finally on our date.
I stare into the deepening night, the flashing lights of oncoming traffic mesmerize me in the clinging silence. My thoughts swing from Mom to someone else. Someone who’s in all likelihood nearby. Hopefully, not too near.
I tell myself he’ll keep his word. Hang back. Even if he sees me with another boy. But I’m not a hundred percent convinced.
I glance over my shoulder, at the car following close behind us. It’s impossible to see the driver. To tell if it’s Cassian. After a moment, it pulls around and passes us. I sigh.
“Why do I get the feeling that I’m abducting you? Should I be on alert for sirens in the rearview mirror?”
“I left willingly.” I force a grin and tease, “I don’t think you’ll get arrested.”
“Great. You don’t ‘think.’ That’s encouraging.” He gives me a wincing smile. “But maybe not. I am eighteen, after all—”
“You’re eighteen? But you’re a sophomore.”
An uneasy look passes over his face. “I missed a lot of school a few years back. Half of seventh grade and all of eighth, in fact. I was sick.”
“Sick?” I echo. The reminder of his mortality crashes down on me. It’ll always be there, smoke rising between us. Xander had mentioned Will being ill, but I never imagined it as anything serious.
“How? I mean, what…”
He shrugs like it’s nothing, but he won’t glance at me. He stares at the road. “Leukemia. But I’m better now. Completely cured.”
“Were you very… bad off?”
“For about a year. The prognosis wasn’t—” He stops suddenly, like he’s said too much, and I get that sense again. The feeling that he’s not telling me something. That he’s holding back. A muscle in his jaw ripples with tension. “Look, don’t worry about it. Aren’t I a perfect male specimen now?” He sends me a wink. “Don’t I look healthy?”
He does. Everything about him screams virile young male. But then not everything is what it appears. I know that better than anyone.
“It’s amazing what doctors can do these days.” He’s staring intently at the road again, and I’m convinced there’s something he’s not telling me. Maybe something he never will. But then why would he hide anything from me? After everything we know now about each other? What would be the point?
I nod. Feel a little cold inside. I don’t like thinking he’s keeping something from me. Almost as much as I don’t like thinking I could have lost him. That we may never have met. That I would have died in that cave when his family found me.
And then there’s the fact that he could
still die. That he will. Sure, not now, but someday. Long before me. A dull throbbing gnaws at my temples. I dig my fingertips into the pain.
But this is our first real date. I don’t want to ruin it, so I change the subject. “So. Where are we going?”
“You like Greek food? It’s a bit of a drive, but it’s worth it. Great hummus. Our first date should be special.” He grins, slides me a glance. “Finally, huh?”
I smile, but my lips feel brittle, trembly. I manage to hold it in place. For a little while at least, I can pretend everything’s okay. That Cassian’s not somewhere out there…and farther away, beyond this desert, the pride isn’t waiting for me.
Lights tattoo our rearview mirror. I twist in the seat and squint against the glare. The vehicle sticks close. Directly behind us. This time it’s no car eager to pass us.
My heart thuds, the sound fast in my ears. I can’t help it — I think of Cassian. Or worse, the pride. Severin. I don’t imagine Cassian would be so obvious. He already confronted me. He might be following me, watching from the shadows, but he wouldn’t reveal himself like this. He promised.
I twist my fingers in my lap and glance at Will. He lifts one of my hands from my lap, laces our fingers together and squeezes. The touch makes me feel strong. Safe.
Strange that I should feel so safe with a draki hunter. But there it is. I can’t deny it. Don’t even try anymore. Nor can I deny the hopeful stirrings in me that make me believe I can stay here. Forever. In this desert. If maybe I couldn’t survive and flourish with him at my side.
The vehicle behind us honks its horn. My skin contracts, snaps sharply.
“Are they tailgating us?” I ask, hoping I’m overreacting, that I’m just paranoid because of Cassian’s visit, still so fresh.
Will sets his mouth grimly. “Yeah.”
“Who are they? What do they want?”
“It’s Xander.”
My heart chills above my surging lungs. “Oh.” Cassian would have been better in my mind. At least I know what to expect with him.
He glances at me. “We don’t have to pull over. He’ll go away. I don’t want you around him anymore. It’s too risky.”
Firelight f-1 Page 20
